And Playing the Role of Herself... (26 page)

The demand rippled through me, turning on every switch I had but also reminding me of a promise.
"Whoa. Hang on." With effort, I pulled myself up and sat back, straddling her waist. She reached to pull me back down, and I gently slapped her hands away. "Just…wait."
She let out a huff of frustration and lay back. "Jesus, Caid, you're driving me crazy. What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong - but I remember someone promising me slow."
She looked at me like I was insane. "Please tell me you're kidding." I shook my head. "You want slow?" I nodded. "Now?" I nodded again, and she shook her head and reached for me. "Screw slow."
This time I caught her hands and fell forward, letting my weight pin her wrists above her head. I leaned down and nuzzled her ear, grazing my teeth across her earlobe. "That's the idea."
She shivered under me and I moved down her neck, nipping gently. "Now is it really so terrible," I murmured, moving to the other ear and tracing the outer edge with my tongue, "to go slow?"
"Uh…" She sucked in a breath when I switched my grip to hold her wrists in one hand and used my free hand to pull the covers down below her chest, circling a taut nipple with my fingertip and leaning down to follow with my tongue. "Well," her voice was faint; breathless. "Maybe I can work with slow…"

I woke the next morning lying on my stomach; the soft, lingering kisses along my spine and fingers tracing lazy patterns across my back drawing me pleasantly from dreamscape to wakefulness.
"Mmm…s'nice."
The fingers paused for a moment before resuming their tracing.
"Sleeping beauty awakes," she husked in my ear and kissed my shoulder. "I thought you might sleep the day away." Her hand swept down my back and up again, stopping occasionally to knead at a muscle. "God, I love your body."
"And my body loves you," I mumbled, too sleepy to care what that might sound like. I pried one eye open and blearily focused on the bedside clock. "It's seven-thirty. Seven-thirty is sleeping the day away?"
She moved over me to kiss the opposite shoulder, her breasts pressing into my back. "The sun's up and there's a big wide world out there to explore."
The gentle caresses changed to light scratching and I closed my eyes again, sighing in contentment. "I'm not going anywhere if you keep doing that."
The nails moved lower, scraping up the back of one thigh and over my butt. "Doing what?" she whispered in my ear, repeating the action on the other thigh. "That?"
My body arched into the touch and I knew, with just that touch, that voice, that I was wet again. I spread my legs slightly in reflex and heard the small hitch in her breathing near my ear.
She trailed fingertips across the inside of my thigh, brushing lightly against coarse hair. "What do you want, baby?" She brushed again, her touch more firm. "That?"
"Yes…" I hissed, my breath coming faster. "Yes."
"Tell me."
"Ah…god, Rob…" I tried to push against her to increase the pressure, but she pulled away.
"Tell me, Caid. What do you want?"
"I want you to touch me," I whispered. "Please…"
I clutched at the pillow under my hands when her fingers came back to where I needed them, stroking insistently and then lightly, bringing me to the edge of orgasm and keeping me there until I surrendered to it with a loud moan.
I buried my face in the pillow, slowly loosening my grip on the cover as my breathing eased and my body relaxed.
I could hear the smile in her voice as she breathed "good morning" in my ear and brushed her lips across my shoulder.
I let out a muffled chuckle, but didn't raise my head, embarrassed by how blatant I'd been.
"Caid?" she questioned after a few moments of silence, resting her hand on my back. "What's up, baby? You okay?"
"Mm-hmm," I mumbled into the pillow and then slowly rolled onto my side, giving her a shy smile. "A little embarrassed, maybe, about acting like a cat in heat, but I'm fine." I reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, wondering how she could look so damn good when she'd just woken up. "Better than fine. Stupendous, even. That was one hell of a 'good morning'." I leaned forward and kissed her lightly. "Good morning to you, too."
She gathered me in her arms and rolled onto her back, pulling me with her. I rested my head on her chest and draped an arm across her stomach, liking the rumble of her voice under my ear. "Don't ever be embarrassed about wanting to be touched, Caid, or about wanting sex. I love touching you, and being with you…how you respond to me is a huge turn on."
Feeling strangely self-conscious considering what we'd just done, I kept my head down and traced small patterns with my fingertips on the skin of her stomach. "I guess I'm just not used to it."
"Not used to what?" The fingers that had been sifting idly through my hair as we talked stilled. "Sex?" She gave me her best southern drawl, which was a pretty damn good one. "Because honey, you sure don't seem like no novice to me."
I pinched her lightly on the arm in response to her teasing, trying for my own southern accent and failing miserably. "Well, goodness, Miss Scarlett, I'm so glad you approve…"
"Oh, I definitely approve." Her voice was low and husky, whispered directly in my ear, and sent my body humming yet again, highlighting the truth of my next words.
"I'm not used to…wanting so much."
She was quiet, and I listened to her heartbeat beneath my ear, the steady rhythm lulling me into drowsiness. "Neither am I," she said finally, and brushed her lips across the top of my head.
We were quiet for another few minutes, and I thought maybe now would be a good time to have 'The Talk' she'd spoken of, but before I could start, she kissed my head again and said briskly. "Cheese omelet okay for breakfast?"
I guess our little tête-à-tête would have to wait.
I tapped her belly with my fingers. "You're serious about this whole getting up and exploring the big wide world thing, aren't you?"
"'Fraid so. We need to be on Big Pine Key by 10:00."
I rolled onto my side and propped my head on my hand. "We do?"
"Mm-hmm." She reached forward and brushed a hand absently through my hair, the obvious affection in her gaze making me smile.
"Well..." I sighed and leaned forward to kiss the tiny cleft in her chin. "If we must, we must. So. How far away is Big Pine Knot, and do I get a hint as to why we need to be there in," I checked the clock, "an hour and forty-five minutes?"
She rolled over, bracing herself on her arms above me, and kissed my forehead. "It's Big Pine Key, not Knot." She kissed my nose, which I wrinkled in response. "About thirty minutes." She kissed me soundly on the lips, lingering long enough to make me forget what we'd been talking about in the first place. "And no, you don't." She climbed off of me, leaving me with diminished brain capacity to match her answers to my questions, and padded across the floor to the bathroom.
"So…" I tried to get my brain to concentrate on something besides the feel of her lips against mine and the resulting havoc they'd caused. The sight of her nakedness as she crossed the floor was not helping. "Uh…" I pulled my eyes from the door as it partially closed behind her and stared at the ceiling. "What do I need to wear on this exciting outing?"
##
I shook the excess water from my hair and flicked it out of my eyes, just in time to see Robyn emerge from the calm blue water like some fantasy brought to life, her body long and tan in a brief black bikini and her dark hair sleek against her head, glossy with moisture.
"God. Damn." I muttered, enjoying the view as she walked through the shallow water towards me like a runway model at a Milan show. I shook my head in sheer amazement that this woman was here, with me, of her own volition.
She cocked her head to the side as she walked up, accepting the towel I handed her. "What's the headshake and funny look for?" She looked down at herself. "Do I have a lamprey hanging off me or something?"
"No…" I let admiring eyes travel up her body. "You're perfect. I was just wondering how in the hell I ever got so lucky."
Her mouth quirked in a crooked grin - one of my favorites in her smile repertoire - and with a flick of her wrists she looped her towel around my neck, grabbed the other end, and tugged gently, pulling me towards her. "Funny," she gave me a quick kiss, "I've been thinking the same thing all day."
I splayed my hands across her bare back, pulling her against me completely, and dropped my hands to cup her behind. "You say the nicest things," I murmured, and sampled the skin of her neck with my lips, tasting the saltiness of seawater. "So," I nipped lightly. "How private is this beach?"
She chuckled breathlessly and tried to push me away. "Not that private."
"Mmmm." I nibbled on her neck some more, then up along her chin, catching her lower lip between my teeth and tugging gently before releasing her. "Too bad."
"Uh-huh," she answered, staring at my mouth, which curled into a knowing grin. She pushed me away with a mock scowl and I laughed, happy to see I wasn't the only one whose brain became scrambled when we were together.
I dropped onto the closest lounge chair, stretching my arms above my head to loosen the muscles of my shoulders, leaving them in that position when I realized how comfortable it was. The late afternoon sun felt good on skin still chilled from my recent swim and I closed my eyes with a contented sigh, letting the rays slowly warm me.
It had been a wonderful day.
It had started with the scenic drive west on the overseas highway, the top to Robyn's little yellow convertible down and the light blues and greens of the shallow waters on either side of us stretching out to the horizon. When we reached Big Pine Key, a grumpy, weathered old man had met us at the marina with a motorboat and silently taken us to a destination in the channels of the backcountry, leaving us with a double-kayak, a map, a radio, and gruff instructions about getting back by sundown or they'd send someone after us.
We paddled leisurely through the day, past mangrove forests, sponge and grass flats, and an abundance of wildlife, talking occasionally but mostly enjoying the beauty and the quiet. A small island that was nothing more than a spit of sand became a picnic lunch spot, and after we'd eaten our fill of the sandwiches and fruit Robyn had packed, we continued our explorations, making in back to the marina by three.
Back at the house, we'd decided on a swim and some sun before figuring out what we would do for dinner.
"Jesus, Caid, you sure don't make it easy on a girl, do you? All day long I had that beautiful back in front of me, and now this?" Her words and frustrated sigh pulled me out of thoughts of our day, and I cracked opened an eye to find her staring down at my body which was covered in a red tankini that left a few inches of my midriff bare. I wasn't showing nearly as much skin as she was, but apparently it was enough to get her attention.
I turned my head towards her and opened both eyes, looking her up and down with a lazy smile. "Look who's talking, Miss show-off." I reached up to pluck at the material of her bikini bottoms, and then slid my hand up the back of her thigh, my fingers brushing lightly between her legs. "And if you keep looking at me like that, I'm not going to give a good god damn how private or not private this beach is."
"Hey!" She jumped away from my hand with a tiny squeak and wagged an admonishing finger at me, smiling. "Behave, Harris, or I'll be forced to punish you."
"And this would be bad…how?"
I'd said it as a joke, but instead of laughing, the smile on her face faltered and she looked away, absently patting her neck and chest with the towel. "Is that something you like?"
"Huh?" was all I could come up with as a reply.
She looked back at me, searching my face. "Being punished."
Oh
. I blinked. The intent look on her face told me this was important, and the flippant remark on the tip of my tongue would not be appreciated. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the chair, motioning to the space beside me. She lowered herself slowly, her eyes wary, and I took her hand, lacing our fingers together.
"Are you asking if I'm into pain?" I asked carefully. She nodded, and I thought for a minute and then answered as honestly as I could. "I don't know."
She tensed and withdrew her hand from mine, turning her gaze from me to look out over the water for a moment before returning her eyes to mine. "I'm willing to…explore a lot of things with you, Caid. I want you to be happy with me…with what we do…"
"Honey, I am happy…"
She shook her head and held up her hand. "Just let me finish, please." I quieted, and she took a breath. "I'll do just about anything for you, Caid, but…" She stared down at her hands. "I was involved with someone once, and she asked for things…" She shook her head vehemently. "I don't think I could do that again."
"Hey." I grabbed her hand and held it fast when she tried to pull away. "Robyn, honey, look at me." Slowly her dark eyes rose to meet mine and I saw old hurts and new fears and wanted to strangle whoever this person had been. "Rob, I said I don't know, because honestly, I don't. It's not something I've ever done, or ever had a lover who wanted something like that. I
can
say that it's not something I've ever had the urge to explore, and while that might not mean I wouldn't like it if I did, it's probably a good indicator."
She frowned, looking perplexed, and I thought back over my last statement. Hell, I barely understood it myself, and I'd come up with it. I touched her cheek. "What I mean is…no, I'm not into pain. I could never take pleasure from hurting you. I swear I won't hurt you like that person did."
She took my hand from her cheek and kissed it absently before putting it in her lap with the other. "She didn't hurt me, Caid. At least not how you mean. Inflicting pain wasn't her thing." She looked past me, her eyes clouded. "Receiving it was. She wanted
me
to hurt
her
."
She shifted restlessly and started to stand, but I held her hands in mine firmly. "Tell me?" I asked, stroking a thumb across the back of her hand. "Please?"
She sighed heavily and sat back down, staring at our joined hands. "It was all a long time ago."
"That doesn't make it any less important. It obviously still affects you."
She sighed again and looked out over the water for several long moments. "I met her in Paris, at a party…I was about twenty three, I guess, and just starting to realize that women were more my thing than men and I fell for her hard. God," she shook her head sadly, "I was so in love with her, and for a while, everything was so perfect…" She paused, her mind far away, and I stayed quiet, hoping to encourage her with my silence.
"She started asking me to do things…Light stuff, at first," she glanced at me quickly and then away. "Holding her down, being a little more…aggressive…" She shrugged, avoiding my eyes. "It was new and I'll admit, it excited me, the control - or what seemed like control at the time - but it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough." She paused, and then said quietly, as though speaking to herself. "I was never enough."
I could tell this story wasn't going to have a happy ending, and squeezed her hand in a show of support, despite the inappropriate and completely irrational stab of jealousy at hearing how much she had loved someone else. Again I kept quiet, knowing there was more to the story, and realizing that what she was telling me had a lot to do with why she had not let herself love since.
After a moment, she continued, her voice stronger. "I was doing a lot of speed - most of us did - and chasing it hard with vodka. The more she wanted me to do, the more fucked up I had to get to do it, because it wasn't exciting anymore. I hated it, hated myself after…but I loved her so much and I tried, I really tried to be what she needed."
She stood abruptly and took a few steps away, folding her arms across her chest and looking out towards the ocean. "Finally she asked for something that I just couldn't do…I couldn't do it anymore, and when I told her…"