And Playing the Role of Herself... (24 page)

"I remember," I said quietly. "And I also remember waking up alone this morning."
"And I'm sorry about that, truly I am." She took a step towards me. "I wanted to stay this morning, more than anything, but I had those damn interviews. You didn't seem to mind when I said goodbye, and I told you in the note why I had to go…"
"Whoa, whoa…wait. Told me goodbye?"
She looked at me strangely. "You don't remember? I know you were a little out of it, but I thought you were awake…you mumbled something about me smelling good, said goodbye, and smiled when I kissed you…"
Shit.
On more than one occasion when I was with Toby, he'd said he kissed me goodbye in the morning and I'd responded, and had no recollection of it after.
"And the note?" I asked hesitantly. "You left a note?"
She gave me another strange look. "Of course I left a note. Didn't they deliver breakfast this morning? I wanted to be there when you woke up, but I figured that since I couldn't be, I'd try to start your day out with something nice…"
"The note was with breakfast?" I asked in a small voice, remembering the uniformed waiter practically sprinting down the hall to get away from the crazy, pissed-off lady in 7210.
"Well, yeah." She smiled sheepishly. "I know - kind of corny, right? It seemed - I don't know - sweet and kind of romantic at three in the morning, but…"
I rubbed my forehead with my palm and shook my head. "Jesus Christ. I'm an idiot."
"What…"
"I never got the note," I told her softly. "I thought you didn't leave one. And I don't remember you saying goodbye. I thought you'd just…gone."
She frowned. "Come on, Caid, you can't believe I'd do that…" she looked at me for a moment, and read the truth. She shook her head sadly. "But you did, didn't you? You really thought I'd do that to you." She took a few steps across the small room and studied a framed poster on the wall, hugging her arms to her body defensively. "Nice to know you think so highly of me."
Shit
. I ran a frustrated hand through my hair.
Shit, shit, shit.
What was it with the two of us? If it wasn't one of us letting our fears and insecurities get in the way, it was the other.
I walked over to her and after a moment's hesitation, put my arms around her from behind and rested my chin on her shoulder. "I'm the idiot this time," I whispered. "I'm sorry."
She was unyielding for several moments, but eventually relaxed against me and shook her head. "We're both idiots." She let out a short, cynical laugh. "I don't know why I got so offended. You had good reason to believe I'd just leave. Lord knows I've done it in the past - many, many times."
Ouch
. Was it really necessary to add the second 'many'? Wouldn't one have sufficed?
Feeling me stiffen reflexively, she turned in my embrace and put her arms around my neck, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck, waiting until I met her gaze. "The keyword is
past
, Caid. You and I…" She looked away from my face to where her fingers played in my hair. "This thing between us, it happened so quickly and then I had the film shoot, and we never got the chance to talk about anything. About expectations, what we wanted out of it…anything." Her eyes came back to mine. "You have to know that I want you, Caid. That physically," she placed a hand on the side of my face, stroking gently with her thumb, "you make me so crazy I can't think. But I also want you to know that I honestly care about you. You're my friend, and I respect you so much - I would
never
purposely hurt you. We haven't had much time together, and my track record isn't so great, but I hope you believe that."
So…we're friends with benefits?
I knew that wasn't what she was trying to get at, but my mind couldn't help but get stuck on it. I didn't want to be her fuckbuddy, I wanted to be her…everything.
Great
. I was quoting Andy Gibb songs. That couldn't be a good sign.
I forced a smile that I hoped wasn't tinged with disappointment. "I do believe you. I know you care about me…as a friend, Robyn, and you'd never purposely try to hurt me. I'm sorry I doubted that."
She frowned. "That's not exactly what I meant, Caid…of course I care about you as a friend, but…"
"Miss Harris?" Sherri's voice and tentative knock on the door interrupted, and we both jumped a little. Robyn made a cute little noise of frustration as we reluctantly pulled apart.
I smiled. "I guess this isn't the best place to be having this conversation anyway, is it?"
She glanced around and shook her head. "No, I don't suppose it is."
Another knock came and I walked to the door and opened it. "Yes?"
"Hello Miss Harris, sorry to bother you, but do you know where Miss Ward went? There's a driver here waiting for her, and she's not in her dressing room…" her voice trailed off as Robyn stepped up behind me. "Oh, Miss Ward. There you are. Your driver…"
Robyn nodded. "Is waiting for me, yes, thank you Sherri. Can you tell him I'll just be a moment? Maybe you can let him grab a sandwich or something from the green room? I'll find him there."
She nodded, and rushed off in what seemed like the only other speed she possessed besides 'stop'.
I closed the door again and turned, and the two of us stared at each other for several seconds.
"Damn," she said finally, pushing her hair behind her ear. "I wish I didn't have to go. I feel like we're leaving things hanging." She chewed on her lip. "Are we okay?"
I pulled her into a hug, running my hands up and down her back and kissed her hair. "Yes, we're okay."
We stood in each other's arms for nearly a minute, and finally I kissed her lightly on the neck below her ear and pulled away. "I know you want to concentrate on filming, but do you think we could at least talk on the phone a little more often? I think…"
She quieted me with two long fingers against my lips. "Yes. Definitely. Trying to keep myself from thinking about you isn't working anyway. I'll call you when I get back tonight."
"I'll probably be in the air…"
"Tomorrow then, after filming?"
"Any time…I'll take what I can get."
She leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the mouth. "I'll talk to you soon, then. And Caid, thank you for last night. I needed to reconnect, to feel you…"
I smiled. "I needed it too, and I enjoyed every second." I took her face in my hands and kissed her, slowly and deliberately, before pulling away and waiting until her eyes fluttered open. "But next time, I don't want to rush, and I don't want to wake up alone."
She smiled softly. "You got it."

I leaned out of my car and pressed the buzzer to the intercom outside Liz's gated estate in Beverly Hills, pulling back and saluting the camera mounted above the intercom.
"Good afternoon, Miss Harris," came a disembodied voice that I recognized as Risa, Liz's housekeeper.
"Afternoon, Risa. Is Liz in? I know she's not expecting me, but I'd like to see her if she's around."
There was a long pause, while presumably Risa checked with Liz, and I glanced in my rear-view mirror, noting that the green sedan and orange, early model Volkswagen Beetle that had been tailing me most of the day were pulled up on the side of the road a safe distance behind me.
"Persistent little buggars," I muttered, squinting behind me and hoping neither car would try to follow me through the gate.
There was a loud click and the gate started creaking open. "Come on through, Miss Harris. Miss Stokely is most happy to see you."
"Thanks…ah," I glanced in my mirror again, "Risa? I've got some paparazzi on my tail - I don't want them to follow me in…"
"Don't worry, Miss Harris. Miss Stokley's lawyer made the last photographer who tried to sneak in very sorry…they won't follow you."
I drove through and the gate closed behind me with a solid clang, leaving my lurking paparazzi friends on the other side. At times like these, I understood the attraction of a gated property. I had no such barrier around my house, and I'd been dealing with groups of photographers and reporters hanging around my yard, as well as the wrath of my neighbors at having their lives disrupted, since returning from New York four days before. The neighbors had all been thrilled when I first moved in, excited to have a TV star in the neighborhood, but the crowds of press generated by my disappearance, added to this recent group of campers, had changed their minds, and I'd been seriously considering relocating just to get them off my back.
I pulled up in the circular drive and climbed the steps to Liz's door, pushing my sunglasses up on my head and shifting the bag I carried into the opposite hand. I rang the doorbell and in a few moments, Risa, her graying blond hair in its habitual severe bun, opened the door, smiling slightly.
"Miss Harris, nice to see you. How was the trip?" She stepped back and gestured for me to enter.
"Hi Risa." I smiled, and stepped past her. I reached into the bag and pulled out three eight by ten publicity stills of the anchors of the networks morning show,
America AM
. "Jane Lee, Ruben Halstrom, and Jim Yorn." I handed her the photos. "Oh, and this, too." I pulled out a rolled up t-shirt with the morning show's logo embroidered on the chest. "Lindsay Dole wasn't there, so I couldn't get all four…sorry."
The small smile she'd given me at the door got noticeably bigger; a rare occurrence for the normally stoic woman. "Oh...thank you, Caidence." She took the items carefully, handling the stills with extra care.
"You're welcome." I grinned, pleased at her reaction. The use of my first name meant I'd scored big points. "Where's the mistress of the house?"
"She's in the atrium," she informed me, still looking at the pictures. I nodded and headed in that direction, frowning when she called out after me, "Careful of the dogs."
I frowned. Dogs? Liz didn't have any dogs.
Puzzling over her warning, I walked past the stairway and rounded the corner, letting out a girlish scream when two large, hairy, furiously barking bodies threw themselves against the sliding glass door that led into the glass walled atrium overlooking the immaculately kept back lawn.
"What the fuck!" I leapt back, nearly dropping the bag I was carrying.
"Bonnie! Clyde! Down!" Liz spoke firmly, rising from the couch where she'd been reading and walking to the door. The two slobbering creatures from hell immediately quieted and lay down, morphing into two attentive and almost harmless looking German Shepherds.
Liz slid the door open, her eyes glinting with amusement. "Hi. Now did I, or did I not just hear you scream?"
"You did not." I scowl and stomped past her into the atrium, keeping a close eye on the two Shepherds in case they morphed back into the devil's spawn. "And whose dogs are these anyway? I thought you hated dogs."
"I hate yappy dogs," she corrected. "I love big dogs. Don't I, Clyde?" she said in a baby-talk voice I'd not heard from her before. She leaned down to scratch one behind its ear, triggering vigorous tail wagging. "Did you make Caid scream, sweetie? Hmm?"
"I did NOT scream."
With a final pat on the beast's head, Liz straightened. "I distinctly heard a scream."
"You were mistaken. I don't scream."
She laughed, raising her eyebrows. "That's between you and…whoever, Caid, and more information than I really need to know."
I scowled again, and, to my annoyance, blushed.
"Don't worry, Sugar." Liz patted me on the arm and walked past me. "Your secret's safe with me."
The dogs followed her across the room and lay down on the floor near her feet when she reclaimed her seat on a short leather sofa. I eyed them suspiciously, and lowered myself into the armchair to her right. One of them sniffed my sandaled foot, and then licked my toes and wagged its tail. I set my bag on the floor and tentatively reached down to stroke its head.
"That's Clyde," Liz told me, watching the interaction. "He's a big baby. Loves attention."
Jealous of the petting Clyde was receiving, the other dog sat up and shoved its nose under my hand. I scratched its ears while still petting Clyde.
"And that's Bonnie. She's usually a little shyer, but she seems to like you.
"You never did tell me - whose dogs are these?" I asked, continuing my ministrations. They weren't so bad, now that they weren't hurling themselves against the glass with bared teeth.
"Danny's. I'm watching them for a few days while he's out of town."
I stopped the petting and looked up. "Our Danny? Danny DeLorenzo?"
She nodded.
I straightened slowly, and tried to keep the incredulity out of my voice. "You're dog sitting? For Danny? You?"
"Yes, me." She gave me an annoyed look. "Don't act so surprised."
"I'm…" I almost said
I'm
not
, but I was. Very surprised. I just didn't seem like something Liz would do. "I'm sorry, I just didn't know you liked dogs."
She gave me a pointed look, knowing that wasn't why I was surprised, but let it go. "Come on." She stood quickly, and the dogs scrambled up, clawing the top of my foot in the process. "Let's sit outside - there'll be some shade by now."
I picked up the bag and limped after her, smiling along with her when she opened the door and both dogs pelted down the steps and onto the lawn, growling at each other playfully.
We followed at a more dignified pace, strolling around a long, skinny pool where I knew Liz did laps every morning and settling into padded metal gliding chairs under a looming Chinese Pistache tree. One of the dogs came jogging up, a beat-up plastic buoy hanging from a tattered rope in his mouth. I watched in amazement as Liz took the toy and chucked it into the pool, and both dogs followed it in with a gigantic splash.
There were so many things off about this picture, I didn't know where to start. Liz taking care of someone's pets. Liz obviously enjoying taking care of someone's pets. Liz touching a ratty toy that had been drooled on, chewed on, buried and dug up again. Liz tossing said ratty toy into her pool, and laughing when hairy animals jumped into the pool - where she swam - to retrieve it. It was just so…not Liz.
I shook my head and wondered what was going on.
Both dogs had a hold of the buoy now and were tugging in opposite directions, neither willing to give it up, and none of their splashing getting them anywhere near the end of the pool where the steps were to get out.
Liz was smiling fondly, not looking overly concerned that the two looked tenacious enough to keep it up until one of them drowned, so I shrugged and dug around in the bag, pulling out a bottle of wine and an ashtray.
"For your collection." I handed her the ashtray, and she took it and turned the heavy smoked glass over in her hands with a delighted smile. She ran her fingers over the hotel logo inside the dish and frowned, rubbing her fingers together and then holding them up to show me small black smudges of ash.
"Ew, Caid, it's been used. Were you smoking?"
"Crap - sorry about that, I didn't even think to check. No, I wasn't smoking…I'll have you know I went through great lengths to get that for you - they don't sell them at the hotel shop."
"So you got this one how? Stole it from someone's room?"
"Mmm, sort of," I took the ashtray from her, pulled up a handful of grass, and used it to wipe the glass clean before handing it back to her. "I talked a maid out of one."
She raised her eyebrows. "You?"
"I can be very persuasive."
"Uh-huh."
I reached for the ashtray again. "Well, if you don't want it…"
"Ah-ah-ah…" she held it away from me. "I never said that. I was just concerned that it was previously used."
"That's what people do with ashtrays, Liz - they put out cigarettes in them. The fact that it's used just makes it more authentic. The lead singer of the Black Dolls was staying at the hotel while I was there…maybe it was hers."
"The lead singer of who?"
"Yeah, I hadn't heard of them either. But apparently they're very big in certain circles."
"Uh-huh."
"And it's very possible that that ashtray was used by the lead singer."
"Uh-huh."
I gave her a look. "Now is typically the time in the receiving of a gift where the recipient, that would be you," I pointed to her, "tells the giver," I tapped my chest, "that would be me, in this case, 'oh, thank you so much for making the special effort to get this lovely, famous-in-certain-circles-used ashtray for me.'"
She laughed, and placed the ashtray on the table between us. "Thank you, Caid, for getting this for me. It's really quite lovely, and will fit nicely into my collection."
"You're welcome." I smiled slightly.
She looked down at the wine. "And what's this?"
"Ah that." I picked it up and looked at it for a moment before handing it to her. "Did you know there's 'wine country' in New York? I had no idea. Anyway, it's a late harvest Riesling from a little winery in the Finger Lakes that Josh recommended. Well, actually his dad recommended it. He says it's a very nice dessert wine."
She looked at the bottle, and then up at me, the ghost of a frown on her face. "Josh's dad? As in Josh Riley? The Josh Riley that you swore you weren't involved with?" She lowered the bottle. "You met his father?"
I sighed. "Yes, that Josh Riley. And I'm still not involved with him, and no, I didn't meet his father. Josh just told me his dad liked this wine, so I looked around for it and bought some. Again, you're welcome."
"I'm sorry Caid, I just…" We both yelped as we were hit by a shower of water from the two dogs who'd returned from the pool and were shaking off excess water. "Ahh…damn." She wiped her face and flicked the excess water off, laughing. "I hate when they do that. Come'ere, Bonnie." One of the dogs trotted over to Liz and dropped the wet, slimy buoy in her lap. "That's a good girl…"
I watched for a moment and then threw up my hands. "Alright, Stokley, what's up?" I demanded, unable to keep quiet anymore. "A wet dog just dropped a drooly plastic toy in your lap, and you're laughing? Who are you and what have you done with Liz?"
She set down the wine bottle and rubbed Bonnie's ears, looking up at me. "I like these dogs, is that a crime?"
"No, it's not a crime, it's just…weird. Come on…when Jules brought her dog onto the set last time, you wouldn't even be in the same room, said it was dirty or smelly..."
"Because it
was
dirty
and
smelly. I swear she'd just walked that dog in a cow pasture. And it was out of control - did you see him take off across the parking lot after the squirrel? And I was wearing white for god's sakes - it was a black lab!" She gave Bonnie's ears a final scratch and threw the buoy into the pool again, sending both dogs barking after it. "These dogs are sweet, well behaved, and don't smell. I like them." She leaned back in her chair and pushed it back and forth a few times, watching the dogs. "And I like their owner, too."
"Well, hell, Liz, I like Danny too, but I don't know that I'd let his two huge dogs invade my house…" Liz looked over at me pointedly, and my eyes widened.
"Oh." I blinked. "Oh! You mean…
like
him, like him." I blinked again and settled back in my chair. "No shit. You and Danny?"
She looked across the lawn, then back at me and smiled softly. "Yeah, me and Danny."
It wasn't a pairing I would have predicted, but it somehow fit. Danny was loud and occasionally obnoxious, but he was also one of the sweetest men I'd ever met, and Liz's cool exterior held a surprisingly fragile and sometimes insecure woman who could use someone being sweet to her.
I smiled hugely, and reached over to smack her on the leg. "You little vixen. I think that's great."
She gave me a relieved smile. "Really?"
"Yes, really. I think Danny's a great guy. When did all this happen?"
She laughed a little. "Actually, it all started the night of Danny's party…when you didn't show up and we called and you said you'd crashed? The way Robyn flew out of there like you were dying or something...it made me feel pretty shitty about myself when I hadn't done anything…" She shook her head at the memory and then smiled slightly. "I was all ready to call Walter and charge over to your house like some…I don't know…whatever Robyn was trying to be, but Danny talked me out of it, saying Robyn could handle it, and that she'd let us know if there was something seriously wrong…anyway, the two of us proceeded to get drunk as cooters, and I fell asleep on his bed…"
"Why, Liz Ann." I touched a hand to my chest in mock shock. "You
are
a vixen. A drunken night in Danny DeLorenzo's bed? I'm scandalized!"
She frowned at me, without any real censure. "Nothing happened, Caid. Get your head out of the gutter," she said primly, and I held up my hands in apology. "We spent the next morning together - neither of us was due in the city to shoot until after noon - I helped him clean up, we hung around the pool…" She smiled a satisfied smile that was much more like the Liz I knew. "
Then
things happened."
That would have been the day after my accident, when they'd brought over pizza. There had been nearly another two weeks of shooting and seeing both of them every day, our dinner at Crustacean, and the many other times I'd seen or talked to her since. And Liz had kept it to herself the entire time.