Angel (26 page)

Michelle also came to see her, which helped
greatly. Angel was expecting her to be horrified by
what she'd done, but she simply hugged her
daughter and said, 'I love you, Angel. I know that
your dad and me aren't very good at expressing how
we feel, but never forget that we love you and are
there for you and we only ever want you to be happy.'

'How can you love me, when you know what I've
done? I've let everyone down. I'm such a bad
person,' Angel sobbed.

'You're not a bad person; you're a wonderful,
beautiful girl who just took a wrong path. I know
you were upset finding out about your mum and
I'm sorry it came out like that. We should have told
you the truth years ago. And seeing you here, being
brave enough to get treatment, has made me realise
I'm going to get help about my depression. It's not
been fair on any of you.'

'I know you might feel like this, Mum, but I bet
Dad doesn't. He must really regret ever having
adopted me,' Angel cried. For so long she had been
suppressing her emotions, trying to pretend she
was all right, but suddenly everything came
flooding out all at once.

'Your dad does love you, Angel,' Michelle said
calmly. 'He was the one who rescued you. I never
wanted you to know the real story of your adoption,
but I can see now that that was wrong and it would
be better for you to know the truth.'

Angel sat, numb with shock, as her mum talked.
She had been taken into care when she was six
months old. Frank and Michelle had fostered her
until she was a year old, when the courts decided
that her real mother was now fit to look after her.
Frank and Michelle were devastated; they had
formed an incredibly strong bond with Angel and
really didn't want to let her go, but they had no
choice. Frank in particular was convinced that
Tanya had not come off drugs and feared for
Angel's welfare. He managed to find out where she
lived and decided to watch the flat, gathering
evidence if necessary. He saw Tanya go out one
night, but without Angel. Desperately worried
about the child, he rang the doorbell, expecting to
speak to a babysitter. When there was no reply he
broke into the flat and discovered Angel alone,
curled up in a cot with no bedding, in filthy clothes
and shivering with cold. He waited until Tanya
returned home several hours later and confronted
her, telling her he could either get her arrested for
neglect and Angel would be taken back into care, or
he would pay her two thousand pounds to tell social
services that she could no longer cope and that she
had handed Angel to Frank and Michelle for good
and would never see her daughter again. There
was no competition for Tanya. She agreed to sell
her daughter right there and then.

'So Dad rescued me, then?' Angel said, her voice
trembling with emotion, tears streaming down her
face.

'He did, my love. When you came home to us, he
was always the one who got up in the night to look
after you when you had nightmares.'

'I remember,' Angel replied. 'But when I got
older it seemed like he didn't care. I felt he was
always criticising me.'

'I think he was just worried about you and that
worrying came out as criticism. He loves you, he
always has.'

A few days later, Frank came up to see Angel with
Michelle.

'You haven't got any more bombshells to drop,
have you, Dad?' asked Angel lightly, trying not to
betray the emotion she felt at seeing her dad again.

Frank looked at Angel, his face full of emotion
and said, 'We messed up, Angel.'

'Let's start again, then,' Angel said, hugging her
dad. 'It's never too late, that's what I'm learning
here.'

They spent the rest of the visit talking about what
had been happening while Angel was in the clinic.

'Cal's been phoning us regularly to find out how
you're doing,' her dad said suddenly.

'Really?' Angel tried to say as casually as possible.
She had thought of Cal endlessly during the last
month, replaying their last night together. She
might have sorted out her addiction to coke, but
her addiction to Cal Bailey was in a different league
altogether and she had absolutely no idea how to
tackle it.

A month later . . .

'You've done so well, babe, we're so proud of
you!' Gemma cried, hugging Angel tightly. 'And
I've missed you so much!'

'I've missed you, too,' Angel replied, trying not to
show how disorientated she felt now she was out of
the clinic. She'd been "free" for two days, and while
she had longed to see Gemma at the clinic, now she
couldn't help feeling afraid. It was all down to her.
Now she was out she could do anything she liked:
she could phone up Mickey's old dealer and order
some coke or she could choose not to. She chose not
to, but that wasn't to say she didn't think about it. A
lot. And here she was, round at Gemma and Tony's
flat pretending that everything was just peachy.

During her treatment at the clinic the press had
had a field day, as she'd discovered from the
cuttings Carrie sent her when she got out. Some
were sympathetic and wished her well, but they
were outnumbered by the ones that seemed to gloat
and imply that she'd had it coming to her. She also
read that Mickey's band had lost their recording
contract, which made her even more relieved that
he was no longer in her life. Sam, one of the other
band members, had just leapt to number one with
his new solo single, but there was no sign of
Mickey's. She had a few shoots lined up but several
had been cancelled. Cocaine addiction might be
considered par for the course in fashion modelling,
but the tabloids really didn't like it and it was with
them that Angel had built her career.

'Tony will be back in a bit. He just had a few
things to get from the supermarket. We thought
you'd be happier eating in rather than going out,'
Gemma chatted on. She opened a bottle of wine
and went to fill two glasses, but Angel stopped her.

'I'm off alcohol for a bit, actually. I think it's a bit
soon to risk it.'

'Sure,' said Gemma hurriedly. 'I won't have any
either.'

'I don't mind,' Angel insisted, but Gemma
wouldn't hear of it and poured them both a glass of
mineral water.

As the two friends caught up and Gemma
updated her on the wedding plans and what had
been happening at work, Angel was longing to ask
about Cal. She hadn't heard from him and she was
desperate to see him again. She was just about to
ask her question when Tony came through the
door, closely followed by Cal. Angel's heart raced
and her mouth went dry and she felt as if she
couldn't move. Fortunately, she didn't have to, as
Tony came over to where she was sitting on the sofa
and gave her a hug.

'Good to have you back,' he said.

'How are you doing, Angel?' Cal asked.

'Okay, I think I'm getting there.' Making a
supreme effort, Angel forced herself to look at Cal,
who was even more gorgeous than ever – especially
after a month of absence. Swiftly, Cal bent down
and kissed her on the cheek, murmuring, 'Good to
see you.'

'Cal offered to cook for us all,' Gemma put in.
'And knowing how crap Tony and I are in the
kitchen, it was too good an offer to turn down.'

As soon as Tony and Cal disappeared into the
kitchen, Angel turned to her friend. 'Why didn't
you tell me he was coming?' she demanded.

'I didn't want you getting all stressed out,'
Gemma replied.

'And is Simone coming too?' Angel asked tentatively.

'Of course not! She's away filming, but even if
she wasn't I wouldn't ask her.'

'Do I look okay?' Angel asked anxiously.
Thinking it would just be Tony and Gemma, she
hadn't made much of an effort – she was hardly
wearing any make-up and was dressed casually in
jeans and a green silk camisole.

Gemma assured her that she did, but Angel
insisted on dashing to the bathroom to check for
herself.

She put on another layer of mascara and some
lip gloss and brushed back her hair. She had just
had her platinum-blonde hair dyed back to its usual
brunette, and while she was pleased with how it
looked, she wished she was wearing a more
glamorous outfit and heels instead of flat pumps.

When she walked back into the living room,
Gemma smiled at her. 'You look great, stop
worrying.'

'It's all so stupid anyway,' Angel sighed. 'He's still
with Simone.' She hadn't told Gemma what had
happened that night in Spain; to be honest, there
were times over the last month that she'd thought
maybe she'd imagined it all.

'Yeah, but they hardly ever see each other. He's
always training, and she's away filming. I really
don't think it's a relationship that's going to last.'

'Dinner is served!' Cal called out from the
kitchen, putting an abrupt end to the girls' conversation,
and Gemma and Angel walked into the
dining room. The boys had really gone to town,
with flowers on the table and candles all round the
room, and Angel couldn't help feeling touched by
the effort. Cal sat opposite Angel and several times
she caught him looking at her, but every time they
both looked away awkwardly.

God, I want him
, she thought, remembering only
too clearly what it had felt like to kiss him. Before,
she would have knocked back the wine to give
herself confidence, but now she only had mineral
water to keep her going, a fact that hadn't escaped
Cal. Was he impressed by her willpower? Everyone
seemed to be sensitive to her situation and even the
boys barely drank. Angel was worried that they
would expect her to talk about her experiences at
the clinic, but they seemed to understand that she
was reluctant and spoke instead about Gemma's
and Tony's hen and stag nights, which were only
three weeks away.

After dinner, the four of them went into the
lounge. Tony and Gemma snuggled up together on
the sofa as they all watched Cal playing on
Match of
the Day
. Angel felt a pang of longing to have that
closeness with someone again. She and Cal were
sitting on the sofa opposite them, but with a gap so
big you could have fitted three other people
between them.
Well
, she thought to herself bitterly,
what do you expect?

'Jesus, Cal, that's gotta hurt!' Tony exclaimed,
watching the Manchester United defender launch a
brutal tackle against Cal, which left him lying on the
ground in agony and clutching his right knee. A
few years ago he'd had surgery on it after an injury.

'Yep,' Cal replied, 'it fucking hurt, but my physio
reckons it's okay, I've just got to watch it.'

'He's sure it's okay, though?' asked Angel,
worried for Cal.

He smiled at her. 'Take more than that to bring
me down.'

By eleven thirty she was exhausted – she'd been
used to getting up at half six at the clinic and going
to bed at ten. Cal saw her yawning and offered to
drive her home.

'No, it's okay, I'll get a taxi,' she replied,
thinking,
Why on earth did I say that, of course I
want him to give me a lift home!
But Cal insisted and
after saying their goodbyes, she found herself
installed in his navy blue Bentley Azure. They were
quiet on the journey back, Cal concentrating on
driving, Angel staring out of the window to avoid
looking at him. To cover the awkwardness, she
asked if she could put on some music. Cal
nodded and switched on the stereo. Sinead
O'Connor's 'Nothing Compares 2 U' blasted out
of the speakers and only intensified Angel's self-consciousness.

'It must be hard to be out of the clinic,' Cal finally
spoke, 'and back to temptation.'

Angel shrugged and said, 'It's okay. Like us
addicts say, I just take one day at a time . . . And I
feel so much better now I'm clean. I hated that
horrible paranoid feeling I'd get the morning after.
It was like spiders in my head and I didn't know
what I'd done,' she said, feeling awkward.

'You're doing really well, Angel,' Cal said softly.
'I always knew you would.'

As they pulled up outside her flat, Angel said, 'I
haven't got anything alcoholic, but I could make
you a coffee if you like.'

She was expecting him to say no, but to her
surprise, he replied, 'A coffee would be great.'

Inside, Angel went to the kitchen, switched the
kettle on and started getting cups out of the
cupboard. Suddenly Cal was behind her, leaning
against the doorway.

'You didn't really think I wanted a coffee, did
you?' he said softly. Angel froze. She looked at him
and he looked at her and this time there was no
barrier, there was no attempt to hide the desire in
his eyes. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her
hard. In between kisses he said, 'Angel, I haven't
been able to stop thinking of you since that night in
Spain.' By way of an answer, Angel kissed him back.
He started caressing her breasts through her
camisole and her nipples hardened at his touch;
she undid the buttons on his shirt and caressed his
flat, hard stomach. Suddenly Cal stopped.
Oh God
,
thought Angel,
not again.
But instead he whispered,
'Let's go to the bedroom.'

'I think he was well out of order,' Gemma exclaimed
two weeks later, when Angel found herself unable to
hold back any longer from telling her friend.
'You've just come out of the clinic, for God's sake!
You're vulnerable. Did he say anything about
Simone? Is he going to leave her?'

'No,' Angel replied. She was shocked by the
vehemence of Gemma's reaction. 'And I haven't
asked him. Anyway, it's early days.'

'Or he just fancies a no-strings-attached shag
with you!' Gemma retorted. 'You're worth more
than this.'

Angel hung her head, unable to look her friend
in the face.

'Oh my God, it's happened more than once,
hasn't it?' Gemma exclaimed.

Angel nodded.

'How many times?' Gemma demanded, looking
appalled.

'Every day for the last two weeks,' Angel
whispered, bitterly regretting having told her friend.

'I just can't believe he would behave like this!'
Gemma seemed livid.

'Please,' Angel begged her, 'it's just between Cal
and me. I shouldn't have told you. And it's not
what you're making it out to be, there's more to
it than sex. We're . . .' she hesitated, trying to find
the words that would make her friend understand
'. . . connected. I feel so close to him and I know he
does to me as well, even though he hasn't said it.'

Gemma looked so sceptical that Angel didn't
want to carry on. What she had with Cal was so
precious to her – she didn't want it to be trampled
on by anyone who didn't understand.

Her first night with Cal had been amazing, the
most awesome sex of her life. Cal was an incredible
lover. He knew exactly how to turn her on, and
whereas Mickey's attempts to please her had always
played a minor role in their lovemaking – it was
mostly all about him – Cal wanted to give her
pleasure. He was the most sensual and erotic lover
she had ever had. At first she had felt shy, and every
time she kissed him or caressed him she kept
worrying whether she was doing it right, but then
desire took over and she stopped thinking.

The next day she woke up to find his arm still
round her and, at first, she couldn't move for the
sheer pleasure of being next to him and feeling his
warm body pressed against hers. Then reality
kicked in and she carefully moved out of his
embrace and dashed to the shower, wanting to look
good for when he woke up. Her whole body tingled
deliciously from their lovemaking, which had lasted
most of the night. Her face felt slightly sore from
where he had kissed her so hard, but she loved the
feeling. Her shower over, she walked back into the
bedroom. Cal still seemed to be asleep and she
watched him for a moment, mesmerised by his
beauty – she couldn't quite believe that he was in her
bed. Then suddenly his eyes opened and he made a
grab for her. 'And where do you think you're going,
young lady?' he asked huskily, pulling her towards
him and slipping off her robe . . .

By four o'clock they were both starving and Cal
finally got out of bed and headed to the kitchen.
Angel couldn't help smiling to herself, knowing
there was absolutely nothing to eat in there. She
could hear Cal opening and closing cupboard
doors and making sounds of exasperation, and a
few minutes later he returned to the bedroom.

'Where's the food?'

'I think I might have some noodles somewhere,'
Angel replied, laughing.

'Oh my God, I'm not having any of this anorexic
model crap. I'm fucking starving. We're going to
have to order a pizza. Even though, I have to tell
you, it's not the kind of food I usually eat – my body
being a temple and all that.' Cal showed off by
flexing his muscles and Angel reached across the
bed and whipped off the white towel he had tied
round his waist. Suddenly she wasn't hungry for
food any more . . .

An hour later, Cal insisted on phoning for pizza
and garlic bread and ice-cream. While he was in the
shower, Angel frantically checked her appearance in
the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips
swollen, her usually straight hair was wild and
tangled, but she couldn't stop smiling. She quickly
brushed her hair and slipped on a white shirt-dress,
then went into the lounge and lit candles. Cal
emerged looking fresh from the shower. He too had
got dressed, and Angel felt a jolt of desire run
through her even though they'd made love three
times already that day and, frankly, she was
knackered and quite sore in some places! Cal sat
next to her on the sofa and put his arm round her.
'You look gorgeous, Angel, but I think I need a rest.'

The pizza arrived and both of them devoured it
hungrily. Then they lay back on the sofa. But even
though she'd had the most perfect time with Cal
now, the doubts started creeping in. Was he going
to stay the night? Was this just a one-off shag? She
couldn't believe that it could be – there seemed to
be such a strong bond between them.