Another Man's Baby (27 page)

Sobs raced through Eric and he tried to stop them, tried to mentally order them to return to the deep recesses from which they’d come. Damn it, he was a marine.

Buy it was as though a damn had broken. He sobbed until there was nothing left. Eric was holding onto Gabi so tightly that he knew he had to be hurting her. But he couldn’t let her go. She was his lifeline and he’d almost lost her. He unburdened all the horrors that he’d seen and done, telling her finally of the babies, holding her so tightly in his arms that she moaned in pain.

“Baby, Eric, I’m so sorry you had to go through that, that I’ve added to your pain by demanding you tell me. I didn’t know. I’d read some of the stories in the papers but…to have seen it. I can understand why you didn’t want me to get pregnant,” she said softly.

“But I had wanted babies with you, I was dreaming of our having babies when the truck came.”

“It makes sense, Eric, even blaming yourself and blaming me. I can see why you hesitated about our starting a family.”

Eric pulled back to gaze into Gabi’s eyes in disbelief. She understood. He couldn’t believe it. Every horror that he’d seen came to his mind and he told his wife everything, leaving nothing out, not trying to make the things he’d done better or worse, just telling her what had happened. And all the time he stared into her eyes and found no condemnation, just love and understanding. “I’m sorry I unloaded all of this on you.”

“And I’m sorry you didn’t do it sooner.  I was a little jealous that you were talking to your father and the therapist and not me…but now…now I’m so glad you had someone to talk to.”

“I didn’t.” Eric hesitated. “I never really talked to my father about the things that happened. Some he guessed because of having been in
Vietnam
. We dealt with some of the same things. We never had long conversations about any of it. But I never told the therapist. I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t give someone else what I wasn’t giving you.” He kissed her shoulders repeatedly. “I didn’t want to give you this horror, but I see your shoulders are big enough. I wish I had told you sooner.”

“So do I, baby, so do I. We’ve always worked well as a team. You should have never had to shoulder this pain alone. She closed her eyes tightly. “I feel such sorrow for you, the troops and the Iraqi people. I can’t begin to imagine the pain involved in sacrificing an innocent baby.” Her hand slid down to her abdomen in a protective manner and tears slid down her cheeks. “I can’t…the grief the parents must have felt. I can’t begin to tell you that I understand what you went through, but it makes me more grateful than ever that you came home to me, that God saw fit to save you for some greater purpose.”

“Why, Gabi? I don’t pray. I don’t even know if I believe. Why me?  Even you, Gabi, you don’t go to church and you’re not always on your knees. Why us, what’s so special about us? It can’t just be our love, baby.”

“I don’t care what it is,” Gabi answered, smoothing her hand over his bald head. “I’m just thankful you came back alive.” Her own sobs hitched in her throat. “When you were…when I thought you were cheating, when I found the panties and the condom I wished….” She licked her lips.

“Yeah, you don’t have to say it. I wished it too. I wished I had died there when you put me out. I don’t know how the hell I could have hurt you like that.”

Gabi was once again pulling away and Eric knew why. He held her, shaking his head. “Gabi, that wasn’t a confession, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t sleep with Jamilla. I promise you I didn’t. And it was Jamilla’s panties. I saw her a couple of nights ago at the club. She wanted to take up where she thought we left off,” he said quietly. “I got her to admit the panties were hers, that she’d put them in the car. She said it was a joke.”

“A joke,” Gabi muttered between clenched teeth. “Destroying our marriage was a joke to her?” She pulled back from Eric with renewed anger for the incident in her eyes.

“We’re talking, baby. Remember, this is the forgiving part. Will you forgive me for hurting you?”

A sigh fell from Gabi’s lips. “If you can give me a good reason. I don’t understand, even with the guilt. I don’t understand why you would risk us. I don’t know why you would start chasing other women. I don’t get it.” Her shoulders came up. “It’s going to be really hard for us to trust each other again.” She watched as his eyes fell to her abdomen. “Did you really mean our ‘baby’?”

“Yeah, the baby is ours.” He hesitated. “Can you accept that from me, for now, without asking for more?”

“Meaning can I accept that even though you don’t believe it’s yours, can I accept that you’re willing to claim it?”

Eric looked down. “Yes, that’s what I mean.”

“Why do you think the voice keeps whispering to both of us to have faith?” Gabi stared at her husband and smiled slightly. He didn’t answer and she was aware she was pushing him to believe more than he could at the moment. She would take what he was offering. After all, Gabi didn’t have a doubt in the world that she would be able to prove the baby was Eric’s. “Okay. I can handle that for now. But, Eric, you still didn’t answer. Why all the whoring around?”

Eric stared at her, taken aback. Okay, he wanted back in his wife’s good graces. Matter of fact, he wanted to ensure she remained his wife. He’d take whatever she was dishing out.

“Whoring around is a bit strong, but I knew what I was doing, so I won’t fight you over your word choice.” He pulled her close. “I don’t know, baby. I have no idea what got into me. It was like I was playing this role, trying so hard to find the right fit. Nothing was working for me. I hated having to see troops leave, to give them a pep talk. And the enlistments center…” He shuddered. “You have no idea of the hellish job that is. There are millions of Americans that support the war. And they all support the troops, but when you go to their homes and ask to take their sons and daughters…” Eric sawed his lips with his teeth and shook his head.

“For over a year now I’ve been so damn conflicted and afraid to say so. To say so means I’m unpatriotic or a coward.” He swallowed. “But it’s getting harder and harder to see more Americans go off to fight. I’m having a hard time believing in the rightness of this war. I know people on all sides die. I know that, Gabi, but I also know the Iraqi people have lost many innocent lives. Even the ones that weren’t innocent, they had families.”

He pulled her even closer, wanting to crawl into her skin if he could. “I killed a man, Gabi, an innocent man and nothing anyone says can make that right in my book.”

“You didn’t know.”

“No, I didn’t know, but it doesn’t do a damn thing for the hurt in my belly. It doesn’t make it go away.”

Gabi was feeling some of the agony her husband had gone through. She wanted to help him. She touched his heart with the tip of her finger. “Did you ask for forgiveness?”

“You mean him? Did I ask the man I killed for forgiveness?” Truly, Gabi had no idea what she was saying. Eric was trying to be patient with her. “How was I going to ask a man I killed to forgive me?”

He frowned at her. “Did you think I was going to go and ask his family? Damn, baby, that scene played out as duty. You dig? I gave an order, he disobeyed. It was duty, baby, I’m a soldier.”

“If that’s true, why are you still carrying the guilt?”

“Because underneath the soldier was a man with frailties and weaknesses. I can’t forget.”

“You don’t have to forget, but you can be forgiven.”

“Gabi.”

“Will you forgive me for hurting you, for using Reggie to make you crazy, for pushing you over the edge? I didn’t know what you were dealing with. Will you forgive me for giving tit for tat?”

“I know what you’re doing, Gabi. It’s not that easy for me to be forgiven for what I did.”

“But it’s the first step.” She clasped Eric’s hand. “Ask,” she said.

“I can’t.”

“You don’t have to do it out loud, but do it, baby.” She held his gaze. “Do it for me, for us. Do it so we can have a fresh start and this won’t come between us again.”

Eric groaned and let out a breath. He closed his eyes and held Gabi in his arms as the words ‘please forgive me’ raced through his mind. He didn’t direct the words toward anyone, just allowed them to be thought. “I don’t feel any different,” he said when he opened his eyes.

“Forgiveness doesn’t happen that quickly. It takes wanting it.” Gabi shook her head. “It takes thinking you deserve it, it takes lots of hard work. Baby, you did a heck of a lot more good over there than you did bad. Just you remember that. You went there to fight for freedom for the Iraqi people. It doesn’t matter if you no longer believe that. When you went, you believed it. Even with the kids you’re ordered to recruit, you can’t tell me that you’re not proud to be in the military. You’re not trying to get these kids to give up their lives, you’re trying to get them to share in your passion, your commitment. You believed once in what you were doing and if you don’t believe now that’s okay.”

“But that makes me a hypocrite.”

“It makes you human.”

“But look at you, baby. You believed in something and you took a stand. When you didn’t fill out those papers for that patient’s abortion you weren’t a hypocrite, you stood by the power of your conviction.”

“I also am not a soldier. No one can order me to do something. Besides, there are other people in my office that see it as their job. Eric, if you and I were divorced and I was raising our baby alone,” she said, emphasizing the our, “who knows what I would do if I were told to. If it meant I couldn’t feed our child, who knows? No one ever knows what they can or can’t do. We can’t say until it comes to us. Just like the war, Eric, we can say we support it until we have to give up our babies. Life is hard. Like that old saying, ‘Don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in another man’s moccasins.’” He grinned and so did she. “Even if you didn’t tell her about the things that happened in
Iraq
, that therapist really got you to open up.”

“It wasn’t the therapist.” Eric gazed at his wife, looking at her lips, wondering when she would think they’d talked enough, wanting badly to kiss her, to suckle her breasts, to bury his head between her thighs, to plunge his fast growing erection into her wet heat.

Startled, Gabi’s mouth opened with a small gasp. “No? Then who?”

“You, baby. I couldn’t just let you walk out of my life without trying everything. You wanted me to tell you what had happened, and I had to try. I worried that you might hate me for it, but still I had to try.”

“Hate you, baby? I want to kiss you and every other soldier who protects our country. You’re all true heroes in my book.”

He was still staring at her lips. But he knew there was so much more they needed to say, so much more Gabi needed to hear.

“Eric, I didn’t sleep with Reggie.”

Eric sucked in a breath, his eyes lowering as he pulled his lip between his teeth and sawed it gently back and forth.

“I didn’t sleep with anyone, baby, but I’m not going to ask you to go on blind faith. This one will be an easy one to prove.” Gabi held his gaze. “In four months I can prove that to you.”

“I’m not asking for proof, not any more.”

“But I’m going give it to you. This is not going to be between us. This won’t be one of the things you will have to forgive me for.”

He played with his hands. “What about Jamilla? Do you believe me? Are you willing to forgive me?”

“If I weren’t I wouldn’t be sitting here with you right now.”

“You don’t have to worry about Tracie though. She was at the club, she saw me turn Jamilla down. She smiled her approval at me. What the hell was I thinking?” Eric covered his head with his hands.

“Yeah, what were you thinking?” Gabi hit him several times over the head, then moved in closer and gave in to the look in her husband’s eyes. Why shouldn’t she? She wanted to kiss him also. They would be alright. It would take time but thank God their marriage would survive.

             
ANOTHER
MAN
’S BABY
             
229

Chapter Twenty-Two

Eric lay next to Gabi in their big bed. She’d finally drifted off to sleep but he was unable to. He was running everything through his mind, all the confessions, all the doubts, everything. His body still burned from their passion. They’d made love nice and slow, taking the time to get lost in each other the way they always had, not going for the release but the soul connection, and they’d found it.

Now Eric lay just looking at Gabi and the round mound in the center of her body. An electrical energy emanated from Gabi and touched him. He put out his hand, feeling it and was awed by the power.

“
Have faith
.”

“I’m learning,” Eric whispered.

“
The baby is yours
.”

Yes, Eric thought, the baby would be his. Regardless of the biological father, the baby would be his.

“
You don’t understand, Eric. The seed is yours. Have faith.”

Just like that, the voice was gone as well as most of the strange, powerful energy. Eric stared around the darkened room. This was getting to be a bit spooky. He wasn’t insane, had never been prone to imagine things. He smiled. It was the first time the voice had called him by name. It was also the first time the voice had actually had a conversation with him telling him more than to have faith.

Eric had wondered for over a year who the voice belonged to. Now he knew. It had to be Gabrielle’s guardian angel. For a moment he wondered if hearing the voice just then had been wishful thinking. What the voice had said was impossible. He was still sterile.

Eric kissed Gabi’s forehead, then bent lower and planted a kiss on her abdomen. The electrical energy returned and appeared to be centered right there in Gabi’s womb. In that energy there was a knowing. It started slowly. Something worked its way from the soles of his feet, and inch by inch traveled through his body and rested in the crown of his head before it made the downward journey. Eric blinked, a smile breaking out on his face. In that instant he felt a connection to the fetus in his wife’s womb. His eyelids fluttered and a pounding began in his chest, rapid and prolonged.

Damn. This was his baby. He wasn’t just saying the words anymore for Gabi’s benefit. He didn’t know how, but it was his. Eric spooned his body around Gabi and laid his hand gently on her abdomen as the energy radiated through his palm and throughout his body. “You’re mine,” he whispered as he fell asleep.

***

Three months later Eric made his decision: He was leaving the military. He had a teaching degree and he’d try to influence the minds of children for better. He looked at Gabi’s swollen belly. There had to be a better way and he had to have something more to give to his son or daughter.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Eric grinned at Gabi. “It’s been so long in coming I never thought it would ever happened but today I woke up and for the first time I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t dream last night about
Iraq
.”

“Did you dream?”

“Yeah, about you and our baby, about all the other kids we’ll have.” He watched Gabi’s face, saw the tears and shook his head at her. “Don’t cry, baby, not this time, not about this.”

“Am I hearing you right?” Gabrielle asked, her voice almost a whisper, the hope shining from her voice.

“Hell, yes. I should have known all along. You know something, Gabi,” he said, going to her, lifting her and seating her on his lap. “I kept thinking the words ‘have faith’ meant something else. I didn’t know what. But I think I finally have a glimmer of the meaning.”

He put his forehead to hers. “This is our baby, Gabi. I know that. I don’t mean that it’s a baby I’m laying claim to because it’s yours. I know that it’s mine, my flesh and blood.

“And I know we’re going to have more. It’s not that I’m being macho, thinking that I wasn’t shooting blanks. I wasn’t. I’ve thought about it. I know the moment we made that baby. I felt it, there was something different in our lovemaking.”

Eric tapped Gabi’s forehead. “Aside from your calling out another man’s name there was more. There was a life forming. I felt this electrical energy leave my body and enter yours. I didn’t know it was a baby at the time but I do now. And your guardian angel only confirmed it for me.”

“What about all the reports?”

“I don’t have the answer to that, but they’re wrong. I know that as surely as I know I love you.”

“You believe me.”

“Yeah, baby, I believe you.”

Gabi closed her eyes and leaned into her husband’s chest. He’d just given her the second greatest gift of their married life, his belief in her in spite of everything he’d been told. This was what she had been waiting for, this moment. They were back. Nothing else mattered.

***

The first pain hit low in her back and Gabi moaned. Since she was already a week overdue, it didn’t take much figuring to know this was the real deal. Still, first babies took a long time. “Umm,” she moaned as another pain hit her and she bent over.

“Is it time?” Eric was at her side before the pain left.

She squeezed his hand as slight fear invaded her and she pushed it away. She knew this baby was her husband’s. She didn’t care what any tests said. But how would she dispute
DNA
? What if it still said the baby wasn’t Eric’s? Sure, he believed now, but would he believe then?

One pain came rapidly after another and Gabi knew it was time to go. This baby was rushing to be born, to put an end to the questions.

“I’m going to call my parents,” Eric said, reaching for the phone. “Their grandchild is about to be born and I don’t want them to miss it.”

“Eric, are you sure they’ll want to come?”

“You’re about to give birth to our first child, their grandchild.” He kissed her as another pain hit and she clenched her teeth in pain. “I want my entire family here…but if you don’t want them—”

“Call your parents,” Gabi mumbled, squeezing his hand.

***

This was it. Eric paced outside the room waiting for his parents. What if it isn’t? No, damn it. He pushed the voice away. This is my baby. I do have faith; this is my son. He saw his parents coming and rushed up to them. “The nurse will show you where to scrub up and you can come in. Gabi wants the entire family there. It’s your first grandchild.”

Ongela and Terry Jackson glanced at each other and Eric shook his head. “It’s mine,” he whispered softly. “This is your grandchild, your blood. I promise. Now come on and let’s watch my son come into the world.”

During labor Eric gave words of encouragement to Gabi, telling her how much he loved her, how much he loved their child. She wasn’t screaming out as much now, just holding onto him, wanting to look at him it seemed, and he knew why. She was a bit scared but it didn’t matter. Eric had no plans on getting a
DNA
test, or another damn test. He didn’t need anyone to tell him this was his child.

“Eric ?”

“Baby, don’t even think it. This is my son,” he whispered on her lips. “It’s mine, Gabi. It’s mine.” He kissed her. He couldn’t help grinning in spite of her pain. “I’m going to be a father, Gabi.” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I’m really going to be a father.”

Eric glanced toward his parents. They were crying. He didn’t know if they were crying because they thought he was deceiving himself or because they wanted a grandchild so baldly. Either way it didn’t matter. The two most important people knew this baby was his, he and Gabi. Convincing anyone else wasn’t necessary.

“Push,” the doctor ordered.

And with a big push and a scream Gabi pushed his son out into the world.

A few minutes later the baby was placed in his arms. Eric could swear the baby was already smiling at him and holding on. Eric’s heart filled to overflowing. And gratitude for all the powers that be flooded him. True, he hadn’t been a big believer before, especially not in miracles, but this tiny, warm, brown body that he held in his arms was a miracle he and Gabi had created together.

“Let me see him,” Gabi asked and he smiled and laid the baby on her chest. Eric watched as she stroked the baby with her fingers. When Gabi held out a hand for his, Eric’s heart melted with love. If he thought he’d been whipped before, there was no hope for him now. He clasped Gabi’s hand in one of his and with the other he stroked his son just as Gabi was doing. Their eyes met and they smiled. They were a family. This was the reason he’d been saved.

The muffled cries from across the room eventually registered. Eric looked at Gabi, then his parents, and lifted his son back into his arms, cradling him gently, holding his tiny head in the palm of his hand. He carried the baby to his parents and placed him in his grandmother’s arms. Then he walked back to Gabi.

He bent to kiss Gabi lightly on the lips. Noticing her attention was averted, he glanced at her and saw the fear in her eyes as she watched his parents with their son. Eric straightened up slowly. He watched as his parents exchanged private glances.

“It doesn’t matter what they think.” He looked down at Gabi. “That’s my son.” Eric’s breath was coming in shallow puffs. He couldn’t believe his parents would be so insensitive to Gabi’s feelings. He stood beside Gabi, staring across the room at his parents who looked down at the baby, then back at Eric. Shock was clearly written on their faces. If Eric had known that would be their reaction, he would have never invited them to witness the miracle of the birth of his son. He squeezed Gabi’s fingers harder, trying to tell her with his touch that they didn’t matter.

Eric couldn’t believe it. His parents’ reaction was getting worse instead of better. They were looking at him so strangely that he had to fight the unwanted doubt. He refused to allow them to sway his own knowing.

He heard a moan from Gabi and glared at his parents. “No,” he shook his head at Gabi. “This is my son. I don’t have to believe or have faith. I know it!”

Tears were welling up in Gabi’s eyes. “Baby,” Eric said, “you need to have faith in me. I’m not lying to you. This is our son. Ours, Gabi, yours and mine.”

As soon as he could, Eric left the room, anger at his parents for hurting Gabi crushing him. He pointed his finger in their direction and motioned. He marched all the way to another wing before stopping.

“How could you have done that to her?” he asked. “You love her. How could you stand there and stare at my son with such disbelief in your eyes. That’s my son,” Eric said, wiping at the tear that had unexpectedly slipped down his cheek. “That’s my son in there, and you just ripped Gabi’s heart out.”

“Son,” his father laid a hand on his shoulder.

Eric took a step away from his father. “Dad, I can’t believe you. It doesn’t matter what the two of you think. I know he’s my son. And just like you’re the guardian of Mon’s heart, I’m the guardian of Gabi’s. I’m not going to let anyone hurt her again, not even me.”

“Eric, stop glaring at us. We know it’s your son.” His father laughed and hugged him and his mother joined in.

Eric pulled away and looked at both of them in disbelief. He shook his head. “I saw you, saw the way you looked at the baby. Gabi saw it too.”

“Yes, we were looking at him in disbelief because frankly, as much as I love Gabi, I didn’t believe that cock and bull story she’s been telling. She told me out of her own mouth that she was going to make you hurt. We discussed it. I knew she planned on having an affair.”

Ongela stopped at the look of pain on her son’s face. “What could I have done to stop her, Eric? She’s a woman and she’d been hurt by you. I just never expected she’d end up pregnant and then claim the baby was yours and have the nerve to stick to what had to be a lie.”

Eric backed, away his eyes narrowing. “She’s not lying,” he snapped.

“I know that now,” Ongela repeated. “Your dad and I both knew it the moment you put the baby in my arms. He opened his eyes and it took me back thirty years. It was your face I was looking at, yours. I’ve felt like this only twice in my life, once when you were born and a few minutes ago when you placed my grandson in my arms. That baby is yours, Eric. You don’t need
DNA
or semen analysis or any other test to tell you that.”