Another Man's Baby (3 page)

“You mean nothing but news. Are you going to try and monitor what I watch now?” He rubbed his thumb across her forehead. “That’s not going to work.”

“No, but when you make love to me and ten minutes later turn on the news it makes me feel as if I didn’t do my job properly.”

“Your job?”

“Well,” she grinned, “at least you’re paying me some attention.”

“You think I wasn’t paying you attention a few minutes ago?”

“You were distracted.”

“Oh really?” He trailed his hand along the side of her face. “You’re going to make me show you how much you’re on my mind, aren’t you?”

Her breath, hot and warm, touched his cheek and lit his center. Lust pure and simple shot through his groin. He looked deep into her eyes and love took over. Eric swallowed. “I love you so much,” he whispered. “I’m so glad…”  His words halted and he took possession of her lips, intending to show her what he didn’t want to say with words.

He felt her shudder as their tongues battled back and forth. Her loving him, wanting him was obvious. He pulled that knowledge into his soul, needing it to heal the scars embedded there. He kissed her hard, wanting everything she had to give. For a moment he wished that he could share the pain, the fear and the horrors he’d seen in the last year. He ran his hands down the side of her body, cupping her round bottom, loving the softness of her. She began to moan and he began to work in earnest.

His wife didn’t need to ever know what he’d seen. He’d left home to fight to protect her and the country. He was also protecting her by not telling her the horrors she thought she wanted to hear.

With each moan Gabi issued, Eric was determined to show her just how much he desired her. So, she thought he’d been distracted, huh? Just let her find reason to complain when he was done. He was giving her all of himself, holding nothing back, determined to let go of the memories that were trying to tug him away. He wouldn’t allow it. This one was for his baby.

***

It was a month before Eric was sated. Now as he stood near Gabi watching her dress to return to work, he realized a month was not enough. He didn’t want Gabi to leave him home alone. He was aware they’d been darn lucky that she’d been given an entire month’s vacation to stay home with him. Still, he didn’t want to be alone. He’d have to return to the base soon and something was making him uneasy. He stared at Gabi, and like a little kid he wanted to beg her to stay home with him. She was also watching him, her eyes wary. She must have read his mind.

“What?” Gabi asked.

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you want me,” she said softly.

“I do.”

“Baby, you know I have to work.”

He walked slowly up to where she was standing. “I don’t know what it is, but doing it with a nurse is almost every man’s fantasy.”

“Why?”

“Hell if I know, but it is,” he said, unbuttoning her flowered top.

“Eric, I don’t have time.”

“Give me five minutes.”

“Do you really think I want to go to all the trouble of undressing and having to take another shower for five minutes?”

She stared at him with such a strange expression on her face that he started laughing. “It’s called a quickie,” he responded, still laughing.

“A quickie? I think it’s more of a drive by. Bang, bang, you’re off and running and I’m left just breathing hard. Now stop that,” Gabi fussed, moving his hand aside and rebuttoning her top.

“I hate being here alone,” he finally admitted. “I don’t really feel like visiting other people or even leaving the house.” He shrugged. “I’m tired of watching the news. I just want to stay home, but I don’t want to be alone,” he said quietly and honestly.

Gabi stared at him for an intense moment, then went to the phone. “Listen, I’m really sorry but I have a family emergency. I don’t think I’m going to be able to come in for a few more days.” She glanced in Eric’s direction and noted the five fingers he was holding up. “It’s probably going to be five or six days I’m off. Call Tracie and Jamilla, they’ll probably work the extra hours. Tell both of them I’ll return the favor someday.”

When the call was finished, Gabi turned toward him. “Now what do you want to do?”

“Nothing,” he said and reached for her hand. “I just want to sit on the couch with you beside me and not talk about anything. I just want to drink you in.”

“I thought you wanted five minutes?”

“I did,” Eric grinned, “but now that you’re staying home, what’s the rush?”

Chap
ter Three

Six weeks to unwind wasn’t nearly enough
, Eric thought as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His uniform was perfect as always. It had been a long time since he’d served stateside and a longer time since he’d called Great Lakes Navel Base his duty station. He smiled at the sight of Gabi staring at him.

“I like your uniform, Nurse Jackson.” He smiled, giving her a mock salute.

“And I like yours,” she answered with a smile on her lips that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You okay?” she asked.

“I’m okay.”

“The dreams, baby, they’re happening more often. You want to tell me about last night, what it was about?”

“No, I don’t want to burden you with my dreams. They’re nothing I can’t handle.” He pointed two fingers at his uniform. “I’m a marine, an officer. I can handle anything the world throws at me, so you know I can handle a dream.”

“Can you handle a wife who really and truly wants to have a baby?”

Okay, so there was something he couldn’t handle. Gabi’s words put it into focus for him. Eric was having doubts about giving her the one thing she’d wanted for the past six years. She’d only put it off because of his service career. First, he’d told her they needed to save; after that, it was the war. He glanced at her and saw the pain of want hidden beneath the glassy look of her eyes.

“Baby, I just got home.”

“What does that mean? It’s not as though we’re newlyweds.” Her voice softened, “Eric, the older a woman gets, the greater the risks for things to go wrong.”

“Women are having babies in their sixties.”

She rolled her eyes but didn’t comment on that. She wasn’t going to get drawn into a conversation about how she thought there was a reason God had engineered the female body to bear babies when they were young. That was a whole ’nother story, one that distracted her from her goal. “I’m not waiting until I’m sixty,” she said at last.

“I didn’t ask you to. But can’t you take your pills for a couple more months, just give me a little time to breathe? I’m feeling crowded. I don’t like being pushed. Gabi, you of all people know that.”

“I know it, but I don’t like being lied to. You of all people should know that. You promised me that when you returned home from this last tour we could begin our family. You even told me that when you were in
Iraq
, that you couldn’t wait. What’s up with you? This isn’t something we haven’t talked and planned for. We’re at a good point in our careers and in our lives.”

“Can’t you just give me a little more time, keep taking the pills for a couple more months?”

“One month, Eric, that’s it.”

“What are you going to do then?”

“I’m going to have a baby.”

“Gabi, are you giving me an ultimatum?”

“Call it what you will. I love you and you love me. I want a baby and I have a right to have one.”

“Even if I don’t want one?”

He saw the look of horror drain her blood from her body. Her eyes spoke the word
betrayal
and she wrapped her arms around her body. Fear skittered down Eric’s spine as he wondered what would happen if he refused to give his wife the child she desperately wanted. He wondered if she’d leave him. Fear at that thought rushed through him; he couldn’t live without her.

“Gabi, baby, I didn’t say that I didn’t want one ever. I’m not ready, okay? Just a couple more months.”

“It’s not as though the baby would be born the minute I become pregnant. We’d have nine months.”

“Gabi, please, can’t you just take the pills a couple more months? What’s the rush?”

“A couple more months, Eric,” she said softly, then glared at him. “That’s it.” She barely brushed her lips against his as she left for work.

Eric stood in the doorway watching her and a groan traveled upward until it filled him with dread. He’d thought he could do it, that he’d come home to Gabi and all would be well in their world. Most of the time while in
Iraq
he’d managed to keep the nightmares at bay. But it seemed being home, in Gabi’s arms, they’d returned. He was aware that a lot of it had to do with all the talk about them having a baby. He sighed. God, he’d wanted to give his wife the babies they’d both wanted. He couldn’t tell Gabi of the real nightmares that plagued his sleep and on occasion his waking hours. She’d probably seen some of the stories about infants being wired with explosive and used against the troops. What she probably hadn’t heard was that in order to protect themselves they’d had to kill mothers with babies who were trying to come near them. True, they’d never made one mistake, none of the women had been innocent. And all of the babies had been booby trapped. Still, it was the hardest thing any of the men had had to go through. Yes. they were justified. Yes, they were protecting the lives of all the soldiers around them. And yes, if the women with the blanket wrapped bombs or wired babies had been allowed on the post a lot of marines would have died.

Eric groaned. The right and wrong of it didn’t matter.  They had been babies, innocent babies wired with explosives to kill them. 

A shiver ran up and down Eric’s spine. Right or wrong how could he be a father? With the sins he’d committed on his soul, what right did he have for something as pure as a baby?  As much as Eric thought he was soiling Gabi when he made love to her, touched her, kissed her, he felt a million times worse about the thought of bringing a child into the world to be tainted by the things he’d done. 

The sins of the father
. He couldn’t allow a child to pay for his sins. But what the hell was he going to do about Gabi? His excuses were lame and she wouldn’t keep putting up with them for much longer. Damn!

Eric sighed and felt a hitch in his chest. He wanted to bawl. The feeling was coming more often. He shook his head and pushed the feeling aside. Crying wasn’t the way he indulged his feelings, working was.

***

“Welcome home, Lieutenant Jackson.”

Eric glanced up, his gaze landing on a young woman with a baby in her arms. He blinked, at first not knowing who she was. When Linda, his secretary, came forward to take the baby, Eric remembered the young woman was Linda’s daughter.

“Thanks,” Eric said, staring at the women and at the baby. His throat closed as he finally recognized what the infant was wearing. Fatigues.

“Too cute.” Linda was laughing. “Oh, this is so adorable.”

Eric’s mind shut off, and he clenched his jaw to keep from shouting out. He’d seen the outfits before but until this moment it had never elicited such a response from him.
Babies shouldn’t be dressed as soldiers.
What are these women doing, practicing for the real thing?
He shuddered and walked away from the women, unable to be near the infant.

Gabi’s face swam before him. He could see her now, proud of their son, putting him in the same type of clothing. Eric’s heart lurched as he saw the yet-to-be conceived son of his wrapped in a blanket filled with explosives. He swallowed. That would never happen, they were in
America
. They would never use babies as booby traps. Eric swallowed again. But they would use them to go to war. Another image of his still yet-to-be conceived son came to him. This time he was a young man who looked like a younger version of Eric. He was dressed in fatigues, going off to a war somewhere.

Without warning, the image of the truck exploding flashed into his mind and nearly floored him. He reached out a hand to the file cabinet to steady himself. No way in hell did he want a baby, no way. His heart seized when he thought of Gabi. He loved her with his heart and soul, but this was one thing he couldn’t give her. He could only imagine her heartbreak if one of their babies was lost fighting a war in a foreign land. No, he would protect Gabi from that. Whatever the cost, he would endure it alone. He would just have to find some better excuses.

***

What’s the rush
? The first time Eric had used those words to her in terms of their making love she’d laughed. Now it wasn’t so cute. Eric had returned to duty and with it his sex drive appeared to have become non-existent. She didn’t understand what was happening. From the beginning of their relationship he couldn’t get enough. Now he was back at work and it had been almost a month since he’d touched her, always saying, ‘What’s the rush?’

For a moment Gabi stood with her hands on her hips and glared at the open drawer containing her sheerest lingerie. She fingered the black silk before lifting it, remembering that Eric’s returning to work coincided with his reluctance to touch her. How could she forget that?  They’d fought. They’d both issued ultimatums. Eric had asked her to take the birth control pills for a couple more months.  She’d agreed to that, but now she wondered what was the use.

What’s the rush?
he’d asked. Well, the rush was that she was missing his touch. Gabi didn’t want to beg, but if he kept turning her away, the only step left was going to be begging. She looked up, surprised to find Eric staring at her. She hadn’t heard him come in the room.

“Gabi, why aren’t you dressed?”

Gabi looked down at the black negligee she was wearing and wondered what the hell she was doing wrong. That should not have been her husband’s question. It never would have been before. She glanced at him to see if he was kidding. His eyes didn’t change. He was serious. And she was hurt.

“I wanted to model this for you.” Gabrielle held his gaze, wanting to ask him to just kiss her as he would have done a month before.

“Why?”

Damn. That was cold.
Now what should she do? Behave like a slut in order for her own husband to notice her?
Okay, if that’s what it takes.
She forced herself to sashay toward him, stopping in front of him, pulling the sleeve of the gown from her shoulder. “You like?” she purred.

“Gabi, get dressed. We’re going to my folks for dinner.”

“No, we’re not.”

“Yes, we are. I talked to my mom and told her we’d be over.”

Gabi backed up. “You didn’t think to call me?”

“I didn’t know you were going to pull this the moment I walked in the door.”

“Pull this?” Now she was truly hurt and a bit puzzled. “Do you mean you had no idea I was going to try and make love to my husband?” A flicker of something unrecognizable shimmered in his deep brown eyes.

“We don’t have time,” he said, not looking at her.

“How many times did I say that to you when I had to go to work? And how many times did I give in?”

“I’m tired, Gabi.”

“You’ve been tired for a month now. What’s going on?”

Instead of answering her, Eric walked to the shower, stripped, stepped inside and ignored her, as if she had not been standing there.

“What’s with you?” she asked, following him. “You’re showering four or five times a day.”

“Is there a law against my showering?”

“You’re becoming fanatic about it, as though you’re trying to cover up something, wash off something.”

She heard his growl over the steady hum of the water. What the heck was going on with him? She’d heard of men behaving in the exact same manner her husband was doing—when they were cheating.

She snatched the shower curtain back. “Are you cheating on me?”

“Am I cheating on you? I’m in the middle of taking a shower. Why? Because I want to. I haven’t made love to you in a couple of days and you think I’m cheating?”

“Not a couple of days, Eric, a month.”

“Excuse me, a month. If you’re that desperate, then I suppose we can take five minutes.” He reached for a towel, but before he had it Gabi had slammed the bathroom door and gone to her closet to get dressed.

“Don’t do me any damn favors,” she said aloud, though Eric wasn’t there to hear her.

***