Another Man's Baby (10 page)

“Baby, talk to me,” Gabi crooned.

He couldn’t, not now. He held her so tightly that the muscles in his arms trembled. How was he supposed to tell her that when his men needed him most he’d been lost in his thoughts of her?

Maybe if he’d spent those few seconds crying out a warning to his men… Even after he’d finally begun firing and ordered his men to do the same, thoughts of Gabi had still been on his mind. When he’d been shoved away, when he’d lain beneath the bodies of soldiers and thought he was dying, he’d still thought of her. He’d wondered how she would survive his dying. And he’d thought how much he’d miss her.

“Eric,” Gabi called softly, unable to control the tears in her voice. “Eric, am I right? Are you blaming me for something? If so, won’t you please tell me what it is?”

He froze, then opened his eyes and looked at his wife, wondering if she was right about him blaming her for the death of his men. If that were true, it hadn’t been intentional.  Damn, it wasn’t her fault that she’d captured his heart and soul so completely that even in the face of death his thoughts had been of her. He was whipped. That was his fault, not hers.

“Eric.”

He rubbed his hands over his eyes, then over his bald head. “Please leave it alone, Gabi, leave it alone.”

When Gabrielle pulled back and yanked a handful of his shirt in her hand, twisting it and thunking him on the head, he wanted to laugh. He couldn’t believe she was getting physical with him.

“I’m not going to lose you, Eric,” she promised.

Laughing, Eric shook his head and pulled her in for a kiss. “You’re something else, you know that? I love you and I’m going to try harder, I promise. Now I have to go, baby.” He kissed her again, lifting her and this time setting her down away from his escape.

He walked out the door, thinking until the moment he was actually driving down the street that Gabi was going to come out and stop him. He’d meant it when he said she was something else. She was, and he was grateful for that. This was the reason he’d prayed so hard to come home, to be with his wife.

Life was so damn hard, he thought. He’d changed so much. He wished like hell that there’d never been a war, that he’d never gone, that it was over and everyone could come home. Eric even wished for the time when the Iraqi people could start rebuilding their country and their lives and live free from terrorists, but that wasn’t likely, that much he knew, not when every day more senseless acts of violence were committed.

The one thing that made Eric proud was that in some small way maybe he’d managed to help. Now if only he could keep his thoughts in that vein, then maybe the memories of the not so good things wouldn’t overwhelm him, and he wouldn’t treat the woman he loved like crap.

Eric groaned, hating the things he’d done since his return home almost as much as he hated the things he’d done in
Iraq
.

Gabi had every right to be angry with him. He had been treating her like crap. He couldn’t believe she’d hit on part of the problem, something he’d hoped never to admit to her. It wasn’t Gabi’s fault he’d missed her like hell, that much of the time when he had a free moment he was so damn horny for her that he could close his eyes and imagine loving her. And it wasn’t her fault that he feared he would never see her again. It definitely wasn’t Gabi’s fault that the president had declared war on
Iraq
and that he’d had to do his duty not once but three times, that the horrors he saw had increased with each tour.

He blew out his breath knowing it wasn’t Gabi’s fault that he’d reneged on his promise because he couldn’t get the image of those booby trapped blankets out of his mind. No, none of it was Gabi’s fault. It was Eric’s for loving her so much that he’d almost gone crazy being so far from her for so long.

Eric closed his eyes against the pain. He’d wanted to come home to her so badly that it had mattered more than anything.

Now he was feeling guilt that he was home and that guilt was eating him up inside, tearing apart his marriage and making the woman he loved doubt him. He was lying to her, hiding things and even thinking of being with other women. None of it was right, but no one had written a manual on how to come home from a war and feel whole.

Eric had to do something and do it quickly. Gabi was pressuring him again to get help, threatening to find a therapist herself if he didn’t. Go to a counselor? He almost laughed at the thought. He was a marine; he would deal with his problems himself without a shrink.

***

Gabrielle stood at the door watching Eric drive away. The taste of Eric’s kiss lingered on Gabi’s lips. He’d thought with his kiss he’d sweet-talked her into keeping quiet. Well, he hadn’t. She knew he would be angry when he found out she’d made good on her promise. She didn’t care. She sucked in a breath admitting the lie to herself. She did care, but she needed to help her husband. Sure, at the moment he was fine but there were far too many mood swings for her to handle alone.

As her fingers dialed the number, Gabi prayed, hoping that her guardian angel would be able to look out for both her and Eric. “I love him,” she said into the stillness. “I can’t lose him.”

“Hi, Mom, she said when Ongela Jackson picked up the phone. “I need your help.”

***

Eric sat in his office doing mostly paperwork. He had thought a lot about the conversation he’d had with Gabi. He was desperate to find a solution. Maybe he’d call her later and take her out. They were in serious need of some fun. He was smiling when Sergeant Benson walked in and rapped his knuckles on the open door.

“Lieutenant, we have the men ready to load up on the bus. Did you want to say anything to them before they take off?”

That question had been put to Eric several times in the last couple of months, every time more men left the base to be shipped off somewhere before landing at their final destination, before they too joined the war.

Why did anyone think he had anything to say? Because he’d been there three times? Because he’d commanded troops over there? Why didn’t they ask Mike to make the speeches? He was good at that sort of thing, giving the ‘for God and country’ speech.

Eric cringed. He wasn’t. That was more than likely the reason the task was falling to him more and more lately, to make him buck up and get with the program. He felt the subtle manipulation as he thought over what he was supposed to say to the men. He felt disgusted with himself and the war. Sure, he believed in fighting for his country, for defending the rights of others, but it bothered him that the cost had become much too high.

“Lieutenant?”

“Sure, I’m coming, Sergeant. Just give me a second.” Eric fiddled with a couple of papers, willing his mind to shift gears. He followed the sergeant out of the office and stood before the men.

They were so young, too damn young, he thought, their faces trying hard to look every inch the marine, to not show fear. He didn’t have it in him to give it the old ‘fighting for your country, what a privilege’ routine.

Eric put his hands behind his back and looked at the soldiers.

“Be careful over there. Take nothing for granted and above all, stay alert. This isn’t a game. Men will be killed on both sides and it makes no difference who has the just cause. Both sides think they’re right. Taking a life is no fun. It will transform you forever. Having someone take your life is even less fun. This is not a movie. You don’t get to redo it. Just remember what I’ve said and watch your back. If you err, let it be on the side of staying alive. I’ll pray that you all maintain some of your humanity. Good luck, men. I hope that I’ll get to tell you ‘job well done’ on your return home.”

The sergeant was eying him. Eric didn’t blame him. He doubted if any officer had ever given the little speech he’d just given. But he wanted the men to be careful. He wanted as many of them as possible to come back alive. Eric was getting tired of burying soldiers and he was sure the people in
Iraq
were getting just as tired of burying their dead.

C
hapter Eight

The positive sign appeared only seconds after Gabi applied the urine. A pang of jealousy hit her and for the count of ten Gabi allowed her own desires to surface before shoving them into the background where they belonged. She sucked in a couple of breaths to fortify herself for what had to be done.

Looking up from the strip, she reminded herself that she was a professional, she was a nurse. She would do her job. Two minutes, she told herself, just two minutes and it would be over. She had only to walk down the hall to the exam room and deliver the news.

Gabi opened the door and smiled. “Congratulations, Mrs. Cape, you’re pregnant.”

“Will my insurance pay for an abortion?”

“Excuse me?” Gabi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She tried to remain composed.

“An abortion, will my insurance pay for an abortion?”

Try as she might Gabi couldn’t prevent the tremors that rocked her for a moment. This wasn’t her decision to make. Still, she couldn’t answer the patient. She’d give anything to be pregnant. Despite Eric saying they didn’t need a baby, she wanted one. She wanted a part of Eric that was good, for she feared what their future would hold.

“Well, will it?” the patient asked, staring at Gabi.

Gabi pushed away her pain and envy and held her breath for a long moment before directing her gaze to the patient. “Don’t you want the baby?”

“If I wanted it I wouldn’t be asking about an abortion. Look. I’m sorry, but I have six kids already. The last thing I need is another baby.”

Gabi pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down, trying to remind herself that it wasn’t her job to moralize; her job was to take care of her patients to the best of her abilities.

“Just go to the front desk and ask the receptionist for a referral.” Even those words were hard for Gabi to get out.

“Does the doctor have to approve it?”

“Yes, but the first step is to ask for the paper- -work. You don’t have to worry, they’re always approved, and your insurance pays for it. It’s your right, your decision.”

“Why can’t you get it, the referral, I mean?”

Gabi looked at the woman for a second and began tearing the paper from the examine table. “I don’t do the paperwork.”

“You’ve given me other referrals.”

Gabi sighed. She didn’t want to say the words because she knew how it would sound, but the patient was pushing her for an answer. Gabi sprayed the table with disinfectant, trying to keep her gaze from landing on the patient. “I don’t do paperwork for abortions.”

“You don’t believe in them?”

“I believe every person has the right to choose what’s best for them.”

“So why won’t you do the paperwork?”

“I believe I have the right to choose whether to be a part of an abortion.”

“Are you judging me? You don’t know my situation.”

“No, I’m not judging you. It’s just I already have enough sins of my own to atone for.” She saw the woman’s skin blanch and knew she’d used the wrong words. “I’m not judging you, so in the same respect you shouldn’t judge me.” Gabi raised her shoulder. “Some people can’t work with corpses; I prefer not to fill out the paperwork for abortions.”

Gabi blew out the air in her cheeks and attempted to smile. “I’ll take your chart to the front desk and ask Joannie to put through your request. Good luck.”

“I have six kids.”

“I know,” Gabi answered and attempted once again to smile as she glanced over her shoulder. “Everyone has to do what’s right for them.”

Yes, Mrs. Cape had six kids and Gabi had none. It wasn’t fair. Gabi wanted a baby so badly and couldn’t seem to get pregnant and Mrs. Cape didn’t want a baby, yet she found herself pregnant. It wasn’t fair.
Why, God
?

“
Have faith.”
She heard the words again and became angry. Have faith in what? she wanted to shout. Anytime I pray for something things get twisted. I don’t get what I prayed for, so why bother? She carried the chart to the front desk, not meeting the eyes of the patient as she stood on the other side.

“Joannie, Mrs. Cape needs a referral to the family planning center,” Gabi said and walked away. She heard Joan explaining that the referral would be approved in five days, asking if the patient would like the referral mailed to her home or whether she would prefer to come back and pick it up.

A chill made Gabi look up. She did believe in choice. It was just that she chose to have a baby and couldn’t.

For the rest of the day she did her work automatically, looking at the clock often, hoping the time to go home would hurry.

Gabi stretched and looked up from the paperwork on her desk. On hearing a sound she looked to her right, surprised to see Jamilla lounging against the door of an exam room. Before she could turn away something about the way Jamilla was leaning into the patient caught Gabi’s eye.

She glanced around the hall and shuffled papers, thinking it would break the trance her friend appeared to be in. When it didn’t, Gabi’s gaze was once again drawn to her co-worker.

It was obvious what was happening. Jamilla was flirting with one of their regular patients. For a second longer Gabi watched her. It was so easy for Jamilla to flirt. While she was thinking that, Jamilla tilted her head back and the patient’s lips came down.

Gabi wanted to turn, to move, to do anything but remain where she was. She scooted her chair back, trying unsuccessfully not to scrape it on the floor.

Once on her feet, instead of moving away, Gabi found herself standing there watching them. Mr. Rivers was married, and his wife was also one of their patients. What the heck was Jamilla doing?

Mr. Rivers looked up and caught her watching them. He brushed his hand down the front of Jamilla’s body and Jamilla moved into his hand, laughing deep in her throat. What was wrong with them? They were standing in the hallway of a medical office, and doctors and other patients were around.

“Gabi, I didn’t know you were standing there,” Jamilla said lazily, finally taking notice of her. “Mr. Rivers just needed a nurse visit. No charge.” She grinned at him, then at Gabi.

Gabi’s mouth flew open when the man grabbed Jamilla’s behind and rubbed it as though Gabi were not standing there. She just looked at Jamilla when the patient walked through the exit door. Without a word, Gabi walked away. Another person in her life who wasn’t what she seemed to be.

Jamilla ran in front of her. “Gabi, why did you look at me like that?”

She gave her such an odd look that Gabi stopped. “I didn’t want to embarrass you,” Gabi answered.

“Why should I be embarrassed?”

“His wife is our patient, in case you forgot.”

“And?”

“And I thought you might not have wanted me to see what was going on.”

“Why?”

Jamilla was getting angry. She was rolling her neck around on her shoulders, standing back on her legs and snorting her words out through her nose.

“So what, you think you’re better than me because you have a husband?”

“I never said that.” Gabi rubbed her forehead at this entire conversation. It was giving her a headache. She didn’t want to talk to Jamilla about this. The day had been hard enough already.

“Jamilla, your private life is not my business.”

“But you have an opinion.”

“Skip it.” Gabi walked away only to have Jamilla run in front of her again, almost causing Gabi to collide with her. “What are you doing?” Gabi was annoyed and didn’t even try to prevent the annoyance from coming through in her voice.

“Why are you tripping?” Jamilla stood with her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face.

“Jamilla, I’m not tripping. I’m not even saying a word. I’m trying to go home. Look, you’re my friend. I’m not judging you.”

“But you are.”

“I’m not judging you, but if you’re asking me if I would do the same thing, then the answer is a big fat no. I would never mess with another woman’s man. As women we should stick together. It’s hard enough as it is to make a relationship work without someone else getting in the middle of it.”

Gabi watched as Jamilla’s eyes narrowed. She’d ticked her off, that much was obvious, but Jamilla had asked for it. She’d tried not to get into this and definitely not here at work. “Come on,” Gabi said, trying to soften things. “Can’t we talk about this later, maybe go out for lunch or something?”

“Why don’t you make it dinner? Bring Eric,” Jamilla said and Gabi couldn’t help seeing the look that crossed her friend’s face. When Jamilla stuck her tongue out of her mouth and moved it in a suggestive manner, it ticked Gabi off.

“I don’t play that, Jamilla. Friend or not.”

“What if your husband wanted to play?”

“Jamilla, if Eric wanted to play, believe me, he wouldn’t play in your house.” Gabi was so angry that she wanted to snatch the weave off Jamilla’s head and beat her with the hair. She was steaming.

“Ladies, your voices are carrying. I could hear you two rooms down.”

A groan built in Gabi as her eyes shuttered in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, Tracie. Look, Jamilla, I’m sorry, I’m tired.”

“Me too,” Jamilla answered. “Girl, I was playing with you about your husband. He’s fine and all, but I won’t mess with him, you don’t have to worry.”

She did the innuendo again with her tongue and the sucking motion with her jaws and walked away. Gabi’s hand automatically rose as she took a step behind her, determined this time to wring Jamilla’s neck.

Her hand was brought down to her side with such force that Gabi frowned and turned around. She glared at Tracie before realizing the woman had saved her from making a professional mistake. She swallowed and looked away. “Thanks.”

“Go home, Gabi, you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. I started to take over when you had Mrs. Cape. I knew she was pregnant and wanted an abortion. She’d called earlier about it. I’m sorry, I should have mentioned it.”  Tracie put her hand on Gabi’s arm. “One day when it’s right,” she emphasized, “you and Eric will have a baby.”

“I told him,” Gabi sighed, letting out the breath she’d been holding. “He knows I haven’t been taking the pills.”

“Good, the two of you have a good relationship. I’m really praying for you to make it. I hope you’re both praying as well.” Tracie hugged her hard, releasing her quickly.

“Thanks,” Gabi said again and walked toward the locker room for her purse. This thing with Eric was spilling over into other parts of her life. She should have never confronted Jamilla. She’d always known Jamilla was a little loose with men. She’d looked over it mainly because the entire year Eric was gone Jamilla had been by her side helping her fight the loneliness.

Why did it bother her today? she wondered. Jamilla had never known the meaning of hands off another woman’s man. But until today she’d never so blatantly gone after a patient’s husband, and definitely not there in the office.
That was just wrong,
Gabi fumed as she
got in her car and drove away.

***

Eric tried joking with Gabi to no avail. She was much too quiet. She didn’t seem angry with him but something was wrong. Well, something was different anyway. Something was always wrong with them it seemed.

“What’s up, baby?” he ventured.

“Nothing,” she answered, stabbing a piece of her salad as though it were the enemy.

“Something I did?”

“Nope.”

“Work?”

Gabi stopped with the lettuce halfway to her mouth and he waited.

“I thought you wanted us to keep anything that was bothering us to ourselves.

He flinched and tightened his jaw. “Okay, if you don’t want to tell me, then don’t. I was just asking. I thought we sorted things out this morning.” He waited but she didn’t answer, just continued eating.

This was his fault. He’d shut her out and now she was doing it to him. “Women.” He rolled his eyes and sighed loudly, hoping to get a rise out of her. Nothing. He didn’t want this for them. “Gabi, tell me what’s wrong, baby.”