Antebellum Awakening (28 page)

She released me with a flick of her wrist. I crumbled to the floor, gasping for air. All the emotions in my heart boiled, building up inside me, threatening to explode. Maybe I’d shatter from the inside out. All this power would vent through self-destruction, and the only thing that would break at the end of the day was me.
Yes,
I wanted to beg.
Let me break. Let this agony end.

“Was it because Angelina didn’t want you?” I asked, coughing. “Was it jealousy that May had power, but you didn’t?”

Miss Mabel’s nostrils flared into a sneer.

“You know nothing, Bianca.”

“I know you hated May,” I said, struggling to my feet. My inner dragon roared, pushing me to goad her more. “Probably because you were so much like her but still not good enough.”

An explosion threw me backwards. I collided with the wall again, only this time several books fell on top of me—one dropped onto my nose and another hit the side of my head, slicing open my ear. Once the barrage of books stopped, I extricated myself and stood up, dizzy. A warm trickle of blood ran down my upper lip.

“Had enough?” she snarled. “You’ve turned reckless, Bianca, and it’s made you stupid. All that power doesn’t mean a damn thing if you don’t use it properly.”

Reckless.

“I’ll never kill my father for you,” I said, wiping the blood off my face. “I’ll never kill anyone for you.”

Miss Mabel rolled her eyes.

“Then die on your birthday. I certainly don’t care. I have my own plans in motion, and they don’t hinge on you.”

My fingertips curled into my palm, stinging and painful. What would happen if I let myself go? Would I try to destroy her?

Would it destroy me instead?

“Keep fighting that power, Bianca. It certainly is growing, isn’t it? I can’t wait to see you when I get back. No doubt you’ll really be out of control by then.”

She picked up the little reticule on her box with a sly smile. I looked around the room, realizing that several of her belongings were missing from their places. Empty spots littered each bookshelf in an unusual disarray.

“Back?” I asked, nearly choking over the word.

“I have business to take care of elsewhere for the next couple of months. I will come visit you in the Central Network on your birthday, of course, to see the fulfillment of our contract. Whether that means your father’s death or your own, I really don’t care. I’m sure it’ll be fun either way.”

The cold tile ripped away from my feet, and my surroundings turned to inky blackness as she transported me away. I fell into it, grateful to leave, and let the magic go.

•••

The emerald canopy, so tall above me, seemed to wave and wink.

Wake up, Bianca,
it sang.
We’ve missed you.

I blinked three times, trying to recollect myself. Like at the rally in Chatham City, my memory of what had happened after the power took over had dissipated into snippets.

Miss Mabel’s face.
Darkness.
Falling on the ground in Letum Wood.
Darkness.
Trees flashing past as I ran.
Darkness.
My chest aching.
Darkness.
A pair of yellow eyes, a loud snort.
Darkness.
Tripping, skidding across the dirt.
Darkness.

My heart clenched.

Yellow eyes.

My head pulsed when I sat up, and I had to squint through the dull thuds. Pain shot through my right leg. I looked down, my vision blurry, to see the big toenail on my right foot dangling off to the side, with only a red mush in its rightful place. Scratches raked my legs, and I reached up to feel blood on my face. Clearly I had started running, consumed by the power, and now had no idea where I had landed. I shot to my feet, my body still trembling.

“Where are you, dragon?” I called out, circling.

A few birds took flight from the nearest tree, scattering into the high branches. The eerie silence that followed broke with the snap of a twig. I whirled around but saw nothing more than mossy tree trunks. The darkness of the forest meant that hours had passed. Papa must be half-mad with worry. Giving in with a sigh and a whisper, I closed my eyes and initiated the transportation spell.

The blackness pressed on me for only a second, maybe two, before releasing, dumping me onto the floor of the apartment with a thump.

“Jikes!” I cried, grabbing my leg when the naked toe slammed into the floor. A nauseous roll grew in my stomach, threatening to spill as the white-hot pain danced up and down my bones. I rolled onto my side, my eyes screwed shut. “I’m going to be sick,” I muttered.

“What happened?” Papa’s concerned voice broke through the haze of pain. I opened my right eye and then my left to find him standing above me. “Are you all right?”

I dropped my head back to the floor.

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just ripped my toenail off on a run.”

He stood and moved to a small cupboard near the window. The sound of glass vials clinking together followed.

“This is going to sting,” he said quietly, and seconds later fire ravaged my foot. I ground my teeth together to keep from crying out and waited for the pain to subside. After several minutes it calmed enough that I could take a deep breath.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I went for a run in Letum Wood and tripped over something,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I couldn’t bear to lie to his face again. A stab of guilt pierced me. He deserved so much better than this.

I’ve lied to you. I ran away because I’m supposed to kill you and I don’t deserve your trust.

“Can you stand?”

“Yes."

He helped me to my feet. The potion had already taken effect and numbed the top of my toe.

“Let’s talk out here,” he said, motioning to the balcony. I started forward, hobbling on a sore leg, my hip aching. The breeze brought me back into reality. We stayed in the quiet silence for minutes, studying the skyline. Witches milled around the high bailey and Chatham Road.

“There’s no celebration,” I observed.

Papa chuckled, but it was filled with something heavy.

“No. No one wanted to celebrate the High Priestess’s choice. She’s meeting with the Council right now. Several Members are threatening to walk away.”

“Good,” I muttered. “Let them go.”

Papa didn’t say anything in response.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said, swallowing. “I shouldn’t have run out like that. I should have been there to support you. It just . . . it took me by surprise.”

“You weren’t the only one,” he muttered, his face tight with anxiety. An impossible thought occurred to me. Was Papa frightened?

“When did she ask you to do it?”

“This morning when she told me that she was going to remove me from the Protectors,” he answered. Not knowing what to say, I fell silent. I had so many questions I didn’t know where to start.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he continued. “I should have at least warned you so it wouldn’t be such a shock, but she forbade it. Understandably so. There are a few witches who don’t want me in power.”

There were many. Would Clive still fight Papa now? What would all those angry people in Chatham City have to say about it?

“When will she empower you?”

The Empowerment ceremony would confer the power of the High Priest on Papa, along with the charm, a bracelet, that signified the title.

“Just before the Network ball, on your birthday. There’s a lot to do before then, things to get straightened out. The High Priestess wanted to give the Central Network time to adjust before I took the official oath.”

“Wise,” I murmured. “Especially with so many displeased Council Members.”

“Yes. Understandably so.”

“Are you scared?”

“It’s a big responsibility,” he said, shooting me a sideways glance. “The High Priestess isn’t an easy person to turn down.”

I’ll do it for you,
I wanted to say.
I’ll tell her no. Then we can leave, just disappear. Maybe we’ll go north, into the mountains, where no one can find us. Exile wouldn’t be so bad, right?

The dream faded. I wouldn’t live long enough to enjoy that life anyway. Papa would take the role of High Priest and it would be his life. I would die protecting him from myself.

“But now that there’s a war . . .” I trailed off.

“I would have been even more involved in the war if I was still Head of Protectors.”

“Will you be happy doing this?” I asked, looking up at him. If it brought him some degree of joy, of progression, I could bear dying in three months. He let out a half-smile and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ears.

“If you’re with me, B, I’d be happy living in a shack, on the beach, exiled from the Central Network.”

I snorted.

“Living on the beach hardly sounds like a punishment.”

“Exactly,” he said, winking.

“You’re going to be working all the time as a High Priest, even more than you do as a Protector. Will I ever see you?”

I felt like a little girl again, looking up at him, seeking the reassurance that even though he had to leave, he’d always come back. I wanted to pretend that his strength could keep the frightening world at bay. Only this time, I wasn’t a little girl, and I knew that he couldn’t hold back reality forever.

“Yes.” He hooked an arm around my neck and pulled me into his chest, then pressed a kiss on top of my head. “We’ll always be together.”

Not always,
my heart whispered, and the magic gave another little stir.

Desperate Enough

M
agic threatened to burst through the walls of my heart that night.

If I had let it, the power would have spilled out in a wave of blood and bitter regret, consuming me and everything I touched. I locked myself in my room, away from my friends and anyone else, pleading exhaustion. They let me retreat without a word. I sat on the edge of my canopied bed and stared out the arched window with a lifeless gaze.

The next High Priest will be Derek Black.

So many thoughts ran through my mind that I didn’t know how to organize them. I just let them go. The jumbled mess eventually narrowed, tapering into the memory of Isadora’s creaky old voice.

You’ve underestimated her before.

My hands trembled where they rested on my lap.

I stayed there for hours, not moving, just thinking. My life would either begin again or tragically end in a battle with Miss Mabel. Of that I had no doubt. This time it would be different. She gave me power when she killed Mama, and now I was going to use it.

Perhaps she’d underestimated me as well.

When the first fingers of dawn lightened the edge of the sky, I straightened up. My muscles and knees, stiff from holding the same position for so long, protested. I slipped into a pair of breeches and an old shirt, tied my hair with a small strip of leather, and drifted out of the apartment without a sound.

By the time I padded my way through Chatham’s quiet corridors and back staircases, the looming top of Letum Wood looked black against the milky blue sky. The darkness of the trees met me like an old friend. With a confident stride forward, I headed deep into the heavy shadows and hit the trail at a hard run.

My frantic breathing soon saturated the early morning, accompanied by the gallop of my heart. Merrick’s advice sounded in my mind as I flashed through the trees, my legs flying.

Just let it happen.

Stop trying to control it.

Although I wasn’t entirely certain what he meant, I thought I had an idea. I braced myself, expecting the worst.

Once I’d warmed into the run, the magic started its usual war on my heart. Memories flickered from the buried depths of my mind. Running through Letum Wood with Mama and Papa. Picnics in the warm sunshine. Giggling underneath white sheets with Mama in the morning. Instead of pushing them away, I let the memories come. A flood of pain followed, but I didn’t try to stop that either.

Just let it happen.

I crested a hill to see Mama’s memory waiting near the top, a smile on her face. She caused a painful spasm in my heart.

Bianca!
the memory called.

I sped past a boulder heaped with moss, hoping to ease the pain in my chest. Mama’s voice brought a flood of emotions I hadn’t prepared for. Grief, despair, pain, sorrow.

Bianca!

Yes, Mama,
I thought, embracing the recollection.
I hear you.

In my mind I became a little girl hiding behind a tree, stifling my laughter with a hand over my mouth. The leaves swayed overhead, dappling my skin with sunshine and shadow. Birds warbled from a nest nearby, and the musty smell of earth emanated from the sun-warmed dirt. Any second now and Mama would find me. The delicious anticipation made me shudder and giggle at the same time.