Anticipation (29 page)

He took a healthy slug of his drink. He was an asshole for even thinking about her like that when she was at her lowest ebb.

“I’m decent,” she called.

I’m not
.

He got up and made her a Johnny Walker and coke, taking it and his own drink next door with him. He found her sitting cross-legged on the bed, the voluminous T-shirt more than ensuring her modesty.

He handed her the drink and she gave a small appreciative sigh. “Thanks.”

He sat on the end of the bed and considered her. She’d washed off the last of her make-up in the shower and finger-combed her hair off her forehead. She looked much younger than her thirty years, and her eyes were heavy with sadness. If she was his, he would haul her into his arms and hold her till she slept.

But she wasn’t. She was simply his friend, and all he could offer was what she would accept.

“Pretty big day,” he said. “How are you holding up?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “I’m okay.”

It was complete bullshit, of course. She’d had people at her all afternoon, her former foster mates gravitating to her strength and calm as though they could absorb some of it via osmosis.

“Was it always like that?” he asked. “Them all hanging off you?”

Blue frowned. “What do you mean?”

He couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed. “You’re the strong one. They all want to be like you.”

She screwed up her face. “No, they don’t.”

“Blue, I stood there with you and listened to them pour their tales of woe at your feet. And you didn’t say a word about yourself.”

“I didn’t need to.”

“Because you don’t need or want their approval.”

“You think they want my approval?”

“Yes. And I think they want you to show them how to be like you are — tough, resilient.”

“Well, they’re fucking idiots, because I’m just as screwed up as the next person,” she said. “Depending on what day of the week it is, even more so.”

“You’re not fucked up. You’re amazing,” he said quietly. “I don’t know if I’ve ever said that to you before. That first day I tried to pick you up and you knocked me back? That was the luckiest day of my life because it made me slow down and talk to you and get to know you. And you’re worth knowing, Blue Sullivan.”

Blue stared at the bedcover, blinking rapidly. Fighting back tears, he guessed.

“You’re allowed to cry,” he said.

“I’ve done my crying,” she said firmly.

Of course, Blue would have a quota for her own tears.

She knocked back the rest of her drink in one long swallow.

“Thanks for that,” she said, turning to slide the glass onto the bedside table. “Just what the doctor ordered.”

The movement caused the T-shirt to ride up her right thigh and his gaze got caught on the smooth expanse of skin on display. He wondered if she was wearing any underwear.

God, he hoped not.

His cock got hard as he remembered how slick and swollen she’d been last time, how she’d tasted, the way she’d driven her fingers into his hair and held him in place as he loved her with his mouth.

He downed the remainder of his drink, too, and pushed himself to his feet.

“I’ll let you get some sleep,” he said.

“Thanks. For everything, Eddie.”

He was pretty sure he’d deserve her gratitude a whole lot more if he wasn’t obsessed with what was hidden beneath the thin layer of white cotton she was wearing, but he nodded anyway.

“I’ll leave the connecting door unlocked, in case you need anything,” he said.

Her gaze was very steady on his face. “I won’t.”

He collected her empty glass and took it through to his own room before shutting one of the connecting doors. He stripped immediately and hit the shower, letting the hot water ease the tension from his shoulders and neck. The heat didn’t do anything to dispel the tension in his cock, however, and he briefly considered making use of the moisturizer the motel so generously provided to take care of business for himself.

He didn’t want to stroke himself to release in a shower cubicle, though. He wanted the smooth weight of Blue’s breasts in his hands. He wanted the tight heat of her pussy around his cock. He wanted to make her come until she begged him to stop. Then he wanted to hold her in his arms afterward and tell her that she didn’t always have to be strong, and that if she stumbled, he would catch her. Every time.

He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, drying himself before walking into the bedroom. The sheets were starchy-stiff against his skin as he settled between them, and he reached out to flick off the light.

He stared at the ceiling, desire and hope tugging at him. Despite what he’d said to his brother, he couldn’t help wondering what would happen if he got up now and went next door. Would Blue reject him? If he told her what he was thinking, how he was feeling, would she listen, or deny him in the same way that she’d denied herself the comfort of tears today?

He thought about Blue, about everything he knew about her — her toughness, her personal code of honor, the way she lived — and he knew, down to his bones, that if he went next door right now, she would turn him away. She’d throw every failed relationship he’d ever had back in his face. She’d remind him of his short attention span, his inability to commit. She’d back herself into a corner and do everything but draw a gun on him to protect herself.

If he wanted her — and he did — he was going to have to be patient. He was going to have to jungle-crawl beneath her defenses. He was going to have to prove himself.

He closed his eyes. He’d waited ten years for Blue. He’d wait another ten if he had to.

Because she was worth it, and more.

Chapter Nineteen

Blue punched her pillow into a different shape and tried to find a cool patch of cotton to rest her cheek against.

Everything felt wrong. The sheets were scratchy, the mattress too soft, and even though she wanted nothing more than to give herself up to the blessed forgetfulness of sleep, her brain wouldn’t stop working.

She kept going over the events of the day, moments unrolling like a movie in her mind: Eddie getting out of the car this morning, revealing his new GQ haircut; Sienna’s hand curving protectively over the back of her little girl’s head; the pictures of Alice at the wake, her crooked smile and straight-down-the-barrel gaze evident in every one; the warmth and pressure of Eddie’s hand on the small of her back as they entered the funeral home; the haunted desperation in Jonah’s eyes as he told her about his recent brush with the law.

It was too much, all of it. The grief, the helplessness of her fellow foster kids, the never-ending battle she was constantly fighting with herself to stop herself from wanting Eddie.

The need that was throbbing deep in her pussy right now because she knew he was lying next door, only a few inches of plaster and wood away.

She rolled onto her belly and pushed her face deep into the pillow. Then she rolled onto her back and kicked the sheets and blankets away viciously, not stopping until they were bundled at the foot of the bed in a tangled heap. Panting and tense, she lay on the mattress, trying to ignore the siren’s song whispering in her ear.

Eddie will make it better. Eddie will make you feel so good
.
Eddie will make it all go away
.

He would, too. If she went next door, he would make her body sing. He’d gift her with his beautiful, thick cock, and everything else would fade away.

She wanted that so badly right now, wanted something to keep the darkness at bay. The memories.

She didn’t want to be dragged back into all the bad old stuff. Didn’t want it in her head. Her life was good now. She had friends, she had Eddie and Raf, Lena and Maggie. The gang at Brothers Ink.

Her life was good
.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, but it didn’t stop the tears from closing her throat and burning the backs of her eyes. She felt a sob forming, felt her diaphragm and belly tensing.

“Fuck this.”

She scrambled to the edge of the bed and stumbled to her feet. She could hear herself breathing in the darkness. She gave herself another long beat to change her mind, then she moved toward the dividing door.

The doorknob moved silently beneath her hand. She stepped into Eddie’s room and stood blinking in the darkness, trying to get her bearings. Slowly she discerned the deeper shadow that was the bed. She took a step forward, her hands going to the hem of her T-shirt.

She pulled it over her head, letting it fall to the ground as she reached the bed. It took her a moment to find the edge of the covers, then she lifted them and crawled onto the mattress.

Eddie lay in the middle on his back, and she slid on top of him, almost sobbing with gratitude when she discovered he was naked.

“Blue.”

His voice sounded sleepy, low. She found his arms, sliding her hands down his forearms to capture his wrists. She pushed her face into the soft skin beneath his ear, breathing in the good, clean smell of him. Sucking it deep.

“Tell me to go and I will,” she whispered against his skin.

Her whole body was shaking with excitement and trepidation.

If he sent her away…

“Stay.”

She made a small, urgent sound, lifting her head. Their mouths met in the darkness, her fingers clenching around his wrists as they explored one another’s mouths. He flexed his hips, pushing his growing erection against her mound, and she ground herself against him as they kissed one another. When that wasn’t enough, she released her grip on his arms, her legs slipping to either side of his as she rose up onto her knees. She found his cock, wrapping her hand around his thick length. Tilting her hips, she used the plump, juicy head of his cock to tease herself, sliding it back and forth along her slick pussy. It was so good, insanely good - and then she notched him into place and sank down onto him in a smooth, liquid rush.

Eddie hissed out her name, his hands sliding up to grip her hips. She watched his face in the dim light as she rode him, her pussy stretched exquisitely by his big, thick cock. Her throat was still tight with the emotion that had forced her from her bed and into his room, but having him inside her, having his body beneath her own, his hands on her hips, was quickly setting the world to rights.

His hands smoothed up her torso to cup her breasts and she moaned as he pinched her nipples between thumb and forefinger. God, she needed this. So much. She worked her hips even more furiously, grinding her pussy against the base of his cock with every downward stroke. It still wasn’t enough, wasn’t deep enough or savage enough, and she sobbed in frustration.

The sound was barely out of her mouth before Eddie moved beneath her, rolling her onto her back, his cock slipping free. She started to object just as he plunged inside her again, his hips working powerfully as he pumped into her. The slam of his body against hers, the satisfaction of having his cock so deep inside her and the primal, unrestrained desperation of his movements were exactly what she craved. He lowered his head and drew a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it hard enough to hurt. The stab of pain pushed her over the edge and she dug her fingers into his ass, holding him deep inside her as she came, hard.

Eddie came seconds later, her name on his lips, his face pressed into her shoulder. His weight was heavy as he rested on her afterward, his chest working furiously as he pulled in much needed air.

Blue closed her eyes and didn’t loosen her grip on his ass, trying to hang onto the feeling of having him deep inside her even as the knowledge that this should never have happened again started to eat away at her.

It was a little scary how easily, how quickly she’d succumbed to the idea of coming into his room and slipping into his bed once the notion had insinuated itself into her mind. She was the one who had laid the ground rules, after all, and she was also the one who had crossed the line. Again.

Eddie stirred, lifting his weight off her. She forced herself to release her grip on his butt as he eased himself away from her. His withdrawal was a loss — there was no other way to describe it — and she bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. He settled on his side and reached out to caress her, his palm skating over her breasts and belly before swooping to the right to brush over the curve of her right hip.

She glanced at him, but it was impossible to see his expression in the darkness. He leaned forward and drew her left nipple into his mouth. She closed her eyes, lost in sensation as he suckled almost casually on her flesh, one hand cupped beneath her breast. She shuddered as he teased her with the tip of his tongue briefly before opening his mouth and lapping at her breast with soft, gentle strokes.

He was in no hurry, and after a few minutes his languor transferred itself to her, loosening her limbs, slowing her breathing as she gave herself over to the undemanding pleasure of his mouth on her body. He switched breasts, and she sighed, her hips lifting off the sheets, her legs moving restlessly as he once again drew her nipple into his mouth.

She loved the feel of his lips against her skin. Loved the way he devoted himself so whole-heartedly, so unstintingly to her pleasure, making no demands except that she enjoy. When he began to kiss his way down the slope of her breast and onto her ribcage, a thrill of excitement raced through her. She wanted his mouth between her thighs more than she wanted air.