Authors: Erin Nicholas
She needed that. She screwed up a lot.
And he was in love with her. She’d known that for about a year.
She should want to be with him.
So when he asked her to dance, instead she’d pulled him out on the back patio, lit by moonlight and white twinkle lights in the tall potted plants. She’d looked up into his face for the millionth time in her life, but she said something she’d never said to him before.
“Kiss me, Luke.”
She’d shocked him, she knew, but he didn’t hesitate. Which told her a lot about his thoughts and feelings for her. He’d cupped her face, tilted her head and kissed her.
And it was good. Really, really good.
“Come home with me,” he’d whispered.
She was shaken, but not incredibly surprised, by his request. “It will change everything,” she’d answered.
“Good.”
She remembered the goose bumps that word, and the accompanying look in his eyes, had caused. He wanted her.
Wanted
her. What woman wouldn’t respond to a guy like Luke wanting her?
She wanted to want him like that. She really did. She’d spent years feeling passionate about, committed to, desperate for her music. It was exhausting and frustrating to repeatedly have no return on those emotions. She really wanted to feel that way about something
else
. Something that would love her back.
“If I do…”
“You’ll make me the happiest man on the planet.”
It was pretty hard to ignore a declaration like that.
So she’d said yes.
They’d left the party immediately. Even four years later, Sabrina could admit that was big. He’d left his restaurant’s grand opening party to go home with her.
But Luke had always dropped everything when she needed him.
The sex had been good too. It had been slow and sweet. He took his time, like he was savoring it, making it last. She’d felt
cherished
, almost like he couldn’t believe she was really there.
And what woman didn’t want to be cherished? What woman didn’t want to have a guy so crazy for her that he felt lucky to be with her all the time? What woman didn’t want to be the best thing to ever happen to someone?
She didn’t regret it the next morning. Or even at lunchtime.
She didn’t start feeling nervous until he was getting ready for work and talking about Thanksgiving. It was a stupid thing to panic her. She and her father had spent the last several Thanksgivings with Luke and his family. But she knew, without Luke saying it, that he felt this Thanksgiving would be different. Because she wouldn’t just be there—she’d be there
with
him. And their families. On a family-oriented, tradition-packed holiday.
Their first Thanksgiving as a couple. The first Thanksgiving of a lifetime of Thanksgivings.
The doubts and regrets built through the rest of the afternoon, and as she walked into The Camelot for dinner that night she realized she’d made a huge mistake.
The place was packed. Which was great for Luke and Marc’s business aspirations. But it also meant that nearly the entire town witnessed Luke greet her in the doorway with a kiss. A kiss. Not a peck on the cheek, not a hug, a
kiss
.
It was obvious that things had changed between them.
She’d noticed Luke’s mom and dad were there, sharing a table with her father. All of their friends were too—including Kat.
Kat was home from medical school? On a Thursday night in October? Without telling Sabrina?
And just like that her whole body went cold. She felt like she’d swallowed a chunk of ice. Her throat hurt and she’d started shivering.
She knew what was coming.
He was going to ask her to stay, to stay with him, for good. In front of everyone.
“Come with me for a second,” he’d said, holding her hand and tugging her forward. Toward the front of the room near the windows, near where their parents were sitting.
She’d dug her heels in, resisting. “I need a mint.”
“A mint?” He’d grinned at her. “Later. Just come here for a minute.”
“No, now.” She’d thrust her hand into the pocket where he always carried Altoids. But instead of a tin of mints, she felt the velvet ring box.
Breathing carefully so she wouldn’t freak out, she pulled it out. “What’s this?”
He’d looked disappointed, she remembered. Disappointed she wasn’t going to be surprised, because he wasn’t going to get to do it in front of everyone.
“A ring box.”
“For what?”
He’d smiled. “You really don’t know?”
She grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him out of the dining room and down the hallway toward his office. When she opened her mouth, she hadn’t been exactly sure what she was going to say. But she couldn’t say yes.
She couldn’t say no either. Luke had done so much for her, without hesitation or question. How could she possibly hurt him by saying no to the biggest question he’d ever ask someone?
So, she couldn’t let him actually ask her to marry him because there was no way she could answer. She loved Luke. He was the most important person in her life. He’s always been there for her.
But she didn’t want to spend her life in Justice and Luke did.
She didn’t dream about a big house, kids, and neighborhood barbecues. Luke did. She didn’t care about fundraising for the new basketball courts at the park. Luke did. She didn’t plan on running for the school board and the city council. Luke did.
Her dream was her music. She wanted to sing. Really sing. Not just in the church choir but on stage in front of paying audiences, on the radio, hell, at the Grammys. Big time singing. Not the kind of singing Justice could offer. Maybe if he was willing to consider something else, something beyond Justice, she could imagine being with him forever.
“Come to Seattle with me,” she’d blurted.
He’d been clearly confused. “Seattle? What are you talking about?”
She’d gripped the ring box tightly in her hand. She didn’t want to open it, see the ring he’d picked out. She didn’t want to wonder why he already had a ring picked out, and with him at the restaurant. And she
really
didn’t want to think about the fact that twenty-four hours ago when she’d kissed him she’d put a down payment on a small-town Midwestern life with Luke.
“I want to go to Seattle. Ashley and I were talking and—”
“The band.” He voice hardened. “You want to go to Seattle with the band.”
“Yes. There’s a showcase this weekend. If we get there early enough we might get in.”
“And you want me to go?” He’d seemed surprised.
“Yes.” She’d grabbed his hand. “Come with me. Be with me.”
“I want to be with you. But—”
“Here.”
His jaw tightened. “Yes. Here.”
“Come with me,” she’d repeated, looking up into his eyes.
“I can’t. I can’t leave.”
“You
won’t
leave.”
There had been a long pause. Then he sighed. “That too.”
“Not even for me?” Luke had very rarely said no to her. Anything she wanted, he did.
Not this time.
“This is where I belong.”
She’d nodded. He was right. Justice was where he belonged. “I’m leaving. I’m going to Seattle.” Initially she and the band had planned for the trip to be only a few days. But she couldn’t come back here now. Coming back to Justice would mean a mortgage, a joint checking account and Mr. and Mrs. Luke Hamilton on next year’s Christmas cards.
There was no in-between anymore.
Her heart ached. She should have known better. Going home with him last night had been the stupidest thing she’d ever done.
His eyes were shuttered when she looked up again. “I thought—”
“I know.”
“Dammit, Sabrina,
you
kissed
me
.”
“And
you
jumped to conclusions.”
“Obvious conclusions.”
“Kissing doesn’t
obviously
equal a marriage proposal, Luke.”
“For us it does,” he said bluntly. “And there was a hell of a lot more than kissing.”
“Last night was…sex. You’re overreacting. You haven’t proposed to all the other girls you’ve slept with, have you?”
“No. This is
us
. It’s different. You’ve never been like all the other girls.”
It was true. Sabrina was not like the other girls to him and she’d always known it.
Which meant last night she’d screwed up by finally stepping over that thin invisible boundary between friendship and more. They’d hovered there for a year—probably more if she were really honest—with Luke on one side and her on the other. She knew that at any point all she had to do was say the word and she could have had Luke and been secure and adored for the rest of her life. But she’d stayed firmly on her side—the friendship side—of the line. She loved Luke. She needed Luke. But she didn’t want the life he wanted.
She should have stayed on her side of that damned line last night too. Thrown up a brick wall, an electric fence and gotten a mean dog. Because now she couldn’t pretend that this was anything other than him dismissing her dreams and her choosing smoky bars, certain repeat rejection and cheap dinners of mac and cheese over life with him in Justice.
The thing was, she wanted to want it. The life he offered was easier, less risky, far less humbling than hitting the road and trying to make it in the music business. That was why she’d kissed him. She wanted something that made her heart race and her mind spin and her nerve endings tingle like when she was on stage. She wanted a rush from something that would
work.
The auditions hadn’t worked so far. The demo tapes hadn’t produced anything yet. The trying and hoping and dreaming hadn’t turned into anything.
If Luke could give her the same rush, it could turn into something. Something forever, something to be proud of, something that wouldn’t let her down.
“Come to Seattle with me,” she’d tried one more time.
He’d taken a deep breath. “No.”
She knew he meant it. He wasn’t going to change his mind. If she left, she was definitely leaving him behind.
An hour later she’d climbed in Ashley’s car and headed west.
She’d cried for the first hour of the trip, but finally convinced herself it was for the best and she hadn’t felt guilty since. Much.
She’d sent him postcards from whatever city she was in at the time and she always wrote
Thinking of you. Love, S
. Short and sweet. Simple.
But she hadn’t heard anything back.
And now he was coming to rescue her. Now she needed him more than ever. Now she was going to be in a car with him, alone, for six hours straight.
She leaned her forehead on the cool white tiles of the shower.
It was going to be a long trip to Justice.
Chapter Two
Sabrina was sound asleep on one of the beds with her back to him when Marc opened the motel room door five hours and forty-eight minutes later.
He didn’t know what he’d expected. In fact, he’d purposefully spent most of the trip thinking about anything but the actual reason for his long drive. He’d mentally played with some recipes, listened to talk radio, made some business calls. But it almost felt like he’d been worried about her.
And that irritated him.
He jerked the drapes open, spilling light into the room. That didn’t wake her.
He cleared his throat, then coughed, then coughed louder. She didn’t even turn.
But as the door met the frame in an angry
smack
, she sat straight up in bed, the sheet clutched to her chin, eyes wide. She found him standing near the door and sucked in a deep breath.
“Let’s go, Seattle. I don’t have all day.”
She opened her mouth to scream, then she narrowed her eyes and peered at him. “
Marc
?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I told you on the phone I was on my way.” He strode toward the bedside lamp and switched it on.
“I thought I was talking to Luke.” She scowled at him even as she blinked in the sudden brightly lit room. “I asked for Luke.”
“He was busy.”
“And you didn’t tell him?”
He slammed his hands down on his hips. “No, I didn’t tell him that you called, that you were in trouble, or that you needed him. Because this shit is not going to start again. I mean it.”
“And you decided to drive six hours to tell me that?”
“Yeah, as a matter of fact I did. Among other things. And you’re welcome,” he said, towering over where she sat with her back pressed against the headboard of the bed.
“For what? The terror that ripped through me as a man unexpectedly charged into my motel room? Yeah, you bet. Thanks.”
“And am I right to assume that you don’t have pepper spray or self-defense skills or any other way of protecting yourself if I actually was someone who was here to hurt you?”
“Other than the butcher knife under my pillow, no.”
Marc glared at her. “You didn’t have to sell all your butcher knives so that you could get across Wyoming before becoming stranded in Dirty Gulch?”
“Muddy Gap.”
“Whatever.”
“You don’t believe me about selling things so I could have money to come home?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m here now so I don’t care.” Why he was being so mean he couldn’t say. Maybe because he’d held back when she’d first called. He’d held back because down in some deep, stupid part of him, he’d been worried about her. She was over three hundred miles away, stranded with no car or money, no friend or even acquaintance nearby, and he’d been worried about her.
Now, however, he was here with her, could see for himself that she was fine, and was here to be sure she stayed fine. There was no need to hold his frustration and bitterness and anger back anymore.
Sabrina swung her legs over the edge of the bed and pulled the sheet tighter around her. “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time, by the way,” she said, clearly huffy. “So, not that it’s any of your business, but the money issue is new. And I didn’t even intend to call
you
. I called Luke if you remember. You could have delivered a message. You took it upon yourself to come.”
“You had to know that there was no way in hell I was letting him come. Real sorry to foil your plan.”