Apple's Angst (21 page)

“Right. She is so trying to hide from me,” Zen said, laughing.

“That's not true,” Apple said weakly. “She really did feel sick.”

“Right. Whatever. So now what? Are you hungry? Because I'm starving,” Zen said.

Apple realized that she hadn't eaten anything since this morning, and even then she had only eaten a muffin.

“Actually, I'm starving too,” Apple admitted.

“You want to go for a pizza?” Zen asked casually.

“I'd eat your left arm right now I'm so hungry,” Apple replied.

“Okay, pizza it is,” Zen said, driving off.

When they arrived at a casual, popular pizzeria, Zen pulled out Apple's chair so she could sit down. A number of students from Cactus High were there. She wondered if they would start talking about her and Zen having dinner together, alone. This could turn into a nightmare, thought Apple, if word got back to Lyon.

“Did you notice that everyone in here stared at you when you walked in?” Zen asked softly.

“No, they didn't,” Apple protested, though in fact she had seen several eyes turn in her direction. For the first time in her life, she knew what it felt like to be Happy, who was always noticed wherever she went, even when she was dressed in sweats, which was rare but did happen on occasion. But were they staring at her because of her new look, or because she was with Zen?

“You look beautiful. Have I mentioned that?” Zen said.

“You're just saying that because you're weak from hunger,” Apple joked.

“No, I'm not,” he said. His voice sounded different. He was acting strange, Apple thought. Everyone was acting strange. First Emme had been nice to her, and now Zen was acting differently too. Apple was uncomfortable, so she launched into a description of her day at
Angst
.

She did not bring up Happy and neither did Zen. They laughed about the fact that Mr. Kelly was going to be a family member and how crazy her aunt has been over bridal magazines, and Apple confessed her mixed feelings toward Emme, who had seemed nice today but was too ambitious for Apple to be completely comfortable around.

“I can see why you would have to be careful around her,” Zen said.

“What do you mean?” Apple asked.

“Well, you said that Emme didn't grow up with much, that she had to save for fashion magazines. We're very lucky. Sometimes we forget how lucky we
are. I can see you just coming in, obviously from a fortunate background, and her being intimidated or jealous,” Zen said, leaning back in his chair.

“Well, you saw her. She has nothing to be jealous about. She gorgeous. But you're absolutely right about the other things. Here I was thinking she was a royal bitch. She may have judged me, but I judged her too. I guess I can be a bitch too,” laughed Apple.

Zen and Apple wiped their mouths at the same time.

“Also, I realized that all my friends I've known for years,” said Apple. “Happy and Brooklyn have been my best friends since first grade. It's like I don't even know how to make new friends.”

“Well, you should try.”

“I think I'm going to,” Apple said. “I'm stuffed.”

“You look tired,” Zen said, and signaled the waiter for the bill. When it arrived, he grabbed it before Apple could make a move. It weirded Apple out. Zen paying made it feel like a date. She furtively glanced around the room to see if anyone noticed. They didn't seem to.

“Is my face starting to fall off? I feel like I have ten pounds of makeup on,” said Apple.

“Well, I prefer my women natural. You do look great, though. Let's get you home,” he said.

They reached Zen's car and he went to unlock Apple's door. Suddenly, he grabbed her face and kissed her. Apple, shocked, pushed him away.

“Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Apple. I didn't mean it. It was an accident. I just got caught up in the moment,” Zen said apologetically. He looked mortified. “Please forgive me. Let's pretend it didn't happen.”

“No, wait,” Apple said, placing a gentle hand on his arm. This time, she leaned in and kissed him. Then she tore herself away. What if someone saw them? Luckily, it didn't seem like anyone was around. She hopped into the car. Apple could not deny it. Kissing Zen was everything she imagined it would be. That is, what she
used to
imagine it would be.

Zen got in the car and pulled away. Apple was happy it was late and dark. She was sure her face was bright red. They didn't speak.

“Wait. Don't drive up to my house yet,” Apple said.

“Okay,” Zen said, pulling over down the street from her house.

She looked at him. He looked at her. They started kissing again.

“I don't want you to go,” Zen whispered in her ear.

“I don't want to go either,” she said. “But we shouldn't be doing this.”

“I know,” said Zen. “Let's never talk about this, okay? It will be our secret. It will never happen again.”

“Good. Just as long as we're on the same page. This never happened!” repeated Apple.

“Right. But, Apple? You're a great kisser,” Zen said.

“So are you, Zen. So are you,” Apple said, getting out of the car, trying to find her breath. “But this
never
happened.”

“Nope,” said Zen, and they smiled.

Apple walked down the street to her home, grinning. She shouldn't be smiling. Still, her smile wouldn't go away.

A
pple blamed the chemicals it took to straighten her hair and the makeup and the fact she had barely eaten all day for her indiscretion with Zen. Before she had straight hair and a face full of makeup, she never would have cheated on her boyfriend—the boyfriend who had texted her three times and left two voicemail messages while she was making out with Zen. Not to mention that Zen was still dating Happy, even if Happy didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. Happy might be begging Apple to get together with Zen, but technically, they were still a couple. Apple's lips tingled as she walked up to her front door. What had she been thinking? The guilt started to set in, but before it could hit full force, her aunt opened the door from the inside, looking like a madwoman.

“Thanks a lot, Apple. You're, like, the worst maid of honor in history!” Crazy Aunt Hazel fumed.

“Oh, let it be,” said Apple's mother, as Apple walked
past her aunt into the house. “She just got back from work and—OH, MY GOD! What did you do? What did you do?”

“What did I do?” Apple said, trying not to sound guilty.

Did her mother, who had the uncanny skill of knowing what was going on in people's minds, and who was such a great reader of people's faces,
know
that Apple had just fooled around with Zen? Was it possible the kiss was written all over Apple's face? Oh God, no, thought Apple.

“What do you mean ‘What did you do'?” Apple asked, again gulping in fear.

“Your hair!” her mother said, her mouth agape.

After kissing Zen, her crush for years, she had completely forgotten about her new look.

“Oh, right! Celia, a hairdresser to the stars, did it,” Apple said, relieved. “Do you like it?”

“I love it! Do you think she'll do my hair for my wedding?” Aunt Hazel asked, momentarily forgiving Apple for not being home earlier to help her pick out white wedding gowns or gloves or tiaras or whatever it was Apple was supposed to do tonight.

“No offense, but I don't think Celia does hair and makeup for brides,” Apple said. She didn't mean for the words to come out snottily, but they did.

“Fine! Keep your hoity-toity hairdresser to yourself,” her aunt huffed, running her fingers through Apple's hair. “Who knew your hair was so long? I want to look like you on my wedding day! It's not fair. I want good hair on my wedding day!” her aunt said, her voice starting to rise.

“I liked it better before,” Dr. Berg said. “It was more you.”

“That's just what I was thinking,” Apple said.

Because what was not her, thought Apple, was kissing her best friend's boyfriend and cheating on her own.

“I have to go make a phone call,” she announced.

“Apple! I swear to God, I'm going to kill you. You promised that you'd help me look through these magazines,” Hazel moaned.

“But I really
have
to call Lyon. I haven't spoken to him all day. He's going to kill me! And I have to check in on Happy. I'll just be a few minutes, I promise,” said Apple, racing upstairs to her room before her aunt could argue.

Apple shut her bedroom door and immediately dialed Lyon.

“Hey, you!” she said, trying to sound apologetic and sweet. She prayed her voice didn't give anything away.

“Hey! Where have you been?” Lyon asked.

“At work. You are going to be so shocked the next time you see me,” Apple said.

“And when will I have the pleasure of that?” he asked. Apple thought he sounded snide. But who knew?

“Tomorrow night. For sure. Me and you, okay? I'm sorry I've been so busy. I'm trying to juggle this new job and my aunt's wedding and school and you, and I'm messing everything up,” Apple moaned, feeling a rush of guilt. She needed to hear that he was still into her.

“No, you're not. You know I'm here for you. I just feel like I haven't seen you,” Lyon said. Apple felt relieved. She was so lucky to have him.

“Tomorrow for sure, okay?” Apple said. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, Apple,” Lyon said, sounding tired.

“I miss you more,” Apple said. Maybe she was going overboard, but she needed Lyon to know that she wasn't interested in Zen—or she needed to tell herself that—and that she was only interested in him. Zen and Apple's kissing had been a mistake. No one would ever find out about it. If no one knew, then it could just be forgotten about.

She hung up. She
did
miss Lyon, she realized, feeling a jolt of excitement at the thought of spending time with him tomorrow night. He was so patient with her. She looked at a photo tacked on her mirror of him and her hugging at the zoo. They had decided to go on the spur of the moment one weekend afternoon, before Apple started at
Angst
, before Zen and Apple kissed, before everything had become so confusing.

It was Lyon who made her happy. So what had made her kiss Zen? Sure, he may have kissed her first. Still, she could have stopped. But no. She had to keep it going. And let it happen again.

She was an awful person. But it would not happen again. Ever. Apple was sure that Zen wouldn't say anything to Happy. She got into bed, thinking happy thoughts about Lyon and how to make things better with him. Instead, much to her dismay, she dreamed of Zen. What was happening to Apple? She couldn't even manage to control her actions when she slept!

At the Spiral Staircase Friday morning, Apple curled into Lyon's arms. Brooklyn was eating a power bar. Happy and Zen were both there too, though Happy was reading her fashion magazine and barely seemed to notice Zen giving her a shoulder massage. Apple didn't look at Zen. She couldn't, though she sometimes could feel his eyes on her.

“What's up for everyone tonight?” Brooklyn asked. “I need to have some fun.”

“Lyon and I are going to try that new restaurant Eleven.
Angst
gave it a really good review,” Apple said, holding on to Lyon's hand.

“They did?” Happy asked. “I didn't see that.”

“It's in the next issue. I got a sneak peak at some of the pages the other day,” Apple explained.

“You're so lucky to get to see
Angst
magazine before it comes out! I want to go to Eleven too. Can Zen and I come? We can have a double date,” Happy said. Was Happy into Zen again? With Happy, you just never knew where her mind was from one minute to the next. Apple would be thrilled if Zen and Happy worked things out. It just seemed so much easier knowing that her best friend and Zen were into each other. It would make everything less complicated. Things could go back to normal. She had a knot in her stomach and she didn't like it, and she knew it had everything to do with having kissed Zen.