Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (24 page)

He shook his head and leaned to kiss her. “I can only be angry with myself for being a conceited and arrogant fool when I proposed to you,” he whispered, looking into her eyes.

“I took you for granted, and I should not have,” he continued. “Please believe me, that I cringe every time I remember the manner of my proposal. I have not yet apologized to you because I was ashamed of myself, I wanted to forget my behaviour, never return to it. You were right about all that you said to me at Ockham Mount, when you mentioned that you wondered whether my parents had taught me such behaviour towards people.... You cannot imagine how these words have haunted me since then.”

“What about me?” she questioned with feeling, “Do you not find the reasons why I accepted you repulsive, mercenary?”

“I was not that surprised with your confessions after reading the letter, love,” he replied calmly. “I could not know the exact circumstances, of course. However, do you not think that I must have felt from the very beginning that something was wrong? You believe that it did not bother me when you kept your distance from me, stiffened in my arms, resisted my touch, even the most innocent one? I was determined to maintain our understanding, knowing I could not lose you.”

She was shaking her head. “I cannot believe that you do not think badly about me. Had I not seen my childhood friend at that inn and gotten frightened and upset with the reality of her current life, which very well could have been mine one day...”

He put a finger on her lips. “Then you would have refused my proposal, saying I was not a gentleman, claiming that you could not marry a man who had ruined the happiness of your sister, who destroyed Wickham’s life. I would have ridden away from you, hurt, furious and probably we never would have seen each other again.”

Elizabeth fell silent and supported her head on his arm.

“The most important thing   is that all that misunderstanding is behind us and that we love each other now, do we not?”

“Yes, we do,” she agreed sweetly.

They held on to each other tightly for a few moments, taking mutual comfort in their embrace and the closeness.

Reluctantly, Darcy nudged her off his lap and stood up, “I should go, but there is one more matter.” He frowned heavily, “You must tell me whether or not your courses have come next month. I want to be prepared if we made a baby last night.”

“I do not think that it will happen,” she said lightly, “It was only one time.”

“You doubt my abilities, Madam,” he laughed. “I assure you that one time is quite enough.”

He kissed her forehead and walked to the door, unlocking it. “We shall see each other at breakfast.”

“You seem a bit pale, Elizabeth,” Mrs. Gardiner noted as she looked at her niece over the breakfast table.

Elizabeth glanced at her aunt and then quickly lowered her eyes. “No,... I am well.”

The older woman gazed intently at the girl, feeling that something was amiss; it was uncharacteristic for Elizabeth to answer one’s question without looking into the enquirer’s eyes. “Have you slept well?”

The hot blush bloomed on Elizabeth’s face. “Yes, quite well,” she answered, her voice raspy, her eyes focused on the content of her plate.

Mrs. Gardiner frowned and squinted her eyes as she stared at the undeniably pretty brunette in front of her. Could she see faint red marks on her graceful neck and around the collar bones? They must have snuck away somehow yesterday and managed to have a private moment long enough for Mr. Darcy to apply those marks. Unless...

Mrs. Gardiner shifted her attention to Darcy. Contrary to Elizabeth, he did not avoid her eyes, but held her gaze calmly for a moment before returning it to his betrothed, who was still  very much flustered.

Mrs. Gardiner looked at her husband who, she was not surprised, did not seem to notice anything, and was entirely concentrated on his scrambled eggs and bacon. Men, she snorted quietly under her breath.

“Excuse me,” Darcy stood up, folding his napkin. “I need to deal with some urgent correspondence.”

“But of course, of course.” Mr. Gardiner nodded good humouredly. “We understand.”

Darcy walked around the table, placed a kiss on the top of his sister’s blonde head, before stepping to Elizabeth.

“We shall see each other later,”  he said, as he took her hand and lifted it to his lips.

There was such a great deal of intimacy in this small gesture that it instantly convinced Mrs. Gardiner that indeed something had happened between these two last night which caused Elizabeth to be so changed this morning. She could hardly wait for the opportunity to share her suspicions with her husband.

Soon after Darcy left the room, a servant entered and walked to Elizabeth.

“Letters for Miss Bennet.” He bowed, holding the silver tray in front of Elizabeth. “Mr. Darcy assumed that you would like to read them without delay.”

Elizabeth glanced at the handwriting as she dabbed her lips with a napkin. “These are from Jane!” she cried out. “I wondered why she had not written.” She took the letters and examined the address. “This one was misdirected...” she frowned. “No wonder, the direction is  written very ill indeed. It is so strange. Jane is always so neat about her writing.”

She stood up. “Will you excuse me?”

Mrs. Gardiner smiled. “Of course, my dear. Go and read your letters while your uncle and I take a turn around the park.”

“We will?” Mr. Gardiner questioned, looking longingly towards the fresh newspaper, just brought by the servant.

“Yes, we will.” His wife glanced at him meaningfully.

Georgiana lifted herself as well. “I think I will excuse myself to the music room.” She pronounced in her usual quiet, drawled voice. “Because of our trip, I did not practice enough yesterday.”

When the Gardiners were left alone, Mrs. Gardiner rose hurriedly from her place and walked to her husband.

“Come, we must talk.”

“Can we not sit here for a while?” He patted his rounded belly. “You know I like to rest a while after a good meal.”

“I know, and I would not ask you, but it is truly of great import, and we do need some privacy.”

Mr. Gardiner sighed, pushed the chair away and allowed himself to be guided out of the room.

“Well?” he questioned, as they were outside on the path leading to the park. “What is the matter?”

“Did you not notice anything at breakfast?”

Mr. Gardiner lifted his shoulders. “Should I have noticed something?”

“Yes, Elizabeth has been pale and not acting her usual self.”

He shook his head. “I have not noticed. She looked the same as usual to me.”

“Why is it that you never see anything?” Mrs. Gardiner questioned, irritated.

“I think it will be much easier for both of us if you simply tell me what I should have seen.” Mr. Gardiner said, his voice resigned.

His wife took a deep breath and announced. “I think that Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth anticipated their vows last night.”

Mr. Gardiner gave her a sharp look. “They did? How do you know that?”

“She was timid, pale, and I noticed faint marks on her neck.”

“That is no proof at all.” Mr. Gardiner said, much calmed. “Probably they simply found some private moment for kissing and groping behind some convenient curtain and he marked her, nothing unusual between a young couple in love.”

“No, there is more to it than that. I can feel it,” she insisted. “When he kissed her hand on his leaving, there was such a tangible sense of belonging and intimacy in his gesture.”

Mr. Gardiner rolled his eyes. “I beg you, Maddy, none of that. You read too many of those nonsensical novels, an occupation which a married woman with several children has no use for, in my opinion, and  now you see romance everywhere. He kissed her hand, so what? I really like Darcy, and I do not particularly fancy the idea of going to him now and questioning him on this. What am I supposed to tell him? You compromised her, so you must marry her now?  He would do that tomorrow if he only could. They are already engaged. Their wedding is set in five weeks.”

“You think we should do nothing? Pretend to be blind?”

“That would be most convenient. It is their private matter, after all. I will not lecture the man who is less than ten years my junior on how he should carry himself. I truly think that he is the responsible one and loves her very much. Elizabeth must trust him if she allowed anything, because neither of us believe that he in any way would force her.”

Mrs. Gardiner bit her lower lip. “Perhaps I should talk with Elizabeth.”

“You may. She will not lie to you about this, but I still consider it none of our business at this point. Were they not engaged, then the situation would be entirely different.... Besides, we were not much better.”

Mrs. Gardiner nodded, blushing slightly. “That is true.”

He brought her to him, wrapping his arm around her. “Nobody seemed to notice that Annie was born two weeks early,” he whispered, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

“My mother   noticed.”

“That would explain why she does not like me.” Mr. Gardiner murmured, before kissing his wife.

When Mrs. Gardiner lifted her head from her husband’s shoulder after a short embrace they shared, she saw her niece running towards them across the lawn.

“Elizabeth is coming.” She put her hand over her eyes to see better. “Something must have happened. She seems distressed.”

The Gardiners walked forward with haste to meet Elizabeth in the middle of the great lawn.

“What has happened?” Mrs. Gardiner cried.

“Jane writes...,” Elizabeth began but then her speech slurred into sobs which shook her.

Mr. Gardiner’s face went white. “Good God, do not tell us it is something with the children!”

“No, they are fine. It is about Lydia.”

“Lydia?” The Gardiners echoed.

Elizabeth nodded.“She left all her friends and has departed Brighton. She eloped... with Mr. Wickham.”

“Are you sure?” Mrs. Gardiner questioned. “She was under Colonel Forster’s care. How could she escape? There must be some misunderstanding, surely.”

Elizabeth was shaking her head. “No, no mistake. They left for London in the middle of the night over a week ago, and no one has heard from them since then. She is ruined, I know that.” She was pacing, clenching her hands to her temples. “He will not marry her; I know he will not. She has no money, no connections, nothing to tempt him. Nothing.”

“Lizzy, dear, please calm yourself.” Mr. Gardiner walked to her and reached to touch her arm, stopping her in place. “Perhaps his intentions are honest, and we will hear the news of their wedding any day. Mr. Wickham seemed to be so agreeable when we were introduced to him last winter.”

“No, you do not know him.” Elizabeth cried, new tears gathering in her dark eyes. “Wickham is a rake and gambler, Uncle. It is not the first time he has tried to seduce a young girl like her. But why Lydia? She is nothing to him. I cannot believe he has any feeling for her. Papa cannot pay him much. he must know that.”

The Gardiners looked worriedly at one another.

“Oh, please, can we go home, today?” Elizabeth pleaded.

“Of course, as soon as can be.” Mr. Gardiner agreed. “We must talk with Mr. Darcy first, though. Perhaps he will be able to help...”

“No!” Elizabeth interrupted. “He cannot know.”

“Elizabeth, be reasonable,” the man spoke gently but firmly. “It is impossible to hide what happened from Darcy. He will notice your distress.”

Mr. Gardiner glanced towards the house. “He must know something already.”

Elizabeth turned to see Darcy striding towards them, his long legs carrying him with fast efficiency. A heavy frown on his countenance was visible from afar. She lifted her hand to her face, trying to dry her tears with the back of her palm.

“What had happened?” Darcy asked without preamble as he reached them. He glanced down at Elizabeth. “Mrs. Reynolds told me she saw you running out of the house in tears.”

As Elizabeth remained silent, biting her lip, trying to stop her tears, Mrs. Gardiner explained. “She has received bad news from home.”

“Has someone died?” Darcy asked tentatively, trying to meet the girl’s eyes, which she kept stubbornly downcast. “Is someone ill?”

Elizabeth shook her head only.

He touched her arm. “What happened?” he demanded in a sharper tone. “Tell me.”

At last she lifted her eyes to him and before long stepped into his embrace, hiding her face into his chest, erupting in quiet sobs.

Darcy looked helplessly over her head at the Gardiners.

Mr. Gardiner pointed with his eyes to the letter which Elizabeth still held in her hand. “All is in the letter.” He took his wife’s arm. “Come, my dear. They need some time alone.”

Darcy waited till the older couple left them alone and led Elizabeth to the nearby bench. He sat her down and retrieved his handkerchief, one of those she had once made for him.

“There, there...,” he dried her face, “It cannot be that bad if no one has died or is seriously ill.”