Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (27 page)

“I could not trust you with a more worthy man, Elizabeth.” He took her hand. “I know you will always be safe with him.”

Elizabeth ran out of the house, urgently craving not only fresh air, but some peace and quiet as well. She was about to become a married woman in five days. Her mother was shaking Longbourn to its foundations in the midst of wedding preparations. With the matter of Lydia’s elopement resolved and the youngest Bennet girl being safely married and settled in the far north, newly invigorated Mrs. Bennet concentrated all her attention and efforts on the wedding of her second daughter.

Elizabeth sincerely had enough of packing, her wedding gown’s alterations, the constant, endless talks about the menu and the seating arrangements at the reception.

Darcy had not yet returned from London, and she had not received any news from him since his   letter where he had revealed the news about finding her youngest sister. She could not stop herself from wondering why he was not here yet. Surely something important detained him; she only hoped that it was nothing bad.

She took her usual shortcut across the fields to Oakham Mount. As she walked, she kept glancing down at the road, hoping to see Darcy’s carriage. When indeed she saw a familiar rider on a black horse, she could hardly believe her own eyes, thinking it was only her good wishing.

“William!” she exclaimed, jumping up and down, but the rider did not stop. “William!” she shouted at the top of her lungs, waving her hands. “William!”

Finally he looked up, and seeing her, instantly reined his horse.

Elizabeth waved again, and sprinted down the gentle hill towards him. By the time she reached the road, he had dismounted, and held his arms wide open, waiting for her.

“William!” she cried one more time as she leaped straight into his embrace.

“That is a welcome I like.” he laughed, twirling her in the air.

She locked her hands around his neck. “What took you so long?”

He shifted her down onto her feet, his hands running possessively down her back.

“Have you missed me?” he asked, his deep voice resonating warmly, making her knees weak.

She nodded. “I have wondered why you were not coming back.”

“I was about to depart two days ago, when my aunt and uncle came to London, bringing Georgiana with them,” he explained. “I needed to postpone my departure and take care of them.”

“Will they come here?”

“Yes, tomorrow.” He bent his head, and their lips met.

“I am on my way to Oakham Mount,” she whispered with a soft sigh when the kiss ended. “Let us not return to Longbourn yet. Once my mother sees you, we will not even have a short moment alone till after the wedding breakfast.”

Darcy smiled and led her to his horse. He lifted her up, and the next moment he was in the saddle behind her.

They spoke almost nothing on the ride to their destination, apart from his enquiries whether she was comfortable and her assurances that she was indeed well seated. Darcy was silent as usual, as it was more in his character to speak little. Elizabeth had many concerns she wished to discuss with him, mainly the matter of Lydia and all things connected with it. However, she preferred to wait till they were on the solid ground, for now, enjoying the ride with him, his solid frame behind her back, his strong arm hooked around her middle.

Once atop Oakham Mount, as he dismounted and lifted her down from the horse, he did not release her from his embrace for a moment, allowing his horse to stride away to enjoy some fresh grass.  He kissed her again, only this time, she felt more of his hunger. With an impatient hand, he untied the big bow beneath her chin and pulled the bonnet down, letting it fall to the ground.

“Lizzy,” he murmured as his fingers slid between her tightly pinned curls, loosening a few pins. His other hand cupped her bottom, lifting her to his groin, pressing her to him.

She broke the kiss, and breathed against his mouth. “We are almost in open view.”

A deep, frustrated growl escaped from Darcy’s chest before he put her down. They stood quietly for a moment, calming down, their breathing returning to normal.

“Are you well?” he asked, cupping her cheek.

She blinked her eyes, focusing her gaze on him, “Do I look unwell?”

He searched her eyes. “You must know what I mean.” When she did not speak immediately, he took her hand, picked up her bonnet and led her to a fallen log. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Elizabeth sat down, looking at him steadily. She knew what he was asking about. “I am late. About ten days.”

His face broke into a rare grin as he sat next to her. “I will be a father then?”

“It is not certain yet.” She gave him an earnest look. “I do not want you to blow your hopes for something that may not be. I remember when I stayed with the Gardiners in London a few years ago, keeping my aunt company when uncle was away on some extended business trip. Aunt carried her youngest at the time. She was sleepy, tired, lacked appetite, and was often sick. I have no such symptoms.”

He took her hand. “I think it is too early yet for you to feel like that.”

She frowned. “I am not sure what I should feel now, but I cannot quite believe that I am indeed with child. I always thought that a woman should know it somehow.”

“I am sure it will come with time. I am very happy.” He squeezed her hand gently. “Not only will you be my wife in less than a week, but we will have a child.”

She searched his eyes. “What will people say when they see the baby comes too soon?”

“It will only be a month early,” he dismissed her worry.

She shook her head. “Five weeks.”

“As far as I know, babies are not always perfectly on time. It will be born at Pemberley next spring. We can wait to send the information about its birth to your family for a few weeks. In Derbyshire, no one will dare to say anything. Such cases are not so uncommon there. Do not worry about a thing. It is not good in your state.”

She rested her head on his arm. He seemed so happy, and she... She still could not believe in this child. Should she not feel the same as he? What was wrong with her?

“I want to thank you for everything you did for Lydia,” she said, wanting to change the subject.

He frowned.

“I know it was you who found them and managed everything, bought Wickham’s commission, paid his debts.”

“Who told you that?” he sounded displeased.

“Papa.”

He rose and strolled away from her, stopping by the edge with his back to her. “I specifically asked Mr. Bennet and the Gardiners not to tell you all the details.”

She walked to him. “Why? Should I not know?”

He glanced at her over his shoulder. “Elizabeth, I do not wish for you to think  that you should be indebted to me.”

“But I am indebted,” she pressed her hand to his arm. “All I want to do is thank you on behalf of my family and...”

“Shush.” He turned to her and put a finger on her lips, silencing her. “I did it only for you, but I do not want to discuss it.”

His eyes told her he was adamant about it. She had to respect his decision. “As you wish,” she agreed quietly.

***

Lord and Lady Matlock proved to be much more polite than anyone at Longbourn could have perceived. They were invited to dine at Longbourn two days before the wedding.

After Lady Catherine’s violent visit, the family involuntarily braced themselves for something equally intense and very grand. What they saw were a small lady and a gray haired gentleman, both quiet and rather unimpressive, hardly demanding, calm and very much restrained in their manners.

Mrs. Bennet was so much in awe of her noble guests, and the fact that the countess particularly praised her drawing room, that she kept mostly silent, to Elizabeth’s great relief.

After dinner Lord Matlock, Darcy, Bingley and Mr. Bennet went to the library for a drink and a cigar. In the parlour, Lady Matlock invited Elizabeth to sit next to her.

“Miss Elizabeth, my younger son has spoken much you,” Lady Matlock said with a warm smile. “Last spring he told me he met a most delightful young lady in Kent.”

“Colonel Fitzwilliam is very good company,” Elizabeth smiled, remembering Darcy’s amiable cousin. “There is an honesty and sincerity about him, in his eyes, his expression. He can carry a good conversation like no one other I know.”

Lady Matlock nodded. “Richard is a good boy.” There was an unmistakable pride in her voice. “The same as my elder son, Edward. His life has been complicated in 

recent years, but none of it was his fault,” she added ardently.

Elizabeth nodded with a compassionate smile. “Of course.”

She observed as the woman’s face visibly saddened. She was not sure whether she should breach the subject of little James Fitzwilliam, the ladyship’s first and only grandson.

Her dilemma was resolved by Lady Matlock herself. “My eldest son became a father not so long ago.”

Elizabeth smile widened. “Yes, I am aware of that. Mr. Darcy mentioned it to me.”

“My son and his...the mother of his son asked me to thank you for the crib they received. Mr. Darcy wrote in a letter to them that it was you who chose it.”

“Yes, Mr. Darcy wanted me to advise him what he should sent as a gift for your grandson during my stay in Pemberley this summer. While shopping in Lambton with Miss Darcy, I saw a crib which looked similar to the one my aunt, Mrs. Gardiner, had with her two younger children. She praised it as the best she had ever used. I thought it would be a useful item for the little one and his parents.”

“It was an excellent idea, my dear,” Lady Matlock seconded her. “My son said that once they put the boy into it, he slept for the entire night without interruption for the first time.”

“I am glad. I imagine that your grandson is a delightful infant.”

Lady Matlock’s face lit up. “Oh, yes, so handsome, and strong. He looks exactly like my boys when they were little.”

For the next few minutes, Elizabeth listened as the woman talked about her grandson, how beautiful and smart he was, and how he smiled repeatedly at her the last time she saw him. She listened with a genuine smile on her face, and a good humoured, polite expression. At the same time, she kept thinking what this child’s future would be with the stigma of a bastard following him through life.

***

The evening before her wedding, Elizabeth and Jane packed the last of her things into a small trunk, kneeling on the floor. They were mostly little trifles left to the very last minute that Elizabeth had accumulated over the years: porcelain figurines, boxes with jewellery, hair accessories and childhood secrets, like shells and dried flowers. The trunks with Elizabeth’s books, her French incrusted desk (a treasured gift from her grandmother), and most of her wardrobe had been sent to Pemberley yesterday. The sisters were unusually quiet, too aware of the fact that it would be the last night they slept in this room together.

“I can hardly believe that you will live so far away from us, Lizzy. We will see you once or perhaps twice a year if we are lucky,” Jane noted wistfully after a while.

“Jane, you know you can visit me any time you wish.”

Jane gave her an earnest smile. “You will have your own family now, a husband, and surely children.”

“I will always find time for you,” Elizabeth spoke with conviction.

“You will be occupied with your new life now, Lizzy. Know that I am happy for you, but I can see how lonely I will be here without you.” The tears pooled in Jane’s wide blue eyes.

Elizabeth touched her cheek. “Jane, please do not say so, or I will cry as well. Tomorrow I will look a fright with red brimmed eyes, and Mr. Darcy will run away from me before saying I do.” Her attempt to joke turned flat, even to her own ears.

Jane dried her eyes with the back of her hand. “I am sorry, Lizzy, I do not want to upset you. I was thinking that perhaps I could live with the Gardiners for some time. I heard Aunt saying that she is considering hiring a governess for the children. I could take that position. I know them and love them. I would not take the money, of course. It is enough if they allow me to live with them. I will feel needed.”

Elizabeth stared at her with little comprehension for a long moment. “Jane, what are you talking about?” she finally cried. “What about Mr. Bingley?”

Jane shrugged. “What about him?”

The younger sister gaped at the older one in astonishment. “Well..., I am quite sure that he will propose soon. Everyone expects it. Once married to him, you could convince him to terminate the lease of Netherfield. You could move north, and perhaps one day we will live close together. Surely, you do not wish to live so close to Mama forever. Convincing Mr. Bingley to buy an estate in the north seems quite rational when asking Mr. Darcy to relocate to the south is out of question, we both know that. Not everything is lost.” Elizabeth touched Jane’s arm. “Perhaps we shall be neighbours in the future, visiting each other almost every day.”

Jane shook her head. “I do not think that this will happen, Lizzy. I mean, my marrying Mr. Bingley, not us living close by, which I would dearly wish for.”