Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (39 page)

“I will not able to sleep.” She grounded herself in place. “I want to stay here and wait.”

“You will make yourself ill.” He lowered his voice even more.“You do not want to harm the babe, do you? This cannot be good for it. Jane would not want that.”

Elizabeth looked up at him and nodded slowly. “You are right. I will go to my room.”

Darcy looked over her head at Mrs. Reynolds, who instantly rushed to their side. “Let us go, Mistress.” She took Elizabeth’s arm. “I will have you made a cup of nice herbs so you could sleep well through the night.”

Darcy watched as Elizabeth ascended the staircase slowly, Georgiana and Amy, who stood on the landing, giving her sympathetic looks.

Darcy heard the clock strike ten o’clock. Wherever Jane was now, they would find her tomorrow.

***

Elizabeth felt her head to be impossibly heavy. William was calling her name, but it was so difficult to open her eyelids. Then she remembered the events of yesterday and forced herself to sit up and look at him.

“She is fine, safe and sound,” Darcy spoke without preamble, his face a picture of relief.

She blinked at him, her eyelids still as if glued together.

“Jane is well,” he repeated.

“Where is she?” she murmured, still sleepy.

“On the Cowlishaw’s farm.”

“Why?”

“Cowlishaw’s stable boy came half an hour ago,” Darcy explained. “He said that his Master found her yesterday evening on his pasture. She escaped from Kirby’s farm, but the horse threw her down and she lost consciousness. I have already sent people to Kirby’s place. Cowlishaw saved her life, taking her to his home. There is no doubt about it.”

“But is she well now?” Elizabeth prompted, her expression still concerned.

“The boy did not see her, but he was told to say that she was in good health.”

Elizabeth threw the covers aside, getting out of bed. “I want to talk with that lad.”

Darcy smiled. “He is in the kitchen now. Cook has something special for him.”

She slipped on her feet and locked her arms around her husband’s chest. “I am so relieved that Jane has been found and nothing worse happened. I was so frightened.”

Darcy exhaled. “I was quite worried myself. I hate knowing that harm could come to anyone under my roof. What is worse, I did not dare to think what would have happened to you if she had, heaven forbid, not survived, or been seriously hurt.”

Elizabeth shuddered. “We should not even think of that.”

He brought her closer. “Are you well?” his hand went to her midsection.

She nodded. “Yes, I am well, though…” She gave him a troubled look. “William, I am not sure whether I am with child again. I do not want to raise your hopes only to have them shattered later on like the last time.”

“You have missed your monthly bleeding for three months now. Is that not  proof enough?” he asked.

“I have no morning sickness like the last time, and my appetite is steady,” she pointed out.

“You are more tired. You sleep longer.”

“That is true,” she agreed.

“There is more of you too.” He palmed her breast very gently through the fine cotton of her nightgown before his hand tugged at the opening of it, loosening the ribbon at the front. “They are so much darker, you see, not pale pink as usual, but almost brown now.” His finger gently traced her nipple. “I have read that it happens so that the baby could see better where to suckle.”

Elizabeth’s expression fell. “I do not dare to hope that we could have been blessed so soon after…”

He put his finger on her lips. “Shush.”

She looked up into his eyes, and bit her lower lip. “I am afraid, if again…”

He cupped her face and kissed her temple. “All will be well this time.”

“How can you be so sure?”

He smiled. “I have a good feeling about this one.” His hand went down to her midsection. “Trust me. Have I ever lied to you?”

She shook her head.

He squeezed her to him, palming her round bottom. “Run to dress yourself and have breakfast. You do want to go to see Jane as soon as possible, I gather.”

Elizabeth smiled, sighed and listened to him.

***

Jane sat on the sofa in the large front room in Mr. Cowlishaw’s home. Mary was snuggled into her side, her plump arms wrapped tightly around Jane’s waist. The girl did not talk, just held on to her. Jane’s heart tore at the sight of the little one. The child was so needy; perhaps her father did not hug her often enough. Mr. Bennet had been the same. He had been perhaps more affectionate with Lizzy, as his favourite, but he had rarely touched any of the daughters or sat them on his lap, even when they had been toddlers. Jane believed that children, both girls and boys, needed physical contact to be perfectly happy. She could best see it in the example of the little Gardiners, who, though often cuddled by their parents, were not in the least spoilt by their affection, only well loved.

Jane took the opportunity of being alone with just the youngest girl and let her eyes wander about the room. Mr. Cowlishaw’s house was new, sturdy looking and truly spacious for a farmhouse. It could have been such a lovely house with the right wallpapers, curtains, carpets and furniture, and, first of all, a good cleaning. She could even see a pianoforte, covered with a fine layer of dust, which indicated it was not used often. It was a shame, because if there was an instrument, the girls could start to learn how to play.

She heard footsteps and brought her eyes back to Mary. She did not want Mr. Cowlishaw to see her staring. She did not want to be rude.

The two elder girls entered, holding the door for their father, who carried a tray with what seemed to be tea.

Jane was about to stand up and help, but Cowlishaw grounded her with his pale green gaze.

“We thought you would like some tea,” he said. He sounded a bit grumpy, as if displeased, but strangely Jane did not feel troubled or offended with his tone.

“Yes, thank you,” she said sweetly.

He grunted something under his breath, and his heavy gaze lay on his youngest daughter, who still clung to Jane’s side. The scowl on his face deepened.

As no one made a move to help her, Jane poured herself a cup and added some sugar.

She took a sip. “It is very good.”

“I imagine Darcy should be here any minute,” Cowlishaw ensured.

Abigail looked at her father and then at Jane. “Will you leave us?” she asked as she stepped closer to the woman.

“Yes, I have to, I am afraid. My sister must be very worried,” Jane explained, but then added quickly, “But I can visit you, or you can come to Pemberley to see me.”

Becky took a place on her other side. “You could stay with us.”

Jane blushed and forced a nervous smile. “I cannot, I am afraid.”

“Why not?” Abigail asked. “You have not got a husband.”

“No, I have not.”

“You could marry Papa,” the girl suggested.

“Abigail, that it is quite enough,” her father spoke sharply.

The child frowned, her chin stubborn. “Our last cook said that you would have to marry anyway, and that we would have a new mama. Miss Bennet is nice, and we like her. We do not want some horrible, nasty, old lady from Lambton!” she cried out.

Cowlishaw stood up, muttering, “Abigail, go to your room, but first you will apologize to Miss Bennet.”

The girl’s chin trembled, and she lowered her eyes. Jane pulled her closer in a compassionate gesture. “There is no need to apologize,” she said, her voice gentle as she stroked the child’s skinny back. “All is well.”

The girl let out a quiet sigh and hid her troubled face in Jane’s shoulder.

The clamor outside caught everyone’s attention, putting an end to an awkward situation. Jane followed the girls to the window to see the carriage from Pemberley. Cowlishaw hurried to open the front door.

“Jane!” Elizabeth cried as she burst inside before the others.

“Lizzy, I am here.” Jane said, her voice relatively calm.

“We were so worried.” Elizabeth fell into her open arms.

“I am well, sister, entirely thanks to Mr. Cowlishaw.” She looked at the man who now stood with Darcy at the door. He found me. Had he not, I do not know what would have happened.”

***

Despite Jane’s assurances that she was well, the doctor was sent for as soon as they returned to Pemberley. The man announced her that she fared well indeed after such an ordeal, and seemed to think that the bump on her forehead would slowly disappear without any  serious repercussions.

However, the same day, closer to the evening, Jane began to feel feverish. When the next day the doctor was summoned once again, he said what her sister had already guessed. The patient had developed a cold, and she should stay abed for the next days, so as not to turn it into something more serious.

Jane was completely recovered in a week’s time and very anxious to join the family life downstairs. Darcy assured her that she should not have any fears now as Kirby and another drunkard who had helped him were now far away on a ship  to Australia, where they would likely stay till the end of their days.

***

“What is the matter, Jane?” Elizabeth enquired as she gazed at her elder sister.

They were taking their walk, making the best use of the warm,  March afternoon, looking for the first signs of spring time.

“I am well, Lizzy.” Jane assured with an instant smile.

Elizabeth watched her intently for a long minute. “You do not fool me, sister. Is it about that Kirby man who abducted you? Do you think about it still?”

“No, of course, not.”

“William feels so guilty that something like that happened to you here at Pemberley. He is worried that you cannot forget about it.”

“I am not sad because of that accident; all ended well, and Mr. Darcy is the last person who should be blamed.”

“Then what is it, Jane?” Elizabeth stopped. “I can see that something is troubling you.”

Jane faltered for a while, then sighed. “It is about Mr. Cowlishaw.”

Elizabeth moved closer, her expression stunned. “Mr. Cowlishaw?”

“Yes, about him,” Jane confirmed and looked to the side. “We have not heard from him since that day, almost four weeks ago.”

“William mentioned to me that Mr. Cowlishaw asked about you when they met in Lambton last time.”

Jane’s face lit up. “He did?”

Elizabeth nodded. “Yes, he heard about your cold. Such news spread fast.”

Jane resumed their walk, and Elizabeth followed her, her expression confused.

“Lizzy, could I take a phaeton for a few hours?” Jane asked, turning abruptly. “I will drive myself.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I need to talk with him.”

“With Mr. Cowlishaw?” Elizabeth guessed.

The other woman nodded.

“Jane,…” Elizabeth searched her sister’s face. “You like him, am I right?”

Jane blushed prettily. “Yes… and I thought that he liked me too, but now he does not want to see me… so I am not sure any more.”

“I am certain he admires you.”

“You are?” Jane asked in a small voice, a new hope lingering in her tone.

“I saw the way he looked at you, even William noticed, and you know how oblivious to such matters he can be.”

Jane’s expression sulked. “I fear that he thinks that I am so above him socially that there is no point in even trying to get closer to me.”

Elizabeth watched her sister for a moment, her expression thoughtful. “William will be away for the most of the day tomorrow. We shall take a carriage, and I will go with you. It is ten miles to Mr. Cowlishaw’s farm, I do not think that you should drive on your own.”

“What about Mr. Darcy? What will he say?”

Elizabeth shrugged and spoke with confidence. “He does not have to know about everything, for now at least.”

***

Joe scoured the mare’s side with more force than necessary. Usually he was not involved in grooming horses personally, not any more. He had people for that, but today he wanted to distract himself. He had been worried when he had heard she was sick, but when he had talked with Darcy the last time, the man had ensured him that his sister-in-law had been on her way to recovery. Joe wanted to see her, but he knew that there was no point in trying to approach her. She was out of his reach. He had repeated it many times in the last weeks. That night when she had slept in his bed was already too much and had to be enough. In time he would get her out of his head. Perhaps it was time to start looking seriously for someone he could accept, someone suitable for him.

He stilled, hearing a female voice asking for him. He strolled out of the stall,  a frown on his face.

“Miss Bennet?” he gulped.

She walked closer. The day was warm for March, and she only wore a light blue dress and matching spenser. Again he was struck with her beauty.

Her face brightened as she stood in front of him. “Good morning, sir.”