arbitrate (daynight) (39 page)

Jax and I, at my request, have been like passing ships in the night. He takes over when I go to therapy or have girl’s mornings with Madison. When I do run into him, he looks haunted and pained. When I ask what’s wrong, he tells me that he’s battling his own demons. And like me, it’s a personal fight.

I have been sticking to a highly regimented schedule. Everyone in the apartment knows exactly where I’ll be, what I’ll be doing, and when.

Tonight, I plan to deviate.

My alarm jolts me out of bed at 1730 hours. I groan. Since relocating to Thera, I’ve never become an early evening bird. I’m way more of a morning owl. I throw on some yoga pants and a t-shirt and get the babies ready for their evening. Then we all go out to the kitchen to make breakfast. I let the babies crawl around my feet and pull things out of drawers, which keeps them highly entertained.

At 1800 hours, Jax comes bolting into the kitchen like the apartment’s on fire. His clothes are a mess; his face hasn’t been shaved in days. When he sees me, he relaxes momentarily, and then, the most devastating look comes across his face—as if I just wrecked the vintage Mustang that he’d spent five years restoring.
 

I smirk and hand him a plate with his favorite omelet, bacon, and a small stack of chocolate chip pancakes. Now he looks like he just entered the Twilight Zone. Jax has always been the one up early, tending to the babies, and cooking breakfast.

He accepts the food but puts it down on the counter and leans down to kiss each of the babies. Then he slowly walks over to the table and picks at his food, barely touching it.
 

He thinks you don’t need him anymore.

I sit down across from him and watch him mangle my masterpiece. I had some bites—I know it’s all edible. In fact, it tastes good.

“How have you been?” I ask.
I’ve missed you.

He mumbles. “It sure doesn’t seem like it.”

“Jax. I became really needy and dependent on you. That’s no longer the case. I don’t need you to be able to sleep anymore. I don’t need you to cook my breakfast every eve. I don’t need you to help me with the babies. I don’t need you to rescue me or save me—from myself or from others. I don’t need you to shop for me or remodel for me or pick out my clothes.”

I pause. He looks like I just told him he has terminal cancer. Tears are dripping onto his plate.
“Jax,”
I say softly. “I don’t need you for any of those things. I don’t expect any of it from you. I can survive on my own. But I don’t want to.”

Color returns to his face and his mouth is hanging open. Hold the non-existent Theran presses. Jax Christo is speechless—for the first time ever. All his detractors would be so disappointed to know they missed the moment.

The doorbell rings, interrupting my enjoyment of seeing Jax in complete shock. “Hold that thought. We need to finish our conversation.” A short man with bright-red hair hands me an envelope. I bring it back over to the table, open it, and then read the note out loud.

“Kira,

“I’ve assembled all the babies in Garden City, so that you can see for yourself that they are still alive and well. You’ll need to use the portals. For the babies’ safety, I have them in that place I took you and Ethan on a tour of way back when. You’ll know what I’m talking about. Come immediately.”

Brad.”

An 8 x 10 picture is included. Dozens of babies are spread out on some sort of white and gold-veined marble platform. I gasp at the first sight of the children created with my stolen eggs. A tear drops on a boy who looks so much like Zander, they could be twins. I quickly brush it away.

There’s a lot more I need to say to Jax. To clarify. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. Misunderstandings cause pain. But right now…I need to go to Garden City.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Ethan

Kira has to be wrong about Alexa and Joshua.
There’s really no other option because if Kira’s right, then I’ve been played. I will find out I’m the ultimate chump and it will destroy me.

Alexa wouldn’t do that to me.
I want to believe that what we had—despite being wrong—was real.
Please let it have been real.
 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my doubts. Kira’s accusation is like a spotlight wading through my memories, shining its light on every inconsistency. I could easily believe it to be true—that Alexa and Joshua were working together, behind my back, to take on the SCI. The clues are there. But for my sanity, I
have
to believe that every clue is a coincidence. The alternative would be unbearable.

Alexa and Joshua were together a lot because it was Joshua’s job to watch her. Alexa seemed to hate him back when I escorted them both to Thera. Sure, later on they were more friendly. He touched her, told her she was hot, picked out her clothes. But it was only because he had a crush on her. She didn’t return his feelings.
They couldn’t have been seeing each other behind my back.

Alexa’s questions about the SCI were mere curiosity.
She wasn’t using my position on the Ten to get sensitive information out of me.

When Joshua asked me where the post-election parties were being held, it was because he wanted to support Henry and go to a posh party.
He wasn’t trying to plan the attack that would kill my mother.

Joshua’s reaction to the Stand Up rally at Disneyland was completely normal. “He has got to be stopped, man.”
He was speaking rhetorically.

Joshua just doesn’t like me. That’s why he always gave me a hard time and pushed my buttons. It was my imagination when he seemed to tense up or growl every time Alexa was mentioned.
It wasn’t because his girlfriend was kissing me.

What was it Joshua said at the party that night? “I’m here to party. And to
Stand Up
for what I believe and all that.” Oh Gads. No. It can’t mean what I think.
He was just making a joke.

Am I rationalizing? Or am I right?

I won’t be able to have peace until I find out one way or the other.

Brad’s guy in the FBI, James, agrees to let me look at the personal effects of Alexa and Joshua that were collected in the restaurant kitchen. My mind keeps flashing to two weird things I saw the night of the explosion that could implicate Alexa and Joshua. I’m positive that I’m just imagining things.

The detectives found Alexa’s purse and Joshua’s wallet. I look through Alexa’s purse first.

Where’s the necklace?
Alexa had been wearing a big, bulky necklace that night. She took it off at some point and had to have put it in her purse. Nothing else would make sense. I find keys, a Clean Slate Complex ID, lipstick and other makeup, a brush, some breath mints.
The necklace isn’t here.
I describe it to the detectives and they check through the evidence log to see if they found it in the remains of the restaurant. They did not.

Maybe she put it back on. It’s probably nothing.

I, also, have been racking my brain to see if I even remember Joshua being at the after-party. He was at the main party, for sure. But at the after-party? There’s a thought that’s bothering me. I did think I’d seen Joshua that night. The guy was the same build as Joshua. Then I realized, it was a Secret Service agent. The same one I saw heading towards the kitchen. Could Joshua have been in disguise? Was he skilled enough to pull that off?
He had other skills you didn’t realize—like his military and weaponry prowess.

Could Joshua have been leading a secret life? I realize that I don’t actually know him well enough to answer that question. We rarely saw each other, and when we did, our interactions were anything but friendly.

Alexa’s not here to ask. Victor and Violet aren’t here to ask. However, I do know someone who spent time with him—Blake.

I wait until late evening to disappear from my apartment to go see Blake. I catch the very end of a nasty blow-out fight between Blake and Bailey. They look ridiculous. Blake’s sporting Military City camouflage garb, and Bailey’s in the hideous rainbow Art City uniform. I have never understood why Blake got involved with Bailey. Wrong girl to pick for a rebound romance. She’s like a drain-your-body-of-blood parasite.

“I haven’t even begun to mess with you and your other girlfriends, Blake.” Bailey is yelling at Blake in a screechy voice. “Soon you’ll wish you were never born.”

Blake has his hands up in the air. “Whatever, Bailey. I didn’t do anything to deserve your wrath or your vengeance, particularly since you have moved on with Adam. But you can throw your little tantrum anyway. Just keep Kira and Madison out of it. Not that you can get to them. They are tucked away safe and sound—far away from you and your psychotic threats.”

“You never know when opportunity will knock.”

That seems like my cue. “Speaking of—knock, knock.” I walk between them. “So sorry to interrupt. Need any backup here, Blake?”

He does a double-take, obviously surprised to see me. I’m taking a big risk. I didn’t arrive through official channels. If necessary, I’ll have to use Jax as an alibi—and right now, I don’t even want to think Jax’s name, much less speak it.

“Ethan?”

“I’m just returning the unexpected visit favor. Can we talk? Alone?” I give Blake a conspiratorial grin, which is sure to make Bailey even more angry. But I really couldn’t give a crap about her. The clock is ticking, and I only have so much time to find Alexa.

Blake starts to tap his foot. “See ya, Bailey. I’d say we could continue this conversation later, but the truth is…I prefer to never speak to you again.”

She huffs and charges out of the room, her blonde hair flailing behind her.
 

Blake and I flop down on the “furniture” in his room—a couple flower shaped bean bags that I am pretty sure are full of rocks. Or maybe they are beans. They definitely aren’t soft or inviting. I catch Blake up on all the evidence we found condemning Victor and Violet, as well as Kira’s theory that they were set up by Alexa and Joshua. I want his honest opinion, so I try to keep my feelings on the matter hidden.

After I’m finished, he rubs his face in his hands as he tries to process it all. “Is this conversation on the record or just between us?”

I motion between us. “Just us, bro. I just want to know the truth and find Alexa and Joshua.”

He scrunches up his face. “You sure you want the truth? I thought you were trying to make things right with Kira. Why are you chasing after Alexa and Joshua?”

“I just need to know.” Blake doesn’t need to understand my level of obsession with all this.

“One more thing…I know you and Joshua don’t get along. So you have to promise me that you’re not going after him as some sort of payback. Because I’m not going to help you do that.”

Figures that Blake would be on Joshua’s side. But I don’t care. I just need to know whatever he knows. “It’s not like that. I want to make sure Alexa is safe.”
And prove that she had nothing to do with a terrorist attack.

“Well then…I’m with Kira on this all the way. The whole thing—especially the acid—didn’t make a lick of sense to me. But now, I can totally see it.”

I bite down on the inside of my lip and try to mask my disappointment with curiosity. “You think Joshua’s capable of doing something like this?”

The corners of his lips turn up. “Abso-freaking-lutely. He hates everything the SCI stands for and planned to do something about it. He particularly hated the SCI’s plans to take over the American government. I didn’t see him at the after-party, but I guarantee you he was there. Probably in disguise…he is a complete master. He once made me look like a bona fide doctor at the CSC clinic, so I could interrogate Aiden’s kidnapper. Even I didn’t recognize myself. Plus, he’s a tactical weapons expert. If anyone could pull that deal off, it is Joshua. The guy’s a genius.”

Every statement feels like an acupuncture needle being thrust through my skull and into my brain.
How could I not know any of this?
 

“Were he and Alexa…involved?” I don’t want to know, but I’ve got to know.

“Honestly, Ethan, I have no idea. He definitely didn’t like the fact you were dating her. But he was a private guy…didn’t share that kind of stuff.”

It feels like the walls are closing in. I need to get out of here. My vision is blurred, and my throat feels parched. I stand up as best I can. “Thanks, Blake. I’ve got to run. I’m expected back for briefings in the morn. Brad wants me to follow the trail…see if I can turn anything up.”

Blake claps his hand on my shoulder. “Just remember what side you’re on, bro. If Joshua was responsible, it was all about taking down the bad guys. After everything the SCI has done, I’d be offering him my congratulations. It takes guts to take action. I’m pissed that it happened with the two of us in the vicinity, but the guy’s a hero.”

Eight and a half months prior: Exiler camp outside Garden City, Thera

The Exiler camp looked
exactly as I’d remembered, except with larger numbers. The inhabitants appeared to be more tired and skeletal. Their skin was aged and leathery from too much exposure to the hot sun. The filth was what really got to me—personal and societal. Bathing was a luxury rarely enjoyed. The Exilers heaped garbage outside the caves and used it to burn in cooking fires. But not everything could be burned, and the whole place took on the rancid smell you get when you haven’t taken the trash out in weeks.

My mother sent me to see Blake as one of my first “official” assignments as a member of the Ten. I had been left alone to finish out law school for the most part although I was expected to visit home every month for Ten meetings. At the last such meeting, my mother asked me to seek out Blake. Attempt to move up his timetable of returning to Garden City and filling his seat on the Ten. The fragile treaty with the Exilers depended on Blake living up to his end of the bargain.

To keep me safe from the “savages,” I was assigned a security detail to take me to the camp—a group of twenty men armed with semis. We approached at twilight just as the camp was finishing up serving a breakfast of
fried lizards?
My own breakfast turned in my stomach.