arbitrate (daynight) (41 page)

Maybe you’re not meant to know
.

The voices in my head are more prominent. They taunt me, mock me, reprimand me.
 

You threw away Kira for what? You have missed more time with your son, why?
Not for a vacation, that’s for sure. The deeper we get into our tour of the world’s most secluded islands, the more I feel like I am descending into my own personal hell.
I give up.
I’ve hit rock bottom.
 

Dig yourself out.

I can only nod and submit when Brad tells me, “Son, we have no more leads. We’re out of your mother’s ashes. It’s time to go. I need to return to Thera to tend to some business, and you need to be in DC to support Henry at the inauguration.”

I failed. I am a failure.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Blake

Brad has abandoned me here in Art City, left me to rot with the rest of the Exilers.
It has been weeks, and I’ve received no word.
 

I live three lives here.

In my first life, I am Brad’s adjunct, his spy, his plant here in Art City. I attend (staged) Exiler board meetings where listening devices are active, and I meticulously and inaccurately journal their every move and every plan. I have befriended Brad’s goons and live in their commune. Keep your friends close and enemies closer and all that. My journal is kept at my bedside and frequently viewed while I am away from the commune on official SCI business.

In my second life, I am an Exiler leader helping to plan the takeover of Garden City and takedown of the SCI’s mega-portal there. We argue and negotiate about how to prevent loss of life while still accomplishing our goal. Lately, it has been more arguing than negotiating. It’s a tricky thing to try to get fifty thousand people through a portal and safely into a city before blowing up their point of entry. I try, most times without success, to avoid Bailey. She’s like a carrier of the smallpox virus and intent on infecting me. It wouldn’t surprise me if she tried to castrate me in my sleep. Which is why I feel a whole lot safer shacking up with the dudes from the SCI.

Jax is waiting to transport me to life number three right now. In my third life, I’m free of all my obligations and expectations. I’m able to visit a tiny, beautiful, dark-haired angel in Military City. When I’m with her, there is no SCI or Exilers. There are just a boy and a girl getting to know each other. We are friends. I’d like to be more someday. But right now, it’s complicated. She has been through absolute hell in her two lives, and I want to give her time to heal. She’s living with Kira while I’m stuck in Art City. Besides, there is just something really beautiful about slowly building a relationship from scratch…savoring every sideways glance, brush of limbs, and flush of cheeks. And oh how her cheeks look beautiful with a little tint of red.

Just thinking about her gets my heart racing. I look at my watch and up my pace to get to my appointed meeting place. There is zero privacy in Art City. Living is communal, the city itself is busy, and my roommates have been employed as spies for Brad Darcton. So finding a place to disappear from is difficult. However, I managed to find an old supply closet with a locking door on it. My roommates think I’m “journaling” in private when Jax is actually taking me on an unauthorized trip to Military City.

“You are late,” Jax tells me when I finally rush into the closet, journal and pen in hand. He looks like he just rolled out of bed after a terrible day’s sleep. His hair is even more messy than usual, and his white clothes are a wrinkled disaster. I know better than to ask what is troubling him. He doesn’t share.

I dump the journal on the floor and run my hand through my hair. “Sorry. Exiler Board meeting ran late.”

He grimaces. “Which kind?”

“Mischief. Let’s roll.” I don’t want to give Jax the details of the Exiler’s plan. He’ll tell me I’m being stupid, that the Exilers are stupid. When Brad sends for me, I’ll go through the portal on legitimate SCI business. I will be expected. And then, I will unexpectedly neutralize any threats on the other side in a humane way before the rest of the Exiler Board comes through. After watching my father kill people in cold blood to further the Exiler’s cause, I don’t want to risk a repeat.
 

We don’t want war. We have three goals. First, to get the Exilers to a safe city with ample resources. Second, to take over the SCI’s central information hub—the Headquarter’s building—which will allow us to glean information about all the other cities and the SCI itself. And third, we want to prevent the SCI from bringing in forces from Military City or elsewhere by blowing up the mega-portal.

“Fine. You are being an idiot though. I strongly encourage you to reconsider.” If only I could block my thoughts.

The closet fades out, and the hallway outside their Military City apartment fades in. “Why do you always drop me here? Someone could see me.”

“That’s the way it has to work right now. And no one is going to see you. The only other tenant is Brad, and he and Ethan are still off trying to find those responsible for the explosion on Earth. They’ll be back soon but not tonight. I, however, will be back for you in thirty.” He vanishes before I can ask him more details about Brad and Ethan’s quest.

So, once again, I’m at the door, knocking. I realize that I don’t have the same sense of dread that I’ve always had.

Kira answers the door babyless, which is unusual. She looks nice, but my heart doesn’t long for her anymore. We have both moved on. Her eyes aren’t the ones I see as I fall asleep. I’m looking past her for a pair of dark-brown ones. Kira smiles at me. “She’s back in the family room.”

I give her a hug. “Thank you.”

“Any time. You know…you make her happy. If you guys are…uh…waiting to pursue something because of me, don’t. I think it’s great.”

“You do?” I scrunch up my face, confused. “We’re good?”

“I do, and yes, we are great. But right now…I’m going to go make myself scarce.” She winks and heads towards the baby wing, an area of the apartment I don’t want to think about right now. At some point, I have to figure out how to be a father to Aiden, but I’m not ready for that yet.

It should feel awkward having my old girlfriend give me a blessing on my potentially new relationship, but I’m grateful for Kira. When I contrast Kira to Bailey, Kira beats Bailey, hands down, on proper ex-girlfriend etiquette.

I rush to the family room. Madison turns around as I enter, and a huge grin appears on her face. We meet halfway. She throws her tiny arms around me and hugs me tight. “You’re here.”

“Of course I am. I said I would be.”

She pulls back, still keeping her arms on mine, and looks up at me. “I will always worry.”

“You don’t need to.” It’s not really a lie… I just need to get through this one upcoming event, and then I can have Jax bring Madison to me in Garden City. I need to change the subject. “You know…Kira talked to me on my way in.”

Madison blushes and then interjects. “She talked to me too.”

We both stare at each other, willing the other person to admit their feelings first. The energy between us is highly charged. It has been a couple weeks since I’ve seen her, and I realize how much I have missed her. She is wearing a slim-fitting, belted brown dress that looks gorgeous on her. She’s staring at my lips and licking hers. Should I be doing this right before I go on another one of my suicide missions?

My lips meet hers before I can answer my own question. I think a gravitational pull is involved, making contact inevitable. She immediately responds. The feeling is magic as our mouths and tongues work in unison. Another gravitational pull leads us over to the couch, making it easier for me to reach her. No words are needed as we get to know each other on a whole new level. Given her past, I keep things very chaste, keeping my hands from roaming.

The time melts away and before I know it, Jax is not-so-subtly knocking on the nearby wall to tell me that my time is up.

Jax backs off to give me time to say goodbye.
 

“Wow.”

“Wow,” she repeats.

I run my hand along her face. “You are beautiful. And amazing.”

“So are you. I…uh…wasn’t sure you liked me that way.”

I lean in, pressing another kiss to her swollen lips. “I do…like you that way.”

“I do too…like you that way.”

“I’m really happy to hear that.” I kiss her one more time before standing up. She gives me a long hug and whispers. “Will it always be like this? Me, here…and you somewhere else? I mean, I’m grateful. I like Kira and feel safe here. But…”
 

I cup her face in my hands and stare at her tear-filled eyes. “I won’t leave you here forever, Madison. As soon as I’m out of Art City…well then, where I go, you go. Okay?” I hope that if I say it, it will be true.

The worry lines in her face relax. “So I’ll see you soon?”

“Soon.”
Please let me see her again.

I drink in her image like it gives life. Then I turn to Jax, who is back and waiting for me.

Moments later, we are back in my little storage closet in Art City.

Jax puts a hand on my shoulder. He has a solemn expression on his face. “You have two nights left. Brad returns on the morrow.”

Two weeks prior: Art City, Thera

The “unofficial” Exiler Board
meeting started in thirty minutes, but I planned to get there early in hopes of pulling Doc aside. I’d heard rumblings from several members about our plan to “preserve life” once we got to Garden City. There were Exilers who wanted nothing more than to re-pave the roads with SCI blood. I could understand their thirst for vengeance. Problem was, I knew it would lead us down a path as slippery as the canyons in a flash flood. The Exilers would become no better than their predecessors—doling out justice without mercy, without due process.
 

I jogged the entire way from my commune to Exiler “headquarters.” The night was hot and humid, more so than usual. The pasty film of sweat clung to my body like a second skin. There were air-conditioning units in the communes, but they were weak and only notched down the temperature enough to feel merely “sleeping by the fire toasty,” rather than “left in the desert with no water.”

A woman passed me with a large net full of fish. She smiled and showed off her bounty like she’d just won the lottery. “Congratulations,” I said. It was heartening to see everyone adapting and surviving. I just hoped they’d be able to do it all over again in Garden City.

As I approached the Board Room, I heard animated voices. I put my hand on the door to turn the knob, but I decided to wait.

“He’s out. He can’t be trusted.” I couldn’t place the voice.

Doc responded. “I think you’re wrong.”

“We can’t afford to take the chance.” That voice I recognized as being Bailey’s.

“Perhaps so. Let’s take a vote. All in favor of removal?” There was a pause. “Twelve to one in favor. The motion is passed. Now let’s move on to our next order of business.”

What? The meeting wasn’t supposed to start for another twenty minutes. And who was being removed and why? I barged in, and they all looked shocked to see me.
 

“Hey guys. Getting started early?”
 

Bailey tucked her hair behind her ears with her middle finger, a not-so-subtle reminder of how much she loathed me. “What are you doing here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be here? I was hoping to catch Doc before the meeting. I didn’t realize you would start without me.”

Doc looked at me with tired, sad eyes. “We’re always working, whether you are here or not. That will never change.” He turned and addressed the dozen people in the room. “Why don’t you guys take five, and then we’ll get started again?”

As Bailey filed out of the room, she whispered, “Dead man walking.” Gads, I was sick of her crap. She volleyed more threats and insults at me in any given night than most people get in a lifetime.

“That makes sense. Even the dead want to get away from you,” I retorted. She whirled around and gave me the finger again. I rolled my eyes. Original.

Once the room was clear, I turned to Doc. He was busy fussing over the things on his desk. “Who got voted out and why?”

His shoulders dropped. There was an awkward silence, and he didn’t look up. Maybe he was getting a little hard of hearing in his advanced age. Just as I was about to repeat the question, he finally responded. “We’re just shuffling around who gets to deal with the bombs. As you know, they’re tricky to handle and difficult to place. There’s one guy in particular that the Board doesn’t trust to get the job done safely. They think he’s going to blow us all to bits. I think they’re overreacting, but I got outvoted. Better safe than sorry, I guess. Now why’d you come to see me?”

“Why isn’t the vote being done in the Board meetings? Are you purposefully keeping me out of Exiler business?”

He tugged at the end of his short ponytail. He’d been trying to grow his hair back out ever since he lopped it off. “Blake, you’ve got a lot that you’re juggling. If you were living here, then you’d be around more. But since you’re living with those SCI bastards and spending a chunk of your time on SCI business…well, the work is going to go on without you.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know why I’m living there, and it isn’t just to avoid Bailey. I’m keeping Brad’s guys away from you. And feeding them all kinds of misinformation, so that we can proceed with our plans.”

Doc tugged his reading glasses off the bridge of his nose and let them dangle by the chain draped around his neck. Then he rubbed his eyes. “I know. The fact is that you aren’t a permanent member of Exiler society. You flit in and out. So don’t come in here and expect that we’re going to bend over backwards just because you have an extended stay in town. These are
our
lives on the line. Not yours. You get to run off to Earth or to the other cities when you want. But we’re stuck here, in the middle of nowhere, with no supplies and no room to expand unless we make this plan work. So back off, and let us do our jobs.”

In all the many years I’d known Doc, he’d never raised his voice or yelled at me. I backed away. “Fine. Just remember who got you the information you needed to proceed with this plan. Who negotiated those limited supplies you do have. Who got you out of those camps and into a city with real homes and protection from the elements. You know…the stuff I was handling while ‘vacationing’ in all those other cities. I came here today to talk about all the crap that I’ve been hearing about wanting to massacre the SCI, but I think I’m going to go do a little fishing…make my roommates a solid lunch or something. Clearly, I’m not appreciated here.”