Dear Lane,
I miss your laugh. I saw something the other day that I knew would amuse you, and I could just hear you laugh—almost. That was disappointing. Not the remembrance of your laugh, but when I couldn’t quite hear it in my mind. Three dogs chased a cat up a tree barking and snapping at the trunk. The cat sat up there hissing and batting the air like it would do any good. Eventually, the cat got tired of it or something, because it just jumped on the back of one of the dogs and dug in. That dog howled and raced down the street. The other dogs saw the cat and chased after the dog. They went around the block twice before disappearing somewhere. I have no idea where, but I heard that dog yelping for a long time.
Anyway, as it happened, I laughed so hard that I had to wipe tears away from my eyes and that reminded me of you laughing about me trying to “shoo” sheep. You have such a beautiful laugh. I think Patience might get your voice. I hope so. There are too many high-pitched Betty Boop-sounding women in this world.
My mom says I have Rocky Mountain Sheep Fever. I think she knows I left part of me back in Argosy Junction. Dad and I talked about what I want to do with my life; we’ve never done that before. People in my life rarely make plans for their futures; they just go along and maintain status quo.
My father has always worked for the RUT (subway). He started as a maintenance operator and worked his way up to foreman. I trained in a skilled trade, and in our family, that’s big. I’m shift supervisor now, and in five more years, I’ll probably be up for a manager’s position if I want it.
So why do I feel restless? Why can’t I be content? I was talking about that with my dad, and I told him that I think it’s because I saw another side of life in Montana that I’ve only ever seen in books. I am comfortable with my current life, but I don’t know if I’m satisfied with it anymore.
Have you ever thought like this? At your age, I was still high from being out of high school and felt rich beyond my wildest dreams for making ten bucks an hour! Life here makes it so easy to get into a rat rut. I know they call it the rat race, but I think that’s for corporate people. The regular Joes like me just get into a rut. Get up, go to work, come home, eat, play some video games, go to bed. Repeat 5 days a week, hang with the guys on the weekend, and start it all over again on Monday.
Most of the guys my age around here are married. Some have kids. I can’t imagine how I’d ever afford that. How can they afford an apartment, utilities, day care, and formula? I’d love to have a family, but will I ever feel ready for one?
Everything seemed so much simpler in Montana—so much cleaner; not just really cleaner like the air and the streets, but cut and dried cleaner. I’m not making sense.
So, I’ll just go back to my original statement. I miss your laughter, your family, and your little sister, but most of all I miss you.
Alone while surrounded by two million people,
Matt
The letter fell to her lap. She didn’t understand everything he’d said. Oh, she understood the words and their context, but she actually didn’t have the right frame of reference to be able to comprehend how a man couldn’t know the direction of his life. The men in her life knew what they wanted and made a way to get it. Whether revamping the sheep operation by her father, her brother, Kyle’s, search for a wife in Southern California, Tad’s plans for raising border collies and horses, and even the little boys had ideas about how and where they wanted to expand the ranch.
She pulled out her phone and punched her father’s quick dial number. “Dad, know that convention at the end of the month?” She grinned at her father’s response. “Oh thank you! Patience too?” Sliding her phone shut she grabbed the pad of paper and pen next to her and started writing.
~*~*~*~
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Movies
Dear Matt,
Guess what! I’m coming to Rockland to go to the movies with you! Daddy has a convention in Rockland, and he said that Lane and me can drive ahead of him, and he’ll ride back with us!
I am so excited! We’re going to go to the movies and see the big skyscrapers. We’re going to eat at those outdoor places you told us about and see the gray place where you work. I can’t wait. We’re leaving in three days! We get to go through Helena and see the capital, and we’re going to Minneapolis and then down to Rockland from there. Lane says it will take four days because we’re not going to drive all day and just stop to sleep.
I have to go pack. She said we need more than just jeans and jumpers for Rockland so there isn’t much to pack. We’ll buy new clothes when we get there.
I have to go.
Bye until we get there,
Patience
Matt exhaled suddenly and realized he’d been holding his breath. They were coming to his territory! Stifling the temptation to check for an email from Lane or Tad, he replied to her email and suggested all the fun things they could do from the zoo and aquarium, to a trip into little India.
Finally, he finished and opened Lane’s latest email. Her email was full of information about hotel rooms, an itinerary, and a list of things about which she wanted his advice. Her final sentence made him smile. “I don’t expect to do even a fraction of these things. I just want your opinion of what we should do to fill the day while you’re working and what you’d enjoy and have time for when you’re not.”
From:
[email protected]
Subject:
Bliss
Dear Lane,
You’re coming! I can’t believe you’re coming. Your itinerary looks good, but there are a few things I’d recommend before you leave.
The hotel you chose is amazing, but you can get a place just as nice a little farther uptown closer to some of the things you want to do.
If you want to see one of the afternoon matinees at the RAC or attend a night performance of the opera or ballet, I’d get online at www.RAC.rockland.com and see what’s available now because they’ll sell out just as quickly. I think RAC has a formal dress code so you might want to bring something semi-formal or formal.
I want you to know that my mom will want to invite you guys over for dinner or something, and I don’t want you to feel obligated. So, if you meet her and she invites you, feel free to say you’re busy with something else; I won’t be offended.
I can’t wait to see all of you. But I truly wish Martha and the boys were coming as well. I would love to see them all.
Looking forward to showing you “my pasture,”
Matt
Eight
The stairs seemed extra-long that Thursday night. It’d been two days since Lane and Patience had left Argosy Junction. Tad’s email sent the night before said they’d arrived in Minneapolis safely and were heading southeast from there today. They’d either arrive late tonight, or they’d stop along the way and arrive in the morning.
He wasn’t hungry. Normally famished after work, Matt felt a nervous sickness in his stomach that churned at the idea of food. There was no chance of a quirky little email from Patience or one of Lane’s funny missives that teased him and kept him abreast of the happenings around the ranch. They didn’t have a laptop, and she’d have no way to write.
His mom waved at him with her spatula as he kicked off his boots into the coat closet and stripped his shirt into the waiting laundry basket. “I’ll bring my pants out in a minute, Mom.”
“I got a call from your girls. They said they’d probably be in around ten or so and might call you for directions if they get lost. That little girl is such a chatterbox.”
While his mom rhapsodized over Patience’s conversation, Matt slipped into his room to change his clothes. Mom must be trying to get her work done hoping to have Saturday free for guests. He started to slip on his old, comfortable, threadbare gym shorts, but his mom’s words echoed through his mind. Call for directions. If they did that, he might try to drive and meet them at the rest stop outside the city near Fairbury.
He found the printout of Lane’s itinerary and took it to the kitchen. Carefully, Matt punched the numbers into the phone and waved the paper at his mom as he wandered back to his room as she called out, “Your mail is on your dresser. I made the bed after I washed the sheets, so I had to move it.”
Matt nodded, still concentrating on the ringing phone in his ear. “Hello? Patience? This is Matt. Hi. Hey, listen. Tell Lane that there is a rest stop about midway between Fairbury and Rockland. So have her call me, or you call me when you get to Fairbury. We can meet there, and I’ll just lead you guys into the city, okay? Everyone feeling okay? Having fun? Well, good. I’ll talk to you later.”
In the kitchen, Matt’s mom overheard Matt’s side of the conversation and translated it into motherese. Her son was worried about a young woman and her little sister. Her son wanted to get them safely to their hotel. Her son had friends driving to meet them from almost two thousand miles away. Her son had a girlfriend for the first time in five years or more, and he didn’t seem to know it.
Matt shuffled out of his room and hung up the phone. He snatched a fried onion from the can she sprinkled over her casserole and dodged Carol’s half-hearted kick. “You leave that alone. Dinner’ll be done in about half an hour.”
“I’ve got time. Say, will Dad mind if I use the car, or should I call Pete?”
Assured that Jake had no need for the car, Matt ambled back to his room to grab a change of clothes and take a shower. The stack of mail on his dresser caught his attention though. A letter from Lane seemed like the cherry on the top of a sundae.
“Dear Matt,”
Matt’s eyes widened at the formal greeting. Lane always started her letters with a mocking term or just plain Matt. He hoped the switch to a more formal opening wasn’t indicative of her being upset with his last letter.
I’m on the top of the hill that overlooks the pasture where we first met. I’ve just read your latest letter and the sun is almost down, so I’ll probably finish this inside later. I thought you’d like to see that scene again, even if just on paper.
The lambs are almost ready for market. The ones that are leaving will be shipped out at the end of this week, and then next week Dad goes to Rockland for the convention. I think he’s planning on seeing you, and I think we’re all a little envious. Try to give him a glimpse of that smile so he can take a picture of it. We miss it.
The sunset is gorgeous. The sky seems endless and is streaked with salmon and lavender and occasionally chocolate. I think I already see signs of Venus. You denied me that pleasure once, if you remember.
I’m home now. At dinner, we discussed a call I made to my father, and I’m coming to Rockland ahead of him. We’ll be there for two weeks, but I don’t know why I’m telling you this; Patience has probably already written you.
Your letter, Matt. There are parts that I don’t understand and parts that I’ve reread several times already because I think I do understand. There is so much I want to ask or say, but since we’re coming, I’ll wait. Perhaps when I see you there some things will make more sense to me.
Nearly on my way,
Lane
Nothing else was unusual about the style of the letter, but Matt felt a change that went beyond the stilted opening. His mind whirled to explain it, but instead, he grabbed his clean clothes and raced for the bathroom. He needed to clean up, force some dinner down him somehow, fill the car with gas, and then maybe he’d just head on out to the rest stop. He excused his eagerness with thoughts of traffic delays and the lack of safety in sitting around a rest stop alone.
Forty-five minutes later, he zipped around the Rockland loop looking for the Fairbury exit. In no time, he pulled into the rest stop, locked his car, bought a Coke from the vending machine, and made himself comfortable at a picnic table near the entrance. No one would drive in without him seeing them arrive.
He tried reading the L’Amour book he’d brought, but he couldn’t concentrate. Seeing the dandelion-infested grass around him gave Matt an idea, and for the next few minutes, he carefully picked as many dandelions as he could hold in one hand. It grew dark and still he sat on the picnic bench holding his bunch of dandelions. A few cars drove in, one or two with squealing children who raced to the bathrooms followed by exasperated fathers or disheveled mothers.
When it seemed they’d never come, a car pulled in and parked a few feet away from him. Matt hardly gave it a second glance until he heard Patience’s voice scream, “Matt!” as the doors opened.
The little girl streaked across the grassy area around the table and hurled herself at here. “We’re here! You were fast! We forgot to call until a few minutes ago, and your mom said you’d meet us here.”
As Lane exited their Lincoln Town car, Matt realized that he’d forgotten how tall she was. Patience’s chatter brought him back to his senses. “Oh, I picked you some dandelions. I thought you’d have fun blowing them under the light over there.”
Patience streaked off to try his suggestion, sending the seeds scattering everywhere on her way. Lane strode across the grass toward him, but Matt didn’t move. He wanted to meet her in the middle, but something stopped him. Instead, he moved his book from beside him on the bench and motioned for her to take a seat.
“Have a good trip today?” Matt felt like an idiot.
Lane nodded. “Yep. Pretty uneventful until about now.”
Matt gave her a sidelong glance and a slight smile. “You saying getting here is an event?”
“I’m saying that seeing
you
is event worthy.” He heard what she didn’t say. She’d broken the ice but that was as far as she would go.