As I Close My Eyes (14 page)

In between bouts of daydreaming, I prepared myself for Ben’s arrival by helping Mama straighten up the house, shopping for good wine, and making sure my hair was going to cooperate.

I wore the cute little flower dress and sandals we bought earlier in the week and felt fantastic. My hair was up in a bun with small sections pinned in a circle. I had tiny curls falling all around my neck and Mama helped me with my make-up. I felt a little clownish with so much on, but it did look really good.

The doorbell rang at four forty-five p.m. He was earlier than I expected.

Bill answered the door and ushered Ben inside. “Hi, I’m Bill. It’s nice to meet you.”

“
I wasn’t sure if you drank, but I was told to save this for a special occasion and I thought this dinner warranted that,” said Ben, handing Bill a bottle of very old scotch. I felt so excited that he was here. Dressed in my favorite dark jeans and a purple button-down shirt, he looked handsome as usual.

“
Hello. It’s very nice to meet you,” said Mama, coming out of the ktichen. She smiled as Ben handed her a dozen roses. “This was very sweet of you, Ben, to bring us flowers.” I wasn’t sure I had ever seen her so happy in the last two years, even when Bill finally moved in and their relationship went to the next level.

“
I told Danielle on our second date that a girl as beautiful as her should get a rose every day. And since I haven’t seen her for a few days, I figured I should give her a dozen. Plus, I couldn’t leave out her beautiful mother.”

“
Oh, Benjamin.”

“
Mama,” I hissed. “Please call him Ben.”

“
Isn’t his name Benjamin?” Mama whispered back, hiding her mouth with her hand as if she was being discreet.

My face burned, and I waved her quiet.

“
Bill, would you open the wine and the scotch and bring some glasses into the family room?” Mama asked. “We can have some appetizers while the pork roast is cooking.”

Ben and I made our way to the middle of the room while Bill handed our guest a heavy glass of the scotch.

“
Cheers!” said Ben, as he raised his glass to the center of our circle.

“
Welcome to our home, Ben,” said Mama.

The initial meeting was going as planned. Ben had this way about him around people. He seemed like the new kid in class who everyone immediately wanted to be friends with. Someone who was always popular even when he didn’t try to be.

“
So I hear you own a bookstore in Tallulah, Ben,” said Bill.

“
Yes. I’ve always wanted to. Ever since my time in England. Tallulah seemed like the perfect town for it. You know, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone else and little stores line the streets. It’s a great place to live.”

The two men in my life talked for a while about Tallulah, New York City, owning a small business, and college. I started to feel bad that I didn’t tell Ben about my brother yet. Maybe I’d get to that later tonight after we hung out with Shannon, Brad, and Eric.

We sat down to dinner after the appetizers were all devoured and enjoyed a melt-in-your-mouth pork roast with Mama’s homemade buttermilk biscuits, crisp potato wedges, and finally Mama’s famous pecan pie. I was sure it was one of the better meals Ben had eaten in a while. Being a single man, I assumed he didn’t cook much.

Shannon and Brad arrived while we ate dessert.

“
Ben, this is Shannon and her boyfriend, Brad,” I introduced them with a mouthful of pie.

“
Nice to finally meet you outside of your bookstore,” said Shannon.

“
Same here,” said Ben.

The night air was the perfect temperature of sixty-five degrees, slightly windy with a bright full moon overhead. The four of us went out on the porch, sat in the oversized Adirondack chairs and waited for Eric. Poor Ben got a million questions from Shannon and Brad so I wasn’t sure he could take any more by the time Eric pulled in an hour late.

“
Where have you been?” I asked Eric as he got out of his car.

“
Sorry, I lost track of time.”

I introduced the two.

“
Hi, Eric. It’s nice to meet you,” said Ben, as he put his hand out to shake Eric’s.

Slowly, Eric accepted the offer. “Yeah, same here.” I wasn’t sure he actually meant it.

The conversation between the four of us started out a bit shaky, but then Ben began to talk about his travels to Europe - grape stomping in Italy, trips to the Louvre, pubs in England - and how he missed it. Eric and Ben actually started to sound like they were getting along. Or maybe it was because Eric was entranced by Ben’s travels. I was sure Shannon was in love with Ben already and Brad was being Brad, elusive and annoying.

The day couldn’t have gone better. And I couldn’t wait to get out of my dress. However, before I could do that, we had to drive Brad and Shannon home since Brad snuck a few sips of the Scotch during dinner and they came to my house in Brad’s manual-transmission Jeep Wrangler.

A big part of me was really excited because I knew Ben and I would get the chance to talk on the way home.

We loaded the drunk up into the Jeep, which wasn’t an easy task seeing as how it was a two-door vehicle and he insisted on sitting in the back since, as he said, “I neeeverrrrr git to rode in the back.”

The ten-minute ride to Brad’s house was filled with terribly off-key singing belting out of Brad’s mouth. He was blending Justin Timberlake’s “
Sexy Back
” with REO Speedwagon’s “
Dream Weaver
.”

Shannon walked Brad into his house with her arms around his waist for support. Their walk to the front door seemed like it would take all night. Brad swerved to the left and right, never moving in a straight line. He kept saying, “Shhhhhhh” with his pointer finger up to his face, only most times it was at his eye and not his mouth.

“
Does he usually drink when he shouldn’t?” asked Ben.

“
Brad doesn’t know when to stop. With anything in his life,” I replied.

The door finally closed with Shannon and Brad safe inside. In the solace of the Jeep, Ben put his hand on my thigh and smiled at me. “I’m so glad I’m here.” Then he kissed my cheek. It took everything in me not to take the keys out of the ignition and toss them out the window so we had nowhere else to go and could then make out ‘til the sun came up.

“
I’m really glad you’re here too,” I said. “I wish you lived closer.”

“
Same here. I’ll just have to come to see you more often. Your friends and family are all very nice. I like them a lot.”

“
Yeah, they’re okay,” I said with a smirk. “Listen, there’s something I want to tell you.”

“
Okay,” Ben said as he started the drive back to my house.

“
If I seem a little off lately, it’s because I haven’t told you something that maybe I should have by now.” I took a deep breath. “Two years ago, my brother Justin died.”

“
Oh my God. I’m sorry.” His hand went right back onto my thigh until he had to shift again.

“
It’s okay. He was in a car accident when I was sixteen and was killed instantly.”
             

“
Geez, Dani. I don’t know what to say.”

“
There isn’t anything to say or do.”

“
Well, that’s true, but I wish I could take all of your grief away.” He touched my cheek and smiled.

As Ben pulled in the driveway, he turned to me and kissed me. “I’m in love with you, Dani.”

“
You love me?”

I think Ben was shocked that he had said the word love. “Um ... yeah, I guess I do. I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. I know it’s too soon. I mean, we only met a few weeks ago so I’m not sure how it’s possible, but there’s just something about you. It just feels comfortable, you know?”

“
Yeah, I do.” We kissed again. My arms were around his neck and Ben’s warm palms cupped my face. I felt so safe when he held me this way. I didn’t say I loved him back because even though I was sure I did, I wasn’t ready to say those words out loud yet. I had never said them to anyone besides my own family. But Ben felt like my family. I couldn’t live without him. It seemed so unreal that I had fallen so hard so fast for someone I had only known for three weeks.

Chapter 13

The rebuilding process had begun. New homes being built were grand and colorful with elaborate wood trim. Many were adorned with gables that resembled those I’d seen on gingerbread houses, and wrought iron fences surrounded many estates. I stopped to watch as painters stood on tall ladders, brushing dark blue paint onto the trim around a gorgeous three-story mansion. There was a tiny porch jutting out from one of the second floor rooms that had scalloped edging along the top and bottom.

I walked alongside Robert and held his hand, with Rebecca close to my right. It must have been almost Christmas because some of the smaller homes were finished and bright candles burned in their windows. As we passed by each house, I glanced in their front windows and saw large Christmas trees embellished with ornate decorations. Still others were bare. I could see one family getting ready to hang the ornaments they just purchased, opening each box and admiring its contents. The smell of the pine wafted out to the sidewalk and left me with a nostalgic feeling. It made me think about the holidays with Justin. I glimpsed back to a vivid memory of Justin and I running down the stairs Christmas morning, excited to see how many gifts we had under the tree. Suddenly, another memory of Christmas popped into my mind, but it was Caroline’s. She wore an elaborate red dress and was opening the front door to let John in. Seconds later, the images were gone.

As we passed by more houses, I heard classical music resonating from several living rooms with family and friends standing around pianos
reveling
in their time together. The Victorian era was an elegant time when neighbors conversed and free time was spent together, enjoying each other’s company. Heavy, brass chandeliers hung from the dining rooms of many homes. People dressed in layers of clothing. Women wore dresses made of heavy silk with tulle and delicate embellishments, while men were dashing in three-piece suits with top hats and suspenders. I found the sound of waves crashing in the background odd. It wasn’t a sound I was used to hearing in Georgia.

People everywhere were happy about the holidays despite many not having a home to spend Christmas in yet. I took mental snapshots of the scenes around me so I could remember every detail; the women passing by wearing tall, black shoes with buttons up the sides; the way the lights flickered in the sconces of each home; how Robert’s hand felt holding mine.

We made our way to where my Victorian childhood home once stood. The frame was in place, and the first floor walls were already completed. Our home was one of the larger ones, so I wondered if my family had money.

As I looked down at Robert’s hand, which held mine, I saw his ring. We were definitely Mr. and Mrs. Marcum.