Do what?
I move toward him again and touch his shoulder. With that touch, Xander turns on me and pushes me up against the wall hard enough the breath is knocked from me for a second. His entire body is pressed against every part of mine and his heated and rapid breath saturates my face, my mouth. His face is full of sorrow and pain; emotions that I put there, evidence of my thoughts, my torture on him. He has seen my memories, been in my head. Blindly, I reach up to touch his face, comfort him. I don’t want to hurt him and I can see that I have. God, I don’t want to hurt either of them. Roughly, he catches my hand before I can touch his grinding jaw and pulls it in against his chest. The tears are sliding down the side of his face, but doesn’t try to hide them this time.
Searching my face, Xander w
hispers between ragged breaths, “The love that you have given freely to Nate and I has been pure, Jesca. Unreserved, uninhibited, undefined.”
He is panting between words and my breath quickly matches his; fast and out of control. Intoxicated by his presence now, I can’t think
, only feel. New, hot tears spring from my eyes and roll down my cold, damp cheeks. Xander releases my hand, but I keep it on his chest; his heart. He brings his hand up to rest on the wall beside my head. His eyes drift to my hand still on his chest, not pulling away. Then they stray to my neck, travel to my lips and hover there for a moment. He wants to claim them; he does not hide this thought. His eyes return to mine with the same reckless passion I saw that night he opened his heart and soul to me without expectations. Deep and determined, his voice makes my legs go weak. “A love so raw, so pure, that it could capture and save someone like me.”
Unable to contain what his words are making me feel, I move closer, needing to feel his lips against mine now. “Xander…”
He pulls his face back from mine, shakes his head, and whispers gently, “Please, just let me say this.”
His wavering voice makes me want to cry out for him, but I bite my lip to keep my sob from escaping.
Xander’s voice shakes as he tries to whisper sternly, “The time is coming, Jes, when that raw love will need to be defined.” Unable to stay away, he closes in on me again. “Jes, promise me you won’t ignore that defining moment out of fear of hurting one of us.”
I lean in and run my lips against his gently again.
Xander sucks in a breath that hitches on a sob. “The one that holds your heart and soul, Jes, will be the only remaining constant in this screwed up evolving world.”
Just as he always does, Xander has stripped away my defenses, leaving my soul bare and enrapturing me with a passion that surprises and scares me all at the same time. The fear is what I decide to act on, I try to pull away from him, run away from how naked he has left me, but Xander blocks my escape and takes my face in his hands forcing me to look at him. His eyes narrow and his voice quivers with that raw emotion I have planted within him. “Promise me
, Jes, that you will not run and hide from that moment.”
I can’t promise him this, not now. I just can’t!
I try and pull my face out of his hands, but he holds me firmly. I close my eyes and whimper, but not from physical pain; it’s the pain the truth being revealed to you brings. “Stop it, Xander, please.”
Xander relinquishes his hands and backs away from me. I turn my body away from him, still leaning against the wall. Every thought and emotion that I have felt in the past few weeks with him and Nate, he has felt too.
He has kept it hidden up until this moment for my sake, but why did he reveal all of it now?
My thick voice shakes, “You knew everything I have been thinking and you didn’t say anything. Why now?”
Xander
replies, “I tried to let you figure things out on your own. I didn’t want to interfere or influence you in any way. Watching you breaking just now, your thoughts and feelings racing through my head, the memories, I couldn’t sit back and let you tear yourself apart any longer.”
I turn and lean my back against the stonewall again and fix my eyes on Xander. I shake my head slowly back and forth. I was not going to make the promise Xander wanted me to. “The only promises I can make to you
, Xander, is that I will get Nate, Ezra, and you back here safely and fight for our world. I can’t promise anything else.”
Xander rests his hands on hips and looks down at the ground in front of him. His sigh is deep, tired, and frustrated with my response. Yet, he surprises me and nods, walk backwards, and leans against the wall across from me. We must stare at each other for a good minute, not out of anger or spite. In a daze of exhaustion, I push off of the stone wall and walk back to my room.
Telling Xander I couldn’t make promises beyond getting Nate and Ezra back and protecting our world was the truth. I couldn’t promise him that I would choose between Nate and him. What if we didn’t survive beyond the veil? My choice of who I truly love with all my heart and soul wouldn’t matter, would it? Everything beyond ascending the veil was uncharted territory.
When my head hits the pillow on my bed, it takes a matter of seconds for me to physically feel light as a feather and my mind eager to drift into a blind and silent oblivion.
Jesca
The sound is peaceful perfection when it pulls me from my oblivion. Swift moving water moving over rocks, flowing through crevices and inlets as it makes progress to a
n unknown destination; a stream. I don’t want to open my eyes. I just want to listen and be still with the constant soothing sound. Then, a splash interrupts the peaceful constant. Another splash, and another. Quick breathing paired with the repetitive splashing of someone drudging through the water. As quickly as it started, the splashing stops. The breathing is no longer coming from someone outside of myself, it is coming from me. Opening my eyes, I see something that I never expected. A familiar lake, near a familiar wood that I hiked and ran with Roan in Georgia.
I scan the placid lake; no movement, no one. The sky is overcast with heavy, white clouds and the sun is poking through here and there. I listen, no birds, just the sound of the wind blowing the leaves in the trees all around me.
I have only been on this outlet a handful of times. The last time was when I was being chased by something and I came upon Ezra fishing in the lake. I look off into the distance and see something I had never noticed before in that handful of times I had been up here. Beyond the lake, lies a meadow, and then a river. Just beyond it lies a steep ridge cresting into a plateau housing one large mound with two smaller ones nearby. I can only make out the mounds for a moment. They begin to disappear as fog settles over them.
In the blink of my eyes, I’
m not perched on the outlet anymore. I am standing on the bank of the river, the intense wind is whipping my hair around my face. I look up at the steep ridge on the other side of the river and see a series of silhouettes. The whispering is light and fleeting, barely audible. It isn’t English, I know that for sure. Someone grabs me from behind, covering my mouth with a palm. I panic and try and pull away. Instead of holding me tighter, I am thrust forward into the water, but the thing is...My face never hits the water.
I am falling,
falling,
falling,
Sucking down panting breaths and reaching for empty air as I plummet deeper into nothingness. The silence around me is the only barrier between me and what is beyond the darkness. Only the sound of my heart and my thick, ragged breaths are my companions.
Without warning, my body is yanked backward, rebounding, pulling every ounce of air from my body. There is a change in the air around me. It is no longer compressed and dismal, but rather thinned and hopeful. This mysterious transformation fills me with the sensation of promise. Feeling the dream lifting away from my mind, I open my eyes, focusing on the ceiling above me. A silhouette moves into view and I scramble backward in the bed to put distance between it and me.
A static whisper hisses in the air between me and the silhouette, “Jesca.”
I feel her energy pass through me; it’s Anna. I relax a little and breath
e out slowly. I should feel at ease, but I don’t because the last time I saw her, Michael Sanderson had tossed her against the wall of the cabin and she disappeared.
My voice is shaky, “I didn’t know if you would be able to come to me again.”
Anna’s form stands and walks to the night stand. I hear the click of the lamp and the room is illuminated in a soft light. Anna turns to me and folds her arms over her chest. A small smile spreads on her face. I lean closer to her, concerned now. “What if he finds out you have come to me?”
Anna shakes her head.
“Who?”
How can she not know?
“Michael Sanderson.”
Anna
replies, “Michael Sanderson? What?”
I think of what Daniel was saying, the likelihood that Anna is not in the same universe as Michael and Sam. Her confusion confirms Daniel’s thoughts more soundly. She doesn’t understand because when Michael sent her into that wall in the cabin, he must have sent her somewhere beyond the veil. Somewhere other than where Michael dwells now.
Thoughtlessly, I reach for her hands and tug on them to bring her to sit next to me. It is a strange sensation to hold pure energy from a soul in your hands, a light electrifying weight, not the weight of a material hand. I shake my head, sending the thought out of my mind so I can concentrate on quickly telling her what has happened. “After he sent you away, the intersection came. Michael was there at the site.” I feel tension begin to build and radiate from Anna as I continue.
“I tried to kill him. I thought I had until Sebastian and Balthazar told me they couldn’t find his body. Sam, he tried to pull me into the vortex. There was a struggle, Ezra took hold of Sam and he released me. Nate tried to hold onto Ezra; to keep him from falling into the wormhole. The combined pull of the vortex and Sam was so strong. Xander and I tried to hold on.”
My voice starts to crack as I relive the trauma of that night. “Nate told Xander to protect me before he, Ezra, and Sam were consumed by the wormhole. We think that Michael slipped through the vortex during our struggle. We think Michael is in the same realm as Nate, Ezra, and Sam. ”
Anna’s eyes scan the ceiling, like the answers to her questions can be found there. “This is not good. Nate’s, Ezra’s, and Sam’s physical bodies are an anomaly among the souls in that realm.”
I close my eyes remembering what Daniel said.
“...When they ascended, they made a ripple...”
Anna nods, having heard my thoughts. “They are being stalked.”
I recall Daniel’s description of the occupiers, how they are demon-like taking hold of a host and feeding on its soul. “So you know about this other universe and the beings there?”
Anna’s stares into my eyes and nods. “What you are thinking, Heaven and Hell, angels and demons...”
Anna looks down at our hands, and then raises her glassy eyes back to meet mine. “You are on the right path.”
Suddenly, Anna pulls away and stands. “I have to go. I have to find them.”
I gulp past the knot in my throat now. “Wait. How will you find them? You aren’t in the same realm as they are.”
Anna closes her eyes briefly. “No, I am not, but we are all beyond the veil of your universe. Th
e properties of our existence are different beyond your universe. We are outside of your bubble. Time, space, and the physical body have no significance among us here. The only challenge will be finding Nate’s and Ezra’s soul under the cloak Michael will have masked them with.”
Anna opens her eyes and is silent for a moment, letting me take in her explanation. “You had a vision tonight. It was meant to prepare you for your legacy. When I was young, I had them too. Sebastian, he helped me understand why I was purposed with them. He will help you understand too, in time.”
She knows what I saw. “You mean the mounds? It is a premonition, isn’t it?”
She nods. “For centuries ancient people have constructed monuments as guide, symbols for us to follow. A possible means to our origins and our salvation. You have experienced one of these monuments in your lifetime, not just in your visions. It has been revealed in your vision because you are connected to it.”
I have so many questions. I rise and ask the most obvious as a desperate plea, “Why me?”
Anna
replies, “The answers will come, just not now, Jes.”
She turns to wal
k away again, but I stop her. “Wait, Michael has turned against Sam. I think Sam wants to make things right with everyone he has hurt, including you and Ezra.”
Anna turns back to me. “He doe
s…always been swayed by power…I…careful…will...try to reach…when…to them.”
Her voice is breaking up, just like Ezra’s and Nate’s did when something tried to break our communication. Michael.
Anna’s silhouette begins to fragment and dissolve into darkness. Her parting words, “I will find them. Then find you.”
Every piece of her dissolves into the darkness now. I stand there in the silence, feeling heavy; heavy head, heavy body, heavy heart, heavy chest, heavy eyes. I sit down on the edge of the bed and close my eyes, holding onto the visitation I just had from this angelic being; my mother’s soul.
Pound, pound, pounding on my door pulls me from my lethargy. Sluggishly, I get it together, go to the door and open it a small crack. It’s Xander. He pushes the door open and rushes past me with Corinna in his arms; one hand wrapped around her waist and the other around her shoulder. Out of breath, Xander says, “I was coming to check on you and I saw her standing in the middle of your hallway. When I reached her she collapsed. I don’t know how she got out of her room or past the staff.”
Xander takes her to my bed and sits her down on the edge. Her eyes are pinched closed and she is rocking back and forth. She says my name over and over again breathlessly, “Jesca, Jesca, Jesca, Jesca.”
I sit next to her and cradle her as best I can while she rocks. I brush her hair away from her face and hush her. “Shhh. Corinna, I’m here. It’s Jesca. I’m right here.”
Her rocking stops and she grasps for my hand with both of hers; they are shaking so badly. Her eyes are still a beautiful pale blue as they meet mine. They are rimmed with dark circles though and her face is ashen. She looks like death has warmed over her. Her voice is wavering and weak, “It’s Sam. I can feel him all around me.” Corinna releases one of her hands from mine and pounds her chest three times. “I can feel him within me here.”
Then she taps her palm on the side of her head. “And here.” Her eyebrows narrow with concern. “Sam is not himself. Acting possessed, controlled. Someone...” Corinna doesn’t finish her sentence before she turns ghost white and whimpers, “Michael Sanderson has done this.”
Everything about her is frightening me as I continue to look at her actions and her appearance. “What did Michael do Corinna?
”
Corinna twitches,
and then looks at me with fear in her eyes. “I need to show you. It’s Sam.” Corinna reaches her hand out to me.
I look down at her shaking hand,
and then up at Xander wondering if I should. I look back at Corinna. Her lips are making small movements, like she is talking to someone, but no sound is coming out. Whatever is going on inside of her right now, it is slowly breaking her, trying to come out. She said it is Sam. Maybe he is using her to tell us something.
I reach for her hand. Before I touch it, Xander catches it in his. “I don’t know if that is a good idea.”
I don’t look at him. I keep my eyes on Corinna’s jerking hand. “Sam is trying to tell us something through Corinna. I have to.”
Xander warns, “Jesca, don’t!”
Before he can grab hold of my other hand, I take hold of hers and close my eyes.
Sam
I stand unmovable, watching them. The kid, Nate, was choking and Ezra was talking to him trying to calm him. They kept looking off away from each other and talking. Were they communicating with someone else? Could it be Anna? Or maybe they are able to reach back home.
I do a brief inventory in my head, like I am searching a house for a trespasser; he has been silent within me for the past few minutes. It feels like he has left my mind, but I am not one hundred percent sure. This may be the only chance to do something. My only option is to try and reach Corinna. I had to tell her to warn Jesca. I wasn’t strong enough to keep him from getting into my head for Anna’s sake. I can try and do right by her daughter and her legacy. I have to tell her what has happened while I still am able. Please let her hear me.
Corinna, please hear me.
*
* *
I came to consciousness feeling the pound of my head; it must have taken a big blow. My eyes fluttered open landing directly on the sunlight through the tree above me. I closed my eyes and tried to shield my eyes with my arm, but I couldn’t lift it. It was weighted down by something heavy. I turn to see what was preventing my movement. Perched like a vulture over its prey is a man I have never seen before squatting next to me with his hands pressing against my arm. I try and pull it free, but my arm does not budge under his stre
ngth.
The man says, “Hello, Sam,
” in a voice that he should not possess.
I must have been in shock because I can’t speak. I had just heard Michael Sanderson’s voice come from a man I had never seen before today.
The man suddenly chuckled, the sound absorbed by the surroundings. “You look like you have seen a ghost, Sam.”
I can’t wrap my head around the voice that just came from this stranger’s mouth. I am stunned; it is Michael’s voice. The man saw the loss of his joke on me and his wide toothed smile fell into a grimace.
My voice sounded like sandpaper when I spoke, “Why are you in that body?”
Michael crossed his arms over his chest. “The form I have taken is for your sake actually. You have entered a realm in a universe where physical attributes of a being are not needed like they are on earth.”
I studied him for a moment too long and his face shifted rapidly into an unnatural angle then transformed into the image of Michael. I whispered, “What the hell?”
Michael lowered his head,
and then looked up at me through hooded eyes. “Yes, this place has been called that among other names. Let’s just stick with the black hole within the Andromeda galaxy for now. They were once us you know. Then they became tainted, lost souls. This is where they go, Sam. So, they are not so alien after all, just a different form of us.”
I’m sure I appeared shocked, so Michael continued to explain. “When the abductees were transplanted with the Sondian Copulas started showing signs of distress from an external force and we located it to Andromeda, the pieces started coming together nicely. The Copula was the conduit drawing them to us. When I asked you to assist with the traversing, you with your God complex…”
I cut him off, “My reasons for wanting to assist you are not what you think. I had my own motivation.”
Michael
replies, “Actually, I know your reasons very well, Sam.”
I didn’t understand.
He continued, “It was so easy to get into your head, Sam. Just a little bit at a time, influencing, probing, encouraging your rage.”
My stomach began to churn and I felt vomit
ous. No!
H
is chuckle was low and heavy, “I was in your head when you fell in love with Anna. I was in your head when you saw her with Ezra. I was there when you planned to confront her. I was there when your hatred for Kahn was building, growing stronger and stronger. I was in your head the night before you planned to take her. I was in your head when you ended her life. I was there when you fled. And, I have been there every time you have thought of ways to get to her, to make things right. And, that is why you are here, Sam. I made you believe this place was where you could find her. It is the right universe. Just the wrong world, Sam, the wrong realm.”
He continued, “You want to ask her for forgiveness for taking her from her husband and her daughter. Forgiveness for coveting her, because she would never be yours. She always belonged to another, to Kahn. And nothing you could have done would have changed that.”
No matter how badly I wanted to deny it, he was right. He spoke all of the thoughts and emotions that I lived with and experienced. He was in there and I didn’t even realize it. Was he there when I caused the accident that claimed Xander’s parents lives? Did he have control over me then? Did he put the evil tendencies in my head? If I would have known, would I have stopped before I killed her? Or, was it always in my hands to control and I just chose not to because of my hatred?”