Adrik looked at her, rather puzzled. “Whom do you suppose? Jacob.”
Karen shrugged. “I hadn’t thought past the search. And I really don’t have any hope of finding Bill. Even if the man you found wasn’t Bill, he could be so far away by now we might never find him. He may not even have survived another leg of his journey.”
“Have you ever considered settling up north? Whitehorse or Dawson?”
Such thoughts had once accompanied Karen to Alaska, but they’d died out with her father’s passing. “I don’t know what I want to do. Things are so very confusing right now. I had thought about teaching the native children—you know that, of course, from our previous talks. Now I just don’t know.”
“You don’t seem quite as angry as the last time I saw you,” Adrik braved.
“No, I suppose not.” She brought her elbows to the table and leaned her chin against her folded hands.
“Wanna talk about it?”
She heard the desire in his voice. Not a passionate desire, but rather one of hope that she would not shut him out. “I suppose there’s really very little that you aren’t already aware of. I miss my father. I’m confused about God and what He wants from me. I’m angry for being angry, and torn apart for hurting the people I care about most.”
“Nothing’s been said or done that can’t be fixed,” Adrik suggested.
“I can’t bring the dead back to life, and that’s what I really need. I need my father to tell me it’s all right—that I can stay on with him and that he’ll teach me how to minister to the people he so loved. I need Aunt Doris and my mother to encourage me and love me until I’m strong enough to stand on my own again. I need Bill Barringer to come back to his children—to father them and care for them as only a parent can.
“I need things I can’t even identify,” she said in complete exasperation.
“Well, I can’t bring the dead back to life, either,” Adrik said softly, “but I can tell you that it’s all right—that you can stay on with me, and that I’ll teach you how to minister to the people your father loved—the people I love.”
Karen closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. Why did she have to be so moved by his words? Why did she have to feel all weak and shaken? “I don’t know what’s right. I don’t know what God wants because I haven’t bothered to ask Him.”
Adrik took hold of her wrists and pulled her hands away from her face. When Karen still refused to look at him, he let go of her arms and put two fingers to her chin. “Look at me,” he commanded.
She opened her eyes, but her vision blurred from her tears. She’d been so cruel to him. Why did he go on enduring her?
“God wants you to talk to Him. He wants you to put aside childish ways and trust Him. You’ve been fighting Him, wrestling Him for a blessing, and He’s already provided.”
“But He’s taken away so much that I loved.”
Adrik rubbed his thumb against her cheek. “But maybe
He’s given you new things to love.”
She trembled under his touch. She wanted Adrik to hold her, to kiss her, to promise her that nothing would ever hurt her again. If only he would make that pledge, she could tell him that she loved him—would love him forever. But she wanted the same of God, and if God wouldn’t give her that promise, how could this mere mortal?
Breaking the spell, Karen jumped up from the table, sending her chair flying backward to crash against the floor. For a moment she shook off the spell Adrik had woven over her, and by the time he got to his feet, Karen felt a firm resolve to send him on his way.
“I have to go,” she said in a curt manner. “Leah will be wondering where I am.”
She headed for the door, but Adrik caught hold of her before she could get that far. Swinging her around, he pulled her against his chest and held her fast.
“What are you afraid of?”
She swallowed hard. “Everything,” she whispered.
“Don’t be.” He put his hand to the back of her head and buried his fingers in her coiled braid. His mouth came against hers in a kiss so sweet and passionate that Karen momentarily took leave of her senses.
She lost herself in his embrace, allowing her hands to travel up to the back of his neck. She memorized the feel of the scar that edged along the right side, leaving a deep furrow where his collar reached. She let her fingers toy with the thickness of his hair, all while being very much aware of his hands. One pressed against the small of her back keeping her snug against the warmth of his body, while he’d brought the other around to the side of her face.
He was all she wanted. Nothing else mattered. Not the trip north nor her damaged friendship. Nothing else even came to mind. She wanted nothing more than to stay forever in his arms.
Returning his kiss with a zeal she’d not known herself capable of, Karen all at once realized she was gasping for air. The smell and taste of this powerful, wonderful man had completely stolen her senses. Forcing herself to regain control, Karen brought her hand between them and pushed at Adrik’s chest. She had to stop this now or she might forget herself all together.
“Adrik!” She staggered back and looked at him, embarrassment replacing the passion.
He grinned at her in an irritating manner that furthered Karen’s journey back to reality. “What? Am I doing it wrong?” he asked, as if he had no idea what the problem might be.
Karen bit her lip for a moment, then shook her head. “Buy another tent. That’s final.”
She heard him laugh as she hurried from the room. No doubt he had no idea what he’d done to her. No doubt he had no idea how hard it had been for her to walk away.
ADRIK GOT LITTLE SLEEP that night. And the next. Consumed with his feelings for Karen, he could only remember the way she’d felt in his arms—the way she had yielded to his kiss.
“She loves me,” he said aloud as he pulled on his boots. “I’m certain of it, but how do I make her certain of it, as well?” He got up from his cot and went to the makeshift table he used for his tent. Picking up his Bible, he pored over the Scriptures between sips of steaming coffee. The book of First John spoke to him of God’s love and the need to show love in return to God’s children.
“I love her,” he said prayerfully. “I know she loves me. I know she loves you, too. Oh, Father, she’s just afraid. She’s terrified that you have somehow forgotten her. She’s worried that the love she’s given has somehow been misplaced. Help her, Father. Help her to see that just because bad things have happened, it doesn’t mean you haven’t been there all along, grieving with her, sharing her sorrow.”
Adrik closed the Bible and buried his face in his hands. He continued to pray in silence, losing track of the noises around him and the time.
Help me not to make a mess of things by pushing her for
answers before she’s ready to give them. Help me to take her and
Leah north, to do it safely. And please, Lord, let us find Jacob. I
probably shouldn’t have let him go off like I did, but I know how
it feels to mourn a father’s death. I needed time to myself, and I
was certain he did, too. I didn’t mean to be neglectful of my
duties as a Christian man. If I failed to respond in the right way,
please forgive me
.
He prayed for some time, and only when he felt he’d exhausted himself before God’s throne did Adrik put away his Bible and head out to tend to business.
“Where are you headed?” Dyea Joe asked. His dirty white bowler was pulled down tight over oily black hair. Added to this, his heavy pants, coat, and best boots told Adrik that Joe was ready to head back up to pack goods on the trail.
“I have to buy supplies. Are you game for a bit of a trip?”
Joe shrugged. “I was going up with the others. Why?”
“I’ve agreed to pack north with Karen Pierce and Leah Barringer. They’re desperate to find Jacob Barringer and to know the truth about whether the man I found in the avalanche was really Bill. I’m not sure what we’ll do once we’re up there, but we’ll go until we find the boy and then decide. I just wondered if you and your family wanted the job packing.”
“Sure,” Joe said, nodding. He followed Adrik to the Yukon outfitters and stopped short of going inside. “How soon you want to leave?”
Adrik realized they’d not settled on a day or time. “I’m not sure. It’ll take me a day or two to put everything together. Why don’t you round up some reliable men and meet me tonight at my tent? We’ll discuss the time and place then.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good. Now I have to buy a tent,” Adrik said, pulling open the door to the shop.
“Buy a tent? You have a tent,” Joe declared.
Adrik turned and smiled. “I don’t have a big enough tent.”
Joe shrugged in confusion, tapped down his bowler as if it had come loose, then sauntered off down the street. Adrik laughed, knowing the man couldn’t hope to understand the situation. Then again, Adrik wasn’t exactly sure he understood it all himself.
Four hours later, Adrik shook hands on the last deal. Eight hundred pounds of flour, three hundred pounds of split peas, and three hundred pounds of sugar were to be delivered by morning. This, added to the condensed milk, coffee, dried potatoes, fruit, rice, and beans that he’d already purchased earlier in the morning would round out their supplies rather nicely. He knew they could pick up other things once they got to Sheep Camp or the Scales. Discouraged men would be turning back by that point, and there was always a supply of goods to be bought.
Stopping by the Gold Nugget for lunch, Adrik figured to satisfy his appetite and talk to Karen at the same time. He walked into the dining room and spied her working at one of the far tables. A rowdy group of men seemed to be overstepping their bounds as she worked to maneuver out of their reach. Adrik frowned. It seemed the men had escaped manners and common decency when they came north. He crossed the room just as one man put his hand out to give Karen’s backside a friendly pat.
Adrik plowed his fist into the man’s jaw, leaving everyone at the table to stare up in stunned silence. Except, of course, the injured man. He howled like Adrik had mortally wounded him. Even Karen turned rather abruptly, startled by her customers’ expressions and the man’s obvious pain. Adrik noted her face had reddened considerably.
“What’d ya do that for, mister? I didn’t mean any harm.” The wounded man rubbed his jaw and winced.
“I didn’t mean any harm, either,” Adrik replied. “Just figured if we were putting our hands where they had no business bein’, then I’d get in on the fun, as well. Now, if you apologize to the lady, I might be inclined to put an end to our game.”
“Sorry, miss,” the man said, sounding profoundly sincere.
Karen said nothing but seemed pleased that Adrik had come to her rescue. He winked at her and asked, “Do you have a table for me?”
She looked over her shoulder and motioned with her head. “You can sit over there.”
Adrik spied the small corner table. “Can you join me?”
“In about ten minutes,” she replied. “Mrs. Neal has a couple of girls coming in to spell us. We’ve been at this pretty much since breakfast. I think this must be a new group headed north.”
Adrik nodded. “I’ll wait over here. Whatever you’re dishing up today is just fine by me.” He grinned, then leaned close enough that only Karen could hear him add, “As long as you come with the meal.”
She elbowed him away. “I’ll bring you fish heads and seaweed if you don’t mind your manners.”
He laughed all the way to the table, knowing that if Karen Pierce served them up, he’d find a way to digest them. He watched her work, admiring her stamina and grace. She conducted herself like a lady but wasn’t averse to getting her hands dirty. Maybe it was because she came from a family of good hardworking folk who’d brought her up to appreciate manual labor as well as an education. And in truth, Adrik admired her mind, as well. She was smart—smarter than most women. Smart and pretty. Now, there was a combination.
Adrik continued watching her, needing to assure himself that she was safe. He caught the veiled glance of the man he’d punched and noted the fellow’s nose was already turning purple.
Well, he had it coming,
Adrik thought. Then he rationalized that he probably shouldn’t have hit him. He knew he could have handled it in a different manner, but up here folks seemed to better understand a physical deterrent. They weren’t all coming for a summer social, after all. They were greedy and hungry for gold, and that tended to sever a man’s brain from his actions.
True to her word, Karen joined him a short time later. She brought with her two steaming bowls of bean stew. One of the new serving girls followed behind with a tray of coffee and warm biscuits.
After the girl had gone, Adrik suggested they bless the food. He took hold of Karen’s hand before she could protest and held it fast in his own. He prayed a simple prayer of thanks, painfully aware of Karen’s presence. The softness of her hand was enough to distract the most pious of men. After he said amen, he continued to hold on.
“It’s going to be difficult to eat if you insist on holding my hand,” Karen finally said.
Adrik grinned wickedly. “I could feed you.”
“I could toss this coffee over your head,” she said, smiling sweetly. “What happened to us all keeping our hands where they belong?”
“But this
is
where my hands belong.”
“Ah . . . yes . . . well, we can discuss that later. I’m hungry and would like to eat my lunch.”
Adrik gave her fingers a squeeze, then let go. “I suppose you’re right.” He picked up one of the biscuits and downed it nearly whole. He was starved, and the sight of Karen only made him more hungry. Hopefully the food would take the edge off his appetite.
“So were you successful in getting supplies?”
“Yup. I have a vast warehouse of goods, and Dyea Joe’s getting some men together to help pack. He might even consider bringing his wife, since this will be a long trip.”
“Wonderful. Another woman would be very welcomed. Leah and I discussed our needs this morning, and she’s going to take in some trousers for us to wear under our skirts. I figured it would be far to our benefit to wear something substantial.”