The hurt was always there. Always lurking. With Lexi, some of the pain eased. It never left—it just abated a little. He needed this time away with her, this time out from his memories.
“Adam?” Her hand was on his shoulder, a soft, tentative touch.
“Yeah?”
“You need to come out here, don’t you?” Her voice, it was so gentle, so caring.
“What do you mean?” Shit, she must have picked up on his thoughts. He’d become too pensive.
“It’s your escape. Your reprieve from something.”
He didn’t answer, didn’t want to.
“You’ve got that look in your eyes.”
He lifted his glass, tried to take another sip, but he couldn’t drink, couldn’t swallow. He put the glass down. “What look?” He stared out at the night, heard the stream below trickling over rocks in its path.
“That haunted look.” She dropped her hand from his shoulder to his arm and stood closer to him. “The one that tells me you’ve lived through the worst life has to offer.” She touched his cheek.
Damn it. He couldn’t get into this, not now. This weekend was meant to help him escape his memories, not confront them.
“What happened to you, Adam?”
He shook his head, found it impossible to speak.
“Talk to me, please.”
The words jammed in his throat. He wasn’t ready. He’d never be ready.
“Let me in, Adam. Help me to understand you.”
If anyone would understand, it was Lexi. Part of him wanted to tell her, to open up. Another part couldn’t go there. It hurt too damn much.
“Trust me,” she whispered.
He shook his head again. “It’s not a matter of trust.”
“Then what is it?”
“Please, don’t ask.”
“I want to help you.”
“It’s too hard. I can’t go there.” Even he could hear the pain in his voice.
“Adam…”
“You have to cut me some slack on this one. Give me some space.” He didn’t mean to snap, dammit, it was the pain. He had to make it go away.
Her hand fell away and she took a step back. “I’m sorry. It’s really none of my business.”
Shit, now she was upset. He had to justify his actions. “Some things…” He cleared his throat, tried again. “Some things are just too…difficult to explain.” Ah, crap. That wasn’t it at all. “They’re too hard to talk about,” he corrected. Then for lack of ability to say any more, he simply repeated himself. “Some things are just too hard.”
“Adam.” She took his hand, held it. “I’m sorry. It really isn’t my business, and you don’t have to say anything.” She opened her mouth again, shut it and chewed on her lower lip. Then, as if rethinking her words, she said to him, “You remember one thing. When…if…you ever need to talk, I’ll be here, Adam Riley. I’ll be right here.”
Chapter Twelve
Lexi wasn’t sure what woke her. Her eyes blinked open. For a few seconds, she couldn’t work out where she was. The room was pitch black, the bed hard and unfamiliar, and a woodsy scent permeated the air. A cicada chirped outside and a frog croaked. She forced herself awake, waited for the fog to lift, and then she remembered.
She was with Adam, in his cabin. In his bed.
So, what had woken her?
A muffled sound, like a soft cough, echoed through the house. She rolled over, reached for Adam. He wasn’t there. The sound grew louder. A painful, drawn-in breath followed by a moan had her sitting bolt upright. Then came the sobbing, like cries wrenched from a tortured soul.
She threw off the covers and slipped out of bed. Holding her hands in front of her, she made her way in silence through the inky blackness. The tormented cries guided her down the passage and into the lounge.
It wasn’t quite so dark in there
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a full moon shone through the open windows, bathing the room in pale light. Adam lay on his back on the couch. One hand was raised above his head, the other arm flung out over the edge of the cushion. Tears fell uninterrupted down his cheeks, and his face was contorted in an agonized mask. Harsh, barking sobs jarred the stillness around him.
Lexi’s stomach clenched and she bit on her fist. Tears filled her own eyes and she watched helplessly as once again, Adam endured his unspeakable grief alone.
“Adam?” she whispered but received no response. “Adam?” She edged nearer, crouched before him on the carpet. “Riley?” He didn’t move. She peered closely at him and realized with a start that he was asleep. “Oh, Adam,” she breathed, her heart close to breaking. She took his hand, cradled it in hers and let him cry. Her own tears spilled over and she wiped at her cheeks.
Time passed, how much Lexi wasn’t sure. Slowly, the distressed sobbing subsided. His cries became more subdued, turned into soft and steady weeping.
Careful not to wake him, she retrieved a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom and used it to blot his tears. The knot in her stomach eased as his weeping gradually diminished, leaving only the ragged breaths that rattled his body.
“Timmy,” he moaned. Another tear slid unchecked down his face.
Hurt radiated from his sleeping form and pulled at Lexi’s heart. He looked lost and alone and terribly, terribly sad. She perched beside him on the couch and cupped his cheek in her palm. “Hush now,” she whispered as his chest shuddered in the aftermath of his grief. “Hush.”
Moments later his breathing evened out. His pulse slowed down and his body relaxed beneath her arm. Just when she assumed he’d fallen back into a deep sleep, he gripped her elbow and gasped, “Timmy?”
“No, Adam,” she said gently, not wanting to startle him, “it’s Lexi.”
“Lexi? What are you doing here?” He pushed himself up and stared at her, his eyes drawn in confusion.
“You were dreaming,” she told him, keeping her voice low. “You…called out. I came to see if you were okay.”
“Timmy.” His shoulders slumped and his eyes closed. “I was dreaming about Timmy.”
“You said his name a few times.”
He nodded, keeping his eyes shut. “Did I say anything else?”
“No.” She hesitated, then added, “You were crying.”
His eyes opened and he stared blindly in front of him. “I always cry when I dream about him.”
Again, her insides contorted at his pain. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head. His face looked pallid and bruised.
“Is there anything I can get you?”
“No, thank you. I’m okay now. It’s over.”
“Some water, maybe?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head again.
She sat quietly, wanting more than anything to console him but unsure how to. “Adam, come back to bed. You need sleep.”
He dragged a hand over his eyes. “I can’t sleep. Not after the dreams. The memories won’t rest.”
What memories?
It didn’t matter. All that mattered was giving Adam the comfort he so desperately needed. “Would it help if I held you?”
He looked at her, let her see his pain. “I don’t know, sweetheart. But I’d sure as hell like to try.”
Adam awoke to the unfamiliar heat of warm, naked flesh. She lay spooned against him, her butt cradled in his hips, her legs pressed against his. The silky skin of her back was positioned so close his heartbeat ricocheted off her spine. Weak light peeked in from beneath the blinds, dappling the room with its dim rays.
He was already hard, bursting with a staggering need to shift her slightly and push into her moist depths. He craved release, anything to burn off the agitation left over from the night before.
He’d had one of his dreams.
Timmy called to him, crying. Adam couldn’t find him. He searched, frantically, opened door after door after door. Panic set in. Dread squeezed at his throat so he couldn’t breathe. Timmy was close. His cries pierced the air, wrenching Adam’s soul
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but he couldn’t reach him. He yelled his name but his screams were mute. He sprinted in the direction of the cries but his legs didn’t move. He tried. By God, he tried. Nothing was more important than finding Timmy, than helping him. Sweat poured from his forehead. He had to help Timmy. He had to find him. He had to, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t find him. He couldn’t help him. He couldn’t.
God help him, he couldn’t find Timmy.
Awake, Adam could still hear the cries echoing through his heart. He clung to them helplessly until, like Timmy, they too slipped out of his reach.
Adam took a shuddering breath and grasped the only thing that provided him with any measure of comfort. Lexi
.
He ran his hand down her side and over her hip, pausing at her thigh, absorbing its heat. He need only push gently on her leg to gain access to sweet relief.
She’d come to him, consoled him while he wept. Protected him while he slept.
His fingers trailed back up over her hip, across her arm and touched a bare breast. He swallowed hard, stunned by the intensity of his need for her. It wasn’t just relief he sought. It was Lexi. He wanted her
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and not just for a quick fuck. He wanted to make love to her, wanted the comfort and the passion only she could give him.
She stirred and stretched, then cuddled back into him. Goosebumps rose over her skin and she shivered. Her wakefulness did not end Adam’s slow exploration of her body. He continued to stroke her, gleaning whatever pleasure and reassurance he could take.
She was silent but a wealth of unspoken words lay around them, covering them like a blanket.
“Morning,” he whispered.
“Good morning,” she answered but did not turn around.
Lord knew he appreciated it. He couldn’t look her in the eyes yet, couldn’t bear the sympathy he knew he’d find in her probing gaze.
Hot sparks ignited in his stomach as she arched into him. Her buttocks pushed against his erection and she sighed as he ground his cock into her.
He had to say something. It wasn’t fair to put the onus on her to speak first. He knew she’d have questions, lots of them, but she’d be cautious about asking. When she’d tried yesterday, he’d told her to back off.
After last night, he couldn’t avoid the truth any longer.
“You came to me.” His voice was raw.
“You needed me,” she replied simply but her body tensed, as though she wanted to say more but held back.
He still needed her. As hard as it was to acknowledge, it was the truth. “No one’s seen me cry in a very long time,” he admitted hesitantly.
She took his hand and placed it on her breast, over her racing heart. “It must get lonely. Having no one to comfort you when you hurt.”
Excruciatingly lonely. Nighttime was the worst, especially after one of his dreams. “I wasn’t alone last night. You were with me.” Usually he couldn’t sleep afterwards. He’d spend the rest of the long, dark night prowling his house. Last night, he’d tossed and turned for a while but eventually, under her soft touch and soothing embrace, he’d drifted off to sleep.
She made a small sound in the back of her throat as he flicked his thumb over her pebbled nipple. A lick of desire shot through him.
“I’m glad I was there.” Her voice caught and she cleared her throat. “Did…did it help?”
He dropped his hand to her stomach, brushed it over her belly, and she quivered.
Pain cut through him as he answered. “Nothing helps. But I was glad you were here.” No one had held him after one of his dreams before. No one had been there to share his pain. He hadn’t let anyone near. Until Lexi.
Adam inched his hand lower until he raked the hair on her mound, making her shudder. “I’m still glad you’re here.” He touched her clit and she gasped.