Asking For Trouble (40 page)

Jazzie set the bottle of wine down on the
counter and turned to lean back against it. "We need to talk,
Beau," she told him, and her eyes told him it wasn't something he
was going to want to talk about.

He leaned around her and grabbed a glass off
the counter and downed half of the wine, then smacked his lips and
said, "About what?"

"I've made some decisions, and I need to
tell you about them. Let's go sit on the sofa," she suggested, then
grabbed her wine and walked past him.

He followed, and she sat at the end of the
sofa and turned sideways, then grabbed a pillow and put it in her
lap, like she was needing a buffer between them. Beau took her hint
and sat at the other end and turned to face her. "What's up?"

"I think you should go back to Lubbock, it's
time...you need to get back to your job," she told him bluntly, and
he saw her lower lip tremble, before she lifted her wine glass to
her lips to take a sip.

"You want me to leave?" he asked
incredulously. For someone who professed to love him as often as
she did, she sure seemed anxious to see him gone now.

"Yeah, I think you've done enough, and I can
handle Robbie and Lucy now...I'm going to contact the social worker
in a day or two," she told him, and hesitated a moment before she
added, "They're getting attached to you, and you're going to leave
them, so it's best that you leave now."

"What about you? You're going to hit the
road in a month or two as well, won't they get attached to you?"
Her reasoning didn't make sense to him.

"I'm not going back on the road," she told
him flatly, and her eyes darted away from his.

Shock punched him in the gut and he asked,
"What the hell are you going to do, if you're not touring with the
band?" What was she thinking? She had a fabulous, very lucrative
career she'd worked hard for, how could she think of giving that
up?

She finally looked back at him with
determination in her eyes and answered, "I'm going to start a
foundation for kids, to fund music programs and scholarships...and
I'm going to stay here in Bowie and adopt Lucy and Robbie."

"
What the hell!?!
" Beau shouted and
stood up, looking down at her with his hands clenched. "Are you
crazy?"

"Crazy enough to know I love and care about
those kids, and that I want to make sure other kids have the
opportunities I had growing up," she said firmly.

"You can't do this, you're ruining your
life. I won't let you--" he started, but she stood up and stepped
into his space, giving him a look that scorched him.

"You won't
let
me do what?" she spat
then shoved his chest, and he stumbled back.

"I won't let you ruin your life, over two
kids you just met," he said sternly, and folded his arms over his
chest.

"You have no say over what I do with my
life, do you realize that, Beau Bowman?" she asked him sharply.

"I c-c-care about you, and don't want to see
you do something so self-destructive, Jasmine."

"You
care
about me?" she snorted,
then said, "You can't even say that much to me without stuttering."
She pointed her finger at him, and told him "What I'm doing here is
for self-
preservation
...I need those kids, and they need
me...it has
nothing
to do with you, and I don't need your
permission."

"But, I do care, Jazz...about you and the
kids," Beau said and huffed out a frustrated breath, then told her,
"You're single, you can't handle those kids alone, sugar."

"You have no idea what I can handle,
sugar
. I might not look it, but I'm tough as nails, just
cross me and find out," she threatened, then added, "As for me
being single, there are single mothers all across the country who
raise good kids alone, and I'm going to be one of them, until I
meet someone who isn't so emotionally stunted he can't even manage
to say he cares about me without stumbling over it."

Beau lunged forward and grabbed her by the
shoulders, then leaned down and grated in a tortured voice,
"Dammit, Jazzie, I lo--" his mouth froze on the O in the word when
he realized what he was saying, and his hands dropped from her
shoulders.

"Yeah, me too," she said in a trembling
voice and stepped back out of his reach. "Leave, Beau, I don't want
to see you again. We don't need you," she told him then turned and
ran for the stairs.

Beau took a few steps to go after her, then
changed his mind. Maybe she was right, his leaving would be for the
best for all of them. They'd had their time together, and there was
no sense dragging out the goodbyes. So why couldn't he make his
feet move? He felt like his heart had just frozen to stone in his
otherwise empty chest. His eyes burned and his fingertips felt
numb, like they'd just been flash frozen too. Fuck the wine, he
needed something stronger to get rid of the coldness inside of
him.

A sob stuck in his throat, and Beau stumbled
toward the liquor cabinet against the wall across the room, then
pulled down a bottle of Cole's best bourbon and a highball glass.
With a violently trembling hand, he managed to fill the glass
without spilling it everywhere, then tossed back the contents.

It burned down his throat like liquid fire
all the way to his stomach. Beau picked up the bottle and glass,
then walked to the stairs. There was nothing sadder than a solitary
drunk, and that's what he was about to be. He'd leave first thing
in the morning, before everyone got up, but for now, he was going
to get stinking ass drunk.

***

Jazzie got up at seven fifteen to help
Sabrina get the kids ready for school, and see them before they
left for school. When she walked into the kitchen, they were
sitting at the table eating oatmeal and toast. Will was wearing
most of his breakfast, and Sabrina had a washcloth and was trying
to clean him up.

"Morning ya'll," she said somberly and
walked to the coffee pot for some fortification. Jazzie hadn't
slept much last night in the spare bedroom across the hall from
where she'd been staying with Beau. The bed was cold, and she just
couldn't seem to get comfortable without him there. She was going
to have to get used to that feeling though, because she was done,
she had bigger things to worry about now, than convincing the
stubborn man to give love a chance.

"Beau's gone," Sabrina told her flatly, when
she stood back up from Will's high chair.

"I know," Jazzie told her, and took a sip of
her coffee. It scalded all the way down her throat, and alleviated
the other pain in her chest, but only for a second.

"He left me a note, but he evidently left
real early...I just can't figure why he'd leave without saying
goodbye," she said and shook her head.

"He left because I asked him to," Jazzie
told her and blew on the coffee, while she walked to the table and
sat down.

"Why did you--" Sabrina started, but Jazzie
shook her head and glanced at Lucy and Robbie, who had lifted their
heads from their breakfast and were watching her intently.

"Yeah, it's good you told him to go, he's
avoiding going back long enough," Sabrina corrected for the kids,
then gave her a tight smile.

"He told me to tell the kids goodbye for
him, but he had to leave early," Jazzie lied and smiled at them.
They didn't need to know the full details, or that he hadn't
actually said that.

"Why did he have to go," Robbie asked her
sullenly.

"He has a job baby, he's a Texas Ranger, and
it's an important job," Jazzie told him, then added, "There are
other little boys and girls he has to protect." And big dumb
cowboys who don't know how to express their feelings.

"Oh," was all he said, then bent back over
to finish his breakfast.

Lucy snorted then said jadedly, "I knew he
would leave, they all leave," before she too went back to her
breakfast.

"I'm not leaving," Jazzie told her firmly,
then sipped on her coffee.

Lucy glanced up at her and mumbled something
like, "Sure," before she spooned the last bite of her oatmeal into
her mouth.

These kids had no hope left, the thought hit
Jazzie right between her eyes. They'd been let down so much by
people they trusted, they had no trust left. Well, she wasn't going
to let them down. She was in this for the long haul, and they were
going to eventually believe that, but saying it wouldn't make them
believe it. It was going to be on her to
show
them for the
next ten or twenty years.

"Time for school, the bus will be here in a
few minutes...ya'll go get your back packs," Sabrina told them,
then lifted Will from the high chair into her arms.

"Yes ma'am," they both said in unison and
shoved back their chairs, before running toward the door, where
they'd left them. "Wait--come here and give me a kiss," Sabrina
insisted and they both frowned, then shuffled back over to her and
she bent down and they kissed her cheek, then took off again.

"God, they're good kids," Sabrina said after
the front door closed behind them.

"Yeah, they are..." Jazzie said and
hesitated then told her, "That's why I'm going to adopt them."

Sabrina sat Will down on his feet, and he
grumbled, then she stumbled to a chair at the table and huffed a
breath, and said weakly, "What?"

"I'm going to adopt Lucy and Robbie," Jazzie
told her sincerely.

"How are you going to do that when you're on
the road most of the year?" Sabrina asked in confusion then said,
"It's a noble thought, but that's no life for them, they need
stability, Jazzie," Sabrina told her.

"I know they do, and that's why I'm leaving
the band. I'm going to buy a house in Bowie, and stay here."

"How are you going to earn a living?"
Sabrina asked her with concern.

"I'm going to head up a foundation to fund
music programs for inner city kids, and teach lessons. Kids need
music, and the funding is so limited these days, that's what gets
cut first. Lucy is actually the one that made me think of it."

"Wow, that's a fantastic idea, but where
will you get the funding?" Sabrina asked and leaned forward with
interest.

"Artists, philanthropists for the arts,
music companies...I already have a couple of donors lined up,"
Jazzie informed her then emptied her coffee cup.

"That's a big undertaking, and Bowie is a
small town, I'm not sure there will be enough funding sources
here," Sabrina replied soberly.

"I'm going to set up the foundation in
Dallas, the drive isn't that far, and the inner city schools are
there. I want the kids to be able to live here though, it's a good
place for them."

"It sounds like you've thought this out,"
Sabrina said with a note of awe in her voice.

"I have, and it's what I want to do. When
Lucy and Robbie are out of school, I'll still tour with Jess and
the band, but the other nine months, I'll be working on the
foundation. The traveling during the summer will be good for them,
they'll get to see a lot of places."

"I agree, that sounds ideal, but won't you
have to be settled and have an income before you can adopt
them?"

"I have quite a bit of money saved, so
that's not an issue. My recent musical success has paid very well,"
Jazzie said with a grin. "Jess and I are going to start looking for
a house I can buy today, and we're going to see lawyers tomorrow to
set things up."

Sabrina hooted, then said, "You don't let
any grass grow under your feet, do you, darlin'?"

"Nope, I'm not one to sit back and watch the
grass grow, I like action," Jazzie agreed with a wider grin.

"There's this nice house with a big yard
over by the school that I saw the other day when I brought Lucy and
Robbie to school the other day. It just went up, and is for sale by
owner. I can take ya'll over there later, if you want to see it,"
Sabrina offered.

"Yes, indeed, I want to see it! That sounds
wonderful!" Jazzie told her with excitement running through her.
How karmic was this? "Jess contacted a real estate agent who helped
her and Wade when they were looking, and we have appointments this
morning, but we could go this afternoon, if you're available."

"I am, right after the lunch rush at the
Bird, would be best for me," Bri told her.

"That's perfect, then..."

Sabrina looked down at her hands, then back
at Jazzie and asked gently, "What happened with Beau?"

"I asked him to leave...the kids were
getting attached to him, and he was going to leave anyway, so it
would've hurt them worse to wait. I figured it was best he just get
back to Lubbock now," she said.

"Better for you too? So you didn't get more
attached yourself?" Sabrina ventured with a raised brow.

Jazzie huffed out a breath and agreed,
"Yeah, better for me too...he isn't going to come around, Bri...he
couldn't even say he cared about us without stumbling over it. We
don't need someone like that in our lives."

"I understand," Sabrina told her, "And
you're right about the kids...he's my brother, and I hate to see
him lose out on the best thing that's ever happened to him, but he
has issues, and they're his to work out."