At Peace (39 page)

And they didn’t know Joe.

Feb, her sister-in-law Dee and Cheryl were
all working, as was Darryl and I was relieved that both Feb and
Cheryl were there. Perfect.

“How’s tricks, babe?” Cheryl called as I
walked down to Colt’s end of the bar and sat on the stool next to
his empty one.

“In-freaking-sane,” I told her honestly, her
eyes got big, Dee and Feb were also both looking at me and the
minute I said this they moved as a pack to my end of the bar.

It was Sunday at J&J’s, a Sunday in the
summer. There were a few people in, not many, regulars who couldn’t
care less if it was summer and sunny. They were, as usual, camped
out for the long haul.

“You want a drink?” Dee asked me when she hit
my end of the bar.

“Diet Coke,” I answered.

“Girl, your face says shot of tequila,”
Cheryl noted, staring at me closely.

“That bad?” I asked.

Feb leaned her elbows on the bar and looked
into my eyes. “What’s up, Vi? Is it the box?”

Colt had told Feb about the box too. I wasn’t
surprised. Tim had told me everything about work. I didn’t know if
this was allowed and I never asked because I didn’t want him to
think he needed to stop but I never breathed a word to anyone about
anything he said. The shit he saw, the shit people did, he had to
let it go and I was that sponge that could soak it out of him, find
a way to ring myself dry but let him go back to work feeling
clean.

“No, not really, it’s…” I looked at the three
of them. I didn’t know Dee all that well but I couldn’t exactly ask
her to take a hike. This was her bar.

But I couldn’t stay locked in my head
anymore.

I needed to unlock the door and head out but
before I did that, I needed direction.

So the minute Dee placed my Diet Coke on the
bar, I started talking and I told them everything, in somewhat
explicit detail, about Joe and me; Mike and me; Joe and the girls;
Mike and his house, dog and being a good guy; Joe’s terrible
history and our fucked up status; Mike’s not-as-terrible but
still-not-great history and our confusing status.

By the time I was done talking, all three
were leaning toward me, their forearms on the bar.

“Lose the neighbor,” Cheryl advised the
minute I stopped speaking.

Feb’s head turned to her, Cheryl sandwiched
shoulder to shoulder in the middle of her and Dee, and her eyebrows
shot up when she asked, “What?”

“
Not worth it,” Cheryl decreed, “been
there, done that, got the fuckin’ t-shirt and it didn’t fit so I
threw the motherfucker out.”

“Cal’s a good guy,” Feb stated.

“Yeah, he is and he’s provin’ that. Still,
he’s fucked up and a man stays fucked up for seventeen years, even
Wonder Woman couldn’t fix his shit,” Cheryl replied.

“I’ve heard that story and, Cheryl, girl, you
gotta admit, there’s a reason that kind of thing would fuck him up
for seventeen years,” Dee put in.

“
Yeah, not sayin’ that. Story breaks my
heart and I barely know the guy. But Vi’s got other priorities and
I orchestrated a come to Jesus, not to mention, Mike asked her out
right in front of him. He had no reaction, he’s happy for her to
play the field, a man like that?” Cheryl flipped her hand out.
“He’s stayin’ stuck in his hole and he ain’t goin’
nowhere,
” she
asserted.

Feb’s eyes came to me. “A good woman puts in
the effort, knowin’ Cal, she might get a helluva reward.”

“She might get her heart busted too,” Cheryl
returned and Feb looked at her.

“
I think, what he did with this Bonnie, if
he’s got a good woman, that kind of energy he gave to Bonnie turned
to her and her kids and it was for good things, not somethin’ like
keepin’ a junkie clean, Cheryl, can you imagine?” Feb
asked.

“Yeah, I can and I have and it isn’t
imagination, Feb, trust me, babe, it’s fantasy land,” Cheryl shot
back.

“Morrie likes Cal,” Dee said. “So does Jack.
Jack thinks he’s the shit. I heard him say once that, even when Cal
was a kid he was sharp as a tack, damn near a genius. Said it was a
waste, kid that intelligent was bein’ raised by a drunk. Said Cal
had it better growin’ up, he’d be in a different place right
now.”

This both surprised me and didn’t. I had an
inkling that Joe was more than Joe let on he was because he was
very wise, had a secretary, casually valet parked his car, owned a
place in Florida and everyone knew the kind of clientele he had.
People like that didn’t call on any average guy to set up their
systems for them. They called on the best because they could afford
to pay for the best.

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Cheryl
asked. “Morrie and Jack like Mike too.”

“Just pointing out the facts,” Dee
replied.

“
Fact is, he’s hot. Fact is, he’s got a
thing for Vi that runs deep enough for him to do what he’ll allow
himself to do to take care of her and her girls. And the fact is,
what he’ll allow himself to do is not what she needs,” Cheryl
retorted to Dee and looked at me. “You got one life and the minute
you popped out those babies, you gave yourself one priority in that
life. You take care of
you
. If
you take care of you then the rest will slot into place for those
girls. They’ll learn, watchin’ you, that they gotta put themselves
first, do what’s right for their peace of mind, find out what they
need and settle for nothin’ less. Trust me on this, Vi, ‘cause I’ve
lived the nightmare. You can’t live your life for someone else, you
can’t go out there fixin’ all the men whose hearts are broken.
That’s livin’ for someone else when you gotta be livin’ for
you.
” She leaned
further into me and said softly, “You came in here knowin’ the
answer to your question, babe, and you know it. He’s sexy as all
hell, he makes you feel good and he gives it to you regular. You
like it but that’s all you’re gonna get and you had everything
once, you know how that feels and you also know you won’t settle
for less.”

I just stared at her, silent. Not that I was
participating in the conversation but I had nothing to say.

Because I knew she was right.

She kept talking. “You play with him as long
as you want, your gut will tell you when the time is up. And you’re
doin’ right, keepin’ Mike on that string. He’s hot too and gorgeous
and you don’t want him to move on while you’re sorting your head
out. You want him right where he needs to be when you’re ready to
reel him in.”

“That’s selfish,” I whispered.

“
That’s lookin’ out for
you
. Not one fuckin’ thing selfish about that and,
you been honest, he knows the score and he told you flat out he’s
willin’ to hang around. And he’s willin’ ‘cause he ain’t stupid. He
knows what kind of woman you are and he knows in the end, you’re
gonna be with him and his dog in that big, ole, six thousand dollar
bed and he’s happy to wait. When your sexy neighbor doesn’t flinch
at a man askin’ you out right in front of him, what’s that tell you
about Mike?” Cheryl ended on a question.

I licked my lips, dropped my head and
stared at my Diet Coke because I knew what that told me about Mike.
Cheryl was right. I knew all of this before walking into the
bar.

“Yeah,” Cheryl said gently, her hand covering
mine which was resting on the bar. She gave it a squeeze then she
said, “You’re probably drivin’ but I’m callin’ Reggie, gettin’ us a
pizza. You fill your belly with pizza, you can also add a bit of
vodka to the mix and you need vodka. Cheryl’s orders.”

After she delivered that line, she walked
away, heading toward the phone.

I looked at Feb who was watching me but Dee
spoke.

“Sorry about all this Vi. On the face of it,
lotsa women would think this was a great problem to have. But I can
tell it’s eatin’ you.”

That was an understatement. It was more
than eating me.

To communicate that, I nodded and said,
“Yeah.”

“You need to talk, get my number from Feb.
Anytime, hon, yeah?” I nodded again and she leaned in. “I mean
that, okay? Not fun, bein’ new in town and not havin’ your girls
around you. So you need girls and I’m happy to be one of them.
Cool?”

I smiled at her because this felt good and
she was right, I did need girls and I said, “Cool.”

She smiled back, threw Feb a look and walked
around the bar, lifting up the section that was hinged so she could
go and collect empties.

“Vi,” Feb called and I looked from Dee to her
and she leaned in too, her voice quiet, almost a whisper as she
said, “I needed fixing.”

I swallowed and her hand came out, covered
mine and held on tight.

“
If Colt gave up, thought I wasn’t worth
the effort…” she shook her head, “God, don’t know what I’d
do.”

“Feb,” I whispered back.

“My life was shit, Vi, absolute shit. I was
breathin’ but I wasn’t livin’. I felt nothin’, just moved through
life, empty. Colt filled me up. He didn’t give up on me until I was
full. Now, honey, life is so full, every day I wake up next to him
and I feel like I’m bursting.” Her hand squeezed mine and she
whispered, “It’s beautiful.”

“
I’m so glad for you.” I was also still
whispering.

“You got it in you to give that to Cal, don’t
give up on him. Man’s empty, he needs someone to fill him up.”

I licked my lips and fought back the tears
that sprung to my eyes.

Her hand released mine and she said, “Mike’s
a good guy too. Don’t get me wrong. Whatever you decide, you decide
and I’m right there with you, yeah?”

I nodded even though I knew, without a doubt,
she liked Mike but she wanted me with Joe.

Great, just what I needed, more contradictory
advice.

“What do you like on your pizza?” Feb asked.
“If it isn’t olives and sausage, we’ll have to order another one.
That’s all Cheryl’ll order, she never asks anyone what they
want.”

“That sounds good, I’m not picky,” I told
her.

“Great,” she replied. “Girls’ night at
J&J’s on a Sunday, perfect. Best day of the week and one of the
best things you can do, hangin’ with your girls.”

She wasn’t wrong so I nodded at her and
smiled.

“Be back in a sec,” she told me and moved
away.

I took a sip of Diet Coke.

I was glad I came to J&J’s, it was better
than going to an empty house and eating dinner for one. It was lots
better, especially since it turned into girls’ night.

The problem was, I came to get their help to
get my head straight and I was more torn than ever.

* * * * *

I heard the sliding glass door open and I
rolled to look at the clock.

Eleven twenty-three.

I rolled to my back, wishing I wasn’t
awake and waiting for Joe; wishing I hadn’t, a half an hour ago,
done a new kind of walk of shame, checking on the girls to make
sure they were asleep; wishing I had magic because I’d been lying
in bed the last hour and a half, thinking of that scene with
Bonnie, how Joe had been after it, knowing now that he was empty,
like Feb said, because he wouldn’t be able to survive that scene
without getting torn up inside unless there was nothing to tear up.
And I wanted the magic to be able to fill him up like Feb was. Make
him laugh and smile regularly like she did. Give him that look she
had, where you knew life for her was good but she didn’t take it
for granted because she knew how it felt when life could be bad and
she appreciated what she had.

I left my door open for him and Joe closed it
then I watched his shadow walk to the bed. I saw him bend, his
boots hitting the carpet, heard his clothes rustle as he moved then
heard them fall to the ground. Then he reached in and my bedside
light was on.

I blinked and felt the covers being swept
back and was able to focus when the wall of his body hit me.

“Joe –”

I stopped speaking because his lips were on
mine, his tongue spiking in my mouth, his hands going up the tee,
his tee that I wore to bed.

He kissed me breathless then lifted his head,
his hands still moving on my skin along my sides, hips, over my
ass.

“Talked to Tina,” he told me in that way of
his where he started a conversation in the middle like we’d been
talking for awhile not making out after him just getting to my
bed.

“Yeah?” I whispered because I still hadn’t
gotten over his kiss and it wasn’t helping that his hands kept
moving, lazy and light, on my skin.

“Yeah. Think she got the message.”

“What’d you say?” I asked, my hands drifting
on his back, his sides, over his ass.

“Told her she didn’t see what she thought she
saw. I hear it from anyone that she told someone she saw what she
thought she saw, shit would go down where she might not be able to
see anything, since her eyes would be swollen shut.”

My hands stopped moving and my eyes got wide.
“You threatened her?”

“She’s Tina.”

“Yeah, but you threatened her?”

“Buddy, I already lived here when she moved
in with her husband and I watched her take her time, fuckin’ years,
cuttin’ off his balls. It was painful to watch. She’s a bitch. I
know you know that but I don’t think you know how big a bitch she
is.”

“She’s already scared of you,” I informed
him.

“Good, then she’ll keep her trap shut.”

“Joe, you shouldn’t threaten women.”

“She isn’t ‘women’, she’s Tina.”

I couldn’t help it, even though I was
horrified that he did what he did, my body started shaking with
laughter because he was right.

“Anyway, wouldn’t actually do it but I know
she doesn’t know what to make of me because she doesn’t know what
to make of a man she can’t lead around by his dick so she doesn’t
know I wouldn’t do it. So I’m guessin’ our secret is safe.”