At the Hands of a Stranger (21 page)

Bridges: You married again in '79, didn't you?

Hilton: Yeah, and in '79, again, I was married for six months.

Howard: I'm sorry, you were only married to Dina for how long?

Hilton: Six months. We were divorced in about March, April of '78. And then I married the police officer. That's Stone Mountain Police Department. And by the way, she was grandfathered in so she was a police officer before POST (Peace Officer Strategy and Training). Okay, so she was not a POST-certified officer, although the department … Well, then the law had been passed. You know, everyone had to be POST, to be a Blue Light Police Officer, but she had started before them, so she was grandfathered in. And at the time I was going with her, married to her, she was not POST certified. However, she was a Blue Light Police Officer.

Bridges: You had met her there in the park?

Hilton: Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was running with her every day, and I was really good-looking, good, and everything, in great condition. After we were divorced in late '79, I started taking pills again, and the rationale was “Hey, I'm not drinking.” But I was just taking every pill I could get, and that was in the waning days of the quaaludes craze.

Bridges: Right.

Hilton: As a matter of fact, you could even still get real methaqualone quaaludes. One guy with the DEA persuaded the four or five people in the world that made methaqualone hydrochloride should just discontinue production. Okay. And there was no more quaaludes. Real quaaludes. And then they were all counterfeit and made typically of diazepam, which is Valium.

Howard: Right.

Hilton: And they were great. They were great. I estimate some of those counterfeit quaaludes made of the diazepam probably had up to five hundred milligrams of diazepam in it. And, as you know, it comes in five-, ten-, fifteen-, twenty-milligram tabs, you know. I'd take some of those tabs … they were instant white lightning. I mean, you'd take one, and if you were an experienced down freak, you'd stay on your feet and do all kinds of things. But you wouldn't remember a damn thing of it later. I mean, these were wild. I've woken up after a night of doing those things, walked out to my Camaro that I had my spare on, looked into the trunk, and seen my original tire was totally shredded to pieces, and then a couple of hours have a guy from the Noon … You know, I live in Stone Mountain, have a guy from the Noonday Baptist Church at Highway 5 and 92 in Woodstock call me and tell me he found my wallet in the church parking lot, number one. I had a shredded tire and no—no memories at all of changing it out and putting the spare on. And a guy has found my wallet in a Noonday Baptist Church in Woodstock. You know, fifty miles away. You didn't really think of God-only-knows what happened that night and how many people I ran over or what. That tire was shredded so much it was like a guy had hit a curb at a hundred miles an hour. That tire was so shredded. It was wild. Yeah, those are wicked. Totally wicked.

Howard: You started doing this while you were married to Sue?

Hilton: No. No, no, no, no. I wouldn't take a pill or nothing while I was married. I was in my—my rebirth. When you start running … You see, I had a lot of experience or fore-knowledge, as far as being able to run long distances, because I had learned in the army in a class of six hundred guys—okay now. And your average guy—if he's young, in good health, and not obese—your average guy can go out and run for an astonishingly long time if he doesn't sprint. I learned that in the army, so I was able to start running in 1978. I met my wife through the running at Stone Mountain. She would drive by and I never would wear a shirt, even in wintertime. Had the hairy chest and, you know, cut, and I was lifting weights, every other day, and running ten miles or more, every other day. She would drive by in her police car. She'd put the loudspeaker on where they say, “All right, everybody, disperse. This show's over.” She'd put that loudspeaker on and she'd go “uh-huh,” like that as she'd drive by. She just scarfed me right up because she found out I had VA benefits, and she wanted a home more than anything. What do a lot of women want? They want their home and things, and they want their kids. That's what they want, and so she was just dying for a house.

Howard: She had kids?

Hilton: Two, six, and eight. She found out that I had a hundred-and-fifteen-thousand-dollar VA loan, which was the equivalent of three hundred thousand now. That was in '78. Two or three times the money, and so that was enough. She got me married and went out and found a house. Got a good deal on it, too. Bought a house across from the school in Decatur. Hollywood Drive. Bought that house. It had been sitting empty and she bought that house for thirty-five thousand, man, and this was in '79, and that's when the big real estate inflations hit, man. Those real estate … that inflation of the late '70s, finally President Carter had to put a cap on …

Bridges: A friendly breakthrough?

Hilton: Yeah, it was. I've always been fair to my ex-wives. When I bought that house, I bought it in my name—the VA, you know—but she was my wife, and she came to the closing. I said, “Sue, do you want half that house?” and she said yeah. So I asked the attorney, “Can I give her half that house?” He said, “Yeah, I'll make you a quit claim deed right now.” I gave her half the house, and I thought it was fair because she's the one that went out and got it. I mean, I wouldn't have had it. I wouldn't have made the ten thousand, you know. When we sold the house, I willingly gave her half of the proceeds.

Howard: But you were in an apartment before that? Kind of on your own? You went from an apartment to a house with kids?

Hilton: With two kids, man.

Howard: What was that like, just making that transition? It'll drive you nuts.

Hilton: Well, you see, back then I was really a pathetic guy in that the saddest thing in the world is a loner, which I was. A loner trying not to be one. What happens to sociopathic characters is all their lives, all the way up to the present day, are programmed. They're bombarded by hundreds of messages every day telling them that any activity is only valid if they do it with someone else. Every bit of advertising—every cultural message that you receive—everything is programmed to the fact that any activity you do is only validated if you do it with someone else. A good example. I had a season pass to Six Flags in the summer of '78 and I told someone I was going and they said, “Oh, who are you going with?” I wasn't going with anyone. I just had a season pass.
I'd go out there and it's a summer evening, long evenings, and I'd just go and people watch, ride rides, do what I wanted to. It was always awkward watching a single person getting on a ride. You know, it had two seats, but, hey, there'd be some other idiot there. They'd put me with them and I had a great time. I saw all these people and the colors, and sights, and sounds, of Six Flags. It was great. I'm going alone. They go, “Oh, darn.” You know, but that's the attitude of society. I mean, when is the last time you went to a movie alone? Never. You'd be afraid to.
People would think you were odd. People are acculturated and programmed to believe that life is valid only if they're doing it with others. So the problem with these poor loners—these sociopaths—is they're so programmed like that, that in spite of themselves, they don't know themselves. They don't understand that they're a round peg in a square hole, and that they're never going to fit in. They don't understand that there's no way in the world that they are going to get real satisfaction out of a human relationship. They don't understand that any human relationship they have will always be less than fulfilling. They don't understand that, and they're trying to be like everyone else, but they're not. They're not going to fit in, and they're not going to be accepted. That's terrible. That's terrible.

Howard: That kind of experience.

Hilton: I didn't understand myself until '91. Actually, when I got the dog (Ranger), and all of a sudden I was no longer alone, and I didn't have that wrenching sense of loneliness and being alone. But there would be no salvation in the company of others. You're alone. Your life is empty and alone, lonely. There's no salvation or satisfaction in the company of others. It's terrible. Those are the worst kind of people. They're tragically unhappy.

Howard: So it was like trying to be with the kids and then …?

Hilton: Okay, now, that's the answer. I was trying to be normal.

Howard: And you're going from your own thing to living with a … What were they? Boys, girls, what?

Hilton: Yeah, a boy and a girl.

Howard: Both.

Hilton: I was trying to be normal. I was involved in fraud. I didn't even have a job. I was presenting it to her that I was a self-publisher and so forth, and these deals were sponsored, and it was for real. They were real. I even had her picking up money for me at the beginning of our relationship.

Howard: Did she catch on to that or—

Hilton: When she did, she said, “Man, it's not a job. It's a con game.”

Howard: Did you kind of try to keep that from her or kind of try to hold it …?

Hilton: Oh, she caught on, and in the end, I think, she's probably the one that turned me in.

Howard: Turned you in for?

Hilton: Fraudulent telephone soliciting.

Howard: Oh.

Hilton: As soon as we were divorced, I got busted out. I had an office in Decatur. Got busted by DeKalb County and had a phone room. Busted me out on that. Took everything.

Phones, everything.

Howard: When was this?

Hilton: That was in '79.

Howard: You got busted in '79.

Hilton: Yeah. At the end of '79, right after our divorce was final.

Howard: Did you get any time for it?

Hilton: Oh no. It was a misdemeanor. Fraudulent telephone solicitation.

Howard: They didn't give you any of your phones back or your office ….

Hilton: Man, they did all this work on it, including running an undercover officer through the operation. They ran a black female juvenile police officer through the operation. I had her come get a job, work a day there, and then when they came for the arrest, they showed up with crime scene vans with their own boxes.

Howard: Were you married at the time?

Hilton: No. We had been divorced a week or two or a month or whatever. I think our divorce was final in about October the twentieth.

Howard: How did the divorce go? Was it an amicable thing you both decided, or was it—

Hilton: Yeah, it was.

Howard: Did you call it quits with her, or did—

Hilton: Well, I had, and then she had. She'd had enough, too. She had been shopping around by then and she already had the next guy lined up.

Howard: How did you react to that?

Hilton: I had to laugh. You know, these girls say they're looking for a husband, and I call it “sleeping around.”

Howard: It's all in your perspective.

Hilton: Yeah. She'd fucked half the police department out there already before she met me. Oh, she fucked a captain.

Howard: Did she tell you this, or is this stuff you just kind of learned over time?

Hilton: She told me. She was crazy. Good Lord …

Howard: Like how?

Hilton: One of her boyfriends, not a police officer, was making … They didn't have a video, and they were making eight-millimeter films of her dancing nude.

Howard: How did that come up in conversation with a new husband?

Hilton: Oh, that's the way it always is. Don't you know that? You're going with someone. She's the one that's got the pussy and can fuck anytime she wants. Sooner or later she comes around to all the people she's fucked. It always ends up that way. Don't you know that? Anytime you have a relationship, you go with someone, sooner or later, they're [going to ask], “Who else have you fucked?” And almost invariably, at least with the chicks I go with, they want to tell you.

Bridges: Obviously, I missed out on an important part of the conversation.

Hilton: There's a fine distinction, for women to threaten to give it away, the pussy, I mean, and for them to let you know that they could give it away, and they have given it away, increases the value of it. It's marketing. A sophisticated woman understands that to threaten to give it away increases the value. And actually giving it away decreases the value. Some women aren't smart enough to know the difference and they fuck up that way. They all do that. Okay, the nice girls, you know how they do it? They say, “Either you marry me or forget about it. I'm going to find someone else.” That's threatening to give it away, and that's how they get men to do what they want them to do.

Howard: Oh yeah?

Hilton: Always. “Either you do what I want, or, in the end, I'm going to give it to someone else.” That's part of my dislike—or I wouldn't call it “hatred,” but almost—for women is that they have all the advantages.

Howard: The deck is stacked against us.

Hilton: I'm telling you, man. I finally came to the conclusion … I mean, the last piece of ass I had, except for rape, was in '89. Was in January of '89, and I never—

Howard: You kind of dropped out of the game there.

Hilton: I was never so happy after I did that. Once you stop getting led around by the dick, and we all are—all of us are. That's why we become less than men. That's why we start doing our woman's agenda. How many little nine-year-old boys have said to their little girl, “Oh, you know, I would like to get your toy tea set out, and let's have tea, and let's get our dollies here, and have tea with our dolly.” You've never seen a boy do that. But what a woman wants you to do as an adult is to play house. And to have children. I understand that for men having children is the greatest thing in their lives. Nevertheless, how many nine-year-old boys have you known that have said, “I don't want to be a soldier or a pilot or an astronaut. I want to grow up and have a family.” Bullshit. That's not what men are about. But, in the end, puberty happens. The hormones rise. We start getting led around by our dick.
And in the end we become women. You look at any married couple, and when I say “any,” that's a big word,
any married couple,
especially the older ones, and what you have is not a man and a woman. You have two women, and one of them has a penis, and he's the designated dick. It's like, “Honey, you know. Can you give me back my dick tonight?” And you have two women doing the things that a woman wants to do, and having the values that a woman has, and leading a woman's agenda with the so-called man giving permission to do symbolic, almost ritual, things that make him the man. It may be whatever. It may be having his collection of snap-on tools in the garage. It could be his fishing or his hunting. These are symbolic, ritualistic things that they're allowed to do to say they're men, and even the toughest generally go home to a soft house to a soft woman's environment, to a
nicey
-nice … Look at these damn Muslims we're fighting, man. They're tough as fucking nails. They're thin. They're wiry. They eat a handful of mud every day, and they shit once a week. They sit on the fucking floor.
Oh, man. And here our so-called men, they go home to cushy-cushy and everything's all
nicey
-nice, and it's all got the woman's touch and everything. It's two women there.

Howard: Did you realize this—

Hilton: You look at any man's home—I'll answer your question in a minute—you look at any man's home. It's a woman's home. And what is his man thing? Having a nice lawn. Oh, Jesus Christ, give me a fucking break. Out there cutting grass and digging in the dirt like a fucking animal.

Bridges: All your travels and camping and stuff, by yourself, you get a lot of time to think ….

Hilton: That's lawyers and everyone else constantly asking, “How come you're so intelligent? Are you well-read? Are you well-educated?” You're right. You hit it right on the head. That's very perceptive of you. The reason I'm so seemingly intelligent is that I alone, amongst almost anyone else, including you dudes, have time to actually stop and think about things. You are so busy distracting yourself because you're running from the reality of the situation, which is frantically, desperately distracting yourself with every kind of thing in the world, including your work …. Now again, I'm not judging you. You're just human beings. That's all you are. You're just human beings, and God bless you. I'm not judging you, but I'm just saying, you're so embedded in the matrix that you live in that you can't even see it. I'll refer you back to what they advertise ….