Audrey and the Maverick (20 page)

“Audrey! It’s here! Audrey, come see!” Mabel’s excited call drew Audrey and Bertie to the front porch. A supply wagon was stopped in front of the house. Most of its goods had been unloaded, except for those needed at the house and a couple of large crates.

“What is it?” Audrey asked.

“Your sewing machine,” Kurt said. He and Luc had been at the cookhouse when the wagon and outriders came in. He opened the back gate as the wagon driver came around to help the boys lift the heavy crates down. Bertie looked like an excited child as they waited for the machine to be fully revealed to them. A crowbar quickly freed the machinery, to many oohs and aahs as the children gathered close to get a good look.

Mabel touched the machine’s shiny black coat and looked up at Audrey with wide eyes. “It’s beautiful, Audrey.”

Audrey had forgotten Julian ordered the sewing machine. So much had happened between then and now.

“Where do you want it, miss?” the wagon driver asked.

“Upstairs, I guess. In my room. I’ll show you where.” She led the way inside and up the stairs, indicating where the machine should be set up in her room. They brought up the special desk first. Kurt and Luc moved backward up the stairs as Julian’s man directed the two boys and carried the other end. Once settled, they made another trip downstairs to retrieve the machine and sewing supplies.

The front of the desk was elaborately carved oak in a pattern of flowers and vines with black iron drawer pulls. Audrey crossed her arms over her ribs, remembering her first kiss with Julian was over the topic of this machine. This machine was her freedom. With it, and the skill to run it, she could go anywhere. Julian had said this was her home, but it wasn’t her only option. She could go anywhere.

He had set her free.

The children crowded around the machine, pressing forward to get a good look at it. Luc and Kurt backed the kids away, opening a channel for Audrey to go to the machine. She didn’t move. Her feet were anchored to the floor. The distance between her and the machine elongated and swam in her eyes. Her chest felt rigid, breathing became difficult. Someone spoke to her—she didn’t know who. She couldn’t differentiate voices.

She didn’t want her freedom. She didn’t want to be rid of Julian. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks as she stared at the black machine. Her hands gripped the material at her sides.

A woman wrapped an arm about her shoulders. Bertie. Audrey heard her soothing tone, but could not understand her words. It was the end. It was over. She was done. Bertie smoothed a lock of hair from Audrey’s face. Audrey didn’t blink, couldn’t rip her eyes from the machine.

“Go find Mr. McCaid. Quickly, boys,” Bertie told the older boys. More soothing words followed the order. Audrey’s breath came in tiny gasps as if her corset was too tight. Her head was humming, blocking words.

And then Julian was there. He spoke to her. She couldn’t answer, words were locked away with her breath in some unreachable part of her body. He moved to stand in front of her, blocking the machine with his big body. He cupped her face and bent to look into her eyes.

“Audrey? What’s wrong?” His voice broke through her shock. Tears spilled down her cheeks, pooling against his hands. He wiped at them with his thumbs, spreading the moisture before he set his hands on her shoulders and straightened.

“Bertie, take the children downstairs. I need to speak to Audrey.” The door closed, leaving them alone. Julian wrapped his arms around her and drew her against his warm body. She stood stiffly, incapable of unlocking her body without her soul disintegrating.

Julian held her, rocked her, gave her rigid body a different rhythm to feel than the one burning inside her. His hands rubbed her back. After a bit, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed, where he sat with her on his lap.

Audrey slowly opened her arms and lifted them around his neck. She would be lost without him. She would be nothing. She pressed her face against his throat, breathing his scent, feeling his heartbeat against her lips.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked quietly, his words whispering against her cheek.

“The sewing machine—”

Julian looked at the machine. “Do you not like it? Though it appears complicated, we can figure it out. I’m sure it came with instructions.”

“It isn’t the sewing machine, Julian.”

“But you just said—”

“You don’t understand.”

He shook his head. “Help me to understand.”

“It’s an end. Of us.”

Again he shook his head. “There is no end to us. I will always take care of you. You have this house and this ranch.”

“But not you.”

“No, not me.”

Audrey drew a long breath into her lungs, held it, then slowly released it. Everything had an ending. Everything. She would leave this place when he was gone. She couldn’t stay here, couldn’t be here in rooms he had been in, rooms he had loved her in. She would take the black machine and go to Cheyenne.

She would start her own life. Without him.

She moved off his lap and came to her feet. He stood as well, watching her warily. “Shall I help you learn how the sewing machine works?” he asked.

Audrey looked from him to the black machine. She wiped at the moisture on her cheeks and resolutely nodded.

Julian felt the silence that night as soon as he stepped into Audrey’s room. She was sitting bolt upright in her bed, her nightgown buttoned all the way up to her neck. She did not greet him. He crossed the room and sat on the edge of her bed, waiting for her to speak.

She gave him a hollow smile. “I’m not pregnant.”

Whatever he’d been expecting her to say, it wasn’t that. Of course, her announcement made perfect sense. They’d spent nearly every night together for the past month. It was certainly time for her courses. That news would have thrilled him two months ago, when he’d set out to seduce her. Now it left him oddly empty. Part of him wished his precautions had not been so effective. At least then the future would be decided for him, for them.

“I see,” he answered at last. “Are you in pain? Can I get you a cup of tea? A hot bath?”

“I’m fine. It’s just something that has to pass.”

Julian looked at the crisp white sheet covering her stomach. “How long does it run?”
How long must I be without you?

“Five days, usually. I’m very regular.”

Five days. An eternity. He took hold of her hand. “May I still sleep with you? I will just hold you.”
Please
. “Of course, if you’d rather be alone, I understand.”

“I’d like you to stay. I’ve gotten used to sleeping with you.”

Julian walked around the bed and stretched out, fully clothed, on top of the sheet. He pulled Audrey into his arms. She fit against his body as if she were his other half, created for him alone. He kissed her forehead. “If you need anything, you’ve only to ask. I’ll fetch it for you.”

She smiled. “I’m not sick, Julian, only—inconvenienced.”

He nodded. “Good night, then.” It was an amazing thing to feel her body relax, her breathing even out. He slept not at all.

It was a pattern they repeated for two more nights. Julian could barely remember what he did during the daylight hours, for his day began at night when they were together. He lay on his side, watching her sleep, keenly aware of how fast their time together was passing. In the beginning, he’d thought if he could just hold her, touch her every minute of every night left to them, it would be enough to spread across the rest of his life.

He was wrong. It would never be enough.

The thought of leaving her caused him physical pain. He didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to waste a moment of their time together. He considered and rejected several alternatives, including one fantasy where he stayed here at the ranch in this unrealistic but idyllic existence.

Julian felt a small hand tap his back at the same time he heard Mabel’s loud whisper. “Mr. McCaid? Why are you in Audrey’s bed?” He must have dozed. He hadn’t heard her come into the room. He rolled over to look at the little girl. “Did you have a bad dream too?” she asked.

His whole life had become a bad dream. “Yes.” He reached over and scooped her up, then rolled back to settle her beneath the sheet between him and Audrey.

“What was your nightmare?” Mabel asked. “Audrey says it can’t hold you in its power if you talk about it.”

His nightmare was too vivid. And still looming. “Audrey’s a very smart woman.” He looked at her to see if she’d awakened.

She was watching them, a hint of a smile on her lips. “What was your dream, sweetheart?” she asked Mabel as she brushed a lock of hair from her face. The little girl looked at her but didn’t answer. “Your father?” Mabel nodded. Julian watched this exchange, feeling a disturbing mixture of curiosity and dread as he waited for an explanation.

Audrey looked at him. With a sigh, she told the story in a crisp, matter-of-fact way. “Her father hit her mother until she died. Then he dropped Mabel off at our house and went west to the gold fields. Now and then, she thinks about it, and it gives her terrible nightmares.”

Julian felt gut-punched. All the time he’d spent worrying about his unborn children, this little girl had been living in hell. He touched her torso, his large hand spanning her little chest. Her heart hammered against his palm with the rapid beat of a frightened bird. He felt fiercely protective of Mabel, of Audrey’s entire brood.

“You are safe now, sweet,” he whispered to her. “He cannot harm you. He will never harm you again.”

She looked up at him. “I wish you were my father, Mr. McCaid.”

Julian closed his eyes. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Sleep now. I’ll take you back to your bed in a bit.” She shut her eyes and within minutes her breathing was even, her face relaxed.

Audrey put her hand on Julian’s. In that moment, Julian felt complete. Warmth swirled within his entire being. He could start here, start with this family. His life could have meaning beyond the superficial intent he’d given it. His children wouldn’t have a pedigree, but they would be loved. He was powerful enough; he could make them, all of them—these orphans and his own flesh and blood—safe.

At dusk the next evening, Julian looked up to see Audrey come out onto the balcony. The kids were preparing for bed. He and Audrey had a few minutes alone. He smiled and held a hand out to her. Drawing her into his arms, he turned her back to him so that they both faced the brilliant colors of the sunset as he settled his hands about her waist. She covered his arms with hers and leaned against him.

It was a moment like no other he’d experienced. He knew, suddenly, that all the days he had lived had brought him to this point, to this sunset. To this woman. He turned her in his arms, wanting to see her face in the pink twilight. He couldn’t describe how he felt. Everything was different—it was
more
somehow. The sunset wasn’t pretty; it was stunning. He wasn’t happy; he was ecstatic. He grinned down at her, embarrassed at the euphoria he was feeling.

It had to be love.

Love.

He touched his fingers to her cheek, caressing the dimple that showed when she smiled.
I love you.
His heart began a violent beat. Would she believe him? How could she when he’d made it clear he only wanted sex from her, that she had no permanent place in his life?

He could court her. He could show her, more every day, how he felt. Then he would tell her. And ask her to marry him.

“It’s frightening when you look at me like that, Julian.”

He leaned forward and brushed his mouth against hers, the touch more caress than kiss. “Do you know how beautiful you are, Audrey?” His heart had found its mate. He kissed her, gently, nose to nose, chin to chin. His body quickened at the sweet touch of her tongue against his. He’d seduced her. He knew every inch of her body. He knew her scent. He knew how to make her smile. But he had no idea where her heart lay. He would sweep her off her feet, woo her until she admitted to feeling what he felt.

An idea occurred to him, a brilliant start to his plan. “I need to go check on a few things. I’ll be back in time to tell the kids the next installment of the story.” He reluctantly left her arms and crossed his room to the stairs.

“Where are you going, Mr. McCaid?” Colleen asked as he started down the steps. Julian looked up to see Colleen and Mabel standing in the doorway of their room.

“I have an errand to run.”

“An errand? Out here?” Mabel asked.

“Yes.”

“But we’re ready for bed. Aren’t you going to continue the story?” Colleen added.

“Of course. I won’t be long.”

“What errand are you doing?” Mabel asked.

Julian sent a quick look to Audrey’s room. Her door was still closed. “It’s a surprise for Audrey.”

The girls quickly hurried over. “We love surprises! What is it?”

Julian felt foolish telling them, but there was nothing for it if he wanted to get out and back in a decent amount of time. “I’m going to pick her a bouquet. I saw some flowers by the river a while back. I thought I’d check to see what was still there.”

Colleen clapped her hands. “Oh! Can’t we come too? We’re very good at picking flowers!”

“Audrey wouldn’t like you running about in your nightclothes.”

“Please, Mr. McCaid!” Mabel begged.

He made a face. “Well, all right, then. Tell the others where we’re going. I don’t want them to worry. But Audrey is not to know. It’s a surprise for her.”

The girls spun around and hurried to their room. Before Julian knew it, all four girls were running down the front stairs and all four boys were close on their heels.

“What’s goin’ on?” Luc asked.

“It’s a secret,” Colleen answered.

Julian could tell the boys didn’t like being left out of the adventure. “We’re going to pick flowers for Audrey.”

“Flowers?” Kurt echoed, looking as if he wanted to spit.

“Yes. Flowers.” Julian gave him a hard look. “And it’s a secret. Audrey is not to know.”

“Can we come too?” Joey asked.

“Boys don’t pick flowers, stupid.” Kurt laid down the law.