Autumn Leaves (32 page)

The way Asha went to get herself a cup and some coffee as if she was invited irritated her. Callie was a heartbeat away from blurting out what she didn’t want her to know.

“You can’t tell me.”

“Maybe, but my boss who is technically also your boss, can. You want to take the risk?”

“I do. You straighten it out, as always.”

Asha sighed dramatically. “Okay, I’ll give that a try, but don’t expect too much. When are you going to pack up things and come back?”

“I won’t. Rebecca is moving in with me.” It felt good to say it out loud like that for the first time. Making it real. However, Asha didn’t share Callie’s assessment.

“Jesus, Cal, have you lost it completely?”

“Excuse me?”

“I told you to distract yourself a little, have a hot affair, not to become a co-mom. Callie, are you even in there? The woman’s married!”

Callie couldn’t make sense of Asha’s vehement reaction. They’d always known they weren’t in for the long run. Between now and that long time ago they’d been exclusive, both she and Asha had had other lovers.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Rebecca has left her husband, so yes, when all is said and done, it will hopefully be possible for the girls to stay with us. What’s your problem, Asha?”

Asha looked chagrined. “You know, honey, I love you, but you’ve had some serious stuff happening lately. I guess this is where some counseling should be in order.”

“No shit,” Callie said sarcastically. “Can you still keep out of my private life?”

“Those straight girls, you can’t trust them. The moment you’re in for more than a little fun, they’re going to break your heart.”

“Well, I don’t intend to.” They both turned around at the sound of Rebecca’s voice. “Sorry to be dripping,” she said dryly. “I just thought I had something to say to this too.”

She was wearing nothing but a white towel, and Callie had to admit that not even the never-ending bad news could keep her from admiring the sight. Asha did too, and Callie slapped her arm lightly.

“Rebecca, it’s good to see you. Maybe you could use some of that good influence on her then and tell her to change the story.”

“Why would I?”

Asha sighed. “Now, when did you two decide to disappear into this joint delusion? Somebody needs to go sell these books. I’m telling you, Callie, there are some feminist readers who won’t like sexual violence as a plot device, and frankly, I’m with them.”

“What’s their problem?” Rebecca asked.

“Is real life what you want when you pick up a novel, let alone one of Callie’s?”

“I could find another publisher. I’ve had offers before,” Callie chimed in. She didn’t really mean it, and she certainly didn’t want to make a decision like that now, but she couldn’t help it.

Rolling her eyes, Asha got up. “All right. I’ll be sure to pass that on. I’m not so sure we will take a risk like that, but I’ll let you know.” She gave Rebecca a long lingering look. “You know what, I really hope you’ll make her happy. If you don’t, remember I know where you live.”

“She is something,” Rebecca remarked after the door had fallen shut behind Asha.

“She will come around,” Callie predicted. “How did it go?”

Rebecca’s posture changed slightly, so Callie got up to pull her close. Rebecca leaned into her embrace with a tired sigh. “I want to make you happy,” she said.

“You do.”

“Sloane, I think she’s good, but...I don’t know about David. I just don’t know him anymore.”

Callie just held on tighter, because there wasn’t much else she could do. She couldn’t promise he would magically change his mind, and what would happen then?

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, for the current predicament and other things. Rebecca wouldn’t be happy living without her children in the long run, but it was something they might have to consider. If Callie couldn’t bring herself to let her go, it wasn’t entirely for selfish reasons. They might still have a long way to go, but they would be in it together.

* * * *

Callie whimpered quietly in her sleep. Rebecca debated whether to wake her, but decided against it when brushing her hand softly seemed to ease Callie into more restful dreams. The snow falling heavily outside made it seem lighter, and impossible for her to fall asleep yet. After the small break of their restaurant visit, there was too much on her mind, once again. She missed Dina and Maggie. She missed Maria, the circle of her friends she once thought of as unbreakable. More than that. Callie’s struggle led her back to a time when she thought marrying into the Lowman family might have been a serious mistake.

There was talk in town that Bev Wilkins might replace Craig for mistakes being made in the investigation of the Beckett and Weller sons’ crimes on Halloween. The relief Rebecca felt about this prospect was too intense to be explained by the irritation he caused her lately. Reading the first draft of Callie’s novel had stirred up something, a memory, an understanding. Whatever lay ahead now, both she and Callie had survived worse. They just had to remember that.

“I need you too,” she whispered to her sleeping lover.

Beside her, Callie was now calm and relaxed. Finally finding that gratitude again she was missing lately, Rebecca closed her eyes too.

* * * *

She was awakened by the phone early in the morning. “Hey, Mom. I just wanted to check if you’re okay.” Dina used her cell phone to call Rebecca.

“I’m good. Thank you. I...I miss you girls.” She couldn’t help saying it, even though she was trying hard not to make it worse for either of them.

“We’ll come to visit soon,” Dina promised. “Tomorrow after school maybe? I’m not sure if Grandma’s gonna come too.”

“She’s welcome.”
She can convince herself that we have a good home here
. “I’d love to see you.”

After a long pause, Dina said with a sigh, “We miss you too, you know, but we can only be in one place, right? I’m sorry about what I said to you, but really, you and Dad don’t have to make it a drama. You’re not coming back, are you?” Rebecca’s struggle for an answer and the resulting silence obviously told her all she needed to know. “I guess if you’re not happy together, it’s better you aren’t.”

Rebecca wanted to say so much, that she was sorry about the way things had turned out, but she didn’t trust her voice. Besides, she didn’t have an alternative to offer. The only thing they could do now was wait out the storm and hopefully come out without bruises.

“Dad and I have been happy for a long time,” she said finally. “It’s just that…” How could she ever explain something to her fourteen-year-old daughter that she couldn’t even entirely explain to herself?

“I don’t understand it, Mom. How could you not know?”

There was a hint of anger left, but mostly confusion. Rebecca didn’t know how to answer to either, the weight of failure crushing.

“Okay,” Dina said quickly, seemingly done with the emotional moment. “We’ll see you then, and—oops.” In the background, there was the sound of barking, and Maggie’s chiding voice, “Shh, you’re supposed to be silent!”

“Um, Mom, you want to talk to Maggie for a moment?”

“Of course, in a minute. What was that?”

“What was what?”

“Dina.”

“Okay! I guess tomorrow you’ll meet Barney. He’s Dad and Susan’s idea of easing the separation anxiety.”

Rebecca closed her eyes for a moment, reining in annoyance with her yet husband. Above all, she felt relief that her child had not all of a sudden become a stranger to her—or an adult for that matter. Dina had probably no idea how much she had revealed in that one sentence.

David had obviously reverted to bribing which meant he was just as unsure how to handle the current situation as Rebecca was. She needed to catch him outside the lawyer’s office, she thought. There was still some hope that those sixteen years still meant something, at the very least, that they wouldn’t break out into a war of roses.

“Oh, right. Does it work?” she asked.

Dina made a noncommittal sound. “Well, somewhat. You’ll see him. He’s cute. You want Maggie now?”

“Sure, thank you. Wait. Dina?”

“Yeah?”

“Nothing. We’ll talk tomorrow, sweetie.”

Who was Susan? Rebecca assumed she’d find out soon. There was no time to obsess about the subject now. Callie went to town to talk to Asha about the book some more, and Rebecca needed the time to think about what she was going to say in church on behalf of Father Langdon’s project. She still wasn’t sure about the wisdom of including her in the presentation. The talk was maybe easing up slowly, but she still got the looks and the silent treatment every now and then, from people who thought the arrests of Tim Beckett and Matt Weller were personal insults against their families. Betty seemed to have become Louise Beckett’s best friend now.

Could she really step up and talk to them? It wouldn’t be easy, Rebecca knew, but she gave Father Langdon her promise. The date was approaching fast, so she’d better come up with something. If only she had any idea.

Callie returned from her meeting looking tired and dispirited, so Rebecca didn’t want to burden her with her own worries. She was sure that Father Langdon was aware of the talk in town. If he thought it was appropriate for her to still be part of the project, who was she to say it wasn’t?

They made it an early night. After the lights were turned off, Callie finally asked, “Do you think I should change it?”

Rebecca took her time to think about an answer. “I think your writing is at your best.” Which was the truth, but ultimately, Asha might have had a point when she advised Callie to keep her series within certain boundaries. There was something else to consider. She turned to Callie, brushing her fingers over red strands spilling across her pillow.

“You did great. Asha knows the business side best, but you must be comfortable with what’s out there, in print.”

Callie sighed. “That’s the problem, I don’t know anymore. There’s a lot worse out there, on the other hand…Maybe Asha is right. I don’t want to pass on the hurt to anybody. Therapeutic writing isn’t always the best.”

“Did it make you feel better writing this?” Rebecca asked softly.

After a moment, Callie nodded.

“Did you tell Asha why you did it?”

“No. I didn’t want her to change her mind out of sympathy—or pity.”

Rebecca didn’t think that would happen. For one, Asha would probably get angry, but she was enough of a businesswoman to separate the two.

“You think I should?”

“If you’re not comfortable yet, no.” To say it out loud, once, was important, and then draw your boundaries around you. Rebecca wondered if she had missed a step, all those years ago. There was nothing much she could do about that. There was, however, something she could do in the present.

“Can I hold you?”

Callie melted into her embrace without hesitation, and for a moment, Rebecca forgot about the possible complications of the upcoming visit, or her own sins of omission. She knew with a startling certainty that this was where she was supposed to be. How she found her way there might make her flawed, human. It didn’t mean she was a bad person, not even in the eyes of the God she still believed in. They had a right to be happy.

Callie leaned close to kiss her softly, her lips, her neck, and that’s when Rebecca sensed the shift in mood, the hands on her body meaning to excite rather than comfort. They did, so much. When Callie paused to sit up, it was only to pull her nightshirt over her head, slowly, giving Rebecca time to watch, and enjoy. She placed her hands on Callie’s hips, reveling in the skin to skin contact, the words came easily.

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered. “Just where have you been…” All my life, Rebecca had wanted to say, but she stopped herself on time to remember the years that were between them. Callie’s smile was indulgent and affectionate at the same time.

“Yeah, right, make fun of my attempt to be romantic. There is an age joke somewhere in that.”

She had to chuckle about it though. Callie laughed too. Then she leaned forward, poised over Rebecca. “I’m here now, and I intend to make up for all the time we didn’t have.”

All possible time for past regrets just vanished with the pleasure of their intimacy. Rebecca remembered the first time Callie had touched her like that, making her ache for more in a way she didn’t think she had ever felt. Love, yes. Comfort in another person’s company, but nothing like this. She closed her eyes as Callie placec a string of kisses down her body, soft, teasing, shivers turning into fever heat, and then she had to open her eyes anyway. Callie looked up to smile at her, then she continued the intimate caress leaving Rebecca helpless to do anything but surrender.

Chapter Thirteen

They were both nervous about the family visit. Callie knew she would probably have to get used to those at some point. At the moment, she felt more comfortable making herself mostly invisible.

“You know that the girls will be with us over Christmas? You might pick them up on the twenty-seventh if you have the time.” Laurie’s tone sounded icy, and Callie sent a worried look to Rebecca whose face was unreadable. She wasn’t meaning to eavesdrop on the conversation between the two women, but Maggie had asked for an apple juice. Callie returned from the kitchen, stopping cold when she heard the word “Christmas”. It was a subject she hadn’t dared approach with Rebecca yet, but Laurie’s statement did not come as a surprise. Callie sighed to herself.