Avoiding Commitment (48 page)

But now they could lounge around each other’s
apartments all afternoon, hanging with their roommates, or other
times they sat alone watching movies snuggled together. But beyond
all that, their passion rang through it all. They made love nearly
every day. As often as she could afford to put off studying, they
would spend all afternoon in his bedroom trying out new positions,
volumes, and heightened climaxes. Lexi could live like this
forever.

Well, as long as she could get her roommates
to shut up.

A knock sounded from the doorway, and Lexi
shot her roommates a fierce glare. Elizabeth and Claire, giggling
into their hands, took a seat next to Rachelle, who admonished them
with a look of her own. The two girls dropped their hands and tried
to divert their attention from the visitor in their doorway.

Lexi pushed her hair behind her ears once
before opening the door. Lexi gasped and clutched the doorframe for
support, when her eyes landed on the form in front of her.

“Clark,” she gasped, shock written across her
face, “What are you doing here?”

Her heart was pounding in her chest. Clark
had never forgiven her for what she had done to him. And she didn’t
blame him. If the situations were reversed, she wouldn’t have been
able to forgive him for his treachery either. He had slandered her
name, and forced her out of their circle of friends. It was like
she had lost everything in the divorce. The only thing that had
kept her going was the knowledge that she would be in New York soon
enough, and away from it all. Which did nothing to explain why he
was here on her doorstep.

Always confident, he didn’t even flinch. He
smiled politely and let his green eyes work their way down her
body. She instantly felt self-conscious in her skimpy black dress.
The tiny spaghetti straps ended in a v-neck front and the polyester
material hugged her curves in all the right places. Lexi hugged her
arms across herself only increasing the amount of cleavage
visible.

“I came to see you. You look beautiful,” he
told her, his voice rich with emotion.

Lexi gulped hard. She couldn’t believe this
was happening to her.

“Can I come in?”

Lexi bit her lip unsure of whether or not she
should let him in. On the one hand, she hadn’t seen him in a very,
very long time, and so it was nice to have him here. On the other
hand, Jack would be here any minute. She couldn’t even imagine
that.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,”
she muttered her eyes on the floor. She could hear whispering
behind her back, and knew that her roommates were trying to
decipher who the mystery man was.

Clark downcast his eyes. She could tell his
mind was working overtime. “I haven’t seen you in a long time. I’m
all the way up here. Are you sure I can’t come inside?”

Lexi glanced over her shoulder and saw that,
indeed, her roommates were very curious about the man standing
before her. She felt like she had been a spectacle on display for
them for the past month. When she looked back up at her
ex-boyfriend, her heart skipped a beat. There were so many things
wrong with this reaction that she didn’t even have time to process
them all. “I…I can’t let you in. I’m sorry, Clark.”

He nodded slowly. “Well, I guess this was a
mistake,” he grumbled. “Have a Merry Christmas, Lexi.”

Clark turned and began to walk back down the
hallway. She stepped one foot over the threshold and watched his
slumped form trudge away from her. She hated that she was hurting
him. Why did she always have to hurt him? The things that she had
done to him within the past year should have been enough. She
couldn’t let this go on. He was here for a reason, and she owed him
at least some of her time.

“Who was that?” Claire called unable to
control her curiosity.

“Just a friend,” Lexi told her before
slamming the door behind her. “Clark,” she called tip-toeing down
the hallway in her stilettos. He stopped before he reached the
stairwell and turned to face her. She raced the rest of the way
down the hallway. “I’m sorry. I should have let you come inside. I
was just…just so surprised.”

“I guess I should have called,” he admitted,
a smile playing across his features.

“Yeah, I think that would have helped.” Her
face was flushed and hands trembling. She hadn’t been this nervous
in someone’s presence in a long time, and she was in law school!
Mostly, she didn’t know what he wanted, and that terrified her.

Did he somehow know that she was seeing Jack?
Had he come for revenge? Could he have gone to the dark side?

“Why don’t we just talk here?” she gestured
for him to take a seat on the cold stone step.

His eyebrows furrowed together. “If you’d
prefer that. You look like you’re freezing,” he commented reaching
forward to warm her arms.

She scurried back a step not allowing herself
to get in contact with him. That could be bad. She had never had
this issue with anyone other than Jack, but then again she had
never been in a relationship with Jack…or whatever it was.

There was no need to be like this around
Clark. They had their chance, and she had blown it. There was no
way they could ever be together again. She didn’t want that. She
had what she wanted already. With that comforting thought, she took
the seat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. He didn’t make a move
to warm her again, but allowed her slight shoulder to brush against
his own.

“Can I repeat my earlier question?” she asked
glancing up at him through her black lashes. “What are you doing
here?”

His strong hands fiddled with the white
button on his blue, plaid, long-sleeve button-up. His arms rested
on the dark designer-cut jeans where they faded at the knee.
Seemingly realizing that she was observing him, he dropped his
habitual buttoning and unbuttoning and met her gaze. “I’m here on
vacation…” he paused.

Lexi could tell that there was more to what
he wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure what it was. He seemed
somehow reserved about what he wanted to tell her. She had been
with him long enough to know when he was holding something back.
She didn’t want to push him though. He could tell her whatever part
he wanted to tell her. She hoped she could keep herself from
prying. She would rather die than have him pry and find out about
Jack. With his intuition, she knew it would only take a couple
questions to come up with that answer.

“How did you know where to find me?”

“I called your mom before I left to ask her
where you were located on the NYU campus,” he admitted cringing at
his own snooping abilities.

“She didn’t tell me that,” Lexi muttered
angrily.

“I asked her not to tell you, because I
didn’t know if I would come visit you,” he responded quickly. A
curly lock fell into his eyes and he reached up and brushed it
away. Strong memories of doing just that overwhelmed her. She
reached up and swept her own hair behind her ears several times to
try and still her thoughts. He smiled at the familiar movement.
“Well, at least you haven’t changed much.”

Lexi couldn’t admit how true that sentiment
was.

“Uh…so you didn’t think you’d come see me?”
she asked trying to keep him on track.

“We ended…so abrupt…so wrong,” he responded
sounding wounded. “And I know part of that was my fault.”

Lexi felt like she had swallowed a bag of
cotton balls her mouth had gone so dry. She didn’t want to talk
about their break up. Yes, they had broken up, but that had been
quite some time ago. Why did he want to talk about that now? “Yes
and everything else was my fault,” she murmured broken and
dejected.

“Lexi,” his voice silky, “the way I treated
you was completely uncalled for, and I don’t know if there is any
semblance of a friendship…of more,” he whispered. “But if there is,
then I want to find it.”

“Why are you saying this to me?” she cried
angrily springing from her seat. “I don’t need to hear this from
you, Clark.”

“Lexi, sweetie, I’m trying to apologize,” he
said rising alongside her.

“And I appreciate that, but we can’t
do…
this
,” she said, the thought sickening her. “How could
you even want that after everything that we’ve been through?”

“You were always what I wanted. Don’t you see
that? I was going to give you a second chance after you cheated on
me for nearly a year with one of my best friends. Can’t you see
that you were what I wanted? Then you threw that in my face.”

“You made me hurt him,” she whispered.

“He deserved to be hurt, and Kate stayed with
him anyway. I hear they’re still together,” he told her. He took a
step towards her.

She didn’t take the bait. Her brain told her
that if she announced her secret then this would quickly turn into
an all out shouting match. She didn’t need that. “You’ll never get
over it,” she cried angrily pushing him backwards out of her face.
“It’s been a year, Clark, and you’re still not over it.”

“God damnit, Lexi! I hadn’t even thought
about this in such a long time, and now here we are arguing about
it again.”

“That’s because you won’t let this go. You
come to see me on your vacation, or so you say, and then bring this
shit up?” she cried.

“Look, I
am
here on my vacation, but I
didn’t come here to fight with you. I came to try and make amends.
Obviously we’re amazing at this,” he stated sarcastically. “Can we
try and start over, even just as friends?” he asked her.

“I’m not sure how well that would work,” a
voice called from the stairs below them.

Lexi stomach turned as the familiar voice hit
her ears. She turned slowly and found Jack walking up the stairs
towards them. She knew that he had been on his way over, and had
hoped to get Clark out of here before he arrived. Somehow they had
got to arguing and that just hadn’t happened.

Jack’s fiery blue eyes met her own eyes, and
her heart swooned. She had forgotten that he was supposed to be
dressed up for their evening out in celebration of the end of first
semester finals. He looked amazing and she couldn’t even break away
for long enough to see Clark seething at the sight of Jack.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Clark
muttered upon Jack’s arrival. “Lexi, tell me you’re kidding,” he
cried reaching out and grasping her arm.

Jack was there in an instant. “You should let
her go,” he said enunciating each word clearly. The two met
eye-to-eye, Clark was only an inch or two taller than Jack, but he
released her nonetheless.

Lexi moved between the two guys in an effort
to put distance between them. This was the last thing she had
wanted to happen when she had agreed to talk to Clark. “Guys, just
chill out,” Lexi said her voice lacking conviction.

“I can’t believe I even came by,” Clark
stated glaring menacingly at Jack.

“Me either,” Jack said putting his arm
protectively around Lexi’s shoulders.

“Can you both back off, please? This is all
one big misunderstanding,” Lexi muttered frantically.

“Oh no, I don’t think it is. I was standing
in this stairwell long enough to hear the majority of ya’ll’s
conversation. I think I understand completely what is going on
here,” Jack announced.

“Fuck off, Jack. What they fuck are you even
doing here? Aren’t you and Kate still together?” Clark snarled.

“No, we’re not still together,” he cried
vehemently pushing Lexi out of the way and shoving Clark against
the wall. “You want to know why I’m here?”

“Jack!” Lexi cried rushing back towards him
and yanking at his arm.

Clark glared evenly at Jack. “I’m here,
because we’re together.
Lexi
and I are together.”

“Right,” Clark drawled rolling his eyes.

“Clark, don’t egg him on,” Lexi yelled trying
to pull at Jack’s hard muscles.

“Do you have something to say?” Jack asked
pounding his fist into the wall next to Clark’s head.

“Jack, just stop!” Lexi yelled again.
Suddenly, Clark tilted his head back against the stone wall and
laughed. Lexi stared open mouthed at him. “What is so goddamned
funny?” she asked her southern accent slipping out with her
anger.

Clark shoved Jack’s arm away, forcing him to
take a step backwards. He laughed again deep in his diaphragm and
stared between the two of them. “You two are funny. Maybe I was
wrong about you, Lexi. You two
deserve
each other,” he
spat.

The words came out like an insult. He meant
that they were two of the same kind of people. That no matter where
Jack and Lexi ended up, they were destined to hurt someone else.
Maybe even continue on a never-ending path of hurting each
other.

Clark brushed past the two of them and
stumbled down the flight of stairs. Lexi watched him go, her heart
wrenching with his departure. How had this veered so far off
course? She ran her fingers through her long locks. She tried to
hold back the tears that were threatening to escape the ducts of
her eyes.

It wasn’t so much what Clark had said,
because a part of her had always believed his words. She had known
all along that her and Jack were meant to be. They were cut from
the same mold, which is why they had always worked so well
together. He was the other half of her whole.

The situation in its entirety is what had
gotten her riled up. She thought that these moments were over in
her life. She had been blinded by her happiness with Jack. Sure,
she thought about the bad times, but she hadn’t allowed herself to
dwell on them. There was no need. But now, with Clark’s recent
reappearance into her existence, the memories rushed back into her
mind like a flash flood. And this time her mind was raw. It hurt
worse than she had remembered.

“Lexi?” Jack asked as she collapsed into his
arms. “Are you okay? Don’t listen to him. Just don’t even think
about it. He’s such an asshole. I could kill him for hurting
you.”