Awaken (12 page)

He tapped his fingers on the table and told me he never thought about this. “Some people say home is where you come from. But I think it’s a place you need to find, like it’s scattered and you pick pieces of it up along the way.”

I shook my head.

“What?” Justin watched me with interest.

“I’ve just never thought of a lifestyle like that.”

He lifted his shoulder. “You were brought up to think love and family is about protection. Like you need to hold people close in order to care about them. But that’s just living inside a bubble. It’s control. I was brought up to think love is trusting people enough to let them go. Like you can expand your family and your feelings and carry them anywhere.”

I let his words soak through my pores and into my brain, where I wanted to store them away in a compartment where they would always be safe, so I could go back for them whenever I wanted.

“You never thought your parents were being selfish?” I asked.

He wrinkled his forehead. “For what?”

“For putting rioting before being good parents to you?”

“They have been wonderful parents to me.”

I disagreed. “Really? Where are they? Banished? How often do you see them?” I couldn’t fight the animosity rising in my chest. I didn’t care if his parents cured cancer and secured world peace. They still should have been more involved in his life.

Justin took a deep breath and slowed down his words. “It’s because of the selflessness of people like my parents that we’re sitting here right now without a radar machine picking up on a bar code embedded in our skin.” He paused and leaned closer to me. “It’s because people like my parents put their words into action that we saw those musicians tonight, that this world has any happiness left in it. And if it means a little sacrifice, that I can only see them a few times a year, I think that’s fair. They want a better life for me, and they’re fighting for it. I think that’s the greatest thing a parent can do.”

I looked down and folded my hands in my lap. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I know it’s none of my business. But you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and it’s just sad that your parents don’t get to see that.”

Justin sat up straighter, clearly surprised by this. I felt my face heat up. Where is the delete button when you need it?

I stared down at my lap, trying to think of some way to change the subject.

“There’s one more thing you should know,” Justin said. “About five years ago my parents were involved with a group of protesters that were trying to locate the DS radio towers.”

My fingers tightened around each other and I refused to meet his gaze. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“What happened?” I bluffed.

I could feel him studying me. “Their plan was to disrupt the signal for one hour and broadcast a national public announcement about fighting digital school. But my parents were tracked and arrested before it was ever organized. Then a year later, another group of rioters got the information, except their mission was a little less subtle. They bombed a tower in Portland that shut down the DS signal for the entire state.”

I nodded slowly and he continued.

“It took so long to get the signal back, people were considering forming face-to-face schools again. It was the strongest impact anyone’s had on trying to fight DS since it was started.”

Of course I remembered. For two weeks, the entire state lost access to DS. Meanwhile, my life had nearly ended and my father was being investigated by the
FBI
for being a possible terrorist.

Justin stared at me before he spoke as if he thought I might add something. I asked the one question that would erase any doubt.

“What are your parents’ names?”

“Thomas and Elaine Sabel.”

I tried to hide the shock on my face as I recognized the names of his parents. They had come up in more than one occasion in my household, referred to by my father as radicals. It was Justin’s parents that, numerous times, tried to destroy everything my father built.

“You don’t share the same last name?” I asked, and could hear my voice strained.

“No, they changed my last name when I was young. For my protection.”

I nodded and kept my eyes on the table. “I should probably get home,” I said. Before he could respond, I grabbed his coat and scooted out of the booth. He stood up and left money on the table and waved to Irene before we left.

I was quiet on the ride home, still trying to absorb everything I had learned. When we pulled up to my house, the rain was pelting the windshield. I found the door handle and opened it.

“I’ll be around for a few days, so I’ll be in touch,” Justin told me. I nodded and got out of the car, feeling lightheaded from the intensity of our conversation. Justin drove off and I turned back to watch the taillights of his car disappear down the road and out of sight. I took my heels off in the driveway and stretched my feet on the cold, wet cement. I was beginning to piece together why Justin singled me out but I still didn’t understand what he wanted and why he waited two and a half years to find me.

The next night, my mom and I sat in the living room in front of our digital fireplace and watched a game show on TV. It’s an interactive show, where anyone watching can guess the trivia questions and submit their answers online. People play it all over the world and anyone with a webcam has the chance to appear on the show. Tonight my mom and I weren’t playing; we just watched other contestants.

I threw some buttery popcorn in my mouth and curled up on the couch with Baley at my feet. My dad was out of town and it felt easier to breathe in his absence. I heard a slow rumble in Baley’s throat. Mom and I exchanged surprised glances when we heard a car pull up outside.

I sat up and stared out the window, shocked.

“You didn’t tell me he was coming over,” Mom said.

I gave her a bewildered look. “I didn’t know. Apparently he doesn’t even call anymore.”

My mom and I both stood up when the doorbell rang.

“That boy gets stranger every day. What was he even doing at the benefit last night? It cost one thousand dollars to get in.”

I walked over to the front door and opened it. Justin strode in quickly and carried an impatient energy into the room.

My mom invited him to watch
Money Talks
with us, but he shook his head and told her he was just stopping by. His anxious eyes met mine.

“You want to come with me?” he asked. I looked at my mom for permission and she nodded slowly but her eyes were careful, as if to remind me of what my father would think.

“Let’s go,” I said, and grabbed a hooded sweatshirt out of the hall closet.

“When would you like her home?” he asked my mom. She studied the two of us standing next to each other while she thought this over.

“Maddie, I’ll let you be the judge of that. But if you’re going to be too late, call and let me know.”

I followed Justin outside to his car and he opened the passenger door for me, as usual. I hopped in and fastened my seat belt.

He slid into his seat and started the car. I turned up the stereo, and the loud bass made the seats vibrate. I nodded my head to the music and drummed my hands on my knees. Independence was like a drug and it was making me high.

I looked over at Justin and he was watching me, almost comically. I turned the music down.

“Are we going to a club?” I asked. He shook his head. “More homemade chocolate cake?”

“Not exactly,” he said.

“How long are you in town for?” I asked.

He pulled out of the driveway and was playing with a car dial. “It’s not really set. My schedule’s unpredictable these days.”

He glanced at me. “You looked really nice last night, by the way. I forgot to tell you that.”

I felt my face heat up at the compliment. My mind quickly began to analyze what “really nice” meant. Cute? Extremely cute? Hot? Attractive, but only in a friend sort of way? I frowned at the last thought.

“I’m bad with those kinds of things,” he added.

I looked over at him with disbelief because I couldn’t fathom anything he was bad at. “What things?”

“You know, compliments.” He took his eyes off the road for a second to look back at me. “Girls like compliments, don’t they?”

I felt my blush deepen and had a sudden urge to pull my hood over my face and hide behind it. “I think everyone does if it’s sincere. Not just girls.”

“Yeah,” Justin said, and scratched the back of his head. “Well I’m pretty clueless in that department.”

I stared ahead and wondered where this conversation was going. Was Justin trying to open up about his dating life? He completely baffled me.

We turned onto a highway ramp headed for the coast and I asked him where we were going.

“Do you want to see what I do?” he asked. His eyes were dark and held a daring edge.

I wanted nothing more. “I might be mildly interested.”

“You know you can trust me, right?” I groaned as the question escaped his lips.

“Justin, yes, we’ve had this discussion. I trust you.”

He turned back to watch the road and nodded, satisfied with this.

“That’s all I need to know.”

“What are we doing, exactly?”

“We’re intercepting.” He explained that one way to fight DS was to stop the government from sending students to detention centers.

“It’s ridiculous,” he said. “They’re arresting people just for trying to drop out of DS, or for forming too many face-to-face study groups and sports teams. The government sends them away to get straightened out before they become a threat. They’re usually fighting DS one way or another, so, if we intercept them, they’re happy to join our side. It’s how we recruit most of our supporters.”

“Why don’t you just contact them after they’re released from detention centers? It’d be a lot less dangerous.”

Justin looked at me like I was crazy. “Because they crack. That’s what detention centers do. They hold you until they break you. We don’t know much about what goes on inside of them. People come out pretty screwed up.”

We exited off the highway toward a town called Toledo, only a few miles from the coast. Justin slowed down as we turned onto a residential road. I glanced down the street at a modest-looking neighborhood. Two-story homes were spaced equally apart and windows were lit up inside with the shades closed. He pulled the car over to the curb and turned the engine off. Silence filled the darkness between us. His smooth voice cut through the air and enveloped me.

“When I train people I never tell them what to expect. I let them experience it all firsthand. I think it’s pointless to try and tell you what’s ahead because nothing ever happens the way you think it will.”

I stared back at him. “Train me for what?”

He ignored my question and handed me something. I took the narrow cylinder in my hand and studied it. Justin flipped open the console between us and punched in a code.

“I need you to agree to something. Tonight, you need to do exactly what I say, when I say it. And you need to stay right by my side. Those are my two rules.”

I nodded.

He looked down at the console and after a few seconds pushed another series of buttons.

“Let’s do this,” he said. His eyes met mine for a brief instant until he was gone.

Every street and house light around us disappeared as if someone had stretched a canvas between my eyes and the rest of the world. Blackness reached out and swallowed me inside.

I tried to scream but I felt a hand clasp my lips together. Justin’s calm, low voice was close to my ear.

“Everything’s fine. Get out of the car and stay by my side,” he ordered. He opened his car door and I followed his lead. I stumbled blindly against the curb and fell into Justin’s arms just as he came around the side of the car.

“Turn that on, Maddie,” he said as he steadied me. I fumbled with the cylinder, trying to figure out what he meant. Justin shined his flashlight on mine to show me the switch. Light shot out of it and I gave a sigh of relief.

“Oh” was all I said. I’d never used a flashlight before. If the power went out at our house, which only happened once that I remembered, a generator in the basement kicked in and illuminated track lighting along the ceiling of every room.

“Now we walk. Let me do the talking.”

Our flashlights cast a beam several yards in front of us. If I hadn’t seen the row of homes stretched out on both sides of the street earlier, I would have never known they were there. I was acutely aware of sound since my vision was so impaired. A breeze whipped through the trees and dogs barked in the distance. I heard a front door open and a man called out to us. He held a flashlight as well and aimed it at the ground in front of him. He followed its path through the yard.

“Hey, do you know what’s going on?” he yelled after us. Justin and I turned and waited for him. He hurried down the lawn and pointed his flashlight up and down the street.

“Looks like the power’s out on the whole block,” Justin said. I glanced at the man, middle-aged and wearing sweatpants and a bathrobe.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” he said. “My fuse box didn’t even work.” He took his phone out of his pocket. As he was dialing, other people came out of their homes. I noticed a few had flashlights, and one woman carried an old-fashioned camping lantern. Little balls of light flowed toward us as if the sky were falling in around us. Behind the streams of light were curious faces.

“Do you know what happened?” an older woman asked as she and her husband approached us.

The man in the bathrobe shook his head. “I’m calling the electric company right now,” he said.

“Well,” she said, chuckling, “it’s nice to finally meet the neighbors. I’ve lived here fifteen years and I’ve never seen people out like this.” She pulled her knitted shawl tighter around her shoulders. I watched the interaction with fascination. I hardly ever saw my neighbors. We knew their names, of course, the ones on either side of our house. We knew their occupations. We knew if they had pets, or kids, the common things. But we didn’t know what they were like.