Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (40 page)

“Back the hell off, Jase. This isn’t your concern,” Nick tells Jase, keeping his blazing blue eyes pinned on me.

“The fuck it’s not, you bastard. It was my sister you were grabbing.”

“Nick, maybe you should calm down first,” Mac says, coming up beside him.

“Fuck you, Mac!” he snarls. “Chris and I need to talk and we’re going to do it alone.”

“The fuck you—”

“Both of you stop! Now!” I shout. I walk over to Jase and give him a hug. Pulling back, I beg him with my eyes for him to understand. “He’s right,” I tell him softly. “We need to talk in private. I shouldn’t have waited to tell him.”

“Chris—”

I cut him off.

“I’ll be fine, Jase. You need to trust me. Please.”

He yanks me forward and we wrap our arms around each other. Tears clog my throat when I think of the pain I’ve not only caused Nick, but Jase as well. I know this has to be hard on him. I’m his sister, and in his eyes, he’s supposed to take all my pain away. But with this, there’s nothing he can do. I’ve brought this on myself and only I can fix it. I pull back and can tell it’s taking everything in him to let me go. His jaw ticks as he grinds his molars together. His eyes flicker over me and the look he sends Nick’s way would bring most men to the knees.

I walk back over to Nick, who’s watching me with his dark blue eyes. I don’t look at the others as we turn and make our way to the exit down the hallway. Nick doesn’t say anything and neither do I. I feel like I’m walking to my doom. I knew Nick would be pissed I kept this from him, but the way he looked in the bar was beyond livid. Yet, underlying that emotion was another. He tried to hide it, but I saw the deep-seated fear in his eyes. My heart cracked seeing that fear.

I lead Nick through the back door and up the stairs that lead to my apartment. Unlocking my door, we step through and walk to the living room. When I turn to face him, the anger on his face has me taking a step back. I’ve never been afraid of Nick, never feared he would physically harm me, but if there ever was a time for that, now would be it.

“How long have you known?” he asks, his voice deceptively quiet.

I pull in a deep breath and answer him. “A little over a week.”

I wince at the look that crosses his face. If eyes could shoot laser beams, I have no doubt Nick’s would be burning holes in me right now.

“Is it mine?”

His question leaves me feeling like I was punched in the gut, and I almost double over from the pain of it. My breath leaves my lungs with a loud hiss. My chest gets tight and my stomach muscles spasm.

“Did you really just ask me that?” I whisper.

“Yes, I did,” he growls, and takes a step back from me. “Now answer the fucking question!”

“Of course the baby’s yours,” I cry. “I haven’t been with anyone except you for almost a year!”

“How in the fuck am I supposed to believe you!” he shouts. “You’ve kept this baby from me for almost a week!” He stops and turns, roughly raking his fingers through his hair. He whips back around and pins me with his intense gaze. “You knew that day I came by your place. The day you were sick. And then again, the night you asked me over. Why didn’t you tell me then?” he demands to know.

I hold my hands tightly together in front of me and tell him the truth.

“I found out the day you found me sick. It was actually Bailey and Karyn who figured it out. The possibility of being pregnant hadn’t even crossed my mind until they mentioned it could be the reason for my migraines. And I had you over that next time to tell you, but… we got sidetracked. Then you bolted in the middle of the night.”

“Bailey and Karyn know? But you didn’t tell me? Who in the hell else knows?”

“Just them and Jase.”

“Fuck!” he roars to the ceiling, making me jump.

I watch him pace back and forth, wearing a hole in my brown carpet.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” I tell him croakily. “I was going to tell you. It was a shock for me, too. But I swear I was going to tell you.”

He looks at me scathingly as he passes by. All I can do is stand there helplessly, my heart breaking with each pass he makes.

“Did you fucking plan this?” he asks, whipping around to face me.

“What!” I screech, appalled, hurt, and pissed beyond belief he would think I would do something like that. I ball my hands into fists. “How can you ask me that, Nick?”

“You said you were on the pill. For all I know, you lied. You’ve been after me for over a year. Who’s to say you weren’t desperate and thought you could trap me by getting pregnant?”

“Nick,” I plead, tears gathering in my eyes. “I would never do something like that. Yes, I love you, but I would never even think about doing something like that. You know me better than that.”

He stops across the room from me. “I don’t know you at all, Chris.”

“And whose fault is that?” I ask, my voice rising. I don’t give him time to answer. “You’ve never tried getting to know me.”

“Because I didn’t want to!” he says, his voice rising. “I didn’t want to know you! I wanted you to leave me alone! You kept pushing and pushing until I finally gave in! And now you’re pregnant with a child I don’t want!” He stops and lets his head drop forward.

I’ve known from the beginning that he wasn’t going to want this baby, but hearing him confirm it makes the pain of that knowledge so much worse.

I wince when I feel a small twinge of pain in my lower back, but I ignore it.

“Nick, please.” I take a step toward him. He whips his head up at my movement and takes a step back, putting more distance between us. I forge ahead anyway. “I know this is a shock to you. I didn’t want to have a baby this way either. But we are and we need to try to work something out for the baby.”

The look he sends my way has me stopping in my tracks. I hold my breath at the pure venom in his eyes. Never has he looked at me with eyes that carried so much disgust. Another niggling pain hits my lower back, but again, I push it away.

“I said I don’t want the baby.” His words are calm, almost lifeless. “You did this; you need to fix it. I’m leaving town. When I get back, I don’t want to see your face. Just stay the fuck away from me.”

“What… what do you mean?” I gasp, not believing I’m hearing what he’s saying. “You can’t be saying what I think you are.” There’s no way he’s telling me to give up the small life I carry in my womb. There’s no way he could be so heartless.

“I don’t care what you do. I just don’t want anything to do with you or the baby. I refuse to let you or
it
force me into a situation I don’t want.”

“Get out!” I cry through a thick throat. “Get out of my apartment!”

“Chris—”

“No!” I scream. “Get the fuck out of my apartment.” I run over and shove him hard in the chest. He stumbles back a couple of feet with my harsh push. “Leave!” I demand and push him again. I can’t look at him anymore. Just the sight of him makes me sick to my stomach. Never in a million years did I think Nick would be so heartless. The thought of giving up my child is something I would never in a million years contemplate. How can he even suggest it? To know his own flesh and blood is out there being taken care of by someone else, not knowing if she’s being cared for properly.

“You’re not the man I thought you were, and you’re certainly not the man your friends claim you are!” I yell hysterically. He grabs my hands, trying to keep me from pushing him, but I’m past being rational and push his hands aside. “That man would never demand I give up my baby!
Your
baby! I hate you! I hate you for everything you’ve ever done to me!”

“I fucking told you I could never be the person you thought I was!” he snarls at me.

I roll up on my toes, get in his face, and scream, “I’m finally getting the fucking picture! Now get the fuck out!”

“Fucking gladly!” he roars back and turns to the door. He stops and faces me again in the doorway, his eyes different from a couple seconds ago. Raw pain. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but I don’t give him a chance before I slam it in his face. I need him out of my sight now. I can’t believe I ever thought he was a good man. I can’t believe I let myself fall for a man who could be so cruel.

I frantically reach for the deadbolt and twist the lock. My chest heaves with adrenaline as I slump back against the door. I hear the thump-thump of Nick’s feet taking him down the stairs. The sound sends shards to my soul.

A searing pain hits my stomach and back, and I bend over double with it. I gasp for breath and stumble back to the living room in search of my phone. I feel wetness between my thighs and fear strikes me.

“No,” I moan. “No, no, no.”

I search wildly for my phone before I realize I left it sitting on the bar.

“Oh, God,” I gasp as the pain doubles, then triples. “Please, no. Please don’t take my baby,” I cry.

Hunched over, I wobble to the door, clutching my stomach. Looking down, I see blood soaking through my jeans. Nausea rolls in my stomach. I manage to get the door unlocked and open and stumble out into the hallway. I try, I try so damn hard to make it to the stairs, but the pain is just too unbearable. Falling on my side at the top of the stairs, I huddle into a ball and wrap my arms around my stomach, desperately trying to protect the precious life I carry, but already knowing that it’s too late.

Nick

I push through the back door from Chris’s apartment and slam it behind me. Storming around the building to my truck, I whip out my phone and send a text to Jaxon to tell him I’m leaving and that someone needs to check on Chris, before yanking my door open, climbing in, and peeling out of the driveway. I may be beyond pissed at Chris, but I recognize hysteria when I see it, and Chris was damn near hysterical when I walked out.

I can’t believe that fucking bitch kept something like this from me.

A fucking baby!

My hands grip the steering wheel until my knuckles hurt. My fucking dream is here to haunt me. I don’t want a damn baby with Chris. I never thought I would have a child with anyone other than Anna, and the thought of someone else taking her place twists my stomach into knots.

I head toward home, intent on grabbing my shit and heading out of town. I hadn’t planned on leaving for West Virginia until tomorrow, but I’ve got to get out of here tonight. Seeing the pain on Chris’s face sent a searing ache in my chest. Never, after everything I’ve done to her, have I seen such pain in her eyes. She looked ruined, and seeing that look broke something inside me. But I just can’t….

I slam my hand down on the wheel as I drive the dark curvy roads. I was a complete bastard to ask her if I am the father. I know she’s not the type of person to sleep with random guys. She’s wholesome and sweet. But what did it, what put the nail in my coffin, was when I told her I wanted her to take care of the situation. As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew that’s not what I wanted. The thought of Chris giving away the precious life we created together wraps a band around my lungs so tight I can’t draw in breath. But I’m scared as fuck and hurt, and I wanted to hurt her just as much. Telling her to get rid of the baby definitely accomplished that. I need time to think and calm down before I talk with her again.

My phone rings on the seat beside me. I don’t pick it up or look at the screen. I’m sure it’s either Jaxon or Andrew calling to rip me a new one. I deserve it for what I’ve put Chris through. She was pretty upset when I left. Instead, I ignore it and put more pressure on the gas pedal. The faster I get my shit, the sooner I can get the hell out of here. I need time to come to grips with the fact I’m going to be a dad. The vision of the little brown-haired girl from my dream pops in my head. I give my head a shake to make it go away, the pain of it too great.

Regret and shame slithers up my spine. I shouldn’t have left her. I shouldn’t have been so harsh. Yes, she lied, but I’m sure she was just as shocked as me when she found out. And I’m also sure she was worried about my reaction to the news. Hell, she had a right to be. A sharp pain nearly steals my breath with the thought of not getting the chance to see my baby. I never thought I would want a baby again, but I also never thought I would be in a situation where a baby would come in to the picture. I’m a complete bastard for treating Chris the way I did, for saying the things I did. I think knowing Chris kept something so important from me and the dream with Anna and the little girl still so fresh is the reason I lashed out. Not the fact that she’s carrying my baby. Now that I’ve had a few minutes to think about it, the thought isn’t so scary.

I reach over and grab my phone when it starts ringing again. Without looking at the screen, I turn it off. I can’t deal with someone bitching in my ear right now. I know I was a total asshole, and I’ve got a lot of apologizing I have to do when I get back to town, but right now I need to be left alone with my thoughts.

An hour and a half later, I pull into a rest stop to get gas and something to eat. I decide to shoot an e-mail to my client to let him know I’ll be in town early tomorrow and see if he wants to move our appointment up. Even being a hundred miles away, I’m going to need to stay busy.