Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (48 page)

Nick

I leave Chris’s apartment with several feelings rushing through me. Pure rage at the guy that dared to lay a hand on her. Anger at her for being so damn foolish for going to the kid’s house alone. Fear, because what happened to her could have been so much worse. Fear at what it would have done to me if it
had
been worse. And finally, brokenhearted at the damaged woman I left behind. The utter devastation in Chris’s voice gutted me.

I lied to every single question she asked me before I walked out. I couldn’t tell her the truth. I’m too afraid to admit it to myself, let alone her. When Mac called me earlier and told me what happened, I nearly lost my shit. I was in the middle of the grocery store with a cart full of food. I left the cart behind and rushed back home. Seeing Chris on the bed with her face busted up and knowing the outcome of her little trip could have been worse made me realize I wouldn’t survive if something happened to her. I wouldn’t be able to deal with it. The pain of losing Anna damn near killed me. If something happened to Chris, I know I wouldn’t be able to live through that.

And that thought right there had me panicking. I had to get out of there. I can’t do it again. I can’t love someone so deeply and completely that I lose myself. I can’t afford to give my heart away like that again.

I think this even knowing it’s already done. Chris has already claimed my heart and now has it in her clutches.

That thought has me pulling over to the side of the road and resting my head on the steering wheel. I don’t know which is worse: Giving myself to her wholly, only to have her snatched away; or willingly walking away from her, knowing I’m leaving my heart behind. Either way, my heart no longer belongs to me. I thought for a long time it was just a dead organ in my chest, no longer functioning. Chris has brought it back to life and made it her own. It no longer beats for me, but for her.

I ride around the dark streets of Jaded Hollow for a while. Not even realizing it, I find myself outside the iron gates of the Jaded Hollow Cemetery. My hands shake as I pull one open. Even though I’ve only ever been here once since Anna died, I know exactly where Anna’s grave is. With laden feet, I walk toward the grave that will forever hold a piece of my heart. It’s dark, but there are small solar lights along the path. The gray headstone comes into view, and I have to force my feet forward. My abdomen clenches with each step I take.

When I’m standing in front of it, the pain of not coming here sooner has me dropping to my knees. I rest my forehead against the cold stone.

“I’m so sorry, Anna,” I tell her grave with tears gathering in my eyes. I try to force them away, but a few manage to slip free and fall to the ground. “I’m so sorry for not saving you. I’m sorry for lying to you. I tried so hard to be what you wanted me to be, but was just so scared.” I whisper the last.

The freezing wind rustles around me as I kneel on the cold ground, hunched over. I pull back and gaze at the headstone. I run my fingers over the words.

Anna Walker

DOB 03-26-1985

DOD 08-21-2014

Beloved daughter and friend. You will forever live in our hearts.

“I’ll always love you, Anna Banana. But I’m going to try to do what you wanted. If she’ll still have me. You’d like her, Anna. I think you would have picked her for me if you could. I promise not to wait so long to come see you next time.”

I rub the smooth stone one more time before getting to my feet. I swipe the wetness from my face and tip my head back to the dark sky. I feel good, different, like the huge weight I’ve been carrying around on my chest for so long has finally lifted.

I walk away with determined footsteps, but I’ll be back. Next time I’ll bring Chris with me. I’m finally ready to open up to her and tell her all about Anna. Talking about Anna with Chris, letting her understand what Anna and I had together, will help me let her go. And will help me move forward with Chris. I want that more than anything, to finally let myself have a life with Chris. I just hope I’m not too late and that Chris will give me a final chance to prove to her I’m ready.

Fifteen minutes later I’m opening the door to Chris’s apartment. There’re no lights on, so it’s dark inside. Knowing she’s probably asleep, I walk down the hallway on silent feet. I don’t want to wake her, she’s still not sleeping like she should, but the need to talk to her, to explain things and beg her to take me back is just too great to ignore. I can’t wait until tomorrow.

When I walk into her room, she’s on her side facing away from me. It’s dark in her room as well. She looks sweet and childlike with her hands tucked beneath her cheek. I noticed she sleeps like that a lot.

I get down on my knees by her head and reach out to touch her on the shoulder. “Chris,” I whisper, not wanting to startle her. She doesn’t stir.

She has on a long-sleeved shirt, and even through the thin material I can feel the heat radiating off her body. Concerned, I flip on the light on her nightstand. Worry slams through me when I see her flushed face. When I pull the covers down her body, a wave of heat hits me in the face. I touch her cheek.

She’s fucking hot to the touch.

“Chris,” I say more loudly. She still doesn’t move.

Panic starts to set in, and I roll her. She just flops to her back. With fear eating at me, I lean my ear over her lips and feel her warm breath hit my skin. My fingers desperately try to find her pulse in her wrist. When I do, a flash of relief hits me for a second before stark terror takes over. I sit on the side of the bed and give her a shake. My heart slams in my chest when she still doesn’t respond.

What the fuck is wrong with her?
my mind screams.
Why won’t she wake up?

I shake her more. “Sugar! Come on, baby! Wake up!”

Frantically grabbing my phone from my pocket, I dial 911 with shaky hands. I watch her as the phone rings, scared to take my eyes off her.

“911. Please state your emergency,” comes a calm female voice over the line.

Pushing past the lump in my throat, I tell the operator how I found Chris. I explain the altercation from this afternoon and how she woke up not feeling well. I also explain she had a miscarriage a couple weeks ago.

“Sir, I need you to calm down,” the lady says smoothly. That shit’s easy for her to say. The person she loves isn’t currently lying beside her, comatose.

She asks for my name, the number I’m calling from, and the address. I give her the information and explain we’re in the apartment above Jaxon’s Pub.

“We have someone on the way. They’ll be there in ten minutes. I need you to tell me if she’s breathing and has a pulse?”

I haven’t removed my eyes from her and my hand is still on her pulse, I see her chest still rising and falling and I can still feel the pulse in her wrist.

“She has both,” I tell her hoarsely. “Please tell them to hurry,” I beg her.

“They’ll be there as soon as they can, sir. I want you to stay on the line with me until they get there, okay?”

I nod, then tell her, “Okay.”

It seems like I wait forever to hear the blare of the ambulance, and I swear every second we wait, the lump in my throat gets thicker and the sharp pain in my heart gets deeper. When I left earlier, she looked fine, except for a slight redness to her cheeks and the split lip and bruise. She didn’t feel well when she woke up this morning, but we both thought it was just a cold coming on.

Why in the fuck did I leave her?

Again!

I fucking left her again when she needed me. Regret, shame, and a pain so piercing it snatches my breath grab me, suffocating me. What the fuck is wrong with me? It seems like every time I’m needed the most, I’m not there.

I swear to myself with everything I am I’ll never leave Chris’s side again. She’s stuck with me. I’ll handcuff her to my wrist if I have to.

I fucking finally hear the sirens. I don’t want to leave her, but I rush from the room to the front door, pull it open at the same time I hear the bottom door open, and yell, “Up here!”

Not waiting for a response, I rush back to Chris. Seconds later, two paramedics enter the room carrying medical bags and a backboard. They rush to the bed.

“Sir, we need you to give us room.”

It takes everything in me to let her hand go. Only knowing they need to do their work makes me let go.

I take a few steps back and watch helplessly as they huddle over her, taking her blood pressure, checking her temperature, and placing a breathing mask over her face.

“Is she going to be okay?” I choke out.

One of the paramedic looks at me with pity and my stomach drops to my damn toes.

“We can’t answer that, sir. Once they assess her at the hospital, they can give you the answers you need.”

His answer doesn’t make me feel better at all. It only causes the ache in my chest to intensify.

I’m not surprised when Jaxon comes into the room, followed closely by Mia and Andrew. I’m sure they heard the sirens in the bar. I don’t pay them any attention as I keep my damp eyes on Chris. They have her shirt open and are placing electrodes on her chest. That alarms me.

“What’s wrong with her?” Jaxon asks, walking up to me.

“I don’t know,” I tell him gruffly. “She wouldn’t wake up.”

“What do you mean she wouldn’t wake up?” Mia asks, watching the paramedics work.

“I don’t fucking know,” I tell her, my voice breaking. “We had an argument, and I left. I was only gone a couple hours and when I came back, I tried waking her up to talk, but she wouldn’t. I shook her and called her name, but she wouldn’t move.
Why the fuck isn’t she waking up
?” A tear slides down my cheek.

Jaxon places his hand on my shoulder. “Breathe, Nick. They’ll figure it out and take care of her. She’ll be okay.”

I take in a lungful of air, not realizing I was holding my breath. I pray he’s right.

“Someone needs to call Jase.”

“Already taken care of,” Andrew says roughly behind me.

Once Chris is hooked up to all their medical shit, they lift her onto the backboard. I follow them when they lift her and walk out the room.

Jaxon stops me at the door. “We’ll meet you there. You need to stay positive, Nick.”

I nod numbly at him and walk away. I hold my breath as they carefully maneuver Chris down the stairs. The door at the bottom is still open and they carry her outside to the waiting ambulance. The lights flashing are almost blinding but I don’t see them as I climb inside the back of the ambulance after one of the paramedics.

We sit for several minutes without moving. I want to scream at them to drive. The woman I love is lying unconscious. Why in the fuck haven’t we left yet? I reach over and grab Chris’s hand from on her stomach. It’s hot. I keep my eyes on her face. She’s wearing a breathing mask. Her face still looks flushed and she has a sheen of sweat on her forehead.

I bring her hand to my lips and hold it there. I stay that way the entire ride to the hospital, keeping her hand in mine and my eyes on her face, begging and pleading with anyone who will listen for her to be okay.

I sit in the chair by the hospital bed Chris is now lying on. I’m bent over with my head resting by her hips. I’m gripping her hand tight in mine. The bed beneath my head is soaked from my tears. I don’t give a shit though. Jase and Andrew are on the other side of the bed. I don’t know where Bailey, Jaxon, Mac, and Mia are, but I know they’re in here somewhere.

The doctor just left after telling us what was wrong with Chris. His words completely shattered my world. I’m broken inside and the only way I can be put back together is when Chris wakes up.

If she wakes up.
The thought brings a new wave of despair.

According to the tests, Chris has sepsis, an infection in her blood caused by not passing all of the placenta and fetus from the miscarriage. She’s in a coma right now. They are running tests to see what the damage to her body is. They’ve also started her on a round of antibiotics to stop the infection. It’s a waiting game right now until the results come back in.