Awakened by His Touch (14 page)

‘Laney—’

‘Come on, Elliott. Throw a girl a bone. I want to get it out of the way.’

‘Laney... You’re angry.’

Fury boiled from down deep inside. ‘Yeah, I’m angry! You started the whole touchy-feely thing. You with your interesting conversation and gorgeous smell and gentle touch. Why even start it if you knew you couldn’t do anything with what happened?’

‘Because I didn’t think anything
would
happen. I thought it was safe.’

Her snort startled a collar-jangle out of Wilbur. ‘To mess with a blind girl?’

‘To get to know you. To have you get to know me. To enjoy it.’

Natural justice ran strong in her. She couldn’t really stand here and criticise him for not thinking it though when she’d totally failed to do so. She was just so caught up in him.

‘Why bother?’ Except it hit her then. Exactly why he’d bothered. ‘Or did you think it would improve your chances of us saying yes if we’d all come to like you?’

She couldn’t bring herself to say
I
. She could barely manage ‘like’. Because somewhere this weekend she’d gone flying past ‘like’ as surely as if she was back in that parasailing harness.

What she felt for Elliott Garvey had stopped being ‘like’ a half-dozen conversations ago.

Not that it mattered now. Except to name exactly what it was she could never show him.

‘At first, maybe. It’s good business to build a good working relationship with clients.’

‘Do you have dinner with all your clients? Drink wine and share stories?’

‘Yeah. Pretty much.’

‘Do you kiss them all too? Take them up into the sky and press your body against them?’

Who knew? Maybe he did...

‘That’s not why I took you parasailing.’

‘Then why did you? You called it a date.’

He sighed. ‘That’s what it felt like.’

‘So why do it?’

‘Because you wanted to. And because I—’

‘Because you what?’

‘Because I wanted you to get off this farm. I wanted you to try something new and see that it wasn’t so earth-shattering.’

Something cold sliced in under her diaphragm. And the hole it left sucked every bit of joy out of the day they’d just shared. Breakfast, the research lab, the flight, the kissing.

Yet earth-shattering was exactly what it had been.

‘You thought one train trip to the city and an afternoon boating was going to make me change my mind about taking Morgan’s global? How much of a hick do you think I am?’

‘Be honest, Laney. Your horizons are bounded by ocean, trees and a small town. It doesn’t hurt to stretch them a little.’

Offence blazed large and real in her chest. ‘I was just spending time with you. I didn’t realise I was signing up for a self-improvement class.’

Though now she could clearly see what today had really all been about. And what that meant Elliott thought of her.

Nice girl. Smart and business savvy. Good kisser.
Charmingly provincial
.

‘You think that taking me to the big smoke and spoiling me with experiences, getting me to trust you, was going to change my mind? I’m not that shallow, Elliott.’

Though it looked as if maybe he was. Disappointment leaked in with all the hurt.

‘No, you’re not. But you are—above all else—unfailingly sensible and loyal to Morgan’s
.
I was counting on you wanting the best for them. Regardless of your own fears.’

She reeled back as if he truly had slapped her clean across the face. ‘Is that what you think? That I’m afraid?’

He took both her hands in his, gave them a little shake. ‘You shouldn’t be. You are amazing. You can do anything.’

Snatching them back caused a suck of breath from him. Seriously—he was
still
campaigning? ‘Just because I can doesn’t mean I should!’

She turned and fumbled with her hands for the nearest grabbable surface, but only encountered a tealight full of molten wax. It spilled as she upended the tiny candle in her haste and she stumbled away from the pain. But of course it only went with her.

Life in a nutshell, really.

‘Laney, let me—’

‘No!’

Her bark drew Wilbur to her side and he leaned against her leg, where she could more easily reach the handle on his harness. She grabbed it like the lifeline it was. Hardening wax and all.

‘I thought you understood me.’
I thought you liked me.
‘But you’re just like all the others. Humouring me.’

Using me.

She thought back on how she’d been with him. How vulnerable she’d let herself be.

‘This was a mistake.’ Emotion thrummed through her voice. ‘Something between you and me could never have worked.’

No matter how good the kisses were. Or how he made her laugh. Or how attracted she was to his brain.
Damn it.

‘Laney, let me walk you back to the house.’

‘I’m fine. I have Wilbur.’ There was one male in her life, at least, who accepted her for who she was and was always there for her. Unfailingly.

‘Will I see you tomorrow?’ he risked.

She threw her arm out and found the doorframe before feeling her way down to the handle. ‘Where else am I going to go with such diminished horizons?’

‘Come on, Laney—’

She swung the door open, tiredly, and stepped down off the step. ‘Leave it, Elliott. Let’s just get back to the real reason for your presence.’ For every single thing he’d done here. ‘Back to business.’

‘I don’t want to leave it like this.’

‘Well, too bad. It’s not your call. I’m a bit over doing what other people want of me. Now I’m doing what I want. And what I want is to end this conversation and get the hell out of your cabin.’

And his life.

She nudged Wilbur on with more force than he deserved and he shot forward in apology. Guilt immediately washed through her.

‘Sorry, pup,’ she whispered as he led her back through the silent paddock towards the house. Towards privacy. Towards her long, lonely future.

As if being physically blind weren’t difficult enough... Now she could add social blindness to her list of challenges.

How could she not have realised which way the wind was blowing? Elliott had made it perfectly clear how important his work was to him and how fully he was backing his proposal. But she’d looked right past the obvious the moment a man came along who appeared to understand her.

Pretended to, perhaps?

Yet for all his corporate gloss, charming words and plain yummy smell, Elliott Garvey was just like all those other men she’d dated. In it for number one. And feeling disappointed and disillusioned was painful enough without also feeling like the blindest blind woman ever to have stumbled on the earth.

Although there was one benefit to having no vision—it made no difference to how fast you could move while tears streamed down your face.

CHAPTER TEN

W
HAT
A
MORON
. He really couldn’t have messed things up any better.

Any worse.

Elliott moved quietly behind Laney as she showed him the final remaining area of Morgan’s operations. Her movements were as dull as her expression. As carefully distant. Closed to any further discussion outside of the necessary.

Utterly closed to him.

And why wouldn’t she be? Everything she’d said last night was right. He shouldn’t have started anything with her without knowing where and how it was going to end. He didn’t do unevaluated risk. He did strategic risk. Carefully measured risk.

He absolutely didn’t do head-swimming, mind-addling, resolve-defying risk.

Because this was how it ended.

Enjoying Laney’s company was an indulgence, and kissing her had turned out to be a luxury he couldn’t afford. But it was because of his personal values—not his corporate ones. Ashmore Coolidge was an old-school boys’ club. They wouldn’t have given a toss about one of their team sleeping with a client if it meant closing the deal. Actually, in truth, they would have had
a lot
to say behind closed doors—especially with a client as young and attractive
and blind
as Laney—but none of it would have been negative. Unless it had lost the deal, of course.

And he wasn’t about to lose the deal. He was a realiser. Not a loser. Without his professional success, what did he have?

Just him, his nice apartment, and the big vacant place inside him.

Laney finally wrestled free the front base cover on one of the hives in the stack they were looking at. Her fingers dusted over the front of it.

‘When the slide is in this position—’ she lowered it ‘—access to the hive is uninterrupted. But when I raise it—’ she did so ‘—the bees have to go through the collection plate to get inside.’

‘It’s tight,’ he said, really just so that he could gauge her reaction to him. So that she had to engage with him and not just deliver some kind of professional monologue.

‘That’s how we harvest the pollen. They have to drop the biggest bundles in order to get through with the rest. Then we sell it to the commercial food industry.’

Her eyes were utterly lifeless. And that was when he realised just how full of life they usually were—if you took the time to look for it.

‘They don’t sound too happy.’

‘They don’t like change.’

‘Or having to work doubly hard to bring in their quota?’

She turned. Finding criticism where he’d intended none, judging by her unhappy expression.

‘I would have thought that was right up your alley? Maximising their output. No wasted potential.’

Yeah, it was. But it wasn’t like
her
. So there had to be a good reason. ‘Is pollen lucrative?’

Her frustrated sigh was telling. ‘Yeah. It is.’

Like everything bee-related except maybe honey.

‘But that’s not why you do it?’

‘I do it because we can freeze it and feed it back to the hive during winter to sustain them. It means fewer deaths in winter.’

Death in winter. That was about the most perfect opening he was going to get to talk about his expansion ideas. But that freckle-kissed face was not open to ideas. Not right now.

Maybe never. Not to him.

‘That makes more sense.’

Because Laney just wasn’t about the money. Or the market. She was all about the bees. Bees and family. And maybe those two things were one in her mind.

‘I’m glad. I would hate to be doing something you didn’t understand.’

Wow. Sarcasm really didn’t sit well on those lips. ‘Laney—’

‘So anyway,’ she bustled on. ‘That’s it. Bees in here, pollen catches there, and we empty it twice a day for a week and then they get two months off.’

Now she sounded just like the disaffected tour guide she was trying to be. All her passion gone.

And he missed the other Laney horribly. This one made her business sound like...a business. Regular Laney made it sound like her life.

But at the end of the day it was the business that he was here to talk about. Not her. Not her great love for what she did or how fascinating the various aspects of the apiary were. His job required him to stay focussed.

On getting Morgan’s signed up. On getting his promotion.

‘What time are we meeting your parents?’ he asked, forcing himself back on track. Just as the debacle that had been last night had.

‘Lunchtime.’

Noon. That was still a couple of hours away. What the hell were they going to
not
talk about for that long?

‘So what’s next?’

She turned to face him. ‘That’s it, actually. You’ve seen everything. I’ve got to get on with doing my job, so you’ll have to entertain yourself until our meeting.’

Right.
‘You need any help?’

‘I’d say yes if I thought you could do much.’

The barb glanced off his corporate-thickened hide, but the fact she’d fired it off at all really bothered him. It was symptomatic of how much he’d hurt her last night. And he was not going to leave things like that.

‘Laney. I’m really, really sorry about last night. You were right. I shouldn’t have indulged myself in getting to know you better. It was unfair of me.’

She kept her face averted so he couldn’t even read her accidental expressions. Only her silence.

‘I should have known better,’ he went on. ‘And been stronger.’

She turned, straightened. ‘What’s the matter, Elliott? Trying to ingratiate yourself before the meeting?’

His head reeled back. Actually, it hadn’t occurred to him that last night might go against him in his presentation. Because that wasn’t Laney. She loved Morgan’s too much to let something personal get in the way of its success.

But there was no way she’d believe him if he told her that. ‘I am trying to make good, Laney. But not because of the meeting. Just because I’ve hurt you. And I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. I appreciate knowing where you stand. And what you think of me.’

‘I think highly of you.’

Her hands balled on her hips. ‘You think I’m too afraid to step off this property.’

Every moment they spent on her deficiencies distracted him from his own.

‘You have good reason to be—’

‘I am not afraid!’ she urged. ‘And I don’t need your patronising concern. I stay because I love it here. I love what I do and the way I do it. This is my home.’

This wasn’t making things better. ‘Okay, Laney...’

‘And I don’t need you to humour me, either, Elliott.’ She stepped closer. ‘I get it, you know. I may be inexperienced romantically, but I’m a big girl. I know what this is. You’re interested. I can tell. But you’re interested in your career more. That’s just how it is.’

Before he could reply she barrelled onwards.

‘I’m not angry that things didn’t work out between us last night. I’m angry because it’s revealed a barrier between us much more fundamental than geography. We have different values. Despite the chemistry. Despite everything. And all the good fit in the world can’t change a person’s values.’

Did she mean
his
values? As if hers weren’t half the problem?

‘So this isn’t anger at you, Elliott. It’s disappointment. And resentment that something so fundamental is in my way. And anger at myself for not being more alert for the possibility. I was just enjoying you so much.’ She shuddered in a big breath and when she spoke again all the vulnerable momentum of her last words was gone. ‘That’s all this is. And there is nothing you can do or say to undo that. Is there?’

Sure there was. He could say,
Hey Laney...screw everything I’ve worked towards for years, and screw the big, freaking terrifying void inside me. Let’s just see where this leads.
But he wouldn’t. Because he couldn’t just throw away everything he’d worked at his whole adult life. Not to address someone else’s fear.

He’d walked away from that once before—left his only family rather than diminish his life down to his mother’s level. And that sacrifice would be totally meaningless if he didn’t keep chasing his dream.

Success challenged him and drove him. And it defined him. Without that, who the hell was he?

And it was the only thing that kept him from collapsing back into that big void inside.

‘If things were different—’

‘But they’re not. Let’s get real about that. I’m a bee farmer from the country. You’re a corporate realiser from the city. And ne’er the twain shall meet.’

And there it was. Their almost-relationship fully nutshelled. She was right—it didn’t matter how much either of them wanted things to be different; they were what they were.

‘I’ll see you at the meeting,’ he murmured after a long silence.

‘Yeah. You will.’

But after that...? Whether or not Morgan’s went ahead with expansion, chances were good he wouldn’t be seeing Laney again. Not if he wanted to be fair to her. Because the two of them couldn’t spend time together and not feel this thing they had. And it was impossible to feel it and not want to act on it.

Like he did right now.

He just wanted to pull her into his hold and rest his chin on her head and promise her that everything was going to be okay.

But he couldn’t, because that would be lying.

Nothing about this was okay.

And so all he could do was leave her in this place she loved so much, with the bees that were her life, and trust that it could heal the damage he’d done since arriving.

* * *

Laney gave it a full sixty seconds after Elliott’s steady, heavy footfalls on the turf had diminished to make sure he was really gone. Then she sagged back against the hives and buried her hands in her face.

Not her finest moment.

None of this was Elliott’s fault any more than it was hers. They just didn’t fit. This must happen to people all over the world every day. Relationships that had a lot going for them but suffered from some fundamental flaw that just...
broke
them.

Not that what they had was a
relationship
, but it had started to feel like one. Hadn’t it?

Wilbur shoved his snout against her thigh and she lowered one hand to his damp, cool nose.

‘It’s okay...’ she murmured.

Though she was pretty sure that was what he was trying to tell her.

Yeah, she was all right. None of her feelings were terminal. She wanted to be like everyone else, didn’t she? Well, ordinary didn’t come much more ordinary than heartbreak. Just another life experience she was coming to late in life.

Her own thought stopped her cold.

Was her heart
broken
?

She peered inwards. Yep, just like the big divot that Owen had put in their ute last year when he was jack-arsing around. Nice and dented but nothing terminal.

Except the deeper ache still bothered her. The fingers of her imagination probed and poked, looking for rifts that she couldn’t find, but as they did so pain oozed out from below. As if the dent had damaged something much more delicate deep inside.

Hope. Self-belief. Faith. Haemorrhaging away quietly.

Yep; those were the things that had suffered most last night. That had taken such a knock. The pain of rejection she could learn to live with, but if she let him damage those essential parts of herself she’d never forgive herself.

Or Elliott.

She turned and felt her way along the hives until she reached the ones she knew were in the down phase of pollen collection. Where the bees didn’t have a grudge to bear. She lifted the top two boxes off and let her hands rest on the open hive. Bees swarmed up and over her hands in a mix of surprise and curiosity—each of their soft feet a gentle, tiny kiss on her skin—until their collective weight became tangible. She slowly turned her palms up and the mass crawled around, chasing gravity, surrounding her with happy bee sounds and the comforting tickle of all their oscillating wings.

This was what she did. This was what she’d been born for. And who she was.

She had an idyllic life here on the Morgan property—a life she loved, where she was safe and happy, and where her proficiency as an apiarist gave her immense satisfaction. She’d be foolish to brush all that off like so many bees. Some people never had any of those things in their lives, let alone all of them.

So it wasn’t going to come with a romantic happy-ever-after...? Three out of four was pretty darned good.

But consigning herself to a life without love didn’t sit comfortably, and her gently waving fingers trembled to a bee-laden halt even as her chest squeezed down into a ball.

Love.

Did
she love Elliott? Surely that took more time than they’d had?

So what if he was the first man she’d ever met who treated her like a regular person? He made allowances for her sight but he didn’t treat her as if she was deficient.

Sure, he was the first man she’d kissed when she had initiated and really
wanted
his kiss. And more.

And, yes, he was the first man she’d ever met whom she truly
saw.
Both as a man and as a glorious, rich glow in the nothing of her visual perception.

And that was what she was going to miss most. Elliott was the only person other than her family that she’d ever had inside her head. Rarefied ground.

She tipped her fingers down towards the hive and gently shook most of the bees free, then turned them over and repeated the exercise. Some clung to her, exactly as she was clinging to a stupid wish that things could be different. But eventually they gave in and dropped off—just as eventually she’d realise the truth.

Elliott Garvey was going to be her ‘once upon a time’ man.

The man she’d kissed, once.

The man she’d gone parasailing with, once.

The man she’d started to fall in love with, once.