“I didn’t mean to upset her.” She hesitated. “I hate to speak of such personal matters, but Marcus assured me that the match between himself and Miss Marcham was not wanted by either of them. I wouldn’t have married him if I’d believed otherwise.”
Charles smiled. “I doubt you had much choice if my brother was set on the matter. He might not look the same outwardly, but he was always good at getting his own way.”
“He suffered very greatly in the war,” Amelia said softly. “He felt that everyone had abandoned and forgotten him.”
“And who can blame him? Coming back here after surviving the horrors of captivity and finding us all here… living in his house untouched by war. God, I am ashamed of
myself
.” His voice broke and Charles hurriedly looked away. “I’d give anything to make him happy. To give him his old life back, but I can’t, can I?”
“You can welcome him back into your family and accept that he has changed quite profoundly.” Amelia hesitated. “He suffers from very bad headaches and memory loss which makes him angry and frustrated. I’m certain those things will improve in time, but at the moment he is still struggling.”
Charles slowly exhaled. “Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this matter. I think Marcus is a lucky man to have met you.”
“Miss Marcham doesn’t agree. She thinks I set out to trap him.” Amelia sighed. “I assume you know her much better than I ever will. Is there anything you can say to her that might make her feel better about this horrible situation?”
“I will certainly do my best to help.” Charles hesitated. “Perhaps she should speak directly to Marcus. If anyone can make her understand how he is feeling and why he acted in this way, it is he. She might not have loved him, but from where I stood, she always adored him.”
There was a wistful note in Charles’s voice that made Amelia study him intently. He had lived with Miss Marcham for years and was obviously rather fond of her himself.
“I do not wish her harm, and I’m certain Marcus wants the best for her.” Amelia poured Charles some more coffee. “However, I’m not certain Marcus would appreciate her attempting to take him to court for breach of promise.”
“She said she was going to do that, did she?” Surprisingly, Charles grinned. “She always comes out fighting like a good ’un. I do apologize, I
meant
…”
“There’s no need,” Amelia said. “I understand what you meant. I did spend several years in the tail of an army, after all.”
“Felicity isn’t the shy little thing Marcus might remember.”
Amelia met his gaze. “Then perhaps it is time Marcus understood that and made sure her future is as secure and well-dowered as he can make it.”
“The estate is wealthy enough to withstand the withdrawal of her dowry; I made sure of that.”
“Then Marcus should also be thanking you for taking such good care of his possessions.”
Charles looked down at his cup. “It was the least I could do for both of them. I wanted to make sure the estate would prosper whoever was at the helm, and that Felicity would have the freedom to marry again. I told her years ago that she was free to leave us and find a new husband, I even promised her I would pay back her dowry over time and would make sure her family knew this, but she refused. I think she was too afraid. She’s lived here with us since she was a child.”
“You are a very good man, Charles Stortford.” Amelia toasted him with her coffee cup.
“A man who stopped looking for his own brother, who g
ave
up…”
“The War Office said he was dead; Jack Llewellyn confirmed it. What else were you supposed to think?” She reached across and patted his clenched fist. “War is horrible and chaotic and people we love die and never come back.” She swallowed hard. “You did your best to carry on in your brother’s name. I am sure that in time, he will be grateful to you for what you did.”
When she’d sent a letter to her parents to tell them that Matthew had died she’d received nothing in return, not even an acknowledgement that she had written. Rather than remembering her, they had chosen to erase her from their family entirely.
She finished her coffee and decided to go back upstairs to see if Marcus had woken up. The least she could do was prepare him for Miss Marcham’s anger and his brother’s apparently sincere remorse. Her steps slowed as she mounted the stairs. But should she even be doing this? She had a tendency to want to try and manage people. Was she still treating Marcus like an invalid who could not sort out these intimate family matters for himself?
She reached their bedroom and went inside to find Marcus awake, his dark blue gaze now fastened on her.
“You should have woken me.”
She mustered a smile. “You seemed tired. I had breakfast with your brother and your intended. It was most stimulating.”
“Interfering again, Amelia?”
She walked toward him, her smile disappearing. “Am I?”
“Are you what?”
“Interfering?” She sighed. “I hate to see your family fighting each other.”
He held out his hand, and she reluctantly took it as he pulled her onto the bed. “I know you want to help me, and I am glad that you are here to offer me your support, but some of this—” He paused. “Some of this mess
I
created, and I have to find a way to sort it out
by
myself. Do you understand?”
“Like marrying me when you had a perfectly good fiancée waiting for you at home?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I believe that was one of my better decisions.”
“I don’t think Miss Marcham would agree with you.”
“I’ll take care of that, I promise you.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Is she cutting up rough?”
“She certainly isn’t happy at being supplanted by a camp follower.”
“Felicity should not speak to you like that.” His mouth tightened.
She bent down to kiss him. “Don’t get upset. It is true. I did follow the drum, and the vast majority of the women who did the same were definitely not respectable.”
“Amelia…”
He threaded his hand into her hair, trapping her against him and kissing her until she yielded her mouth to him with a sigh. He slid one hand down her back and gently rucked up her skirt and petticoats until he uncovered the tops of her stockings and garters.
“Felicity doesn’t know you at all. You are the bravest woman I have ever met,” he murmured against her lips as he continued to kiss her.
“I am not brave,” she whispered. “Sometimes I feel like a complete coward.”
“Not to me.” He slid his hand further up her thigh and settled it over her buttock, pressing her against him until she straddled his lap. The only thing separating him from the warm welcome of her sex was the sheet between them. “We both know I’m the only coward, here, my love.”
She cupped his face in her hands and stared into his eyes, a smile lingering on her lips. “You were captured doing your duty and have returned home despite all the odds. Most people would think you brave and rather extraordinary.”
“I’d rather not be pointed at like some strange animal at a county fair,” He grumbled. “I’ve had enough excitement in my life to last me forever.”
She laughed and kissed him. “I agree. I can’t wait to see you become one of those stuffy old gentlemen who frown at the young and complain about how much better things were in their day.”
“I doubt I’ll say that. If any child of mine can avoid becoming involved in a war, I would be eternally grateful.” He held her gaze. “Do you want children?”
“I… think so.”
“You do not sound very sure.”
She sighed. “I was pregnant once when I was in France. I lost the child when we had to make a hasty retreat from advancing French troops. It almost killed me. I’ve never conceived since. I might not be able to.”
“I’m sorry.” He kissed the tip of her nose and then her mouth. “War doesn’t just affect those who fight it. Other innocents are forced to become involved as well.” An image of a child bending over him seared through his consciousness and he went still.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just remembered a boy I met during my captivity. He came to bring me water and then stayed to cut off all the silver buttons and lace from my uniform. I was too weak to stop him.” He half-smiled. “In the circumstances, I could hardly blame him for doing everything in his power to stay alive.”
“If you do not want children, we should not be doing this.” Amelia rocked against him. “In fact, we should not have done it at all.”
“I am more than willing to accept the consequences of this particular choice,” Marcus murmured. “As long as you are, too.”
In answer, she knelt up over him and pushed down the sheet between their bodies, freeing his cock. He placed his hands on her hips and drew her down over him, groaning with the sensation of being held tightly within her sleek heat.
“That is good, Amelia.”
She looked down at him, and her hair brushed his cheek. With a stifled sound, her rolled her beneath him and braced himself on his elbows over her.
“I’m sorry… sometimes I can’t bear to be trapped underneath you.”
Her smile disappeared. “Did someone chain you to a bed and force you?”
He closed his eyes and shuddered, burying his face in the curve of her neck and just let his instincts take over until he could think of nothing except the exquisite tightness around his thrusting cock and the need to come deep inside her.
She gasped his name as he climaxed and dug her nails into his shoulders .The sharp pain only heightened his enjoyment.
“Marcus…” His fingers caressed the damp hair at the back of his neck. “What happened to you?”
He rolled onto his back and stared up at the canopy over their heads. “I can’t remember. All I know is that I can’t bear to feel trapped.”
She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers through his. “I’m sorry. I’m meddling again, aren’t I? I always want to fix things.”
He let out a breath he wasn’t even aware that he was holding. “It’s not your fault. I really don’t know what happened. I get glimpses of something, of a family, of being used like an animal and then they fade away.” He shuddered. “In truth, I’m not sure if I want to remember it all. I’m afraid I’ll go mad.”
There, he’d said it out loud.
His worst fear.
She rose up on one elbow and looked down at him. “I won’t let you go mad.”
“I don’t think you will be able to stop me.”
“I’ve seen terrible things, Marcus—things that no gently brought up young lady was ever supposed to see, and I’ve survived so far. You can tell me anything.”
“Even if it reflects badly on me?”
“War is horrible. No one escapes it without regrets. Even I…” She stopped and shivered. “Sometimes when I was nursing patients, I had to decide who I would care for—who had the best chance of surviving. I hated myself for having to make those choices. I still dream about those faces, all those men I couldn’t save, especially the ones who had to be left behind…”
He tucked a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear with an unsteady hand. “What a pair we are.”
She smiled. “Indeed.”
He kissed her then and rolled on top of her, slower this time and gentler, sharing the pleasure in slow, rapturous waves while they gazed into each other’s eyes. No place for him to hide. No place for her either, only a mutual desire and honesty that defied everything they had seen and somehow made it bearable.
He felt each clench of her womb, each separate pulse of his seed as he filled her and each soft aftershock as she rocked against him.
Peace
.
Something he’d never thought he’d ever find again. Mayhap only peace in his own bed and within his wife’s body, but it was a start. Surely it was that…
“Felicity.”
Marcus tried again as Felicity stood up and attempted to leave the morning room where he had finally tracked her down.
“This is ridiculous. We need to talk about the unfortunate situation we find ourselves in.”
Her eyes snapped fire. “The situation is all of your own making, Marcus! How could you marry
that
woman?”
“I am not here to discuss my wife. I only wish to talk about what I can do to make amends to you.”
Felicity looked away from him. “Oh, you will make amends. I’ll bankrupt you.”
“
Why
?”
“What do you mean? You broke your promise. You abandoned me for a camp-following hussy!”
Marcus sat opposite her and marshaled his thoughts. Angry females were high on his list of stresses to avoid, but he had to deal with his cousin. Her anger was his fault after all and quite justified.
“We had already agreed before I left for Spain that we would not suit.”
“So? Perhaps I changed my mind.”
“Why would you do that? We were
friends
; there was nothing romantic between us at all. Surely you can’t be saying that my absence made your heart grow fonder.”
Her cheeks reddened and she glared at him. “It would have done my reputation the world of good if I’d suddenly declared that I no longer wanted to be affianced to a man who was heroically fighting our country’s enemies.”
“That’s the first thing you’ve said that makes any sense.” He hesitated. “I can see that might have made things difficult for you. And then when I didn’t return, did you feel as if you had to remain single to honor my memory?”
She gave an inelegant snort. “You flatter yourself.”
“Then why…?”
“What was I supposed to do, Marcus? Announce that I no longer considered myself engaged to you and go to London for a Season? How was I supposed to accomplish that? Your grandmother wouldn’t have taken me and, as far as I understood the circumstances from Charles, my dowry was so firmly embedded in the Stortford finances that nothing short of gunpowder would dislodge a penny of it.”
“I’m sorry, Felicity. I didn’t think. You are quite right to be angry.” Marcus met her furious gaze. “As soon as I understand the workings of the estate, I will of course, release all your dowry monies to you in full.”
“Much good that will do me now,” she snapped at him. “I’m six and twenty, Marcus. I’m far too old to marry.”
“Nonsense. If you want to marry, I will do everything in my power to make it happen. If you wish to return to London, mayhap Amelia could chaperone you…”