Authors: Kim Dare
Bayden’s shoulders were shaking. It was impossible to tell if it was cold, shock or emotion. Axel just held him.
“He died.” There was obviously no room for anything else in Bayden’s world beside that fact.
Axel rubbed Bayden’s back through his leather jacket. He was sure that whatever he asked Bayden, those were the only two words he’d get in response. He pulled back and peered down at him.
Bayden took a shaky breath. He cleared his throat and found a new sentence. “Do…do you want me to leave?”
Axel tightened his grip on him. “Leave? What?”
“I broke your rules. You’re angry. If you don’t want to let me come back, I…I understand. I just…I said I’d come and explain. I can go if…” He broke off. It was difficult to tell if that was because he’d run out of words or because he was afraid of bursting into tears.
“You’re not leaving.”
Bayden nodded.
A noise behind him reminded Axel that they weren’t alone. It was impossible to tell how much the other guys had already overheard, but they didn’t need to hear any more.
“Upstairs. Wait for me there.”
“I…”
“Now,” Axel said. “Give me your keys, and go.”
Bayden’s hands shook as he gave up his keys. Every man in the pub watched Bayden leave the room. Axel remained where he was. When Bayden was out of sight, all attention turned to him. Ignoring most of the staring, Axel went to the bar where the Dragons were sitting. After everything they’d done to help him try to find Bayden, they deserved some sort of explanation.
“He said his grandfather died,” Axel said.
Hale stood. “Go up with him. We’ll get rid of everyone and lock up.”
Axel nodded. “Thanks.”
Griz clapped Axel on the back as he followed Hale up to the bar.
“Put Bayden’s bike in his lock-up and drop the keys back behind the bar for me?” Axel asked, handing him the keys.
“No problem.”
Griz would look after the bike like it was a delicate new born, but the fact that Bayden hadn’t objected to leaving his bike out in front of the pub showed just how off balance he was.
Axel wasn’t sure what state he would find Bayden in when he pushed open the door and stepped into his flat. He did his best to be mentally prepared for anything.
Bayden stood next to the chair where he had so often left his clothes. He hadn’t taken them off tonight, even though he was dripping wet. It was hard to tell if he was waiting for an order, or if he was simply lost in his own thoughts.
“Leave your clothes there.” Axel remained barely six inches away from Bayden as he stripped down. His hands were clumsy. Whether through cold or nerves, it took him several attempts to undo his laces. He’d left his leathers in the drawer in the bedroom. His jeans were so wet he had to peel them off an inch at a time.
But, there was one fact above all others that Axel focused on. There wasn’t a mark on him. It didn’t actually let Axel relax—he could have been hurt and healed in the time he was away, but it allowed the image Axel had carried around of Bayden beaten and bloody to fade toward the back of his mind.
Leaving Bayden by the door, Axel went into the bathroom and grabbed a huge bath towel. Bayden looked confused but Axel wasn’t in the mood to pretend towels were important.
Bayden dropped his gaze and co-operated while Axel wrapped the towel around him and rubbed it against his skin to take the worst of the damp and chill off him.
Once he was satisfied the boy wasn’t in imminent danger of freezing to death, Axel nudged him into a chair at the kitchen table. “When was the last time you ate?”
Bayden blinked at him. He didn’t look capable of keeping anything down.
Axel put the kettle on out of pure habit. While the water boiled, he studied Bayden.
“Before you decide if I’m allowed back, sir. I…”
Axel waited with more dread than patience.
“I need… I won’t ask if I’m allowed to come back if…” He swallowed rapidly. “The rules about me taking bets. I need to take one.”
“On a fight?” Axel asked.
Bayden shook his head.
“No.”
Bayden had his arms wrapped around his torso holding his towel in place. His grip on himself tightened when he heard the anger in Axel’s voice.
“You disappear for three days. And the first thing you can think of to say is that you want permission to screw around?”
“I can’t…” Bayden closed his eyes.
“This isn’t a good time to be trying to negotiate,” Axel said.
“I need the money,” Bayden rushed out.
Catching Bayden’s chin, Axel tilted his head back and stared down at him.
“I said I’d get the money to him by the end of the week.”
“Who?” Axel demanded.
“The man who…” Bayden swallowed. “He arranges the engraving, on the stones.”
“The headstone for your grandfather,” Axel realised.
Bayden nodded. “I can’t raise that much money that quickly with just fights. If I could have permission to do just a couple of scenes, then—”
“How much do you need?”
Bayden swallowed. “Seven hundred pounds.” He cleared his throat. “I could do the bets somewhere else. I could stay away until any marks other men left on me were gone, and—”
“No. No bets.”
Bayden nodded slowly. For several seconds he remained perfectly still, his eyes tightly closed. “I…I understand. I should go. I—”
Axel put his hand on Bayden’s shoulder and kept him in his chair. “I’m not telling you to leave. I’m saying you don’t need to do any bets. I’ve got the money.”
Bayden shook his head very rapidly. He tried to back away and almost fell off his chair. Axel caught hold of his other shoulder to steady him.
“I’m not asking you to—”
“You don’t need to ask,” Axel said.
Bayden shook his head again. “I can get the money myself. I just—”
“No.”
“I don’t want your money.”
“You’d rather take it off some guy in a bet?” Axel demanded.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“He wouldn’t be important. You are. I don’t want your money.” By the time he was finished, panic filled his words.
Axel guided him back into his chair and crouched down in front of him. “You understand that I’m not talking about paying you for anything, right?”
Bayden closed his eyes. “He’s not your grandfather. He’s not part of your pack. It’s not your responsibility.”
“You’re my sub. You’re my responsibility.” Axel pushed Bayden’s hair back off his face. It was starting to dry and go fluffy around the edges.
“I didn’t come back to you because I want your money.”
“No. You came back because this is where you belong—here with me,” Axel said, with complete confidence.
“I’m not asking for—”
Axel put a fingertip against Bayden lips. “The money’s not a problem. And even if it is, it’s not a problem that needs to be solved tonight.”
Bayden hesitated.
“There’ll be a headstone. It will be paid for on time. We’ll sort out the details tomorrow. It’s not a problem for now. I’ve made that decision. You don’t need to think about it anymore tonight.”
Bayden nodded. He blinked, his eyes flooded with relief at someone else making a decision for him. Axel felt a similar wave of relief rise up inside him. Bayden was back. Everything was under control. There weren’t any problems Axel couldn’t fix now. As his fear faded, some of his anger went with it.
“Good pup.”
“What…what are the problems for now?”
He sounded so scared, so uncertain about the world. Axel slid his hand through Bayden’s hair. “There are questions I need you to answer before I can work out what the problems might be.”
Bayden nodded.
“I expect you to be completely honest with me, even if you don’t enjoy doing that.”
Bayden nodded again.
“Do you have any questions?” Axel asked.
“Yours are more important,” Bayden whispered.
“Ask.”
It took Bayden a full minute of silence to come up with anything. Then, in a very small voice, “I’m allowed to come back?”
“Yes.”
Bayden took a deep breath. He obviously hadn’t really believed he’d be welcome. “Am I still supposed to call you sir?”
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
“That was just while you wanted me to submit to you.”
Axel stroked his cheek. “You’re still my sub. That hasn’t changed.”
“When you said I can come back. I know I can’t… I broke the rules. I don’t expect…I don’t expect anything. I just…”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Axel stood up. Wrapping his arm around Bayden’s shoulders he led him into the living room and guided him to sit down with him on the sofa. “Tell me what happened. From the beginning.”
“He died.”
Axel wrapped his arm a little more tightly around Bayden’s shoulders. “From the beginning, pup.”
* * * * *
The beginning. Bayden wasn’t sure where that was anymore.
“My mother called. She said my grandfather was having a bad day, that I should try to go and see them,” he hazarded.
Axel didn’t correct him. He’d found the beginning.
Bayden swallowed. “He…he’s been ill for a long time. I knew that he… I just didn’t think that he’d actually… But, he died.”
“Did you get there in time to say goodbye?” Axel’s voice became softer—gentler.
Bayden nodded. He closed his eyes, but that just made it so much more difficult to believe he sat anywhere other than at the side of his grandfather’s bed. He bit down hard on his bottom lip, but emotions swirled ever faster inside him.
Axel’s arm tightened around him, pulling him back to the here and now. Bayden opened his eyes, but he couldn’t lift his gaze.
“Your mother was there too?”
Bayden nodded.
“Where is she now?”
Bayden fidgeted with the edge of the towel Axel had wrapped around him.
“Bayden?”
“She’s taken a residential place at Danville. It’s not a charity.” Bayden forced himself to look up and meet Axel’s eyes so he’d know that was the truth.
“It’s an organisation,” Axel agreed. “No charity involved.”
“She didn’t have to go there. She wanted to. I could have looked after her. She knows that I could have.”
Axel stroked his hand up and down Bayden’s back. “That’s where she is, at one of the Danville projects?”
Bayden nodded. “They picked her up today.”
Axel continued to gently caress his back. “Is there going to be a funeral?”
“It’s done. We buried him this morning. It’s all paid for apart from the stone. There has to be a stone. It’s the law.”
Axel nodded. “There’ll be a stone. You don’t need to worry about that.”
For a few seconds, silence descended. Bayden took a deep breath. He could still smell Axel’s anger. It wasn’t as strong as it had been. There were lots of other emotions mixed in with it, but it was still there. “You’re angry.”
“That you needed time away from here to make arrangements after your grandfather died, no.” Axel stroked his hair back. “That you didn’t tell me where you were or what was going on, yes.”
Bayden nodded. He folded the edge of the towel between his fingers. The reason for the emotion wasn’t that important. The fact Axel was angry with him was all that mattered.
Axel caught hold of Bayden’s chin. “For all I knew, you were the one who’d died.”
Bayden shook his head.
“It didn’t occur to you that I’d be worried about you? You could have crashed your bike and been lying in a ditch somewhere. You could have been pulled over by someone like Granger. You could have been at a club doing the kind of scene that would likely get you killed.”
Bayden frowned. Axel wasn’t just angry. He was afraid too. He’d been scared—really scared. “I’m sorry, sir.” Bayden looked down. “That doesn’t fix anything.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it’s a start.”
Bayden peered at his grip on the towel.
“You said you paid for the funeral,” Axel said.
Bayden nodded.
“How?”
“The money I’d saved up for the rent and things, I used that.”
“You haven’t earned any money while you’ve been away?” Axel pushed.
Bayden shook his head. “I have to ask for permission to do that.”
“Including to fight?”
“I’m only allowed to take fights here,” Bayden reminded him. “I didn’t break the rules—not those rules.”
Axel’s whole body tensed up. “Which rules did you break?”
“Not being back here at night. Missing my shift.” He thought very carefully, not wanting to miss anything out and lie by accidental omission. “Going places other than my mother’s without your permission.”
“Places like?”
“There’s a burial ground. There was an undertaker’s.”
“The only places you went were to do with the funeral?”
Bayden nodded.
“What other rules?”
Bayden thought about it very hard.
“Did anyone lay a hand on you?” Axel asked. “And I don’t mean did you give your mum a hug.”
Bayden shook his head very quickly. “I’d tell you if I broke those rules, sir. I would.”
Axel nodded. He seemed to believe him.
The silence stretched out until Bayden had to break it. “There has to be a punishment, sir.”
Axel stroked his fingers through Bayden’s hair again, cradling him close. “Yes, there does.”
Bayden braced himself. He nodded, ready for whatever it would be. He straightened up and squared his shoulders, determined not to let Axel down.
“You understand what you’ll be punished for?” Axel asked.
“Breaking the rules, sir. Being away. Missing my shift.”
“No.” Axel was quiet for a long time. “You’ll be punished for not telling me where you were or what was going on. If you’d stayed on the line and finished the phone call, I’d have given you permission to stay at your mother’s for as long as you needed to. You wouldn’t be in trouble for anything at all.”
Bayden swallowed.
“Why did you hang up?”
Because if I’d stayed on the line another few seconds, I’d have burst into tears.
He felt like doing the same thing right then. “I had to…” He stared down at his hands. “I had to… He died, and…” He bit down hard on his bottom lip.
He was not going to break down. He wasn’t. Not on the phone and not in person. That was not going to happen.