Authors: Kim Dare
“And you’ve been ignoring your instincts because?”
Bayden swallowed. “Because I was obeying my family rather than you.” He forced himself to look up.
The anger he expected to see in Axel’s expression wasn’t there. Bayden waited, hoping that Axel would respond, or ask a question, anything; but Axel remained silent, making Bayden do all the work.
Bayden licked his lips as they went dry with nerves. “They always said that if a wolf tells a human what’s important to him, the human will use it against him. Use it to control him, to hurt him.”
“Do you think that’s what I’m doing?”
Bayden closed his eyes. “You have the right,” he whispered. “If I’m submitting to you, then you have the right to know everything, and to do whatever you want with that information.”
Axel was quiet for a long time. Bayden was sure that Axel expected him to say something and was desperately trying to work out what that was when Axel broke the silence himself.
“They were right.”
Bayden looked up at him.
“Whichever member of your family told you that I’ll use any information you give me about what you like and dislike to punish you—they were right.”
The breath caught in Bayden’s throat.
“And, when the punishment is over, I’ll use the same information to make sure you know everything is fine between us.”
Their gazes locked.
“I’ll use it to punish you and to praise you. I’ll use it to remind you what’s important, to bring us closer together, and to make sure you’re happy and safe in your submission. This isn’t a silly little game with cookie-cutter roles. What you want is important. Who you are is important.” Axel made sure he held his gaze as he went on. “Whatever you tell me about what you like and dislike, I guarantee that I’ll pay attention to every word. I’ll remember what you say, and I’ll use that information to mould what we have into something as strong and as perfect as anything can be.”
Bayden swallowed rapidly. “Yes.” That was the only word he managed to say. Yes to everything Axel offered. Yes to everything Axel could ever ask of him in return.
Axel nodded once, turned away, and went back to his work.
He hadn’t said Bayden was good. It wasn’t until the words failed to hit the air that Bayden realised he’d come to expect them. When he did something right Axel said he was a good boy, or sometimes that he was a good pup, but always that he was good.
Bayden looked down. He’d obviously have to do a lot more things that were right before he could be considered a good anything again.
* * * * *
Axel had to chuckle when he saw how wary Hale and Griz looked when they walked in that night. It didn’t feel like a coincidence that they’d turned up at the same time.
“There was no way either of you could have stopped him.”
Axel glanced down the bar to where Bayden was sitting, and his amusement died. The swelling had gone down somewhat overnight, but the bruising on his face was still painfully vivid.
“What’s going on?” Griz asked, with a nod toward Bayden.
“He’s taking a break until he’s healed up,” Axel said.
“As a punishment?” Hale asked.
Axel dipped his head once in acknowledgement.
“I thought you said you were waiting until he was over his granddad.”
“Things change.” He glanced toward Bayden again. Axel already seemed to have spent half the day doing that. Just because Bayden needed to be punished now, that didn’t mean he was ready for it, or that it was safe to pile huge amounts of pressure on a wolf already close to breaking point.
Enough pain to make sure Bayden learned never to make the same mistake again, but not enough to break him. Axel rubbed the back of his neck. It had taken so much courage for Bayden to give him the information he needed in order to make it an effective punishment. He had to get the balance just right—to prove he was worthy of Bayden’s trust, because one wrong move, and it would all go to hell.
Over the last couple of months, Axel had got used to Bayden doing more than his fair share of work around the pub. Doing both their jobs kept Axel busy, but the shift still crawled past. Bayden remained on his stool and barely moved a muscle—Axel glanced in his direction every other minute, but he never saw him fidget.
“You want a hand closing up?” Griz asked, as everyone started heading out at the end of the night.
Bayden jerked his head up. Axel considered his options. Bayden obviously hated the idea of anyone else being allowed to help when he wasn’t, and a punishment had to hurt.
Axel nodded. “You can have Evan collect the empties.”
Griz nodded to Evan, and the boy set about it. Axel turned his back on the room and started cashing up.
“He’ll forgive you.” That was Griz’s voice and it came from just alongside Bayden’s stool. Axel didn’t turn around to listen, but he didn’t turn his attention elsewhere. Bayden didn’t say anything in response, but that wasn’t surprising, and it wasn’t enough to put Griz off. “Back when I was drinking, I borrowed one of his bikes—sweet little job with custom paintwork that had barely had a chance to dry. I crashed it into a solid brick wall. It was a complete write off. If he’ll forgive me for that, he’ll forgive you for this.”
Axel smiled down at the register as he remembered the rather interesting little chat he and Griz had had when Axel had found out what happened to his bike. But he didn’t find much to smile about during the following twenty-odd hours.
By the time they got within a few hours of closing the next night, Axel felt like smiling belonged in a different universe. The constant need to balance everything just right, to consistently enforce a set of rules that he hated almost as much as Bayden did, it was like the perpetual screech of nails on a chalkboard. Pushing the boy away when he wanted nothing more than to pull him close and tell him everything was okay, was like thumb screws—the real things, not some kinky toy the manufacturers wanted to sound hard-core.
“How much more do you think he can take?” Griz asked.
“He can take it,” Axel said. If it was done carefully. If he kept his eye on him and tweaked things just right, Bayden could take it.
Axel glanced at his watch. It was a few minutes since he’d given Bayden permission to visit the gents. As fragile as he was this soon after losing his grandfather, there was no such thing as keeping too close an eye on him. And, as hard as Bayden was finding it not to be useful, it was easy to imagine him giving in to the temptation to sneak in a bit of unobtrusive service while he was out of sight.
Axel stepped into the bathroom. His guess hadn’t been far off. It wasn’t the room Bayden was struggling to clean to his standards. His hands were red from being scrubbed under the cold water.
“Sorry. I didn’t realise I’d been too long.” His voice wasn’t steady. He didn’t look up as he turned around.
Axel stepped up behind Bayden, and turned him back to face the sink. Reaching past him, Axel turned on the warm water tap.
“I’m not allowed,” Bayden reminded him.
“I’m allowed.” Axel checked the temperature and guided Bayden’s hands under the water. His skin was icy cold. Even tepid water would have to feel scalding. Bayden jerked, but he didn’t try to pull his hands away. He obediently allowed Axel to hold his hands there until they warmed up. Axel reached for the soap.
Bayden glanced over his shoulder at him, so wary, so close to breaking.
“It’s important to be clean, to be seen to be clean,” Axel quoted. And going over forty-eight hours without being able to wash under hot water and feel really clean was worse than a whipping for a wolf who needed the whole world to know that wolves weren’t filthy creatures.
Bayden swallowed. “What you want is more important.”
“Tell me the difference between a scene and a bet,” Axel ordered, as he carefully washed each of Bayden’s fingers in turn.
“It’s not a battle. No one wins in a scene,” Bayden whispered.
“That’s right, because in a scene we’re both on the same side,” Axel agreed. “A punishment is just the same. It’s not about breaking someone.”
Bayden looked down at his hands.
“You’ll get through it,” Axel promised. “I’ll get you through it. You won’t break. I’ll never let that happen.” Standing behind Bayden and reaching around him, Axel almost had Bayden in an embrace, but he resisted the temptation to turn it into a real hug.
“Thank you, sir.”
Their eyes met in the mirror. Axel shook his head.
Bayden flinched. “Axel.”
Axel grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser and dried Bayden’s hands, letting him feel fussed over for a few more minutes.
Bayden leaned toward him, only to sway back. He peered up at him all need and uncertainty.
It took all of Axel’s self-control to resist pulling him properly into his arms and promising to never let him go. “You’re doing fine.” He ran a finger down Bayden’s cheek. “You’re healing well.”
Bayden swallowed. He nodded.
It was true. It looked like he’d had a fortnight to heal rather than a couple of days.
The bruises on his face were fading more quickly than those on his body, as if Bayden hadn’t allowed Ford to land such heavy blows there. But, by the time Bayden had spent his third night in the guest room, even the worst of the bruises on his ribs were starting to yellow around the edges.
It was impossible for Axel to tell how much pain any of the injuries caused because Bayden never complained of any. Axel’s only real information came from studying him each morning before he gave him his clothes. Bayden never mentioned the bruises and the longer the punishment went on, the less inclined Bayden was to speak at all—even to Axel.
Each night in the pub, Axel watched Bayden. He tolerated the other Dragons making occasional small talk with him, and he was polite to any lifestyle subs who approached him, but he barely looked up when any other doms spoke to him.
So, when Axel saw Bayden exchanging several sentences with one of the doms who lingered on the edge of the regulars, the conversation received his complete attention.
* * * * *
“What’s the deal with you and Axel?”
Bayden glanced up. The guy was tall with scruffy brown hair. Bayden vaguely recognised him as someone he’d served drinks to in the past.
“I heard you’re available for scenes again.”
Bayden tensed. He glanced down the bar toward Axel and realised that he was observing them with interest. “Who did you hear that from?” Bayden managed to ask the guy.
“Common knowledge. You screwed everything up with Axel. You’re back to playing with other doms.”
Common knowledge.
Bayden took a deep breath. Axel obviously thought his injuries had enough time to heal.
“Is that right?” the guy pushed.
“Something like that,” Bayden said.
“So…” The guy put his hand on Bayden shoulder.
Bayden managed not to flinch. “You just need Axel’s permission.”
“What?”
“Check with Axel. It’s his decision. You need his permission to do a scene with me,” Bayden repeated.
The guy looked down toward Axel. “You’re sure he’s not still screwing you?”
Bayden swallowed down a bitter taste. “Not since I messed up.”
The guy thought about that for a moment before heading down the bar toward Axel.
Bayden had known it would happen sooner or later. All his privileges—no exceptions. The only reason he hadn’t had to give this one up before was because Axel thought he was too beaten up.
Bayden clenched his jaw. All he had to do was find the place he used to go inside his head when he did bets with other guys, it shouldn’t be too hard. He’d had lot of practice at not caring who he had sex with.
“Bayden?” Axel nodded toward the back rooms.
When Axel stepped into one of those rooms, Bayden followed hot on his heels, determined that Axel wouldn’t see him hesitate or falter. Bayden quickly glanced around the room. There was no one else there. Axel slammed the door, keeping everyone out, for now.
“For a moment, I thought you’d actually bought a clue.”
Bayden lifted his gaze; Axel didn’t look pleased.
“But you haven’t, have you?” Axel demanded.
Bayden peered up at Axel, but he didn’t know what he wanted him to say.
“I thought you sent him over to me because he was bothering you, and you wanted me to get rid of him. But, no, you actually thought there was some chance in hell I’d let him fuck you.”
“It was part of the list, sir—I mean, Axel.”
Axel’s eyes narrowed. “It was one of the privileges you listed—you like not having to have sex with anyone but me.”
Bayden nodded.
“And you thought I’d let someone else screw you to prove a point?”
“You said all of them, no exceptions, and…”
Axel stroked his cheek and made him look up.
Bayden swallowed. “You haven’t liked most of the things we’ve done over the last couple of days. What you said about us being on the same side, you meant it. Just because you don’t like the idea of someone screwing me, that doesn’t mean…”
Axel sighed. He slid his hand back so it rested on the back of Bayden’s neck.
“Pup, I don’t know how to make this any clearer. As possessive as I feel toward you, you don’t need to worry that I’ll let anyone else play with you. You need to be bloody grateful you’re still allowed to shake hands with people.” He pulled Bayden closer. “I won’t let anyone near you, not to prove any point on the planet.”
The heat from Axel’s body called to Bayden. He managed not to snuggle, but he had to relish being held so close.
“You are mine, and I don’t share.” Each word was more like a growl than the last.
Bayden nodded, not above enjoying the way the gesture made Axel’s grip tug at his hair. He took a deep breath, but he had to know.
“The list. Part of it was you choosing not to…”
“I’m not going to screw someone else just to make you feel bad,” Axel confirmed. He pulled Bayden away and looked down at him. “That’s not the way things work, not for us.”
Bayden nodded.
Axel moved his hand up to stroke his fingers through Bayden’s hair. “You’ll understand one day, pup. I promise you that—you’ll understand what a good dom is like. I’ll teach you all about it.”