Authors: Michelle Horst
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tearing my eyes away from Cole.
“Mrs. Trenton is talkin’, Dear,” Pastor Beasley fills me in on what I’ve been missing while openly day dreaming over Cole.
“I was sayin’ that you’ve become quite the beauty,” Mrs. Trenton says, and that seals my embarrassment for the evening. I’m officially dying.
“Thank you,” I murmur. Looking for Pastor Beasley’s hand, I grab hold with no intention of letting go. Right now I need his strength, all of it.
“You were such a tiny thing when you came to Lyman,” Mrs. Mason says, and my heart starts to beat faster. Pastor Beasley tightens his hold on my hand and starts rubbing slow circles with his thumb on the back of my hand. It helps to give me something else to concentrate on. “At least you got some height over the years.”
I can’t bring myself to smile, or look up again. I’m spiraling from embarrassment straight into a pit of mortification.
“You seem to have settled in well, and Link as well,” Mrs. Mason goes on, as if it’s okay to discuss these things every day. It’s private. It’s our lives, and no I haven’t settled in okay. I want her to stop because every word is a stab at my fragile heart.
“Pastor Beasley, I just want to let you know how grateful we are for what you are doing for the boys,” Mr. Mason says. My shoulders sag with relief, glad that they’re stepping of the topic of my personal life.
“Of course,” Pastor Beasley says. It feels as if everything is settling around us. “It’s nothin’ I wouldn’t do for any of the other kids.”
“You’re really a pillar of this community,” Mr. Trenton goes on. “If you have any problems with Trevor Liles again you just say the word and I’ll sort him out.”
My world stops at hearing my father’s name. Trevor Liles. I haven’t heard that name in almost five years. My blood starts to pulse fast and hard through my veins, and I don’t know how my legs move but I manage to get up and make them move. With every step I take my breathing speeds up, taking me a breath closer to a dreadful panic attack.
“Honey, don’t,” Pastor Beasley says. “Let me explain.”
I take a few more steps and then Mr. Trenton stands up. “Did I say somethin’ wrong?” he asks.
Why does he know about my father? What does he know?
“I thought no one knew,” I whisper to no one in particular. Locking eyes with Pastor Beasley, it feels as if my heart is shattering at my feet. “I trusted you.”
“I didn’t tell anyone, Dear. Let’s go talk about this,” he says in a gentle voice that could always calm me.
“How does he know?” I ask. My voice sounds thin and I try to breathe faster as the darkness starts to creep up on me. I can’t have a panic attack here. Not in front of all these people.
“Your father wrote a letter to you,” Mr. Trenton says.
“Not now, William!” Pastor Beasley hushes him.
“He did what?” I shriek. “He knows where I am?”
“He can’t hurt you,” Pastor Beasley takes a step toward me. I take one backwards and then panic and fear hits me full on, unlike anything I’ve felt before.
“He will.” I turn and run as if I’m running from the devil himself. I have to get away as fast as I can. He knows where I am! He’ll come for me! He’ll finish what he started all those years back. He’ll kill me this time!
I yank the front door open and take the porch steps in one jump. The Trenton’s have a big front yard. In front of me is a stretch of green lawn. I cover half the distance when an arm swoops around my waist. The grip is so hard my breath gets ripped right from my lungs. My feet lift from the ground and as the person swings me around I come face to face with Cole as he runs towards us.
“I’ll take her, Travis,” he says. They’re not even out of breath from coming after me! I’m panting like a dog, totally breathless.
“I’m not going back in,” I snap.
“You don’t have to,” Cole says as Travis sets me down. Cole’s fingers wrap around my arm, as if he’s scared I’ll make a run for it again. His eyes dart over my head to Travis. “Will you tell them I’m going for a walk with Bridget?”
“Sure thing, man.” Travis says. He jogs back and I keep my eyes on the front door until he closes it behind him. I glance up at Cole. He loosens his grip on me, but he doesn’t let go. His touch is calming, in a different way as to what Pastor Beasley’s is. Cole has been my happy zone for a very long time.
Over the past year he’s filled out quite nicely with all the sports he’s done.
“Let’s go for that walk,” he says.
His hand slides down my arm until he reaches my hand. When his fingers interlace with mine, a fire cracker explodes somewhere between my left lung and my heart, leaving my insides in a mushy mess.
We walk in silence all the way to the corner of the street before I gather the guts to say something. “I’m sorry for weirding out like that at your house.”
“My dad shouldn’t have said the things he did,” he says.
You see why I love the guy so much? He never does or says anything wrong!
“Still,” I mumble. “I feel awful. Your parents must think I’ve just escaped from crazy town.”
“My parents will understand,” he says. He gives my hand a squeeze.
“I won’t run away,” I say. I bring our hands up to eye level. “You can let go.”
“I know.” His lips curve in the familiar trademark way that all the Holden men have. Mrs. Trenton and Mrs. Holden are sisters, so the smile must come from their side of the family.
“You want to talk about what happened?” he asks. He nudges me with his shoulder, indicating for me to take a left at the intersection.
“I …” The street lights flicker on around us, and only then do I realize how fast the sun is setting. I can’t be outside when it’s dark! This night is turning out to be my worst nightmare. “I need to get back. Pastor Beasley will be worried.”
“He knows you’re with me.”
“Still, he’ll worry.” I can see how the darkness is setting in around us and without thinking I step closer to Cole. “I need to get back, please.”
“Are you okay?” he asks. His fingers folds warm around my chin, lifting my face to his. “You look scared, like you were back at the house.” I can hardly see the light blue of his eyes as the dark settles around us. My heart slams painfully against my chest and right now I don’t care what he thinks of me. I just need light.
“I’m scared of the dark, Cole.”
Instead of laughing at me, or teasing me like some of the other guys would’ve, he reaches into his pocket. His keys rattle as he takes something off, and then a bright beam of light flashes over my chest.
“Will this help until I can get you home?” He holds the little flashlight out to me.
As my fingers wrap around it, I smile for the first time tonight. The little flashlight blasts a serious beam of light wherever I shine it.
“It will. Thank you.”
Cole’s arm falls around my shoulders and as he draws me against his side, we walk home. As we near his house he slows our pace, until we come to a standstill out on the front lawn.
“So I have a question,” he asks as I move out from under his arm. He steps closer to me until he’s inches from touching me with his body. Being so close to him is a sensory overload!
He’s confusing me. I thought he held my hand to keep me from running. With the arm around the shoulder thing I thought he was just sweet about me being scared of the dark. But now he’s right in my personal space and I can’t think of a reason why he would want to be so close to me.
“If you’re scared of the dark, do you ever go outside to watch the stars?” he asks the question I least expected him to ask.
“N-no,” I stutter like an idiot.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” He doesn’t wait for my reply.
I watch him jog to his truck. He leans over the side and then he jogs back with a blanket.
“A blanket?” I’m not cold. It’s actually quite hot out, but then I’m wearing a long sleeve.
“For us to lie on,” he says. He takes hold of my hand and pulls me further into the darkness to the corner of their garden. I cling to the little flashlight as if my life depends on it!
“Lie on?” I squeak. “Like lie on the blanket?” I peep some more.
“Yeah,” he says as if I’m not squeaking like a chipmunk. I watch him spreading the blanket out before he pulls me down next to him. “Lie back and relax. I won’t bite.” He laughs as he says this.
“It’s not you I’m worried about,” I mumble, but I lie down anyway.
My vision is filled with the stars that have just come out, tiny lights far above.
“See there is always light somewhere,” he says. Cole’s body presses against mine as he points to one. “Some shine brighter than others.” When he looks down at me, everything around us fades away. It’s like earlier when he was sitting at the bar. I can’t tear my eyes away from his eyes as they hold mine in a penetrating gaze. “You just need to see the light, Bridget. It’s always there.”
My chest grows heavy with the old familiar pain, always there to weigh me down. My past will always hold me back. No light is bright enough to shine through that kind of darkness.
A breath flutters over my trembling lips and I turn my head away. I can’t believe how horrible this night has turned out. Cole has seen much more of me than I want him to see. I wish I never came. That way I could still be the invisible girl that he bumps into at the lockers.
I press my elbows into the ground and push myself up. Halfway up Cole’s arm darts around my waist, stopping me from getting up.
“Don’t do that, Bridget,” he whispers behind me.
“Do what?” I ask nervously. My heart is squarely stuck in my throat. My emotions are all over the place; free falling from being scared to death of my father, to wanting to be happy that Cole is giving me the time of day.
“Stop runnin’ every time I talk to you.”
I swing around and it puts me way too close to Cole. I try to ignore his arm around my waist and what it might mean.
“I don’t run away from you,” I snap. Dang, I shouldn’t have snapped!
He lifts an eyebrow. “Yeah, you do, Bridget. Every time I try to talk to you at the lockers you practically run away. You’re always hiding behind Reece and Link at school.”
“So what if I do?” I go on the defense. And here I thought I was doing such a great job at being invisible, in the meantime I was failing miserably at it!
“Why do you run? Did I do somethin’ wrong?” Cole always looks so sure of himself and to see him upset about something I did makes me feel horrible. “If I did somethin’ wrong, tell me so I can fix it,” he says with an undertone of urgency.
“No,” I whisper. It feels as if my whole body is deflating. I don’t want to hurt other people. That’s why I keep to myself. “It’s not you, Cole.”
“Don’t give me that line,” he growls, yanking his arm away from me. “It’s not you, it’s me. Really? Dammit, Bridget, you can come up with somethin’ better than that!”
I swallow hard in one last attempt to hold the tears back as his harsh words rain down on me, but it doesn’t help. The tears spill hot and fast, forming salty tracks down my cheeks.
“It’s not a line. I didn’t know you wanted to talk to me. All I focused on was trying to be as invisible as possible.” My voice is shaky as I admit this to him. “You weren’t supposed to see me. I wore the same clothes. I hid behind my locker. I hid behind Reece and Link. I sat in the back of the class. First in, last out. If I’m invisible then no one will see me. It’s not you, Cole, it’s me. There isn’t a light strong enough for me!”
I get up and walk towards the house. If I can’t go home now, I’ll wait in the car.
“Bridget,” he calls behind me. “Bridget, wait.” He grabs hold of my hand and darts around me, blocking my way to the house. “I’m sorry. Don’t go in, not yet.”
“I want to go home,” I whisper. Using the back of my hand, I wipe at my cheeks.
“Can I take you?”
“Please.” Hell, I’ll bite onto a bumper to get a ride back home right now.
“Wait here. I’m just going to go tell our parents,” he says, before running into the house.
A few minutes later Pastor Beasley comes out with Cole. I wipe faster at my cheeks, trying to remove all the traces of the tears.
“I’m sorry, Kiddo,” Pastor Beasley says, and I can hear the remorse in his voice.
“Now I get to choose the movies for the next month,” I try to joke.
“Sure thing.” He pulls me in for a hug and I struggle to hold the tears back. “Cole said he’ll stay with you until we get home.”
“I’ll be okay. He doesn’t have to,” I say. I don’t want to spoil Cole’s night. “Besides, Travis is waiting for him.”
“I don’t want you to be alone, Kiddo, not after tonight.” He holds the house keys out to me.
“I’ll go through my window. You keep them to get in incase I fall asleep.” I’m trying to bring my point across that I don’t want Cole babysitting me.
“Either he stays with you or you stay here,” Pastor Beasley says adamantly.
“I’m eighteen! I don’t need a babysitter.” Cole walks closer and it’s clear he has been listening in on us. Great! Can this night get any worse?
“What if you have a panic attack?”
My mouth drops open and my cheeks flush with every drop of blood in my body. I can’t believe he just said that in front of Cole!
“I’ll wake up, like I always do!” I snap. I don’t look at Cole as I head for his truck, without the house keys.
I yank the door open and look for a place to grab onto. “Why does he have to drive such a huge thing?” I snap at the truck. I’m on a war path with every-and-anything that comes in way.
“To people who just barely reach five feet it seems huge,” Cole says behind me. He grabs hold of my hips and lifts me into the truck.
I wait for him to get him before I mutter from my corner, “Five foot three.”
“You really want to compare inches, Bridget?” he asks with the sexiest grin spreading across his face. Is he flirting with me? Damn, I don’t know the first thing about flirting.
“You clearly win in that department, but don’t let it go to your head.” I fold my arms, pretending not to give a rat’s ass about what he thinks. “I meant what I said, I don’t need a babysitter.” I don’t know why I’m bringing it up.
“Will you stop being so stubborn? I’m takin’ you home. I’m going to stay with you because I want to. Deal with it, Bridget. Dammit, you make it hard to try and be around you. You’d swear I’m going to kidnap you and lock you up. I just want to-”