Authors: Andrea Smith
“I love you, Nick.”
“I love you back, Gina.”
Nick had left after his shift ended. He had stopped by my table to tell me that he would be outside in the back parking lot at 1:00 am to pick me up. He had kissed me good-bye and left.
I had made out well tip-wise taking Stephanie’s shift. I had netted a little over $500 in tips for the day. I went out to the huge parking lot in the back which was less full than the others. I searched all over for Nick’s car. It wasn’t there. I tried his pager but then I remembered that it had been shut off until he got his bill paid current. It was after 1:30 when Manny came out to see if something was wrong.
“Jesus Christ, Gina. Security called up saying someone was loitering in the back lot. What are you still doing here?”
“I’m waiting on Nick. I’m betting he fell asleep. His pager is shut off.”
“Christ,” he had said, rolling his eyes. “If my daughter ever gets involved with a slug like Nick, I will disown the hell out of her. Hang tight. I’ll send the hotel limo back here to take you home.”
“No - Manny. That’s not necessary. I’m sure Nick will be here soon.”
“I insist,” he had said, going back inside, shaking his head the whole way and mumbling.
The hotel limo picked me up as promised and dropped me at our apartment complex. I saw Nick’s car parked in front of our building. I had breathed a sigh of relief. He would have been totally pissed if he had driven to the casino and found that I had taken alternate transportation. That had been one argument I had avoided.
I had let myself into the apartment quietly, expecting to find Nick sprawled out on the couch asleep. The television was on, but he was nowhere to be seen. It was then that I had noticed the razor blade, two skinny straws and residual white powder on our black glass coffee table.
(Shit! He had been getting high again.)
I had reached my limit with his cocaine use. I had decided that if Nick relapsed, I was gone. As much as I had loved him, I would not, could not watch him destroy himself. I headed toward the bedroom to tell him just that. As I had reached the door, I had heard voices inside. It was Nick’s voice, and a female voice. Nick’s voice had been moaning.
“That’s it baby; oh yeah, your cunt is so nice and tight. Keep riding it baby; that’s it.”
The female voice had been soft moans and groans of pleasure.
I had opened the door full force, letting it slam against the bedroom wall. They had both been startled. I had been even more startled when I saw that it was my friend Stephanie, supposedly home sick with the flu, riding Nick’s cock up and down, moaning.
Stephanie had immediately freaked when she saw me. She had quickly lifted herself up and off of him, blubbering apologies at me, saying she had only meant to get high with him. She had grabbed her clothing up off the floor, putting it on as I had stood frozen in shock.
It had been like everything happened fast, but then in slow motion when I replayed it in my mind. Before I knew it, Stephanie had managed to cover most of her critical parts and was out the door of our apartment.
Nick had risen up off of our bed and came over to where I was standing, still frozen to the floor. His erection was still very much intact.
“You interrupted me, Gina. I didn’t get to finish what I started with Stephanie. I didn’t get my nut because of you barging in here like that.”
His voice had been steely cold and menacing.
“I guess that means that you get to finish me. Then we will talk about your rudeness to my guest.”
“Nick-” I had started, ready to lay into him with every bit of Italian temper I possessed. His hand had silenced me as it cracked against my face, not once, not twice, but three times. I had tasted the blood in my mouth.
His hands roughly pressed my shoulders down; forcing me to kneel in front of him.
“Suck me, bitch,” he had ordered. “Stephanie got me hard; now you are going to finish me off.”
I had clamped my mouth shut tightly. My eyes were squeezed closed as he moved closer to me. I could smell the scent of her pussy on his cock. I had wanted to vomit. I felt his hands in my hair as he grabbed a fistful and yanked it upward, forcing my eyes to open and my lips to part as I had cried out in pain. His hand slapped my face again.
He had then shoved himself into my mouth; once again ordering me to suck. I had felt like I was going to suffocate as he held my head in place with his hands and continued to push in and out of my mouth, yelling for me to suck him. I had finally decided that I had no choice but to do as he ordered. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I had sucked Nick’s cock until he had finally and blessedly climaxed.
I remembered now how I had gotten to my feet and went to the bathroom. I had calmly stuck my finger to the back of my throat finding my gag reflex and allowed myself to vomit it all back up into the sink. I had brushed my teeth and gargled for twenty minutes. To this day, I can still taste the stench of it when I think about it. I still have the need to vomit.
I had left Atlantic City the following day while Nick was at work. I had packed my clothing, called a cab and took a Greyhound home to Hoboken. I had simply told my parents that Nick and I had broken up. I hadn’t been the least bit prepared for the fact that Nick was not about to let me go that easily.
I heard the family coming in downstairs from their trip to the Camerucci’s. Ethan was still napping when Amie came up to check on him and found me sitting on the bed in Pete’s old room, watching him as he slept peacefully.
“My God, Gina. You certainly took your offer to watch Ethan very seriously,” she said softly, giving me a smile.
“Oh I love watching him sleep. He’s like a little angel.”
“You’re a great aunt for saying that,” Amie said.
“I meant it. I think he is so incredibly sweet, and so incredibly lucky to have the parents that he has. Amie, you and Pete are really, really blessed. I hope you know that.”
She looked at me quizzically; Amie wasn’t used to me talking so emotionally to her. I knew she thought I was sort of a hard, abrasive type. Maybe I was; maybe it was just a front. A lot of my past had unraveled over the past couple of days because of Mrs. Camerucci’s passing. I was anxious to change the subject.
“So how is Leo doing?” I asked.
“According to your mom, it hasn’t hit him yet. He’s in shock. I guess that it’s a blessing Nick and Teresa are there with him. Nick asked about you, by the way. I hadn’t realized that you and he had lived together at one time. Pete filled me in on that on our way home.”
“That was a long, long time ago,” I said, getting up and stretching. Ethan was starting to stir in the crib.
“Still,” she said, “The way that Pete described it sounded so freaking romantic. Nick was your big brother’s best friend. You were the ‘little girl next door’ so to speak; you crushed on him when he had no clue you were growing into a woman. One day he suddenly notices that you’re all grown up - I mean-”
“Listen Amie; it wasn’t all that. I don’t know where Pete got his information. Nick and I were young and dumb; and totally incompatible. It was no fairy tale, I assure you.”
“I guess Pete got his information from Nick. They still talk occasionally.”
“Yeah? Well Pete was away at college during that time so I guess he wasn’t really around for the reality.”
Amie was looking at me very strangely now. I had clearly said too much. I needed to shut the fuck up and get back to my room.
“Hey - gotta run. I should have called Tristan before now. I know we are leaving right after dinner for the wake. See you at dinner.”
“Hey - thanks for watching Ethan, Gina.”
“No problem,” I said, making it out the door into the hallway.
When I got back to my room I called Tristan. I told him everything was okay and that we were getting ready for dinner and then heading to the funeral home. I asked him how things were going at the club. He told me to trust him, he had everything under control.
(Smart ass!)
“Okay then, I will see you tomorrow at the airport.”
“Gina, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, well sure. I mean as ‘okay’ as everything can be at a funeral. My mom is holding up pretty well.”
“But what about you, Gina? How are you holding up?”
“I am fine, Tristan. Geez, I mean I was close to Mrs. Camerucci, but it wasn’t like she was my mom or anything. I just want to get through this and get back to Atlanta.”
“I miss you too, Gina.”
“Then make sure your ass is at the airport on time tomorrow to pick me up, Tristan.”
“I’ll be there, baby. I love you.”
“Right back at you, Tristan.”
The family got through dinner. I tended to tune out the conversation whenever it turned to the good ole days and had anything to do with Nick.
My thoughts returned to that fall that I’d left Nick to come back to Hoboken. I had told my parents that I wanted to go to college. Since I hadn’t applied to any during my senior year, I enrolled in the local community college. I was able to get in at that late date since classes didn’t start until mid-September. I enrolled in the Marketing/Advertising Associate degree program.
I had been in school for about six weeks when I walked out of school after class one day and spotted Nick’s Pontiac Bonneville parked next to my mother’s car that I had been driving. He was standing outside of his car, smoking a cigarette. My first reaction was to panic. I was afraid of Nick. The fact that he hadn’t attempted to contact me since I left had given me a false sense of security.
As I neared my mother’s car, I saw that he had a bouquet of roses in his hand.
“Gina,” he said, approaching me cautiously. “I know that you have no reason, no reason at all to talk to me or even trust me, but I had to come here. I had to tell you how sorry I am for everything that I did.”
“You really shouldn’t have bothered, Nick. I hope you didn’t waste a trip just for that.”
I unlocked the car and tossed my books onto the front seat.
“Gina, please. Please at least hear me out. I need to tell you that you were right about everything. That fucking cocaine ruled and ruined my life. That was my fault though. I had a choice. I did not make the right one. I didn’t realize what a monster I had become until the reality finally sunk in. It took me losing you and my job to realize that I had hit rock bottom. I went to rehab, Gina. I just got out. Part of the 12-step program requires that I make amends to those that I hurt. You are at the top of that list.”
“So what does that mean, Nick?”
“It means that I am here before you, as a flawed human being that recognizes that I have an illness. Because I didn’t seek treatment for that illness, I hurt myself, but most importantly, I hurt the one person that I love so very much. I hurt you, Gina. I am asking for your forgiveness; maybe not today, but perhaps someday?”
Part of me had wanted to tell Nick to go fuck himself. I mean, he had reduced me to nothing. But the other part of me had not wanted to believe that his sick treatment of me over those few months was the ‘real’ Nick. How could I possibly have been wrong about him for all of those years that I had crushed on him?