Emily stood, made sure Amy felt cared for and tucked in, too, and met him out in the hall. “That is so scary. Not just for her, but for Amy…and you.”
“Usually Courtney doesn’t remember anything about it. I consulted with a sleep psychologist. She said not to wake her, just comfort her and help her return to sleep when she seems ready. This happens more when she’s overtired before she goes to bed.”
“Was it my fault?” She’d played with the girls in many different activities.
“No, it just happens, usually in the first few hours after she goes to sleep.”
“How long will this last?”
“I was told that most children outgrow them as they get older.”
“Seeing one in progress is much different than reading about it on the Internet.”
“I know, and I was worried about Amy seeing them. But when I tried to separate them, Amy would sneak back into the room and sleep on the floor next to Courtney’s bed. She’s protective of her sister.”
They began walking toward the great room. There Jared studied Emily. “I’m surprised you didn’t leave the room.”
“How could I? Amy needed to feel she was safe, too, and to know Courtney would be all right.”
“Sometimes I don’t feel as if I’m giving either of them enough.”
“You’re wrong about that. From what I’ve seen, you’re a great dad.”
For a few moments, he seemed to search for the truth in her eyes. He must have seen what she was really feeling.
Lifting her chin, he kissed her.
At first it seemed like a light kiss, maybe a thank-you kiss, maybe a no-one-has-said-that-in-a-while kiss. But as soon as their lips met, the sensual pleasure of kissing him again kicked up Emily’s pulse. The kiss must have done the same to him. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her tight against him. His T-shirt and her blouse were thin barriers to all the heat they were generating. So much heat, so much desire, so much pent-up longing.
When he broke the kiss, he shook his head. “I never intended for that to happen again, but the chemistry between us seems more powerful than good intentions. I’ll understand if you want to work under another doctor in the practice rather than me.”
“I don’t want to work for anyone else, Jared.”
He looked relieved for a moment. Then the creases along his eyes deepened. “You have to understand some
thing, Emily. The last thing I want to do is get involved with anyone.”
Had his marriage been so rocky that he didn’t want to consider marrying again? Had his divorce been so painful? Had he still loved his wife but she hadn’t wanted to be married to a doctor?
Emily had her own doubts about the way she was starting to feel about Jared. Was it too soon after her divorce? Was she seeing qualities in him that weren’t really there? How could she trust her judgment after Richard?
“You have a lot on your plate,” she responded. “Your daughters, your mom, your profession. I’m trying to get my life back in order. I’ve only begun to build it again here. So we’ll deal with this—” she waved her hand “—chemistry. We’re adults. We hardly see each other in the office, except to go over patient charts.”
“So all I have to do is go back to looking at you as a colleague again.” His mouth quirked up at the corners.
“Right, and I’ll just see you as my boss.”
After a long studying appraisal, he broke eye contact and checked his watch. “I’d better get going so you can go home at a decent time.”
Crossing to the counter, he picked up his car keys. “My cell number’s on the refrigerator. Don’t hesitate to use it if something happens. Courtney doesn’t usually wake up more than once in a night.”
“I’ll just handle her like you did if she does.”
He nodded and went to the door. After a last, prolonged look at her, he left.
Emily knew they were both deluding themselves. Chemistry wasn’t easily kept under wraps.
Unless Jared wasn’t feeling the intensity she was. If that was the case, then there was nothing to worry about at all.
Midafternoon the next day, Emily was escorting a patient to the desk to make a follow-up appointment when the door to the reception area opened. Jared’s daughters came running in, followed by a striking blond woman who looked to be in her forties.
“Emily!” they cried when the twins saw her.
She stooped down to greet them. “What are you doing here?”
“See Daddy,” Amy said with certainty.
Chloie extended her hand. “You must be Emily Diaz. I’m Chloie Madison, Jared’s cousin. He asked me to bring the girls in because he might not get home until after they’re in bed tonight.”
Jared came out of his office and saw them standing in the hall. “Way past their bedtime,” he said, and crouched down to tickle them both and give them a hug.
After he straightened, he explained to Emily, “My mother’s having surgery this afternoon and I’m going over to the hospital for the rest of the day.” He took the girls’ hands and led them to his office. “You can tell me all about what you did this morning with Chloie. About fifteen minutes,” he mouthed to Chloie.
She nodded.
Then he disappeared to spend some time with his daughters.
Chloie and Emily moved to an alcove in the hall. “Am I keeping you?” Chloie asked.
“No, I had a cancellation.”
“I hear you witnessed one of Courtney’s night terrors. Scary, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it was. But Jared handled it so calmly.”
“I’ve watched him a couple of times myself, so I think
I’d know what to do if she has one when I’m there. It still spooks me a bit, though.”
“I’m concerned about Amy as well as Courtney,” Emily said.
Chloie nodded. “That makes sense. She’s connected to her sister in ways we’ll never imagine. That’s the way twins are.”
“Did you and Jared grow up together?”
“Yes, we did. I was two years younger but we were friends and watched out for each other.”
“Are you friends now?” Emily knew she was prompting a bit, prying too much maybe, but she was curious about Jared’s life and his relatives.
“After Valerie died, he became a totally different person.”
“In what way?”
“He put walls up where there shouldn’t have been walls. He didn’t try to reach former friends who lived here. He said all he cared about was doing a good job and helping his girls grow up strong.”
“It’s not unusual to withdraw when you lose someone you love. Even though they were divorced, he must have still cared about his ex-wife.”
“It was the way he lost her,” Chloie said.
“The way?” Emily questioned.
“I shouldn’t say any more. You’ll have to ask Jared about it if you want to know. Secrets have hurt Jared more than once in his life. That’s why he doesn’t trust easily and why he rarely lets anyone get close.”
Rarely lets anyone get close. Emily wondered about her own secret and what effect that would have on Jared. Should she tell him now about what had happened in Corpus Christi?
She remembered their second kiss and how it had made
her feel…how Jared made her feel. Yet he’d clearly told her he didn’t want to get involved.
Did
she?
Hadn’t Richard shown her men walked away when marriage got hard? Hadn’t he abandoned her when she’d needed him most?
If she was smart, she’d forget about getting involved with Jared at all. Finding another job wouldn’t be all that easy. She liked her life here.
Yet something about Jared tugged at her.
The question was—would she give in to the tugging?
Maybe. But she’d also keep her secret to herself.
For now.
E
mily entered the surgical waiting room at the hospital and spotted Jared immediately.
She watched him as he walked to the rack on the wall, took out a magazine, flipped through the pages and slid it back into its place without really looking at it. Then he crossed to the window, stared out into the dusky twilight and jammed his hands into his trouser pockets.
She went to him, watching her reflection take form next to his, not knowing how he’d feel about her being here. “Jared?”
When he turned, he looked surprised. Then he scolded her. “You should be at home having dinner.”
Maybe she should be—for more than one reason. She didn’t belong here with him. Her heart would be safer at home. She wouldn’t feel as if she should reveal anything about her life to him.
But after her last patient of the day, she’d thought about Jared sitting by himself, waiting for his mother to come out of surgery. No one should have to go through that kind of crisis alone.
“I wanted to stop in and visit Leanne and her baby.” Jared had delivered their patient’s little girl last night. “How’s your mother?”
“She’s in Recovery. I won’t be able to see her for about an hour.”
“You don’t like waiting, do you?”
His mouth curved up a bit. “I suppose that’s obvious. No, I don’t. I’m used to taking action, not sitting and waiting for another doctor to do his work.”
She glanced at the cup of coffee sitting on the table. “How many cups have you had?”
“I lost count. Maybe four. I shouldn’t have had
any.
I’m ready to pace the room until I wear out the soles of my shoes.”
“Do you want to take a walk? The air might help the caffeine buzz.”
Two nurses passed by the doorway as he thought about it. “Are you sure you have the time?”
“My time’s my own. Francesca’s tied up with the Neonatal Unit.”
“And you don’t like going home to an empty house.”
Was she that easy to read? “No, I don’t. The truth is—it seems empty since Tessa moved out. I mean, we all work erratic schedules, but with three of us, someone was always there. I miss her.” Emily shrugged and smiled. “But she and Vince are happy and they’re in the process of adopting two wonderful kids.”
“Didn’t you say they just married recently?”
So Jared was one of those rare men who listened. “Yes, they did. But the adoptions were sort of in the works before
they married. Vince had unexpectedly become legal guardian of his best friend’s little boy, and Tessa had been on an adoption list. She got the call right before they married.”
“That’s a lot to take on.”
“Their story’s a complicated one, but they’re exactly where they want to be.”
Jared seemed pensive for a few moments. After he glanced out the window again, he decided, “I think I would like to go for that walk.”
A few minutes later, they passed through sliding glass doors outside into the August evening. A breeze tossed the edges of Emily’s collar. She and Jared turned simultaneously toward the sidewalk that led past a row of live oaks. Lampposts illuminated their way.
Suddenly Jared stopped and took her arm. “Thank you for coming by. I was getting really wound up and this is helping.”
His fingers were hot on her skin. His touch sent a deliciously warm thrill through her. She felt breathless, her pulse quickening as she looked up at him and their gazes held.
The green of his eyes darkened and he blew out a breath. “I keep telling myself we’re going to have a professional relationship and then you look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re thinking about whatever happens whenever we get too close.”
Jared meant physically, but she knew the chemistry happened when they got close emotionally, too. She and Richard hadn’t really connected emotionally. But she and Jared…
A bond was growing between them that she couldn’t deny.
He released her arm. Emily missed the physical contact but she could think more clearly. They started walking again.
“I had a talk with Chloie,” she offered.
Jared sent her a sharp glance. “About?”
“Amy told her I was there when Courtney had her night terror. Chloie just said she knew how frightening they could be and that she learned from you how to handle them.”
His tone was strained as he asked, “Was she questioning why you were there?”
“Oh, no. Why would you think that?”
He walked in silence for a few steps. “I got the impression when Valerie and I divorced that Chloie thought we hadn’t tried hard enough.”
“What did
you
think?”
He grew pensive. “I think we hit a stone wall. I couldn’t change my practice or my dedication to my patients. Valerie was a new mom with twins and I couldn’t be there as much as she wanted me to be there to help her. I wanted her to hire someone to help, but she didn’t want to do that. She made up her mind about the divorce without much discussion. Once Valerie decided something, there was no convincing her to change her mind.”
He sounded bitter about that. Just because of the divorce? She couldn’t ask more questions without prying, and she didn’t want to do that. “Richard asked for our divorce and he’d made up his mind, too. But by that time, I knew we didn’t have much left.”
“Marriage is an ideal most couples can’t live up to.”
Darkness was gathering around them, creating intimacy even though they walked on the public sidewalk. Emily found herself adding in a lower voice, “If two people have the same values and goals and outlook, I think it can work. My parents were happily married. I thought
I
would be. But I think I wanted somebody to love more than I wanted to look at who I was and who Richard was and how we could fit together.”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought,” he observed.
“I didn’t like failing. I had to figure out what went wrong, why we couldn’t stick it out through…” She stopped, then finished with “the hard times.”
He looked as if he might want to question her about what those times were, but he didn’t and she was glad. This wasn’t the time or place to go into what she was hiding from him.
“Chloie told me you used to play together when you were kids, but then you were out of touch for a long time.”
“Yes, we were. We reconnected at my stepfather’s funeral. She was his brother’s daughter. We aren’t blood cousins.”
As they walked farther away from the hospital, the quiet night surrounded them. The wind picked up, whipping by them. That morning Emily had fastened her recalcitrant curls into a bun. Now the longer they walked, the more strands the breeze pulled free. She stopped for a moment to refasten a few.
Jared stopped, too, watching her. “Don’t. Just let it free.” He turned toward her just as she looked up at him.
“Damn,” he muttered but reached down anyway and fingered a loose tendril. “Your hair is so touchable.”
The compliment reached down inside her and warmed all of the cold places where Richard’s put-downs had hurt most. She hadn’t been admired for being a woman for a long time. And Jared’s words felt good, but they also warned her that chemistry between them couldn’t be stifled easily, maybe couldn’t be stifled at all.
He proved that when he slowly ran his thumb over her cheek. She could have stood there all night letting him touch her and he looked as if he wouldn’t mind doing it.
“Maybe we’d better get back,” she said softly, knowing that was the safer thing to do.
“Maybe we should,” he agreed almost reluctantly.
“I want to stop in and see Leanne and her baby,” she reminded him.
He nodded and they turned around to return the same way they’d come. This time they walked in silence, the current that Jared’s touch had created zinging back and forth between them.
What was it about this man that made her feel wild and passionate and free? How long had it been since she really felt free? Yet it was more than the sexual current between them she was attracted to. There was a gentleness about him when he dealt with his daughters. That was as sexy as his tall Texan look, his broad shoulders and his hungry kisses. Yet she could tell by his restraint when he’d ended them that he didn’t intend to get more involved with her.
Why was she so drawn toward him when her marriage had turned out badly? Didn’t she remember Richard’s concern for his own reputation rather than what she was going through? She’d felt so raw when he hadn’t comforted her. She’d felt so separate when he’d gone to cocktail parties and left her with the stress of the lawsuit. She’d felt so alone during much of her marriage. When her divorce had been finalized, she knew she’d rather be alone than risk being abandoned again.
But then she’d met Jared. He’d awakened every sensation she’d thought she’d put to sleep.
As they rose in the elevator to the maternity and nursery floor, he admitted, “Courtney and Amy miss you.”
“I miss them.” Amy’s smile, Courtney’s hug had made her feel as if her heart was expanding. Before her interaction with them, she hadn’t realized how much she wanted to be a mom.
“Any luck with the nanny search?”
“I don’t want just anyone. I want someone who can take care of the twins as if they were her own.”
Emily knew exactly what he meant. It was obvious when adults were pretending to like children and when they really liked them. She and Francesca and Tessa really liked kids. They could all spend an afternoon with Vince and Tessa’s little boy, Sean, and their little girl, Natalie, and have a roaring good time. And Emily loved stopping by the toy store to buy them gifts.
Jared led her to the nursery, first checking in with the chief nurse at the desk. They used their security cards to access the nursery. After they donned sterile gowns, masks and caps, they walked past the little cribs, some fitted with blue bedding, some with pink. Emily wanted to pause at each one of them to just stare and appreciate each miracle of life. That’s what these babies were—miracles—each and every one of them.
“Do you stop in here often?” Jared asked her as he waited for her in front of a baby girl’s crib. Leanne and her husband, John, had named their little girl Olivia. He picked up the sleeping baby and cuddled her in his long arm.
“Every time one of our patients has a baby.”
He glanced at her, held her gaze for a moment. “You want to see the pregnancy to its conclusion.”
Yes, she so much wanted to. She so much wanted to be a midwife again. That was really seeing a pregnancy to its conclusion. It was almost doing what Jared did. There was nothing in the world like it. But now she had doubts about her judgment. She had doubts about why a baby had died under her care. The Wilsons’ lawyer had looked back at previous pregnancies and pointed out another patient that Emily had, at the last minute, sent to the hospital for a cesarean. After hours of testimony, and the investigation
by the licensing board, the attorney had her believing she’d missed something there. By the time Richard had doubted she was the same woman he married, she hadn’t been sure of her judgment in making any decision and taking care of anyone, let alone being the professional she’d always wanted to be.
But now, consulting with Jared during a woman’s pregnancy was almost as good. She didn’t want anything to jeopardize the happiness she’d found again in her work.
“When I listen to the heartbeat of a baby in a mom’s womb,” she responded, her voice betraying her emotions, “I can’t wait to see who that little being is going to be. Don’t you feel that way?”
His gaze passed over her, assessing what she’d asked. “I’ve never looked at it like that, but I suppose I do. I can’t wait to catch that infant in my hands, let the parents know what they’ve created together and see which parent’s features that baby has. For most couples, one of the happiest moments in their marriage is when their baby is born. I like being part of that.”
She knew exactly what he meant, but she couldn’t tell him she knew. She couldn’t tell him she had delivered babies, too. She’d come across some doctors, some obstetricians who had looked at midwives, who had looked at
her,
as if she belonged in a medieval time—especially the midwives who attended home births. Jared couldn’t be one of those doctors, could he?
Even if he was accepting of midwives, even though she’d been judged not guilty of any malpractice, the lawsuit had left a shadow that hung over her professional reputation. Maybe it always would.
“Do you want to hold her?” he asked, his eyes twinkling at Emily over his mask.
“I’d love to hold her,” she replied softly.
As he transferred the baby to Emily’s arms, they almost embraced. Jared’s large hand supported the baby’s head and brushed against her almost intimately as he laid Olivia in her arms. Emily went still inside as she concentrated on the precious bundle. Jared’s hand slipped away. Cuddling the newborn, Emily crooned to her, welcoming her into the world.
The infant yawned and her pink, little lips settled into a perfect bow.
“Do you want children of your own someday?” Jared asked.
“I do,” she answered truthfully, but then realized she didn’t have to bear an infant to be a mother. She’d be perfectly happy mothering Jared’s daughters.
The thought stopped her cold. She hadn’t realized she was falling for Jared so completely. She hadn’t realized how his twins had captured her heart.
She’d better not weave fantasies and dreams. He didn’t want an involvement. She
shouldn’t
take the risk.
Just as Emily laid Olivia back in her crib, a knot forming in her throat, Jared’s pager went off. He checked the number. “It’s my mother’s surgeon. I’m going to go outside to call.”
She watched Jared as he hurried into the anteroom, as he stripped off the protective gown and mask and cap, as he pushed the button on the sliding glass door to step outside the nursery. With a sigh, Emily looked down at Olivia and brushed her finger over the baby’s little hand.
Were dreams of wedding bells and lace with a partner who was tender and passionate and who loved with all his heart a fairy tale that could never come true for her?
At thirty-two, she was too old to believe in fairy tales.