Baby Makes Five (A Multiple Birth Book 1) (3 page)

Six weeks later

She was late. She’s never late, the first time she put it down to stress. However, when her period didn’t arrive this week, she knew she had caused for alarm. The thought of what it might entail made her quiver with dread. If she were honest with herself, she already knew the reason. It was also why she had put off taking the tests. It wasn’t because she was in denial; it was because she failed.

She failed to keep the promise she made to her dying mother. She also failed herself. The one thing she prided herself on was not becoming an unwed mother.

She was supposed to find the right man, who would stand by her through thick and thin. The one who would celebrate the good and the bad with her. She didn’t want a man like the one who had fathered her, then left her mother when she was still pregnant.

Now here she was alone, with a ninety-nine percent possibility of becoming an unwed mother. She had agonized over the outcome for the past two weeks. The shame she had felt was like cancer eating at her. How could she allow this to happen? It wasn’t part of her five-year plan. An unplanned pregnancy wasn’t where she had seen herself at twenty.

The tug a war within her was making her lose weight. She had barely slept the past five weeks. Throughout all this hell, she still wanted him. She dreamt of his touch each night, of his mouth on her body. “I’m losing my mind,” she mumbled.

“Miah, you can’t put it off any longer. You fainted twice at work. You need to see a doctor,” Amanda said with concern etching on her pretty face.

“I’m fine, just tired,” Miah said, waving her hand distractedly as she paced back and forth across the small living room they share.

“You are nowhere close to fine, and you know it. Since you came back, you haven’t been yourself. You’ve become withdrawn, and you have lost at least ten pounds. You look as if a small breeze would blow you away. Talk to me Miah, what’s going on? Are you sick?” Amanda asked.

Miah stopped and blinked up at Amanda through her glasses. “No, no I’m not sick. That would have been much easier to deal with,” she said, sighing heavily before she collapsed onto the couch. She didn’t sleep for the past week; she was too busy worrying over the possibility of being pregnant.

She had vowed to herself, and her mother that she would never become pregnant without marrying first. It had been one of the few promises she had made to her mother before she died. It was also something she always vowed growing up as an illegitimate child. Her father walked out on her mother when she told him she was pregnant, in fact, he had told Grace, her mother to get rid of the child since he wasn’t ready to become a father or ever wanted to.

She had seen the sacrifices her mother had made to keep them fed and clothed. Miah never wanted to be in that situation bringing a child into the world like this. She ran her hands through her hair and realized they were shaking. Was she having a nervous breakdown? She was beginning to think if she weren't, she was heading in that direction. She shakes her head too tired to have an intelligent conversation.

“I just need a good night’s sleep, and I’ll be okay,” she told her roommate in defeat.

“Miah this is more than lack of sleep. Something is obviously bothering you enough you are losing weight. You haven’t even experimented with one of your recipes in three weeks. That alone makes me worried. Please tell me what’s going on, if you were anyone else I would think you were pregnant, but I know that can’t be the problem.”

She turned her head and looked at Amanda. “Why not me? Why can’t I be pregnant? Don’t you think a man could find me attractive enough to want to have sex with me?” she asked, hurt.

“Everyone, but you find you attractive Miah. I just mean I know how careful you are, and how adamant you are about not getting pregnant before marriage. To be honest, you care too much about what other people think of you. You’re the most responsible person I know.”

“Well, not too responsible for getting pregnant by a stranger,” she said, walking to her room and retrieving the two pregnancy tests she had hidden under her mattress.

Amanda looked at her in silence. The shock and disbelief on her face made Miah wanted to laugh. Yeah, she knew how that felt.

“Miah…,” Amanda started at a loss for words.

“I haven’t taken them yet. I haven’t had my period, and I am never late. I took your advice and decided to be spontaneous. I guess you could say I took the act a bit too far.”

“I didn’t mean for you to get pregnant. I just wanted you to get out of your skin for once, be adventurous, have fun. I am sorry… what about the condoms I gave to you?”

“I am not mad at you Amanda. The only one at fault here is me. We did use a

condom. Not from the ones you gave to me since they were in my room. We used his. I did enjoy being someone else that night. I just didn’t want any souvenirs.”

“Oh Miah,” Amanda said, engulfing her in a hug. The tears that she had been keeping at bay broke loose shaking her slender body with each gut-wrenching sob. It took her a few minutes before she pulled herself together.

“I guess I should take these, and then make an appointment to see my doctor.”

“That would be a start. Whatever the result, I am here for you,” Amanda said squeezing her friend’s hand.

“Thanks, I know. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she said, heading for the washroom. She took a deep breath and opened both boxes. She read the instructions, peed on the sticks then waited. Two minutes and if they were both positive, her life was going to go up in smoke. She set her watch and waited. With every tick tock of her watch, she became tenser. She would not be exaggerating when she said it was the longest two minutes of her life. When the alarm went off, she took a deep breath and looked at the sticks.

“Pregnant,” she laughed hysterically, picking up the sticks and throwing

them into the trash. She then followed that up by throwing up all over the floor. She had known, deep down, in her heart, yet she was still shocked. She hoped… she was scared to death.

“Miah?” Amanda called out.             

“I am okay, give me a few minutes.” She washed her face, brushed her teeth, then cleaned up the mess she made.

She looked at the disposed tests and started to laugh uncontrollably again. She couldn’t help it, and a small part of her felt as if she was about to have a panic attack. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths, which sent her into a coughing fit. 

“Miah, are you—”

“I am fine,” she said, opening the door. “It’s funny. I tried hard to be a good girl most of my life, not to bring attention to myself more than I had to. The one time I let loose, my whole life changed in a matter of hours.”

“Come and sit down, you’re in shock. It’s a lot to digest.”

“Don’t you see the irony here? I was the perfect daughter, got good grades and stayed away from sex. I spent most of my life afraid I’ll end up in the same situation as my mother. Nevertheless, here I am pregnant and alone.”

“You’re not alone. You have me, and there’s the father. He has a responsibility to support you financially.”

Miah’s answering laugh was hollow. “I wish I could honestly tell you I knew how to get in contact with him, or what his last name is, even if I knew I wouldn’t bother telling the bastard.”

“The Miah I know would tell him because she thought he deserved to know and because it’s the right thing to do.”

“The Miah you know wouldn’t have had sex with him in the first place. Does he deserve to know? Yes, but I don’t know how to reach him nor do I want to. If I don’t see him again, I won’t lose sleep over it.”

“Miah—”

“Drop it, Amanda, this man you think has rights left me a cheque for services rendered.  He made me feel like a whore, all because I was a virgin and didn’t tell him. What kind of man does that?”

She remembered the note she tucked in her pillowcase, a reminder of her time with him. She didn’t keep the note for sentimental reasons; she kept it as penance. Every time she thought of him or dreamt of him, she would read it to remind herself that he was an absolute arrogant ass. To say that the note is overuse would be an understatement. She found herself often daydreaming at the oddest times throughout the day. He awakened a sexual side in her she didn’t know existed.

Everything seemed to remind her of him. The scent of musk, a romance novel she was reading or even the fifties romantic movies that were her guilty pleasure. He's far from being Rock Hudson or Cary Grant, but that didn’t stop her stomach from clenching in memory of their time together. 

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get him out of her head. Now whether or not she wanted the memory wiped from her mind, it wouldn’t matter because she was carrying his child. She was beginning to think she was out to torture herself and may
have developed acid reflux in doing so. It felt like she was losing whatever sanity she had left. Self-torture seems to be her motto lately, wasn’t that why she waited this long to take a pregnancy test when she suspected weeks ago? Deep down, she knew part of it was knowing her mother would be disappointed had she been here.

Denial didn’t get her very far nor did it present the outcome she hoped for. Now would have been the time to pinch herself awake from this nightmare. She nervously went to bite her nails on her right hand and realized she had already bitten them off trying to wrap her head around the mess she created.

“Miah, Earth to Miah,” Amanda said waving her hand in front of her face.

She looked at her friend. She had spaced out again forgetting that they were even talking. She blushed at where her thoughts had strayed. She needed to get him out of her head, but that would be hard to do for a long time with the reminders growing inside of her.

“If you’re not going to tell the father, have you given any thought to what you want to do about the baby?”

“There are just two options, and only one seemed the best thing to do. I could put the baby up for adoption, or I could keep it. We both know I’m not financially stable enough to have a child.”

“If you could keep it, would you want to?” her friend asked softly.

It was a question she had been asking herself since she suspected she might be pregnant. She wasn’t any closer to an answer now than she was then. She had weighed the pros and cons and still couldn’t come up with an answer.

Did she want to be a single mother, when she couldn’t financially support herself and a baby? Would it be best to give a loving couple the baby, that way it got a better start in life than it would with her? Can she juggle school while caring for a newborn? Would she have to choose between her child and her dream of becoming a chef?  If she kept it was she setting them up for a life of living from one paycheque to the next? The questions were endless, and the answers were in short supply.

“I don’t know,” she whispered tightly “I honestly don’t know. I could barely provide for myself, how would I provide for a baby? I have another year before I get my culinary diploma, which means more bills. I don’t even know how to become someone’s mother.”

“You have seven and a half months to answer those questions, but you should know mothers aren’t born. They are made. There are also books and classes.”

“It still doesn’t answer my questions does it?”

“No, but you would figure it out. You always do. Pretend you were financially independent. Would you want to put the baby up for adoption?”

Miah pictured a blue-eyed tot with unruly brown hair, smiling up at her, and felt as if someone had squeezed her heart. She was stunned at the picture; she had to sit down.

“Your face lights up when you see a baby. The nursery was one place I could always find you when your mom was in the hospital. Remember what you used to say?”

“New life was light and joy, which made everything else around me seemed small,” she whispered, putting a protective hand on her still flat stomach.

“You’re the go-to person for parents who need a babysitter. They have you on speed dial. You bring home stray animals and patch them up. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are a born nurturer that’s a good start.”

“You make me sound like a martyr.”

Her friend laughed, “no, just human.”

***

“Where would you like me to kiss you, to touch you, here?” she asked nipping gently at his left earlobe.

              He groaned.

“Maybe here,” she trailed kisses along his cheekbone down to the corner of his mouth. Red curly hair curtained her face.

“Maybe I’ll just focus on kissing you here,” she whispered close to his mouth, he

could feel every breath she took. She sucked on her index finger, then outlined his bottom lip slowly with it before giving his lip a little nibble.

“Lucy,” he whispered breathlessly.

“I think I’ll leave that for last,” she smiled teasingly.

“Enough… you’ve had your fun, I….” He swallowed hard losing his train of thought as she kissed and licked the pulse below his jaw.

He shuddered at the contact. She ran her fingernails gently up and down his torso

before replacing them with her lips. She kissed the notch on his neck all the way down his stomach stopping just above his pubic hairline. She caressed his inner thighs close to his scrotum before cupping his testicles and gently massaging them.