Malek came out on the front steps, and I knew it was time to stop reminiscing.
“How is she?” I stepped up onto the porch.
“She’s weak, but she’s awake. She’s waitin’ for you.” He held open the door and I entered the living room. “You got here fast. No problem getting off work?”
“Nah. I just told them it was a family emergency. Travis was the problem. I had to get him to leave work a little early to get the kids.”
“You told him you were coming here?” Malek shot me a look of surprise, and maybe even a little smile. But he had no reason to get all hopeful. Did he really think after all I’d said to him at my job that I would take that kind of risk?
I had actually thought about telling Travis the truth, that I was going to visit Nana. But that would probably start a war in my house that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. After Malek left our house Christmas Day, Travis was not exactly happy with me. Sure, he realized I didn’t have anything to do with Malek stopping by, but it was my fault that he had our and-dress. So I guess he felt I should take part of the responsibility. He reminded me that if I had never been involved with a thug like Malek, that situation would have never happened. I knew his pride was a little hurt that Big Momma stopped him before he beat the shit out of Malek the way he wanted to, so I just nodded and kept my mouth shut I didn’t need no more confrontations on Christmas Day. I did remind him later, though, that if I had never messed with Malek, then we wouldn’t have Maleka right now, would we? He couldn’t deny me that truth, but he did make sure to tell me he better not catch that shady brother anywhere near me or Maleka ever again.
“No, I didn’t tell him. If I did, we’d both be dead right about now.” I walked past Malek. “Where’s Nana at?”
“In her room. First door on the right.” He pointed down the hall.
“I know where it is.” I rolled my eyes. “I used to live here, remember?”
“How could I forget?” He grinned. Guess he was taking his own little trip down memory lane. “I’ll be out here in the living room if you need me.”
“Okay,” I whispered. All of a sudden I was so nervous. I knew Nana had always had health problems, but I was afraid to see what cancer had done to her. She’d always been such a vibrant woman, and I wasn’t sure I was prepared to see her weakened. I peeked my head into her room and called out her name softly. “Nana?”
“You gotta get up close to her, girl.” A voice came from across the room.
“Oh, hey, Miss Janet” I hadn’t expected to see Malek’s mom sitting there. Last time I’d seen her, she’d been about forty pounds thinner, strung out on crack. Looked like Malek was telling the truth when he said she’d cleaned herself up. Good for her. At least that meant someone was there for Nana now. Maybe later I’d spend some time with Miss Janet, but for now I had to do what I came to do.
“Nana?” I called a little louder as I stepped closer to the bed. Nana lifted her head with a faint smile. Poor Nana. She looked like only half of her former self. Her face was all sunk in around her cheekbones, and her nightgown looked big enough to fit two more people in it.
“Stephanie? Is that you?” Her voice was raspy but recognizable.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s me.” I took her hand, trying not to shudder at how bony it had become.
“How’s my great-grandbaby?”
“She’s fine,” I smiled, hoping to mask the feelings of guilt that were overwhelming me. “She’s at school right now.”
“She must be getting big. Malek told me how pretty she is”
“Yes, ma’am. She sure is.” Dear old Nana. It looked like she wasn’t even going to ask why I hadn’t been around with Maleka I always knew Nana had a heart of gold.
“Malek said she has his nose.”
“Yeah, that and more. She looks just like him.” Nana’s faint smile was now a wide grin. “I’ll bring you some pictures next time I come, Nana.” Nana placed her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes for a few minutes. I just sat quietly and watched her labored breathing, wishing I could ease her suffering somehow.
“Stephanie, you seen Malek today?” Nana asked after a while.
“Yes, ma’am. He’s the one who told me you were sick”
“I’m not sick, baby. I’m dying.” She said it with such certainty.
“No, you’re not. You’re not dying.” I waved my hand and tried to sound lighthearted.
“Yes, I am. But that’s okay. I had a good life and it’s time to go home.” She gave me that faint smile again and took another short rest. “Stephanie? I want you to do me a favor.” She stared up at the ceiling as she spoke to me.
“Sure, Nana. What do you want?” I sat up a little, expecting her to ask me to get her a glass of water or something. I was not prepared for her actual request.
“I want you to spend some time with Malek.” She turned her head to look at me, her eyes suddenly more alert than they’d been. “He’s not taking all this very well, and you’re the only one I know who could ever keep a smile on his face. So can you do that for me, baby? Can you spend a little time with him?”
I just stared at her. She couldn’t possibly know all that she was asking. I hated to disappoint her, especially since I was already feeling guilty enough, but I didn’t think I could take the risk involved with her request. Now I just hoped she’d understand.
“I don’t think I can do that, Nana. There’s still a lot of bad blood between me and Malek. He walked out on me with a two-month-old baby and I still haven’t been able to forgive that”
“I know, baby, but that was a long time ago. Life is too short to hold on to hurts from the past,” she chided gently. Her words rang true as I realized how easily she’d forgiven me for keeping Maleka away from her. “All I’m asking is that you spend a little time with him. You may find he’s grown up a little more than you think.”
“I have a fiancé now, Nana. I don’t think he’d appreciate me spending time alone with Malek.” I was trying to come up with every possible argument not to be around Malek. It wasn’t just that I was afraid of Travis finding out. I was a little afraid of myself. As bad as he’d treated me, I couldn’t deny that some small part of me was still drawn to Malek. After all, we had a history together.
“I’m not asking you to get back with him, child. Just spend some time with him. Tell him about his daughter. Go out to the movies” She coughed weakly. “Just take his mind off my cancer. Can you do that for an old, dying woman?”
Shoot. Now she was laying on the guilt. In the back of my mind, I wondered if Nana and Malek hadn’t planned this all along. I don’t mean to say she wasn’t sick. Just that she seemed to regain a little of her strength when she talked about me and Malek. And she was sure working pretty hard to convince me. But whether it was planned or not, she was right I couldn’t deny her dying wish. Nana had been good to me, and it was time to repay her.
I exhaled loudly with a nod. “Yes, ma’am I can do it. I just hope my boyfriend will understand.”
“If he doesn’t understand that you’re granting a dying old woman her last request, then maybe you need to rethink your engagement.” She was awfully feisty all of a sudden.
“I don’t know about all that. But I’ll find a way to make him understand.” At least I hoped I would.
“Then it’s settled. You’ll do it?”
“Yes ma’am. I’ll do it.”
“Good,” Nana smiled and closed her eyes. Her face looked much more peaceful now as she rested. Either she was glad her grandson would have some comfort, or she was proud of the game she had just worked on me. I sat and watched her rest, wondering just how I was gonna grant her request with the least complication. I’d just have to give it to Malek straight and let him know this was a favor for Nana, nothing more. I knew I was playing with fire spending any kind of time with him. I just wanted the flame to be as small as possible.
I left Nana’s room an hour later, promising to return another day with pictures of the kids.
“Okay, child. And don’t you forget your other promise, too.” It was clear where her priorities were.
I found Malek sitting on the living room sofa in front of the TV. He was struggling to take his braids out, ripping at them with a comb. That shit looked painful, but he had a big smile on his face as he watched me enter the room.
“Did Nana tell you why she wanted to see me?” I was even more suspicious now that I saw how damn happy he looked. Not the suffering boy Nana had made him out to be. Whose wish was fulfilling, anyway?
“Nah. Why? What’d she say?”
“Nothin’,” I mumbled. For now I would just play dumb. I still needed to figure out just what I was gonna do about this situation. “Why you taking out your braids anyway?”
“LaKeisha Nixon’s supposed to redo them for me tonight.”
“LaKeisha Nixon?” That girl had been trying to get with Malek ever since we were in high school. “Please don’t tell me you mess with that bitch.”
He paused before he spoke. “Nah. She just gonna braid my hair.”
“Ohhh, really,” I rolled my eyes. “You know she burnt Little Rob and Jeffery Owens, don’t you?”
“She did?” be lifted an eyebrow. He may not have fucked her, but he’d obviously been thinking about it The question I had to ask myself was why was I so concerned about it. It wasn’t like Malek was my man or nothing. I was treading in dangerous waters and I knew it. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I was interested. Or cared. Time to change the subject.
“Goddamn it! Will you give me that comb?” I snatched the comb out of his hand after I watched him rip through another patch of hair. “Damn, watching you take these things out is painful to the eyes. Sit down there” I motioned to the floor in front of the couch and he sat with his back against my knees. I went to work loosening his braids, much more careful than he was.
“You sure you don’t mess with LaKeisha?” I asked him cautiously. I wasn’t tryin’ to make him think I was jealous or nothing, but I couldn’t get the image out of my head. Old rivalries die hard.
“Nah, I ain’t mess with her. But I could hit it if I wanted to.”
“You and everybody else with a dick.” He spun his head around and studied my face. I avoided his eyes. “Will you turn around? I’m tryin’a get these braids out”
He faced forward and neither of us said another word until I finished combing out all his braids. I was lost in my own memories. Malek had been my first love, and even though he’d left me, we’d had plenty of good times. It was bittersweet, remembering them now, especially when I was about to be married to another man. A man who I knew was much better for me and my children.
“So what’s up? You want me to braid these for you, or you want LaKeisha to do it?”
“You can do it.” He handed me ajar of grease.
“What style you want?”
“I don’t know. Whatever you think’s gonna make me look cute,” he chuckled. Malek and his damn ego. He must’ve known I still thought he looked good. But I wasn’t gonna play that game with him now.
“Hey, Shorty, can I ask you a question?”
“No.”
“Why you gonna be like that?” He turned his head.
“Because my name ain’t Shorty. My name is Stephanie. I’m not a sixteen-year-old kid you trying to run game on anymore, Malek. If you wanna ask me a question, use my name.”
“Okay, Stephanie,” he tried again. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Go ’head.” I was afraid I was gonna be sorry, but I knew he wasn’t about to give up.
“Is he as good as me?”
“Is who as good as you?”
“You know. What’s-his-name. Your boyfriend.” He was right. I did know who he was talking about, just like he knew damn well what his name was.
“His name is Travis, and he’s my fiancé, not my boyfriend,” I reminded him.
“Okay. This Travis, is he as good as me?”
“Good as you at what?” I wasn’t gonna make this easy for him. Men are so self-centered sometimes. Always comparing themselves to one another in the bedroom like it’s some badge of honor. When we first started going out, Travis must have asked me the same question a hundred times. None of them would ever think to ask if he was as good a friend to me, or some shit like that. They seemed to think all that mattered was the almighty dick.
“You know what I’m talking about. Does he fuck you as good as I did?”
It would have been easy to deflate his ego and be done with it But just like I did with Travis four years ago, I decided to keep that little secret to myself.
“Do you really think I would tell you that, Malek? Matter of fact, do you really wanna know the answer to that question?” I couldn’t resist that little jab at his ego. Although I forgot just how big his ego was.
“Hell, yeah, I wanna know the answer.”
“Well, you’re not gonna get one.”
“Ah’ight, then answer this for me. Is he as big as me?” He turned his head and looked up at me with a grin. He was holding his hands about a foot apart.
“I am not gonna answer that either!” I shook my head again and tried to suppress a smile.