Authors: Judith Pella
His eyes roved over the group again, lingering a moment on various ones. He seemed determined to look them in the eye as he confessed. This time Ellie kept her gaze averted, concentrating on her hands folded in her lap. She did not want to make him any more uncomfortable than he was. This was not the time to confront the words spoken between them the day he had left. Maybe later, if there was a later. Her father had said that Zack decided to abide by the decision of the church as to whether he could stay in Maintown or not. Many were still hurt and angry. But Ellie was praying their hearts would be changed by the humility he was showing now.
“I can tell you how sorry I am,” Zack continued, “but you have no reason to believe me. I understand I must work to regain your trust, if not your respect. I ask you for the chance to do so.I haven’t known a real home since I was eight years old. I ran away from home when I was twelve and have never let myself be in one place long enough to make attachments. Being in Maintown has made me want to settle down someplace for the first time in my life. But if you can’t stand the sight of me and want me to clear out, I will. But . . .” His voice broke a little and he paused, swallowing once or twice before going on. “With God’s help, I will try to be a better person. Thank you.”
The schoolhouse was utterly silent as he walked down the center aisle and exited. The silence lasted for several minutes until Dad, feeling everyone had had time to consider what had been said, rose.
“Our church has never had a situation like this,” he said, “where we had to decide whether or not to accept a person into the fold. We have always accepted any who came through those doors.”
“But this is different,” Arliss Briggs said. The Briggs family was the most upset by all of this. Claudia was still brokenhearted about the postponement of her wedding. Polly was upset they had waited for fake papers when, had they known the truth, they could have had the wedding at the Methodist church in St. Helens or had a judge perform the ceremony.
“That is why a decision like this has to be made,” Dad said. “That is why we have to vote. But let me tell you that I have talked to the young man, and I believe he is truly repentant of his actions. I n fact, Zack came here without much of a faith, a man backslidden from his religious upbringing. He now professes what I feel is an honest faith in God. The Word of God says, ‘All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.’ Good, indeed, has come out of this unfortunate circumstance. A soul has been brought into the fold of God through it all!” Dad stopped abruptly, looking a bit flustered. His voice had grown rather intense at the end of his speech, almost like a preacher expounding from the pulpit. He was not accustomed to delivering speeches. “Anyway, we have a fine chance here to build upon the work of God.”
“Let’s get this vote over with,” groused Felix Baxter. “But let me tell you, any who vote nay ain’t gonna be much welcome at my place!”I t was a rather empty threat, for few would have desired to visit the Baxters—even the newly reformed Baxters were a bit hard to take.
“How do we vote on this?” Elisha Cook asked.
“How about yea or nay?” suggested Dad. “If you are ready, let’s go ahead. How many wish to accept Zack Hartley into our congregation?”
Ellie held her breath. Then a chorus of “yeas” rose to the rafters. She let out her breath and smiled.
“How many don’t want him?” Dad asked.
The question was met with silence. Polly and Arliss Briggs and Claudia squirmed a little but remained silent.
Zack was waiting outside. He had obviously heard the response of the people, but when many swarmed over to him, slapping him on the back and shaking his hand, his expression was filled with wonder and relief.
A few, like the Briggses, shook Zack’s hand grudgingly.I t would take time to win them over, but at least they were willing to give him the chance. After the meeting Nathan Parker would go into St. Helens and have the criminal charges against Zack dropped.The issue of the money still had to be dealt with, not only the building fund that had burned in the fire but also the debt owed the man from Portland. As far as the debt went, the deacons, who were all unanimous in accepting Zack into the church, planned to take up a collection over the next couple of days. Nathan Parker offered to make up the difference with his own money, which Zack could work off at the sawmill. Zack also said he would repay the building money, too.I t might take years for him to clear this debt, but if it kept him in Maintown, Ellie couldn’t be happier, even if it seemed Zack was keeping his distance from her.
It was quite a while before she even spoke to him. First he insisted on riding to the churches in Bachelor Flat, Deer I sland, and Columbia City to apologize to them, as well. Dad rode with him to offer his support. When Zack returned, he went to stay with the Donnellys. Jane and Tommy were going to need much help to put the farm back in order after weeks of neglect, so Jane invited Zack to stay. Under the circumstances, Dad thought it would be best if he didn’t stay with the Newcombs.
Jane needed Zack’s help even more after the sheriff paid a visit to the farm. Ellie heard the story directly from Jane, who told it to Mama when she came to visit them one afternoon.
“Ada, Zack has been such a support to me since the sheriff came,” Jane had said.
“I still can’t believe he came after Tommy,” Mama said. “Everyone knows what happened to Tom was an accident.”
Jane shook her head dismally. “It’s an election year, and Sheriff Haynes needs a good arrest to prove he’s been doing his job. But it didn’t help that Tommy confessed. Zack argued with the sheriff, trying to convince him it was an accident. Then Tommy piped up and said it wasn’t an accident. He said if Zack could take his medicine like a man, so could he. Tommy said he shot Tom in self-defense. Well, the sheriff said it would need a jury to decide if that was so.”
“Couldn’t Sheriff Haynes just let Tommy stay home in your custody?”
“No, he wouldn’t budge on that. He said Tommy ran once, and he could run again.”
“You poor dear!” Mama was almost in tears. “To watch him take your boy away. How awful!”
“Zack took it almost harder than I did,” Jane said. “He already felt responsible for what happened, and then for Tommy to say he was again following Zack’s example made him nearly despondent.”
“Tommy is truly in jail?”
“Until there can be a trial. And who knows how long that will take?”
Jane also told Mama what a hard worker Zack was. He was so grateful for the place to stay that he refused to take any pay beyond his room and board. But unbeknownst to him, Jane donated fifty dollars to the collection for his debts. I t turned out that her ne’er-do-well husband, who was quite a spendthrift where his farm and family was concerned, had stashed away a sizable nest egg. Jane had always believed he gambled and drank away their money, which he had, but apparently his gambling had been profitable lately, for she found a cashbox among his things with several hundred dollars in it.
Though the Donnelly place was less than a half mile from the Newcombs’, Ellie still did not see Zack. She knew he was purposely keeping away from her and probably from Maggie, as well. Perhaps it was wise. He certainly didn’t need any female complications right now while he was trying to put his life in order. I n a way she admired him for this. She heard from her father that he was working day and night—at the Donnelly farm and at the sawmill.
Ellie hated having her feelings so up in the air. The last time she had spoken to him, she had told him she loved him. Then she had discovered he wasn’t who she had thought him to be.
Over and over she asked herself if she still loved him. Had she been in love with the minister or the man? Where did one leave off and the other begin? To complicate matters further, she was finding that now as she observed him from afar and hearing of his recent behavior, her feelings were not dissolving. Rather, they were, amazingly, still present. The man he was showing himself to be was perhaps even more desirable than the perfect minister she had once thought him to be.
About two weeks after Zack’s return, Ellie finished repairing the welcome quilt. There remained a few stains, but for the most part it looked very nice. She thought it was just as well that it wasn’t perfectly restored, because the flaws would be a reminder of all that the quilt represented. But now Ellie didn’t know what to do with it.
She spread it out before her mother and asked, “Should I give it to him, Mama?”
Mama rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I t might be a reminder of a time in his life he’d rather forget. He is trying to start new.”
“I wouldn’t want it if I were him,” Maggie chimed in. “It was made for someone else, and he will always know that. I don’t know why you worked so hard to fix it.”
“I don’t know, either,” Ellie said. “I just had to.”
“Let’s keep it here for now,” Mama said. “It will be a reminder of how silly we were.”
“I don’t think it was silly—” Ellie began.
“You sure did when we gave it to him,” Maggie said censoriously. Most of the time all was healed between her and Ellie, but there were occasional moments when Maggie’s old ire would slip through.
“Like Dad said, ‘All things work for good.’I think it is possible that this quilt might have helped to open his eyes.” Ellie turned to her mother. “Mama, you always say when you sleep under a quilt you can’t help but feel the love with which it was made. Think of all the nights he slept under this quilt. And don’t forget, it was the only thing he saved from the fire.”
Mama ran her hand over the quilt, gazing at it as if for the first time. “You may be right.” There was a sadness in her eyes as she added, “But, Ellie, you didn’t want to put a lot of stock in the quilt when we first made it for him, and it would be wise if you didn’t do so now.” She reached up and tucked one of Ellie’s yellow curls behind her ear. “Zack Hartley is a different person now. Maybe a better person, but still different.”
“I am a different person, too, Mama,” Ellie said.
Mama gasped and looked at Ellie as she had a moment ago looked at the quilt, as if seeing her anew. “Oh, my dear child!” was all she said.
Ellie tucked the quilt into her hope chest. But she couldn’t stop thinking of Zack. Several times she decided to go up to the Donnelly place but changed her mind. She was afraid because Zack had never responded to her declaration of love.I t wasn’t only her own feelings she was protecting.I t was Zack’s, as well.If he had to reject her, she knew it would hurt him terribly to do so.
Zack was doing the evening milking in the Donnelly barn. Maggie watched him a moment before making her presence known. She had to smile because he was having to fight the cow. She doubted he was much experienced at farm work.
“Listen here, Betsy, this is gonna happen one way or another,” he warned the animal. “So you may as well submit!”
“That how you woo all your female acquaintances?” Maggie asked as she strode closer.
Zack laughed. “Never had this much trouble with human females.”
“Scoot over.” Maggie grabbed another milking stool and set it next to Zack. “I’ve milked a million cows—well, the same cows a million times.”
“This is my first.”
“Hold on like this.” She grasped Betsy the same way she had her dad’s cows many times. “Don’t tug or squeeze. Coax gently but with authority. The milk wants to come out. You don’t need to manhandle the cow.”
A steady stream of milk flowed into the bucket, and Betsy ceased her restless sidestepping.
Zack gave it another try, and the results were much improved. “Maybe I’ll be made into a farmer yet,” he said.
“Maybe a better farmer than preacher.” She immediately regretted the glib remark, for he turned suddenly solemn. I t was still a tender subject. “I’ve missed you, Zack,” she said with equal solemnity.
“Look, Maggie—”
“Let me finish,” Maggie interrupted. “I miss the friend you had become. I’m’m sorry I ruined it with all that marriage foolishness. Don’t avoid me because you’re afraid my heart is broken or something.”
“It’s not?”
“Well, you have a high opinion of your effect on women, now, don’t you?”
“You did propose to me.”
“I know now I didn’t want to marry you,” she confessed. “I just wanted to prove something to everyone else.”
“You wanted to be the one to win the minister?”
“Something like that,” she replied with a shrug. “I don’t know what I would have done if you had said yes.I like you, Zack, but I don’t . . . well, you know, love you.”
“I guess I was avoiding you because I was afraid I had hurt you.” He concentrated on Betsy for a few moments. The milk was flowing nicely now. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner.”
“I didn’t come here for an apology, and I never expected one.
You’ve done your fair share of apologizing anyway.”
Then the flow of milk slowed and Zack rose. “I’ve gotta do the other cow.”
“Milking doesn’t wait,” Maggie said.
They took their stools and moved to the next stall. Zack slipped the bucket in place and began. He was definitely a fast learner. He might make a farmer after all.
Maggie was glad to have finally talked with Zack. She sensed his relief when she clarified her feelings toward him and realized it must have weighed upon him, too. But that wasn’t the only reason for this visit.
“Zack, you know I ain’t the only one you’ve been avoiding,” she said.
“I know.”
“Ellie told me what she said to you.”
He looked up, a bit astonished. “She did?”
“We do talk. We’re sisters.”
“She must truly hate me,” he said.
“No wonder you’ve been avoiding her if that’s what you believed.”
“She’d have every right.”
“If you knew Ellie at all, you’d know she wasn’t the kind of person to hate anyone.”
His hands slowed. He nodded thoughtfully and then his hands resumed their steady milking rhythm. He was quiet, and hard as it was, Maggie kept quiet, too. She began to question her wisdom in coming. She had thought Zack and Ellie were too afraid to make any move toward each other, and all they needed was a little boost. Yet she really didn’t know how Zack felt about Ellie. Her only clue was that Ellie was a far more perceptive girl than Maggie had ever been, so she probably wouldn’t fall in love with someone without a hint that her feelings would be reciprocated. But it wasn’t impossible. Maybe Zack didn’t love Ellie. For all Maggie knew, he might love Mabel Parker!