Back for Seconds (29 page)

She could taste herself on his tongue as he toyed with her lips, moving slowly inside her, taking his time with each luxurious stroke. Her nails trailed down his body until they latched into those firm hips, to spur him on. He swallowed her mouth in another kiss as he responded to her unspoken pleas. They rocked together, faster and faster, until she was screaming under him. Every time she called his name, his whole body shuddered. “Joely,” he responded in kind, breathing hard against her ear, her neck and her mouth. “You’re everything, Joely. You’re everything. God, I love you. I fucking love you,” he finally muttered right before he plunged into her one last time.

She held him for long minutes afterwards. She was so stunned by his passionate admission she didn’t know what to do. It was everything she had wanted to hear, she knew it the second he said it. Worst of all, she loved him too. He had woven himself under her skin, creeping through the entire fabric of her life. And yet it was impossible. It was absolutely impossible. Her happy ending would devastate her child. Nothing was worth that. Nothing and no one.

There were tears in her eyes as she held him, long after he had fallen asleep in her arms. She wrapped her body around him, savoring this moment. She knew with all certainty that they could never have anything more than that. She would have to break his heart, as well as her own, to spare Kari.

Despite what she felt for this man, she knew it was what she had to do. She had to let him go.

Xander woke her up at four the next morning for another passionate tussle. He didn’t give her a chance to speak. Words were lost in kisses, and she indulged every last one. He left her to shower while he prepared a light breakfast. She wore his soft robe when she joined him.

“Morning, gorgeous,” he grinned. “You look so much better in that robe than I do.”

She scoffed. “Please. You’d look so much sexier in this than me.”

“Nah,” he said. “I’m sexier naked.” He winked at her and she couldn’t help but giggle.

“I will have to stop by the house to change,” she told him. His grin only broadened as he pulled her by the hand back into the bedroom. He opened up his closet to show her several articles of women’s clothing hanging there. Speechless, she watched as he opened one of the drawers in the tall chest, which was full of silky, sexy things for her to wear. “What is this?” she asked. He pulled her into his arms.

“This is me making room in my life for you.” He bent for a kiss. “I want you to stay with me when Russell has the kids.” His eyes locked with hers. “I’m in love with you, Joely Morgan. I want to be with you every moment we can steal.”

“Xander,” she said softly as she looked away.

“I’m not asking you to move in. I know it’s much too soon for that, and I know we have the kids to consider.” His possessive pronoun only made her stomach ache even more. He lovingly brushed the hair out of her face as he stared down at her. “But I can’t stop thinking about you. That empty bed is so much colder without you in it. I know you want me too. I feel it every time we kiss. Let’s just do it.”

She pulled away from him and put distance between them before she jumped up into his arms and caved to his every request. Nothing sounded better to her than staying here in this house with him, touching him, kissing him, making love to him at her convenience. She could almost imagine the long, passionate nights and the sleepy, lazy mornings. He was like a dream come true. And she loved him. She really, truly loved him.

But she loved Kari more.

“I can’t,” she eked out at last.

“Look, I know you have a list as long as your arm why we can’t be together. Our age difference, your tenuous marital status, the kids, your mum, the restaurant… whatever. But none of that matters as long as we love each other.” He crossed the room to turn her around to face him. “Tell me you love me, Joely. We can work through everything else.”

Tears sprang into her eyes as she shook her head. There was a lump in her throat as big as Kansas.

“Joely,” he whispered. He cupped her face in both hands and rained kisses on her mouth. “Tell me you love me.” With each kiss she got dangerously close to doing just that. “Tell me,” he repeated again and again until finally she mustered all of her strength and yanked away from him.

“I can’t! I don’t! I’m sorry.” She raced from the bedroom and slammed herself in the bathroom. She slid down the door until she was on the floor, cradling her head in her hands as she sobbed quietly. Her weight braced against the door when he came pounding just minutes later.

“Joely, open the door!” She stifled her sobs in her hand as she waited him out. He got angrier the longer he waited. “Open this goddamn door! Talk to me!” A minute passed and finally he growled, “Fine. I’ll break it down, then.”

She thought he might have been bluffing before she heard his weight slam against the door. She scurried away from it just in time for him to break it in. His eyes were dark and stormy as he stared down at her. She practically cowered away from him as he bent for her, picking her up into his arms and carrying her back to the bedroom. She landed on the bed with a sharp cry. His robe fell open and he snarled as he landed on her. “Tell me you love me,” he demanded at once. She shook her head, tears flying from her face. “Liar,” he hissed before his mouth landed on hers for a punishing kiss. She tried to resist but it was pointless. In his arms was where she wanted to be. When her lips finally parted he moaned deep in his throat as he deepened the kiss. He stretched her arms above her head as he broke from her mouth to trail his mouth along her neck. Her whole body reached for him. She wanted him more than she wanted her next breath. He was fighting for her, in a way Russell had never been able to. She wanted to believe Xander, that they could find their way through anything if they just loved each other enough.

But it was impossible. It was just so fucking impossible. Tears poured from her face as she held back hopeless sobs. Xander snapped out of his angry fog the minute he tasted the salty tears on her skin. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” she muttered.

He released her at once and she covered herself with his robe, but even that made her emotional. She wanted to belong in that robe. She wanted to belong with him. He was offering her the world and she wanted, with every fiber in her being, to accept. Instead she found herself lying to him. And with each lie, her heart ripped a little more. “I thought this was just a casual thing,” she said. She couldn’t even look at him. “That’s all I wanted. All I needed. I was just so lonely after Russell left…,” she trailed off, trying to think of something – anything – to say.

He kept her pinned beneath him. “So you were using me?”

“I thought we were using each other,” she lied. “Face it. The only reason you wanted me was because I was a challenge, another project. Like your house.”

His eyes burned hot as he stared down at her. “You still have no idea why I wanted you, do you?” he growled before he rolled away. “Until you figure it out, I guess there’s nothing left for us to say.”

He hopped off the bed, grabbed some clothes from the chair and slammed out of the room.

She was racked with guilt as she changed into the clothes he had bought for her. He had even picked out lingerie for her to wear, matching sets to make her feel sensual and desirable. Instead she felt like a giant shit, especially when she saw the hurt look in his eyes when she emerged from the bedroom.

He said nothing as he drove them back to Lillian’s Place. He took his aggression out on the road, driving above the speed limit, weaving in and out of traffic until he finally skid to a stop in the empty parking lot in front of the restaurant. He was deathly quiet as he waited for her to exit the car. She followed him to the restaurant and he locked the door behind them before stalking off to his office.

She got right to work on the cookies she had left unfinished the night before. He had another stack of orders for her when he came down a half-hour later, just before Granny Faye arrived to make the biscuits for the morning crowd.

If Granny Faye noticed the tension between them, she didn’t say anything. She did watch Joely thoughtfully as she silently worked her way through order after order. She didn’t take one break all day. It was as though she needed to keep her hands moving to keep her mind busy. Granny Faye had seen this before.

Finally, a little after six, she headed upstairs to create labels for the cookies she had prepared for the dinner crowd. Xander wasn’t there, thankfully, but her inbox had filled to overflowing with more orders. She gulped back any urge to cry, feeling overwhelmed suddenly by all the expectations being placed upon her. Instead she just lifted her head a little higher, poured herself some strong black coffee and went back to work.

She didn’t leave Lillian’s Place until well after midnight. Xander didn’t wait for her. There was no surprise dinner by candlelight in the dining room. She climbed into her car and drove across town to her lonely room. She was heartbroken and exhausted when she fell into bed. The few hours of sleep she allowed herself were riddled with dreams, where Xander had taken the place of Russell. She dreamt that he had left her, without a care, to run off with Jena. There were dried tears on her face when she woke up the next morning.

By the time she got to the restaurant, she found twice as many orders waiting for her. She prepared herself for a long day when she went downstairs to the kitchen, where she discovered Granny Faye had prepared dozens of cookies for her, using her recipe. All she had to do was decorate them. It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for her. She walked into a big hug. “Thank you,” she managed.

“We can’t do it alone, honey,” Granny Faye told her. Joely nodded and then got right to work.

She had cookies stacked dozens deep ready for Kari when Russell dropped the kids off that afternoon. Joely met him at the door, looking haggard. “I guess I’ll see you in two weeks,” she said, but he shook his head.

“You’re forgetting Kari’s birthday party.”

She sighed. She supposed she would have to invite him, but the thought of spending an entire night volleying between Russell and Xander nearly sent her into a panic. “Fine,” she said as she turned away.

“Joely,” he called and she turned back. “Congratulations,” he offered at last. She nodded and disappeared once again into the kitchen, where all three kids had cornered Xander to tell him about their weekend.

That week was even more hectic. Joely ended up delegating much of her duties to her family. Lillian and Xander fielded all of the orders, which were coming in fast and furious. Granny Faye baked the cookies, while Kari helped her decorate them. Nash was in charge of labeling, while Hannah sat in her own special booth in the back of the restaurant carefully packaging each and every cookie.

It kept her preoccupied whenever her thoughts threatened to return to Xander, which they often did. Xander didn’t engage her much at the restaurant, generally only speaking to her when it involved business. As always, business came first, and he was very matter-of-fact when he managed her cookie enterprise. He handled the customers and the press inquiries, which were multiplying by the dozen.

She could barely come up for air some nights, which made parenting a challenge. She made sure she spent special time with each of them, even if it was at the restaurant while they were filling orders. She especially wanted to connect with Kari, though that came with a whole new set of complications. Kari had decided that she wanted to invite Jena to her party too, since her dad was essentially dating her.

It shouldn’t have surprised her that Russell had gone running back to Jena when Joely had turned down his offer to take her back, but it did. It didn’t even bother her that Jena was sleeping in her old bed at Fairway Oaks. It was much more upsetting to think that Jena would be anywhere near Xander during Kari’s birthday party, but maybe that was what both she and her daughter needed. They needed to see him return to his alley cat ways to fully purge him from their systems. Like the old song said, sometimes one had to be cruel to be kind.

By Friday she had only the cookies for Kari’s party to make. Lillian and Granny Faye turned over cooking duties to some underlings, one of which had worked for Lillian for a decade and knew how to run the shop when they needed a break. This allowed Xander a night off, to attend Kari’s party at her own personal request.

They all arrived at the zoo by five-thirty that afternoon, where they were ushered in by the party planner that Xander had hired to make the event a smashing success. Music played in the pavilion, where a tasty spread had been set out by the caterer. Friends from Kari’s old school and new school spilled in the entrance, and Xander stood with the family to greet everyone. Joely watched as Kari’s friends, no doubt the only people she had taken into her confidence about her crush, blushed and giggled when he greeted them. And of course he made every single one of them feel special as he welcomed them to the party.

Russell and Jena arrived together. Russell eyed Joely as he pulled Jena closer, but Jena only had eyes for Xander.
Such games people play
, Joely thought as she shook her head and concentrated on other guests. They had crowned Kari as Princess of the Jungle, with her own crown of flowers, so she led the festivities. Xander, who had picked the venue, was right at her side, the gracious and enthusiastic host. Kari linked her arm in his as he guided them from exhibit to exhibit, telling everyone about the wonderful animals they were seeing.

Joely was exhausted by the time they reached the pavilion to eat. There was a huge, four-tier cake in the center of the table, which spelled out Kari’s name and “Sweet Sixteen.”

Xander was in charge even then, as he led the birthday song as a rap that made everyone laugh. Kari stared up at him with sheer adoration as he cut her the first piece. Joely glanced over to Russell, who wore a deep frown of disapproval. It was as though he knew he was being edged out of Kari’s heart, replaced by another man.

She almost felt sorry for him.

Once all the plates had been passed out and everyone had been served, Joely walked over to where Russell stood. “Thanks for coming,” she offered. “I know it means a lot to Kari that you’re here.”

He nodded, but was unconvinced. “How about you, Joely?” he said. “Does it mean anything to you that I’m here?”

She sighed. “Russell.”

“I hate this,” he told her. “Awkward birthdays. Tense holidays. That was the way I grew up and I never wanted that for my kids. We’re a family. We shouldn’t be apart.”

“Then why did you make us leave?”

“You wanted to leave,” he pointed out. “It was your idea.”

“You didn’t fight for us. Not once.”

He scanned the pavilion for Jena, who was dancing with Nash to some of the upbeat music that was playing. “I was an entitled jerk,” he finally admitted. Joely’s eyes shot to his. “I got blinded by something shiny and new and forgot what was important.” His blue eyes pierced hers. “I’m sure you know what that’s like.”