Authors: Ginger Voight
She had to job-hunt in the morning.
Ironically when Hannah came home that Monday, there was a signup sheet for a bake sale to help raise money for a field trip to the Alamo in the spring. Though Hannah wasn’t yet old enough to go, Joely considered entering it anyway. It made her more determined than ever to create these challenging masterpieces. She enlisted Granny Faye’s help, heading back to the commercial restaurant supply store, to pick up even more gizmos and gadgets to aid her in her quest. They bought stencils and sprays, which were a little easier to use. Her cookies were prettier, but they weren’t the prettiest. For Joely, they had to be. Late at night when she couldn’t sleep, thinking about the bills and her obligations, and the apartment she’d have to rent and the furniture she’d have to buy, she’d get so stressed out she’d tiptoe down the stairs to the kitchen and whip up a dozen cookies to try her luck again.
Slowly she was getting better, but she still wasn’t satisfied. It was almost rewarding to munch the cookies that represented her continued failure.
She must have eaten a pound of cookies that week, and she felt it by the time she rolled out of bed that Friday. She carted the kids off to school and headed back to the house to try again. The minute she shut the door behind her, her cell phone rang. She thought maybe it was Russell, calling to coordinate the kids’ homecoming for the weekend. Instead her heart jumped as she realized it was the bank. “Hello?” she said as she answered on the first ring.
“Yes, may I please speak with Mrs. Morgan?”
“You are,” she said. Her heart practically leapt into her throat. This was a job with benefits and a nice entry-level salary. She had already found about four apartments she could qualify for should she get it. She crossed her fingers and a couple of toes as she waited.
“Thank you so much for coming in and interviewing with us last week, Mrs. Morgan. It was a pleasure getting to know you. Unfortunately, we’ve decided to go with another applicant. We do wish you the best of luck on your job-hunting. Please feel free to apply again in six months.”
“Thank you,” she croaked, the lump in her throat practically choking her. Her hand was shaking as she disconnected the call. She was back at the drawing board, with no more second interviews on the horizon.
She escaped to the kitchen like she always did, where she baked away her feelings like she always did. She decided to pick the most complicated pattern she could find: lace. She whipped up a batch of royal icing, since she couldn’t stand the store-bought stuff, and went to work.
She couldn’t get the job out of her head, though. She was so sure that she had a shot at that one. She had browsed the Internet almost nightly, trying to picture herself in the apartments that the twenty-five-thousand dollar salary could afford. That used to be her credit limit, now she’d consider herself lucky if she could turn that into an annual income. These days she was lucky to have a little over a thousand in the bank. Every time she logged on and looked at her balance, it made her stomach ache.
Unfortunately her nerves were shot from the phone call. Her hands shook as she attempted to decorate the first cookie, turning it into an unrecognizable mess. As she stared at that lump of sugar and fat, tears began to roll down her face. A couple of weeks out on her own and this was all she had to show for her efforts. A stupid, formless, ugly little blob. She balled her fist and smashed it right into the old oak table where she worked. It felt so good she hit it again and again, a primal scream rising up in her throat as she literally pummeled her failure into dust.
She was crying as she laid her head on the table, into her arms covered with flour dust, her hands crusting with discarded icing that had begun to harden. She sobbed until her soul ached. It was something she hadn’t done yet. In all this time, after all these changes, she had never fully let it all out.
She cried until she hadn’t the energy to cry anymore. After the last sobs had subsided, she sat there at the table, her head on her arm, staring at the plate full of undecorated cookies. She sat up, wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands and sat back against the chair, staring at the heart-shaped cookies. With a sigh, she reached for another one.
Her hands were a little steadier this time, but she still messed up the intricate design. She put the cookie aside and reached for another one. She went slower, taking care with every single stroke as she painted the icing onto the cookie. That cookie was a little prettier. She examined it up close with a critical eye, noting where her weaknesses were. She grabbed yet another cookie and repeated the same exact pattern.
It took six cookies before she produced one that had no real noticeable flaws. She attempted to repeat it again and again until she ran right out of cookies.
She headed to the kitchen and prepared another batch. She didn’t know why it was important for her to meet this goal, but it was. Maybe because this was the only thing she could fully control. She couldn’t control how Russell acted or what he said, or if he felt anything after torpedoing their marriage. She couldn’t control how the kids reacted to all the confusing, upsetting changes in their lives, nor could she control how they took all that anger out on her, unfair though it was. She couldn’t control whether or not these employers would hire her and give her a chance to show what she could do, rather than cast her aside for younger applicants who didn’t need the same kind of training.
All she could control was getting this goddamn cookie right. And that was exactly what she was going to do.
Finally, with that second batch, she managed to make more acceptable cookies than rejects. She studied them carefully, holding her hand to her chin, trying to pick out the most noticeable failures, until she whittled them down to six nearly flawless, almost identical lace heart cookies. She referred to the photo for the recipe, holding her cookie side by side to test it. Then, with a smile she hadn’t worn in a long, long time, she boxed up those six cookies and headed off to Lillian’s Place.
She was ready to share her triumph with someone. Well, a couple of someones. The minute she walked through the front door, however, she was face to face with Xander Davy, who looked over her haggard appearance with a suppressed smile. “Hello, Joely,” he greeted at once, with that distinct British accent that made everything sound classier. “Surprised to see you,” he added as his eyes lazily drifted over her face and down her formless button-down shirt and faded blue jeans. Her dark hair was tied back with a kerchief, and she was still covered with remnants of flour and frosting.
“Hi,” she managed. “Is my mom here?”
“In the back,” he said with a widening smile. “Is there news? Did you get the job?”
She frowned at once. She didn’t like that he even knew about the job. The last thing she wanted to do was admit yet another rejection to him. “No,” she finally answered. “They went another way.”
“Aw,” he said as he reached for her arm in a gesture of support. “I’m sorry to hear that. There’s something better for you. I’m sure of it.”
She wanted to ask how he could be so sure of it, but all she could do was lift her eyebrow and brush past him toward the kitchen. Her mother and her grandmother laughed together as they rolled out biscuit dough, preparing for the evening shift. Granny Faye spotted her first. “Well, you look like a cook if I’ve ever seen one. Roll up your sleeves and jump right in.”
Joely laughed. She’d made plenty of biscuits in her day. She simply walked over to the big stainless steel table where they worked and presented the box of cookies. Both of their eyes widened as they opened their special gift.
“Joely,” her mother breathed as she pulled out a cookie to examine it. “This is spectacular.”
“Looks all right,” Granny Faye admitted. “But how does it taste?”
Together they both took a bite. With rapturous moans, their eyes closed as they savored the treats.
“Best cookie you’ve ever made,” Granny Faye praised. “And I should know. I’ve eaten about a thousand of them so far.”
Joely beamed. “You really like them?” she asked. That was the important thing. Getting the decorations right had been a personal quest. But her pride was that she had produced a tasty treat, not just a pretty one. It had to be completely perfect.
“Honestly, honey,” Lillian said as she finished the cookie in a few bites. “I feel guilty eating it, but I can learn to live with the guilt. These are amazing.”
Again Joely wanted to cry, but this time for an entirely different reason. It had taken her some time, but she had reached at least one of her new goals. She’d worked hard for this accomplishment, probably harder than she’d worked in a long, long time. It felt good. She reached for a hug from both of them.
“I’ve got to go get the kids,” she said as she pulled away. “They need to be at their dad’s by six.”
Both Lillian and Granny Faye made a face. Though they had made it a strict rule never to speak ill of the kids’ father in front of them, they made no bones about what a lowdown dirty cheat he was whenever they weren’t in earshot. “Why can’t he come get them?” Lillian wanted to know.
Joely just smiled. “He’s probably afraid of meeting up with a firing squad.”
“As he should be,” Granny Faye said. And she had the fire power to back it up.
“Well, don’t dally,” Lillian said as she reached for another cookie. “You need to get back to the house and make another dozen of these. I’m putting in my order now. I could sell these at three or four dollars a pop.”
Joely laughed and shook her head. “You’re ridiculous.”
Lillian munched on the cookie with a big shit-eating grin. “No. I’m right. Haven’t you figured that out by now?”
Joely met up with Xander on her way back out again. He gave her another winning smile. It only left her cold. She was sure by then that her mother had put him up to that, too. “
Be nice to my daughter
,” she could imagine Lillian saying. “
She just got her ego thrown into a blender. Flirt a little. Make her feel special
.” And of course a player like Xander would relish the new task, if only for another notch on his belt.
It was the only logical explanation why someone like him could be looking at her with those intense hazel eyes, as if he could eat her up on a cracker.
What a joke
, she thought to herself as she attempted to sidestep him and ignore him completely.
But Xander wasn’t so easily ignored. “Everything okay?” he asked loudly, which made other patrons turn to look at her. It embarrassed her instantly.
“Fine,” she snapped as she tried to brush past.
“Will we be seeing you and the kids later for dinner?”
She glared at him, fairly certain he already knew the answer. “The kids are spending the weekend with their father.”
“Oh right,” he said with that amused smirk. It was clear he already knew that. “Maybe just you then,” he added as his eyes pierced hers.
“I have plans,” she replied with a smirk.
“Shame,” he commented as he took shameless inventory of her figure. With an exasperated sigh, she spun on her heel to walk away. She could hear the amusement in his voice when he called, “Maybe next time,” behind her.
She didn’t even stop. The door slammed shut behind her.
It felt like it had been a million years since she had left her home in Fairway Oaks. She had to admit that she didn’t remember it looking so pretentious before. Maybe it was because of brand new boat that sat curbside, which was hooked up their luxury SUV. She became instantly resentful. Here she was scrambling to afford some dinky two- or three-bedroom apartment and he was spending all that money on toys.
Her hands shook as she opened the door to her car, one of the few things she had taken from the marriage. The other three shot out of car and ran towards the front door. They didn’t even wait for her, or bother to knock, as they exploded into the house.
Russell met them in the doorway. Hannah launched herself into his arms, as did Kari. Nash held back, reserved and uncertain as always. Russell simply mussed his hair. “How’s it going, sport?”
It was an odd nickname for a child that had never shown an affinity for sports, despite Russell’s constant encouragement. She had wondered throughout the years if that wasn’t some sort of dig. She kept her mouth shut as she finally faced him.
He surveyed her unkempt appearance, his eyes darkening with his disapproval. This was the kind of assessment she was used to, not that phony baloney lady-killer shit that Xander Davy was trying to sell. “Joely,” Russell greeted stiffly.
“Russell,” she echoed, her tone cool.
He placed Hannah on the floor, where she promptly latched onto his legs. “You guys ready for an exciting weekend?” he asked with a large smile, and of course all the kids nodded. It broke her heart to see where their allegiances lay, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. Hers was the contribution they’d recognize years later, after some life experience and maturity.
Right now they were simply kids.
“Is that our boat?” Kari wanted to know as she stared up at her father like he was a rock star.
“Yep,” he answered. “I thought we’d head down to the lake while the weather was still good.”
“The lake?” Joely echoed.
“Possum Kingdom,” he informed her with a look that dared her to challenge him about his plans. Possum Kingdom was a lake located closer to Dallas. It was a weekend trip they’d taken many times over the years. Right now, however, it was a weekend trip for which she was never even notified.
She glanced at the kids. “Can you guys give your dad and me a second?”
All three of their faces fell. They knew what that meant. Mean ol’ Mommy was going to spoil their fun. No wonder Daddy was the favorite.
She waited until they disappeared before she turned to him. “You’re taking them out of town?”
“Is that a problem?”
“Would it be a problem if I wanted to take them out of town without telling you?”
“I wouldn’t care,” he replied. “It’s not really any of my business anymore what they do when they’re with you. I trust you with our kids. Evidently you don’t feel the same way.”
She smiled sweetly. “In all fairness, I’m not the one who cheated and lied.”
He rolled his eyes. “We’re going to beat that dead horse again, are we?”
“It’s a matter of respect,” she snapped. “Despite what happened between us and our marriage, our parenting has got to remain a partnership. I’m simply asking for a little courtesy, that’s all.”
“Fine,” he relented with a sigh. “I would like to take the kids to the lake this weekend. Is that all right with you?”
“Where are you staying?”
There was a momentary hesitation. “I’ve rented a cabin,” he said, and she knew immediately he was lying.
“Is there an address for this cabin?” she probed.
His eyes hardened. “I’ll text it to you. Would you like to see a blueprint as well?”
“Don’t patronize me, Russell. It’s a matter of safety. I’d like to know where my children are when they’re away from me. That’s all.”
“Is it?” he asked. “Or is it one more way to punish me?”
She openly scoffed. That he could say that in his opulent foyer, when she was struggling just to get her head above water, was preposterous. “You think
I’m
punishing
you
?”
He glanced towards the family room, where the kids likely waited. Joely hadn’t even been permitted past the entrance. “This is not the time or the place for this, Joely. You’re mad at me. I get it. But it doesn’t have to be this way.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, which he handed to her.
“What’s this?” she asked as she opened it. It was another check. “What’s this for?”
“Kari says that she needs some new clothes,” he answered.
“She has plenty of clothes,” Joely said.
“She says that she needs new clothes, to fit in better at her new school.”
“And she asked you for the money,” Joely filled in. It cut her so deep she could barely breathe.
But Russell went a step further. “In all fairness, I’m the one that has a job.”
Her eyes hardened as she glared at him. She wanted to call him every name in the book, but she knew she couldn’t do that to her children. She tilted her chin and shoved the envelope back at him. “I don’t need your money.”
“That’s not the way I hear it.”
“You heard wrong,” she said as she spun on her heel to leave.
“Don’t be stubborn,” he called after her.
She slammed the door behind her and stalked to her car. She nearly snarled as her eyes landed on that shiny new 26-foot pontoon boat. They had talked for years about buying one, but he had never gone through with it until now. It was like he was free to do all the things he never got to do because he got saddled with a wife and a family.
He still had his family, but he got out of doing all the work – as usual. He thought he could clear his conscience by tossing a few measly dollars her way, but he thought wrong. He couldn’t buy her loyalty anymore. And he sure as hell couldn’t buy her complacency.
On the way back to her mom’s, Joely called her best friend, Novanna Barton-Lytle. If Russell was a free man, that meant that Joely was a free woman. It was high time she celebrated that.
It was 80s night at The Ranch, a popular nightclub near her mother’s house. Joely had gone there plenty of times when she was younger. She’d matured early, which made her a hit with the bouncers. She’d spent many a Saturday night sneaking in, even while underage. Twelve years later her age wasn’t much of a concern. She confidently showed ID to the guy at the door. He waved her in, so she followed the wave of revelers who were ready to party like it was 1984. The heavy sound of synthesizers filled the air as new wave poured from the speakers. Already there was a huge crowd on the dance floor, wearing all their 80s clothing. There were several Madonna wannabes, a couple of Michael Jacksons, and more 40-year-old hair metal enthusiasts that she’d seen gathered in one place since 1989. Her eyes scanned the crowd for her friend, until finally she spotted the dark-haired beauty sitting at a booth in the back.
Joely wore a smile as she wound through the crowd, straight for the Creole goddess with glowing topaz skin, a cascade of strawberry blonde spiral curls and piercing blue eyes. The instant she saw Joely she was on her feet, waving her over. Novanna looked spectacular in a navy blue mini-dress that clung to her body without a spare inch to breathe. Unlike Joely, whose body proudly wore the evidence of motherhood, Novanna was a fitness fanatic who practically lived at the gym. She always told Joely it was therapy for her high pressure job as an attorney.
Standing only five feet tall, the powerful little pixie had to reach up to hug Joely when she got to the table. “Girl, if you hadn’t called me I was going to send out a rescue party.”
Joely laughed as she slid into the booth. “I wasn’t ready to see anybody. Lick my wounds and all that.”
Remorse dragged Novanna’s friendly smile down in an instant. “Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever opened my mouth.”
“Don’t say that,” Joely reprimanded at once. “I needed to know.”
Novanna Barton was one of the first friends Joely made when she moved to Houston. She in turn introduced Novanna to David Lytle, Russell’s best friend from school. The foursome was inseparable after that, all the way up until both men graduated. Russell and Joely moved back to Abilene, and when he decided to open his own practice, he invited David to be a partner. At first Novanna hadn’t wanted to leave the excitement of Houston for some small town in West Texas, once noted for how many churches it had. But she loved David and discovered she’d follow him pretty much anywhere. Things were never really the same for the fearsome foursome, however. By then Joely was a mom, and Novanna really didn’t know how to relate to that. Their time together became less and less frequent, though their friendship remained strong. Novanna was loyal to a fault.
That was why she had to tell Joely what was going on when she discovered that Russell was having an affair with one of his assistants. She forwarded Joely an email from the office as proof, and Joely’s world imploded after that.
Novanna never thought that asshole would leave his wife for that twenty-two-year-old twit.
Despite it all, Joely didn’t look too worse for wear. She wore black slacks and a silky burgundy shirt, with a simple gold necklace around her neck and minimal makeup, her long hair tied in a sleek ponytail. Novanna noted the two-carat diamond wedding set was no longer on her left hand. It had actually been one of the first things to go. She had yanked them off her finger and thrown them at Russell the minute he got home from work the night of The Event. “You look good,” Novanna said. “Better than I’ve seen you look in a long time.”
Joely laughed. “We’ve known each other way too long for you to bullshit me, Novi. I’ve got enough bags under my eyes to take a trip to Hawaii.”
“People who love you won’t notice that stuff,” Novanna promised, and Joely’s smile faltered. “People do still love you, you know.”
“I know,” she said softly. She was grateful for that, but it wasn’t the same.
“So tell me what’s new. Have you found a job?”
Joely shook her head. “Not yet.”
“You know, I think we may have an opening coming up,” Novanna started, but Joely was quick to interrupt.
“I told you. I want to do this on my own.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone needs a little help sometimes.”
“I had seventeen years of help. It didn’t do me any good. I’m going to rise to my feet on my own. That way no one can pull the rug out from under me again.”
Novanna was pained for her friend. She couldn’t even imagine starting over now. Her life was comfortable and safe. That was exactly how she wanted to keep it, which is why she threatened David on pain of death if he should ever think about cheating. “That’s an automatic deal-breaker,” she had informed him the night they learned the Morgans were separating.
“I get it,” he had said before taking her into his arms. “But you don’t have to worry. No one can ever take your place.”
It was nice to hear, but it only made her feel guilty. She found herself pulling away from David more than once throughout the past few weeks. Why should she be happy when her best friend was suffering, especially since it was her fault?
Novanna put her hand on Joely’s. “Well, you’re not alone. I’m here. Whatever you need.” And she meant it, 100 percent.
They talked about jobs for a while, as Novanna helped her brainstorm where she could look next. The longer she went without finding a job, the more desperate Joely became. Options were fading fast. If something didn’t happen soon, she feared she’d be forced to join the ranks of all the other working mothers making ends meet on minimum wage.
“I could go back to school,” Joely mused. “But I guess that would be stupid.”
“Why?”
“I’m too old, and getting older by the minute. In a few years one of my own kids will be in college. What are we supposed to do? Share a dorm room?”
“Girl, please,” Novanna immediately dismissed. “People go back to school all the time. If that’s something you want to do, then do it. That’s the best thing about not having to answer to anyone. You get to make all your choices for yourself.”
Joely shook her head. “No. I’m making choices for four people, not just one.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Your kids want you to be happy.”
“Right now they don’t,” Joely sighed. A waitress brought over their drinks, which Joely gratefully accepted. Normally she didn’t do mixed drinks, but she figured what the hell? She was a free agent for a weekend.
“Right now they’re not here,” Novanna pointed out with that impish little smile of hers. “You know what you need? A little R&R with a hot new man. Remind yourself what it means to be happy on your own terms.”
Again Joely shook her head. Despite the fact that they were separated, legally she was still married to Russell. After seventeen years together, a phantom wedding ring still weighed on her bare finger, almost like a permanent tattoo. That still mattered to her even if it didn’t matter to him. “It’ll just complicate things. Russell and I need to figure things out first.”
Novanna gave her friend a pointed look. “Before or after he spends the weekend with his girlfriend?”
Joely’s eyes widened. “What?”