Back to Yesterday (27 page)

“H
ave a wonderful evening,” I said, closing the register and handing Mr. Brayer his change.

“Thank you, Sophie. I’ll bring Lois with me next time.”

Mr. Brayer was the sweetest old man and Lois was his wife. I’d known them for years. “Good,” I said. “I’ll look forward to seeing her.”

He started for the door, but hesitated. “Are you doing okay, hon? I mean…” He looked down at his feet, “…you hangin’ in there?”

He was one of the people Charlie had given a letter to for me. I found it sweet of him to ask how I was doing.

“I’m okay,” I replied. “Now don’t keep Ms. Lois waiting. You know how she gets when you’re late.”

He tipped his hat to me. “Indeed. See you tomorrow, Sophie.”

I was preparing to go home when Elizabeth sidled up next to me. “Are you really okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said, removing my apron. I had told no one about what happened that day behind the cemetery. I kept that all to myself. It was my tiny sign of hope and I didn’t want anyone ruining it for me with their skepticism or their doubts. “At least, I will be.” Turning to face her, I said, “He’ll be home soon, right?”

“Right,” she said, trying her best to reassure me. “You’re absolutely right.” She brushed a curl from my face. “You know what we need? Pie.” She got to work cutting two thick slices of apple pie and putting them on plates. I grabbed two forks and we leaned against the counter and dug into the flaky crust, making small talk about this and about that. I welcomed the distraction.

The wooden radio played in the background and when
Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy
by the Andrew Sisters came on, she reached over and turned up the volume.

“Dance with me, Sophie.”

I hadn’t danced since Charlie had taken me, and at first, I hesitated.

“Come on,” Elizabeth insisted. “You can have a little fun once in a while. Charlie would want you to.”

She took my hand, leading me from behind the counter. Together, she and I sashayed around the café with smiles on our faces. It was our version of escapism. Henry even came out from the kitchen to watch until he too decided to join in.

We were laughing and carrying on, allowing ourselves to be in the moment. It was the most fun I’d had since Charlie had left, and I felt like an ordinary girl doing ordinary things.

For fifteen glorious minutes.

And then the bell above the door chimed. A man wearing an Army Air Corp uniform stood before us, which wasn’t unusual. We had an army base in town, after all.

“Hi,” I greeted, while Elizabeth and I smoothed down our hair, embarrassed we had gotten caught being silly. “Sorry,” I said, “We didn’t expect any more customers. Would you like a cup of coffee?”

The man smiled at my greeting, yet it was solemn. That’s when I noticed his austere posture. When he took two steps towards me, his smile slipped like loose pebbles on the edge of a jagged cliff. The glint of silver wings over his breast pocket caught my eye, and for a whole minute, it was the only thing I would allow myself to focus on. Henry turned off the radio, and no one else moved or said a word. Until that moment, I never knew silence could take up so much space. It moved in and settled around us like a misty fog.

The man reverently removed his hat, tucked it under his arm, and cleared his throat.

I closed my eyes and let the tear roll down my cheek, not bothering to interrupt its path.

“Excuse me,” the man said, being careful with his words like they were fragile, breakable things. “I’m looking for Sophie McCormick.”

Henry stepped forward and placed his hand on my shoulder.

I covered Henry’s hand with mine, letting him know I could do this on my own. I let go and took a tentative step forward. “I’m Sophie.”

The man nodded, looked away, nodded again as if he was talking himself into something. “Ma’am, is there somewhere we could talk?”

“You can talk right here,” Elizabeth said, coming to stand beside me.

We knew what this visit meant. We all knew. It couldn’t mean anything else. I squeezed Elizabeth’s hand, needing her warmth to chase away the chill that traveled down my spine. “Can I get you a cup of coffee, Mr…?”

“Conrad. James Conrad. No, thank you.” He gestured towards the booths. “May we sit?”

“Of course.” I followed him as he made his way towards the back of the café, and when he started to sit in Charlie’s booth, I panicked. His booth was sacred to me. “Not there.” I pointed to the next booth over. “Let’s sit at that one.”

Sitting across from me, he folded his hands and rested them on the table, one thumb rubbing over the other.

“Don’t make me wait,” I said. “Please, whatever you have to tell me, just say it.”

He took an unsettling breath. “I, uh…I’m not really supposed to be here. This isn’t official. I’m here as a friend to Charles. We worked together and a while back he wrote me a letter and he made me promise that I would come find you if anything ever happened to him.”

Another teardrop fell, unhindered.

“He’s…missing, Miss McCormick. For over a week now. He didn’t come back from his last mission.”

“Missing?”

He nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on mine. “I work logistics, getting pilots where they need to be and such. I had to arrange for a pilot to replace him. That’s how I know.”

Elizabeth appeared with two cups of coffee, setting them down in front of us, and then sitting down next to me. “Do you have any more information you can give her?” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “Anything at all?”

His eyes traveled away from ours, settling on the table, on a blemish that had been there for years. “That’s it. I’m sorry. He’s the toughest guy I know. Please understand that he’s just
missing
at this point. I don’t want you to assume the worst.”

My eyes flitted to the coffee in front of me, the color reminding me of Charlie’s eyes. Then I looked out the window. People were walking to and fro like devastating news hadn’t just been delivered. Charlie was missing. How could the world keep turning like nothing had happened? Then I remembered. It hadn’t. The world had stopped making sense to me days ago.

I had felt it all along.

“Sophie?” Elizabeth said.

A part of me wanted to rage, to run out into the street and shake everyone, yell at them for not knowing that the greatest man I’d ever known was
missing
. Somewhere, on the other side of the world, my Charlie was…was…what? Hurt? In trouble?

Was he scared and alone?

“Sophie?”

Was he a prisoner of war?

The damned unknown lurked in the shadows behind every corner. Fear was begging me for another battle, sure that it would win this time.

“Sophie, honey?”

Then I caught sight of Julia. She was across the street, sitting on a park bench, alone. Her posture was straight and assured. People passed by her without knowing her story or what she had suffered. Who shared in this woman’s sorrow and grief? This woman had lost two sons, and still she managed to get up in the morning, put on her clothes, and face the world. It didn’t seem to matter that the world didn’t face her. She didn’t need it to. She was living for her sons. Spending time with Julia and observing her had taught me that it was okay to not be okay, but giving up, to stop living, was not an option, and the longer I studied her, the more I wanted to emulate her.

I want to be just like her when I grow up.

I remembered the day the butterfly came to me and the words I’d heard whispered in the wind.

I nudged Elizabeth to let me out and reached across the table and took James’ hand. “Thank you for honoring Charlie’s wishes. I won’t give up hope. I don’t know how I know, but I know that he’ll come home. I know it in my gut.”

I slid out of the booth and grabbed my purse form behind the counter.

“Where are you going?” Elizabeth asked.

I pointed across the street. “It’s Thursday,” I said, like that explained everything.

Confused, Elizabeth said, “And?”

Turning to look at her, I replied, “I always visit Julia on Thursdays. I’m late.” I mimicked Julia’s posture, held my head up, and closed my eyes, imagining I was trying on a cloak of bravery. It felt too large, like a child playing dress-up in her mother’s clothes.

I wore it anyway and stepped outside to face the world.

Just like Julia.

T
wenty-one days. That’s how long it had been since I found out Charlie was missing.

Twenty-one days, six hours, and forty-three minutes.

I walked to the edge of the pond. The water glistened by the light of the moon. I did this every night after I closed the café. I don’t know why, I just felt closer to him here. It was where we had our first conversation and where we had met for our first date. I chuckled to myself thinking how it had been such a disaster. My poor Charlie and his bee sting.

My smile faded.
Where are you, my love?
Can you feel me? Can you feel me missing you?

A twig snapped behind me and I spun around.

“Sorry,” Elizabeth said. “I saw you out here and wanted to see if you needed some company.”

Turning back to face the inky water, I said, “Thank you, but…” I hugged myself, “…I need a minute to think.”

“What are you thinking about?

I looked up into the nighttime sky. “Do you see that?” I pointed. “The stars look like little diamond? I want to be one of those diamonds. To be high above the Earth where I can look down below and see everything there is to see.” My voice wobbled. “Maybe if Charlie was lost I could shine bright enough to lead him home.”

“Oh, honey,” Elizabeth said, wrapping her arm around me. “He’s coming home. You have to believe that.”

I rested my head on her shoulder. I held hope in my hands every day. I treated hope like it was a precious stone. I clutched it so tightly that I sometimes felt bruised by it.

Like today.

For a while we said nothing. We stood together and stared at the glittery sky. Then William Carlisle, Elizabeth’s new boyfriend, showed up. Small talk ensued and he even made me laugh a couple of times, which I was grateful for.

I let them think they had cheered me up. I smiled at all the appropriate times and I even invited them over to my house for breakfast the next morning. I did this thinking they would feel better about leaving a lonely, heartsick woman alone at night so they would leave me to my thoughts. To my heartache.