I see more family I cannot
remember laying around, eating and drinking. Even some of my step
mother’s family is here too. It’s like a zoo in here and I can’t
help but wish I was somewhere else. It’s not that I am not having
fun. But I don’t really know anyone that well and it’s so stuffy
from the number of bodies here. I have to get out for a little
while. I look around to make sure no one is paying attention and
escape out the front door.
Finally, some
quiet at last.
I find a chair on the porch
and plop down.
Just then the door opens
and I look to see my dad walking out.
Damn, should have gone out the back door.
He sits down next to me and cocks his head to the side in
wonder. “How are you holding up kid?”
Kid?
I shake my head and look down.
“Not that great to be honest.” He leans back in his seat and lays
his right leg over his left knee, the way guys always do and folds
his hands on his lap. “Want to talk about it?”
“
Not really. Everyone
seems nice. It’s good to see everyone again. And Jaclyn’s family
seems great too.”
“
Yeah, they are pretty
nice people.” He smiles. I smile back, genuinely.
“
She’s a sweet lady. She’s
not mom, but I like her.” He rests his arm on the plastic table
next to us. “Thanks. And I know she’s not your mom. But she makes
me happy. No one will replace your mom though. I wish things had
worked out for us so I didn’t miss all those years of you girls
growing up. Well that and you having a real stable life and
family.”
“
Yeah I wish that
too.”
“
Listen Abby.” He cuts me
off, mid thought. “I’m sorry for how things happened with Lucas. I
really think you two can work it out. I saw the way he was looking
at you, at the restaurant the other night. He’s crazy about you.
I’m sure he’ll come around. I hope anyway. You deserve to be
happy.” My dad leans his elbows on his knees and fiddles with his
hands.
“
Forgiveness is a sign of
strength in a person and if you are willing to forgive and move
forward then you are free to open your heart to the possibilities
of unconditional love. I can see you want to forgive him for the
past; maybe you’re just not sure you can. But I think you can. And
I think you should. If he makes you happy, you’ve got to make
sacrifices. But according to Sarah, you’ve never been happier than
when you are with him.” He is right. Of course he’s right. I was
wrong for going off on Lucas the way I did. But I wonder if I’m too
late. Would he ever forgive me for being selfish? I can only
hope.
“
You ready to go back
inside?” My dad asks as he gets up and walks toward the door. I nod
and follow him, but stop right before he turns the knob. I give him
a hug. It shocks him at first, and to be honest me too. But in the
moment, it feels right. I don’t know this man very well but after
all, he is my father. My blood runs through his veins and vice
versa. “Thank you.” I say softly. He pats my back, affectionately.
“Your welcome. And thank you for giving me a chance to make up for
those lost years.” We hug each other for a minute longer then join
the party.
When my mother and I get home, I head
straight to the bathroom for a shower. I feel the water hit my body
and it feels unbearably good. I let my tears flow, and I can’t tell
where my tears stop and the shower water begins. I fall to the
bottom of the tub, totally drained and defeated. It feels good.
Once the tears have stopped and the water has gone ice cold, I
climb out of the shower, dry off and get dressed. I feel clean and
awake, ready to face my demons. I want Lucas back, and I am
determined to fight my damndest for him.
“
So, how was the family
gathering?” Brooke asks as we are leaning against my locker the
following day. It was a horrible weekend but being with my family
was what I needed.
“
It was actually pretty
good. It was nice to see all of my aunts and uncles again. And some
of my step mother’s family was there too. So it turned out to be
nice.” She looks surprised. “Really? That’s awesome. I was worried
it would be hard. I was thinking about you all weekend. I’m glad it
turned out well.” I nod.
“
Hey friends and family.
So glad to see you.” Sarah sneaks up on us, making me jump. I hold
my hand over my heart. “Well hello to you too Sarah. What’s up with
your giddy attitude?” I ask.
“
Oh, nothing just happy to
be at school. Don’t ask why. I think I was drugged or something.”
We laugh. “I plan on getting Lucas back.” I announce and both Sarah
and Brooke stare at me curiously. “Well, I should hope so. It’s
going to happen. One way or another.” Sarah replies
confidently.
“
Speaking of.” Brooke
starts. “Sarah, this is our cue to leave.” I look over and find
Lucas across the hall. My heart races at the sight of him. He’s
wearing jeans, which hangs nicely on his hips, and a fitting blue
and black polo shirt. His dark hair is combed to the side. He’s
looking rather beautiful.
Oh how I miss
him.
I swallow back the bile
that threatens to come up.
Just be cool
Abby
I tell myself. He walks toward me,
his face a mask of indifference. He pulls up short in front of me.
For a moment I just want to grab him by the shirt and kiss him, but
I don’t. “Hi Lucas.” I say, my voice strained. “Abby, can you do me
a favor please?” He asks politely. I smile and nod. I would do
anything for him.
“
Could you ask your
friends, including Sarah to stop harassing my phone? I get that
they’re concerned about you, and are wanting me to talk to you. But
the texts need to stop. Enough is enough.” I stare blankly at him.
Suddenly, my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on.
“Lucas, I’m-“
“
Thank you.” He says, as
he storms off, leaving me completely speechless and
baffled.
Chapter 26
“Oh my God. Abby, I got you a surprise. You
have to see this.” I hear Brooke yelling from the hall. I numbly
get off my bed and open my door. After that run in with Lucas at
school, I haven’t felt like talking to anyone. I’d become a hermit,
hiding in my shell. If he would just talk to me, maybe I can get
him to understand where I’m coming from. But then again, I probably
wouldn’t either. After the way I doubted him and our relationship,
it’s no wonder he won’t give me a chance.
“
Come in.” She runs in
with a long bag in her hand.
“
Okay, close your eyes.” I
sit on my bed and close my eyes.
“
What’s going on? You’re
acting crazy.”
“
Just close your eyes
until I say open.” I sigh deeply but do as instructed. I learned
over the years not to argue with her. She’s a feisty one. I hear
rustling and the sound of the bag being thrown around.
“
Can I open my eyes yet?
Seriously, Brooke I’m not in the mood for games.”
“
Shhh, wait.” I sit there
patiently, contemplate on peeking but think better of
it.
“
Okay, open.” I open my
eyes and what I see before me is indescribable. It’s a long black
and blue two toned dress that has a small but elegant train. It has
a single strap with an open back. The soft flowing fabric and
beaded floral accents on the single strap bodice, creates a
glamorous trendy one shoulder design. It’s so simple yet so
beautiful. I look at Brooke, she’s smiling from ear to ear. “What
is this?”
“
I bought it, for you. I
went dress shopping the other day and got a perfect dress for me
and then I saw this and just knew I had to buy it, for you. What do
you think?” I try to find my voice. I can’t believe she bought this
for me. I haven’t really thought about prom since Lucas and I broke
up. How can I go when I won’t even have a date now?
“
What do I think? I think
it’s gorgeous. But is it really me?” I run my hand gently across
the dress, mesmerized by the sight before me.
“
Of course it’s you. Abby,
you need to show off your backside and this dress clearly says Abby
all over it. Besides, I hear through the grapevine that Lucas might
go and you need to look sexy. I bet if he saw you wearing this,
he’d forget all about your fight.” I cover my mouth with my hand,
in shock but also elation. I was planning on going dress shopping
this week but Brooke beat me to it.
Thank
God, I hate shopping for clothes.
“
This must have cost you a
fortune.” There is no tag but from the looks of it, it looks pretty
pricey.
“
Eh, it wasn’t cheap but I
got a good deal on it. Just look at it as a graduation
gift.”
“
But I didn’t get you
anything.”
“
Abby, you’ve given me the
best gift of all, your friendship. And I’m going to miss you when
you leave.” Right then my eyes water and I wipe them with the back
of my hand.
Leaving.
I had made up my mind a week ago I was going to move to New
York after graduation. To be honest, I just want to start over,
whether it’s a permanent thing or just a try and see type of thing.
I had hoped that Lucas and I would be together and he would move
with me. But now it looks like I’m on my own, even more of a reason
to leave.
“
Thank you so much Brooke.
This is the best gift ever. And I will miss you so much! But I will
come back and visit as often as I can. And really, I have no idea
how long I will be gone, so it may not be forever.” We both sit on
my bed, holding onto each other. It feels so weird that I will be
in New York in less than a month. I just want to see what it’s all
about, get my feet wet and possibly make something of myself.
Whatever my calling is, I’m ready for it. I think. I hope.
“Brooke?” I say.
“
Hmm?” She says looking at
me.
“
What if I lost him for
good? Lucas. What if he won’t ever take me back?” The thought of
never laying next to him again, or feeling his hands on my body or
gazing into his beautiful green eyes again makes me feel sick. I
can see a future with him, but I can’t see one without
him.
“
Listen, he’s going to
come back to you. He has to. I think he’s just being a stubborn
male. Once he sees that you’re not caving, he’ll realize that it’s
up to him to save the day.” Somehow I doubt that’s true. Just then,
my mom comes in and sees the dress. “What’s this? Oh hi Brooke!”
She looks at it admiringly. “Wow, that’s gorgeous!”
“
Yeah, Brooke bought it
for me. Isn’t that wonderful?” She looks at me and frowns. “I was
going to take you shopping. But hey, we can do it another
time.”
“
I’m sorry. We do have
some time before I leave. I still have to check the internet for
apartments.” She smiles and grabs my hand. “No, actually I was
coming in here to tell you that your father arranged a place for
you to stay.”
I draw my eyebrows up in surprise. “Really?
How? Where?” I was lost for words. Getting to know my father has
been pretty great. We’ve gone out to dinner a few times since the
family gathering. He told me he would try to help me find an
affordable place to stay. But I did not expect him to go off and
find a place for me to stay all on his own. I smile. “Well that was
kind of him.” My mother smoothes my hair away from my face,
tenderly. I really wish she had moved on and found someone by now.
I hate that I am leaving her all alone. I lay my head on her
shoulder.
“
Yes, he’s really trying
and it’s pretty obvious he wants to be more involved in your life.
Oh and by the way, he wants you to come over. He’s got a surprise
for you or something.” Then she is lost in thought but quickly
changes her expression. “I want you to know Abby; I don’t want you
to worry about me.”
“
What do you mean?” I know
what she means, but I am feigning innocence.
“
I mean with you leaving.
I know you’re upset that I haven’t been dating since your father.
But really, I will be fine.” I lift my head up to meet her eyes.
“Well, now you can date. With me gone, you can bring guys home and
not worry about me being in the way or act all judgmental.” I
tease, then point in warning. “But don’t bring any losers home. You
need a good man who will take care of you and one that I will have
to approve of.”
“
Oh I’m sure Sarah will
make sure he’s a good man. You know her, she’s got to have a say in
everything.”
“
I’m going to miss
everyone. I’ll miss home too. Being on my own is not something I am
used to and I gotta say, it’s a little scary.” She wraps her arms
around my shoulders. My mind wanders off to what it will be like
living in New York. It’s such a big place for someone like
me.
“
You’re going to be fine.
Everyone has those feelings of intimidation and overwhelm when they
first live on their own. But if I know one thing for sure, you’re a
strong person. You can overcome the impossibilities. You just have
to believe in yourself.” She kisses me on the forehead and gets up.
I follow suit.
“
Okay, well then I am off
to see dad now. Be back later.” Brooke and I say goodbye and I
leave for my father’s house.
My phone buzzes while driving and I
carefully fish it out of my purse.
“
Hey, I just wanted to be
sure that you knew to text me later and let me know all about your
surprise.”