Backstage Dirty (The Savage Light Rockers #1) (9 page)

Tanner started laughing. “She wasn’t trying to go after anyone I
loved. She was just a mega bitch.”

“Yeah, but you put her ass in place. You’re a tough girl. Those groupie bitches ain’t got nothing on you. I mean the lead singer of Savage Light wants
only
you
.”

“I don’t see him as that
, the leader singer of a huge rock band that is. I just see him as Jacks, the guy that I have always cared about.”

“I am glad things worked out between you two, although I feel like I have been blind this whole time.” Zoe smiled. “I should have seen that there was something between you all those years, right? I mean I know you saw how I felt for Beats, even tried to push me to talk to him, but I was a huge wimp.”

“I tried to keep how I felt from not showing. I mean
it wasn’t like we professed our feelings. I worried it was just this night of drunken sex, well, at least how
he
felt. I didn’t see it as that, though.”

“But you expressed how you felt for each other last night?”

Tanner nodded. “Yeah. I want to go if only to be with Jacks. Thinking about not seeing him for a long period of time again is hard, but I have no one to blame for that but myself.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself for anything. I mean Jacks could have contacted you, too, right?”

Tanner didn’t go into how they had talked about all of that last night, and instead just nodded. “He could have, but I could have, too. We were both scared and hurt, and I guess with time it just got worse.”

“Listen, he said take the time to think about it. That is what you need to do, because once you are on the road with them then that is it. You can’t just ask them to turn back around because you can’t handle all the shit that is part of hanging out with them.” Zoe stood and groaned immediately. “Can I crash here for a few hours? I just know I am going to have to pull over twenty different times to throw up if I try and drive home now.”

Tanner nodded and smiled. “Of course.”

Zoe stumbled out of the living room and up the stairs to the spare room.
Tanner leaned back on the couch, stared at the textured ceiling, and tried to envision what the next several months would be like. And then the next thing to think about was what her parents would say when she brought it to their attention. They loved Jacks, but they were old school, and she knew they had heard all about the scandals that happened with celebrities. She was an adult now, could obviously make her own decision, but that didn’t mean her parents wouldn’t probably sit her down and give her “The Speech”. She knew what she was going to be doing for the next several days: think long and hard about what she really wanted, even though it shouldn’t have been a hard decision at all.

Chapter Eight

Jacks stood in the center of the stage and stared at the massive crowd before him. The Pepsi Center currently housed twenty-thousand Savage Light fans.
They chanted the band’s name, moved back and forth so it looked like a wave of bodies, and sent adrenaline pumping through his veins. He knew the rest of the guys on stage with him felt the same way. He may be partially numb to the lifestyle of partying and women, but he would never get used to having complete strangers chant the band’s name, or scream out for more.

“There’s a lot of fucking people out there
,” Five said to the crowd. He was beside Jacks, his bass strapped over his chest, his hand on the microphone stand, and a grin spread out over his face. The crowd went wild, and some of the women in the first few rows started screaming for Five to take them, to fuck them, and to do a whole lot of other dirty shit after the show. And Five would probably take a few up on their obscene offers. It was the same thing every show, but it got the guys higher than fucking kites to be in the thick of it. Five was the worst out of them when it came to taking girls backstage after shows. Jacks couldn’t count the number of times he had walked in on Five and a chick or two banging in a storage room, or even behind the tour bus. They had all had their fair share of sleeping around because the pussy was right there in front of them, but Five, yeah, their bassist was the worst. But now for Jacks even thinking about sticking his dick in anyone aside from Tanner had the damn thing inverting with disgust.

The crowd kept chanting for them to play
“Not a Silver Lining”. Currently it was their number one song. He gripped the microphone stand and turned to look at Five to his left, and then looked at Matty on his right. Jacks had his guitar strapped across his chest, the same as the other two members, and although he didn’t play it every song, he did join in on a few. “You want to hear ‘Not a Silver Lining’?” The crowd screamed, and he couldn’t help but grin. Sweat already ran down his face, and his shirt was soaked. A girl in the front row called out his name, and he looked down and winked at her. She started fanning her face, and although he had no sexual desire for anyone but Tanner, he also wasn’t going to snub his fans. They were the ones that made the band who they were, that allowed them to rise to the top. Without them Savage Light was just another band in his parents’ basement.

“I don’t think they want to hear
‘Not a Silver Lining’,” Matty said and turned to look at Jacks. “I think they need to scream it louder, make it sound like they are getting fucked.” Matty chuckled in a deep, low voice, and that just had everyone going even crazier and the volume rising to an earsplitting level.

“I want you to fuck me, Matty.”

“Five, make me scream later.”

The comments kept being thrown out by the women, but it juiced the guys up and made everyone in the venue thirsty for more.

“All right, you crazy bastards.” Matty chuckled again and lifted his hand. The volume went down a notch, but there were a few catcalls thrown out.

“I think we should give them what they want, boys
,” Five said and looked at all three of them.

And then they started playing. The song started off slow, and gradually picked up rhythm and volume. This was a newer
number, one that talked about a young boy that grew up in a broken home, and wishing he had more out of his life. It wasn’t one of the harder songs they performed, and certainly wasn’t pleasant if someone actually listened to the lyrics. It was real, heartbreaking, and each one of the members had put a little bit of themselves into it, even if none of them had come from a broken home.

His heart is sp
lit in two.

A life wished that was something new.

The color of his marks, so dark and so very blue.

He cries something different.

Every day and every night.

Only darkness as his friend.

And only wanting the softness of the light.

The crowd starting singing along
, and the swaying increased. When that song ended they immediately went into the next, this one faster, harder, and more uplifting. It was imperative to follow up a sorrowful song with something that was totally different, something that was upbeat. They finished their set nearly two hours later, sweat coating each of them from head to toe, all of them out of breath, and their audience calling out for more. The lights dimmed, and they headed off to the backstage. Towels and bottles of water were handed to them. The voices were loud and made Jacks’s ears ring. They’d do an encore, but first they needed to hydrate and catch their breath.

“Oh my God, Jacks. That was such a great show.” The female voice that was
right behind him had him closing his eyes and breathing out in annoyance.
Not fucking now.

F
ive was checking her out, and Matty and Beats gave him a sympathetic look.

Jacks turned and looked down at
Laura. She was the daughter of a roadie that had just joined on less than six months ago when one of their regulars had taken ill. Jacks hadn’t found that out until after he had fucked her backstage after a show one night, and wouldn’t have even touched that if he had known. He wasn’t about all the drama. He wouldn’t have minded her being backstage and showing her support, but since then she always tried to get him to fuck her again. He had been drunk as hell when he had screwed her, and ever since then he’d regretted it. Even if he hadn’t reunited with Tanner again he wouldn’t have been with Laura. She was just too desperate for him, and being with her had been a mistake in the first place.

“Thanks,
Laura. Glad you liked the show.” He ran the towel he still held over his face once more, tossed it aside, and went to turn. She grabbed onto his forearm, and he stopped and looked down at where she held him.

“I know you have to get back out there, but maybe afterwards you and me could go somewhere quiet with a bottle of tequila?”

Gently but firmly removing his arm from her grasp, he shook his head “Thanks, but I’m going to pass. I’m beat already.” He wasn’t, but that wasn’t the point. “Besides, remember I told you the last few times that there won’t be another time with you and me?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I know. I just thought we could talk.”
Talk, yeah right.
“Anyway, I’ll see you after the show.” She turned and headed away from the stage. Her outfit was not very low-cut, but it was tight as hell and left nothing to the imagination.

“Dude, if you are not going to hit that again I’m going for it. She’s got an ass that I want to break my dick off
in.” Five was standing right next to him, and after he spoke he guzzled down half the bottle of water he held. Leave it to Five to come right out and say what he wanted.

“Man, she’s all yours.”

Five turned and looked at him and grinned. “Yeah, I figured since I know you wanting Tanner on tour isn’t just to do our graphics.” Five slapped him on the chest in good humor. “Come on, let’s rock it one more time before we party it down.” Five tilted his chin toward the stage, and Matty and Beats followed suit. It had only been a few days, and Jacks still didn’t have Tanner’s answer on whether she was going with them or not. They had spoken on the phone and texted each other, but that wasn’t the same thing as being with her. He could still smell her, feel her, and imagine being inside of her. But it wasn’t just about sex with her. It was about
everything
. Putting her toward the back of his mind so he could get this last thing done, he headed back on stage for the encore.

****

She was doing it, really doing it. Tanner sat in the passenger side of Zoe’s car and stared at the massive tour bus a few feet from them.

“Thank you again for doing this. I know it must be hard with the whole…” She glanced at Zoe. “The whole Beats thing and how you’re feeling.”
There was a smaller bus one behind that, which Tanner assumed to be for Black Pearl. A few dark vans were parked off to the side, and several Savage Light staff members were standing by them. Some were smoking, others talking, but it was clear they were waiting. A few employees had put the last of the baggage in the bus, and she realized the band must have stayed the night. They had this grand tour bus at their disposal, but she assumed living in a mobile home didn’t compare to sleeping on a real bed.

“
Don’t be sorry for anything. I’m excited for you.” Zoe turned in her seat and smiled, but there was this sadness. “Besides, I can’t stay inside for the rest of my life because things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to.” She shrugged and tightened her hands on the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. “That’s life, right?”

“
I guess.” Tanner reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. “But thank you.” Zoe shook her head and looked at the tour bus. “It does kind of suck that you came back only to leave again.” She looked back at Tanner and started laughing. “But who am I kidding? I am so excited for you. This is the chance of a lifetime, girl. I’ll miss you, though, but I’ll live vicariously through your awesome phone calls and texts.”

Tanner started chuckling. “You know I’ll be calling you all the time—”

“And sending me backstage pictures. I want to feel like I am right there with you.” Zoe reached across and gave Tanner a hug. They might have not been really close for the past five years because of school, but they had always stayed in contact. “Okay, you better go”

They pulled away at the same time. Tanner had taken days to think about what she was going to do. She had told her parents, listened to them give her the cons of riding on an oversized bus with a bunch of rockers, but in the end she knew in her heart that she was
going to go. Passing up this opportunity would be stupid. This was the kind of job anyone with her degree dreamed of doing, and besides, she would get to be with the guy she loved, and the other three that she thought of as brothers. That couldn’t be a crash and burn decision, right? At least that was what she kept telling herself. Everything would be okay, and only she could allow something to upset her. Jacks had prepared her for some of the things she would see, but Tanner wasn’t a fool. She had seen enough movies and watched those tabloid shows that gave a behind the scene look at all these musicians’ downfalls.

Pushing the “what ifs” to the back of her mind, she smiled at Zoe once more and climbed out of the passenger seat. The tour bus was parked in front of The Timberline Resort in Aspen. It was the same hotel that they had stayed in when they played in Brookstone, and despite her telling Jacks she could get
dropped off wherever he was, he’d said they had to backtrack through Aspen to get to their next destination anyway. So here she was, standing by Zoe’s little Corolla, and about to go on tour with Savage Light. After taking her two suitcases out of the backseat she inhaled deeply. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, and her hands started to sweat, but she knew it wasn’t because of her going with the band, not totally. It was mainly because of Jacks. The rest of the band, and three other men and a woman came out of the front doors of the hotel. She assumed the people with them she didn’t know was their opener. Her guys were dressed casually, like how they always used to back in the day, but there was this air that surrounded them, one that told her these men were talented, successful, and they didn’t let it go to their heads.

Jacks was in front of everyone
, and even from the distance she knew he was staring right at her. It was this feeling that started at the base of her spine and moved all the way up her back. The sound of the passenger side window being rolled down had Tanner bending at the waist, resting her forearms on the door, and staring at Zoe.

“I’m heading out. I still feel like an ass over the whole Beats thing.”
Zoe looked over at the guys, swallowed audibly, and then glanced back at Tanner.

Tanner refrained from
saying anything. It had been a week since all that happened, and no matter how many times Tanner had told her that she shouldn’t let it affect her and Beats’s friendship, she really had no room to talk. “I understand. Drive back safe and I’ll text you later tonight.”

Zoe nodded and smiled, but Tanner didn’t miss how she glance
d out the driver’s side window once more as the guys came closer. She stepped back from the car when Zoe started pulling out of the parking lot. And then there she stood with her suitcases on either side of her, and Savage Light walking up to her. Jacks stopped, but Five must not have seen him because he ran right into Jacks’s back.

“Fuck, man.” Five looked at the back of Jacks’
s head, and even though he had sunglasses on she could tell he had his brows knitted. “You know when I am this hung-over my coordination is shit.” He lifted his head and looked at her over Jacks’s shoulder. “Hey, Tanner is finally here.” He pushed Jacks out of the way, and she heard him sigh and then saw him shake his head. “You can finally keep this joker in line.”

She lifted a brow, not sure what she was supposed to do, or how she could keep anyone in line.

“I lost a lot of money to him last night in a game of poker, but I think he was running me since he knew I was trashed.” Matty started laughing.

They walked up to her and each gave her a hug, and before they dragged Five away
he hugged her in greeting, too.