Bad For Me (5 page)

Chapter 8

“Where have you been?”

I was barely through the door before Julie was in my face.

“I've phoned you a million times,” she said. 

My phone was in my bag. I’d forgotten to switch it back on.

“Sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“JJ has been going nuts.”

“JJ?”

“You know—the guy who organised a placement for you.”

I hadn’t given a thought to the placement since I’d arrived at the hospital.

“Sorry.”

“Is that all you can say? Sorry?”

“Sorry, I can’t deal with this... ” I pushed past her, and headed for my bedroom.

“Megs! You can’t just... ”

I slammed my bedroom door, and sat down on the bed. I’d held it together all day, but I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

“Megs!” Julie wasn’t done—she burst through the door. “You can’t just... Megs? What’s wrong?”

I hated anyone to see me cry. Julie sat beside me on the bed.

“What happens now?” Julie said after I'd eventually recovered enough to give her the full story.

“We wait. That’s all we can do. It could be days or weeks.”

“But, she’ll be okay?”

I shrugged.

“I’m sorry I had a go at you.”

“Forget it. I should have called.”

“Don’t be silly. You had other things to worry about.”

“I should have at least let JJ know.”

“I'll explain to JJ. Why don’t you get your head down for a while?”

“I think I will. I need to be back at the hospital by six.”

“You’re not going back there again today?”

“I have to.”

********************

I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, but I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I'd set the alarm on my phone because I didn’t trust Julie to wake me. At five o' clock, the alarm sounded—I had no idea where I was, or even who I was, for a few seconds. It’s as well I had set the alarm otherwise I would probably have slept until the morning. I didn’t check the mirror because I already knew I looked like shit—I didn’t need to be reminded.

“Megs. Why don’t you leave it until tomorrow?” Julie said when I emerged from the bedroom.

“I have to go.”

“Are you taking a taxi?”

“No—the bus.”

“Let me give you some money for a taxi.”

“No, it’s okay. There are plenty of buses.” I grabbed my bag, and headed for the door. “I’ll see you later.”

I was halfway down the stairs when I heard someone coming up.

“Going out Megan?” JJ said.

“I’m sorry about today... ”

“Don’t worry about it.” There was an edge to his voice which I hadn’t heard before. “It’s not like I put myself out for you or anything. I thought you were serious about your stupid business admin course.”

“Sorry.” I didn’t have the words or energy to say any more. I left JJ standing on the stairs. He shouted something after me, but I didn’t hear his words.

“Shit!” As I turned the corner, I saw the bus pulling away from the bus stop. Those few seconds I'd spent on the staircase with JJ had caused me to miss it. It was twenty minutes until the next one. I phoned Billy.

“I’m going to be late.”

“Late where?”

“The hospital. Are you already there?”

“I'm not going. I’ve got a darts match.”

I ended the call. If I hadn’t, I would've said something I regretted. Just then, a blue BMW pulled up beside me.

“Megan. Get in.” JJ pushed the passenger door open.

“I'll wait for the bus.”

“Don’t be an idiot. Get in. I’ll take you to the hospital.”

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer,

“I’m sorry for having a go at you,” he said. “Julie told me about your mum.”

“It’s okay. I should have phoned about the placement.”

“Don’t be daft. You had more important things to do. How is she?”

“We won’t know until she comes out of the coma.”

“Julie said something about your brother. Do you want me to swing by his place, and pick him up?”

“He’s got a darts match.”

JJ gave me a puzzled look.

“He’s a selfish piece of shit,” I said by way of explanation.

JJ pulled into one of the hospital’s car parks.

“Just drop me here.”

“I’ll come in with you.”

“No!”

“I thought... ”

“Sorry—I didn’t mean to snap. Thanks for the lift. I’ll be fine now.”

“Give me a call when you want to go home.”

“It’s okay. I’ve no idea how long I’ll be here. I’ll get the bus. Thanks.”

I closed the door before he could argue.

********************

There was no obvious change in Mum’s condition. The machines were still beeping the same tune. The nurse came in a couple of times, but I didn’t get to see the doctor. I'd read somewhere that you should talk to someone in a coma. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t just because Mum was in a coma; it was because we never talked. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had a real conversation. Over the last few years, the only thing I’d talked to her about had been her drinking. She might as well have been in a coma during those discussions for all the notice she'd taken. She was an alcoholic, but she'd never admit to it.

I checked the time. I’d been there one hour, but it felt like ten. Maybe Billy had the right idea. What good was my being there doing? I had this crazy idea that, when she woke up, she might be the mum that used to love me. The mum before Dad left. The mum before the drink took over. When eight o' clock finally rolled around, I left without having spoken a word.

“Megan!”

JJ was seated in the main reception.

“Why did you come back?” I said.

“I thought you might need a lift.”

“I could have caught the bus.”

“Come on. Let’s go.”

I was too tired to argue. When we reached the car, I noticed the ticket on the inside of his windscreen.

“You’ve been here the entire time. Why didn’t you leave?”

“I thought I might as well wait.”

“For two hours?”

“It gave me the chance to catch up on my reading.” He held up his smartphone.

I should have been grateful, but I was angry. I realise it makes me sound like a bitch, but I didn’t want to be in debt to him. I was much more comfortable despising him than I was being grateful.

“Did you want to get a bite to eat on the way home?” he asked as we pulled out of the hospital.

“No. I’m beat. I just want to go home.”

The next ten minutes passed in silence which suited me. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

“About the placement?” he said.

“I’ve already said I'm sorry.”

This was more like the JJ I knew—he just couldn’t leave it alone.

“I didn’t mean that. There may be a way you can still do it.”

“My mother’s in a coma if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Whoa! Whoa! I’m only thinking about your course. Julie said you will fail it if you don’t do the placement.”

“Yeah—well. I can’t do anything about that now.”

“I could run you to the hospital after work each day. You would be at the hospital by six,”

“Why would you do that? You’ve got a business to run.”

“You’re a friend.”

I gave him a look.

“Okay—you’re Julie’s friend.”

********************

“How’s your mum?” Julie asked as soon as I walked in the door. Before I could answer, she spotted JJ, who had followed me upstairs to the flat. I'd told him not to bother, but he'd insisted he wanted to see his sister.

“No change.”

“Sit down,” Julie said. “I’ll make you something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’ve got to eat, Megs or you’ll be the one in hospital.”

I didn’t have the energy to argue, so waited in the lounge while Julie made beans on toast. Even she could manage that.

“I thought you weren’t hungry.” Julie and JJ were together on the sofa watching me spoon the last few beans into my mouth.

“I didn’t think I was.” I managed a smile. “Thanks. I’m sorry if I’ve been bitchy.”

“Forget it,” Julie said. “If I’d been through half of what you have, I’d be a lot worse.”

“JJ, I’d like to do the placement if you can sort things out,” I said.

“No problem. If you come to DraxSoft in the morning, I'll make sure you get to the hospital for visiting time.”

“Thanks. I think I’m going to call it a day now. Goodnight.”

“Night, Megs,” Julie shouted after me.

“Goodnight, Megan,” JJ echoed.

Chapter 9

The next morning, Caroline Wass collected me from reception at DraxSoft.

“JJ told me about your mother. How is she?”

“No change. She’s likely to be in a coma for some time.”

“It must be difficult for you.”

I nodded.

“You must be a good friend of JJ’s.”

“Sorry?”

“He has always said he would never allow any placements at DraxSoft. I tried to get my nephew a place here last year, but he turned me down flat.”

“I’m a friend of his sister—Julie.”

“Which course are you doing?”

“Business admin.”

“Really?” Caroline looked surprised. “That's what my nephew is doing. JJ told me the course was a waste of time. I’m surprised he’s had such a sudden change of heart. Come on—I’ll give you the tour and then get you settled at your desk.”

Everyone in the office seemed friendly. Caroline got me started on photocopying. Not very exciting, but she did promise to show me the sales tracking system later in the day.

“Hi, sexy.”

I was in the copy room; I hadn’t heard JJ walk in behind me.

“Don’t call me that.”

“You don’t want me to call you Megs, and now I can’t even call you sexy.”

“Megan will be just fine. “

“I’ll try, but every time I see you I just think '
sexy'
.”

“Go away, JJ.”

“I’ll see you later—Megan.”

I’d never felt less sexy in my life, but it was nice to hear him say it. Not that I’d ever admit that.

“How long have you known JJ?” Caroline asked. It was lunch time; we were eating sandwiches at our desks.

“Not long. A few weeks.”

“You seem to have worked some kind of magic on him.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’d been down for some time. He’d barely had a word for anyone. The last few weeks, he’s been back to his old self. That has to be down to you.”

“I don’t see how. We’re friends—nothing more. In fact, we’re barely even friends.”

“I’m not sure he would agree. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

“You must be imagining it. There’s nothing between JJ and me, and there never will be.”

I was relieved when Caroline dropped the subject.

“Megan. Are you ready?” It was five forty-five when JJ stuck his head around the office door.

“It's not time for me to finish yet.”

“You can call it a day. If we're going to miss the worst of the traffic, and get to the hospital on time, we need to set off now.”

“Sorry, Caroline. I haven't quite finished these.”

“Don't worry dear. I'll finish them off. Go see your mum.”

“You don't need to do this,” I said once we were in JJ's car.

“I want to.”

“Thanks.”

“I do expect something in return though.”

Here we go. I might have known.

“I get to take you out for dinner.” He grinned.

“When?”

“On your last day at DraxSoft.”

“I'm not sure.”

“What harm can it do?”

“Okay. Dinner—nothing else.”

“What else did you think I meant?”

“I just want to make sure it's clear.”

“Crystal.”