I knew what he meant, and he was right. It wasn’t the same. Most people were selfish to an extent. This was a personal drive trapped inside no one could help with, except one thing. A coach who understood. Gymnastics was like a drug. No matter how many times we got knocked down, no matter how many injuries we sustained, no matter how many times we’re told we’re not good enough, not the best, we always came back for more. It was a need that ignored all those around until it was filled, no matter the length of time it took. A gymnast’s drive outweighed everyone else’s and it never died.
“You know, I would almost rather have a bronze medal than have a silver,” he said, changing the subject.
“Why’s that?”
Kova shrugged one shoulder, as if the answer was obvious. “Silver is the first place loser.”
My eyes widened. I’d never thought of it like that when I’d won silver at meets.
“Coming in second place is the worst feeling after you just gave your all. There are winners and there are losers. You play a sport to win—that is it. Nothing else. You have one chance to prove yourself. One.” He shook his head, his eyes distant as he reminisced about the past. “I remember feeling completely and utterly gutted, like I was just given a consolation prize for all my hard work. I was up on the podium, thinking about what I could have done differently. Did I wobble? Did I take a step on a dismount? Did I bend my legs? Did I not have enough control in flight? Did I not train enough? I knew I should have been happy I secured silver, but it was not enough to win gold, and that was heart wrenching.” He looked at me as if trying to remember what he did wrong. “You can lose it all by a tenth of a deduction. So small, yet so powerful it can bring you to your knees in a mere second. It all happens so fast, you know? Once the flame is lit, the Games begin. You are there, in the moment, living it, breathing it, fighting for your dream. You are at each event for such a short period of time until you rotate to the next one. Once you get home and you finally have the chance to think about your experience, you have to ask yourself if it was real because it does not feel like it. It is like a blurry movie you want to tune and focus, but cannot…”
Kova’s words trailed off. He gave me a questionable look, as if he wanted an answer I didn’t have. His words stung my chest. I could hear the vulnerability in his voice, felt each word as he relived his past and tried to cope with it. The sincerity written on his face was full of meaning and emotion, and what he said packed a punch. He spoke from his heart, and I felt every bit of it.
This was a pivotal moment between us. He stood so close his words trailed over my skin, igniting a flame under me. He’d exposed deeply personal parts of his life again and it unknowingly opened a connection between us. I felt it, saw it. His eyes bore into mine and his lips slightly parted, a little opening in the center of them. The silence in the air caused a stirring. Without saying another word and with his eyes trained on mine, he lifted a hand and moved a lock of hair from my shoulder, tucking it behind my ear. A shiver ran down my arms as the back of his hand delayed, his finger peppering my jaw with the lightest touch possible. He stepped closer to me and I held my breath as his eyes took in every inch of me. His knuckles danced down my neck to my clavicle, his callused index finger gliding over me like a soft breeze.
“I bet your mom was proud of your silver medals,” I said softly.
Kova’s face dropped, his smile vanishing along with his hand. His eyes took on a blank stare and I suddenly regretted my comment.
“She was. She was proud of everything I did. She was my biggest supporter.”
I swallowed hard. “How long ago did she pass away?”
Kova took a deep breath and exhaled. “Eight years ago,” he said delicately.
My heart sank even more at the sadness in his tone. Instinctively, my hand reached out to comfort him.
“I’m so sorry.”
I rubbed his arm, my thumb going in circles. It wasn’t a wise decision, but I think I did it mostly because I felt his loss so strongly I wanted to soothe him. He flexed under my touch and his eyes shot to mine. I dropped my hand and cleared my throat awkwardly.
Kova shook it off.
“Was it cancer?” I asked curiously.
“I wish it could have been that.”
He wished it could have been that?
“What do you mean?”
Him being vague wasn’t working for me, but that was Kova. Always so elusive. I wasn’t sure I should use the opening to ask more questions, so I stayed silent and waited for him to collect his thoughts.
“Since we have been upfront and truthful with each other…She was HIV positive,” he whispered quietly.
My jaw dropped, along with my gut. HIV. I was glad we hadn’t eaten yet, otherwise with all this tumbling between my heart and stomach, I’d probably vomit right now. That was extremely personal and not at all what I expected. Not one bit.
Wait a minute. If she was HIV positive, then that would mean…
My eyes popped, my head snapped to look at him. “I do not have HIV,” he answered my questioning stare. “She contracted it many years after I was born.” Kova sighed sadly, looking into his beer mug. “I would not be in this profession if that were the case.”
I was about to ask how she contracted HIV when a woman walked in, looking radiant as ever with a perfect sway to her hips.
“I was looking for you.”
I looked over at the singsong voice. It was the woman from earlier. Whoever she was, she was the definition of flawless. A perfect, glossy shine to her pin straight chestnut hair. Ivory skin, bright hazel eyes and a megawatt smile complemented her supermodel body. There wasn’t a thing wrong with her on the outside. Truly perfect from her French manicured toes to the top of her deep brown head.
Kova cleared his throat. “I apologize,
malysh,
I was just explaining my medals to Adrianna and how it was not done by having luck.” Kova looked at me, strained. “Adrianna, this is my girlfriend, Katja.”
Malysh
. He called her
Malysh
like he’d once called me. Blood drained from my face, a knot formed in the pit of my stomach at the endearment he used on both of us. I knew he said it was by mistake when he said it to me, but it bothered me, and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because she was perfection and I was not. Maybe it was because I secretly liked that he used it on me more than I wanted to admit, and now knowing he used it on her made me slightly envious. My insecurities I worked so hard to overcome, thanks to my mom, were making an appearance and I didn’t like it one bit.
She smiled and placed her hand out.
Katja looked back to Kova with a pointed brow. The tension was thick between them once again. “The grill is almost ready. Would you like me to get you another drink?”
“No, thank you.”
“What is that?” she asked, brows angled together.
“Beer.”
She pulled back like he spoke another language. “Beer? No vodka for you?”
His sheepish eyes shot back to me. “I was thinking it would not be such a good idea to put my Russian half on display tonight.” He chuckled, his hand reaching out to cup Katja’s cheek, his thumb circling her immaculate skin. Her face tilted to the side, a honey smile on her lips. I got the feeling they were putting on a show after what I’d seen.
“Ah, I see. Well, we need you on the grill soon and more guests just showed up.” Katja placed a kiss to his lips, turned, and walked out.
Quietly, I admitted with a sliver amount of jealousy, “Katja is very pretty.”
He flattened his lips, his face faltering and I was curious to know why. “Yes, she is a very beautiful woman.”
Woman.
Whereas I was a teenager.
Wanting to change the focus, I asked, “What other nationality are you?”
“I think I have spilled enough today...again. You heard Katja, I need to go.” And there was the stone-faced Kova I knew.
Coach
Kova was back, ignoring my question. All I did was ask about his heritage and he shut down. It was by far the least intrusive of everything he exposed.
Kova left and walked back in the direction of the dining room and I followed behind, but the vibrant colors of a Florida sunset caught my eye and pulled me into a room just off from where the awards were. Looking out the window, deep pinks and an array of blues swathed the darkening sky behind a body of water. I smiled to myself at the warmth filling my heart. I seriously loved living in Florida.
Glancing around, I realized I’d stepped into an office. It was similar to my dad’s but smaller. The desk was placed in front of the window and a bookshelf adorned one wall. My eyes locked on a framed picture of Katja on a shelf.
Walking over, I picked it up. She wore a white button-down men’s shirt. The sleeves were rolled up, but the front was left opened so it showcased an outline of her plump breasts and toned stomach. She looked like she just woke up. Her messy hair was flipped to the side while giving a wide, playful smile as she sat upon an unmade bed. She appeared to be the happiest woman on the planet, and there was no doubt in my mind she wasn’t. I could only hope to be as naturally stunning as her one day.
Placing it down, I looked around and noticed another framed photo, this time on his desk. Curious, I brazenly walked over and picked it up. Katja was sensually sliding off a rumpled sheet, wearing black stilettos and black thigh high lace trimmed stockings in a matching bra and panty set. Her dainty fingers just grazing her fair cleavage while her hair was curled loosely around her. She was every man’s fantasy in this picture. Her back was partially against the side of the bed, her breasts perfectly round and plump as they pushed up. And the look she gave the camera screamed sex as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger.
The photo was breathtaking, striking.
I bet Kova took these photos of her. Why that stung, I had no idea. It shouldn’t have. After all, he was my coach, but something in my belly tightened at the thought of Kova framing provocative images of her in his office. In that moment, I envied Katja. She oozed confidence and power. This was tasteful, artistic...and it made me realize this was something I’d want my future husband to do one day.
“Adrianna?”
Startled, I gasped, nearly dropping the frame.
“What the hell are you doing in here?” Kova spat each word, a hand propped on his hips.
“I, ah,” I was rendered speechless. Completely speechless. My jaw bobbed and my eyes were huge as I tried to find words.
Kill me now.
Kova slowly stepped toward me, eyeing my fingers that gripped his frame. “I caught a view of the sunset as I was walking back and stopped to look at it.”
He lifted a brow and waited for more. “And?”
“And...And I saw a picture of Katja.” Fuck. I was scared.
“Keep going?” His voice was low. “Were you snooping around my office? This is a very private picture of her for my eyes only. Who said you could just waltz right in here?”
He was goading me, but with every right. I was in his personal space. “I wasn’t snooping, I swear. I just happened to see the photo on the bookshelf. Then I saw this one on your desk and wanted to see it.”
I glanced down at the frame clutched to my chest and pulled it back. Handing it to him, I apologized.
“I didn’t mean to be nosey. I’ve just never seen photos like these before.”
“They were a gift.”
Confused, I asked, “What was?”
“The photos, they are boudoir photos taken by a local photographer. Katja gave them to me on our second anniversary. At first I fumed she would let someone photograph her in hardly anything, but once I cooled down, I found the photos alluring.”
This was getting strange, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. It was one thing to talk about his life and his mom, but not about Katja and how
alluring
her photos were. Kova stared lovingly at the frame while I stood awkwardly next to him. I felt like I was invading on his moment. “She really is beautiful,” was all I could think of to say.
Hard eyes snapped to mine. Kova loomed over me and stared down. His eyes traveled down my face, pausing on my lips. His jaw flexed as he exhaled. The throbbing vein in his neck caught my attention, it was beating as fast as my heart.
Tension swirled and the air thickened as his gaze landed on my chest. Only the tension wasn’t like it was with him and Katja. Sensuality was woven around us and it changed the whole dynamic. I wore a white, low scoop neck shirt with a push-up bra that gave me heavy, supple cleavage. It wasn’t often I wore clothes other than a leotard, so I took extra time getting dressed, carefully picking out my outfit. I wanted to look better than all the other girls combined.
The room grew hot as the weight of his stare was felt on every inch of my skin. This wasn’t the first time an older man had stared at me, I’d met some men who were acquaintances of my dad’s, but this was different.
Everything a woman could want in a man, Kova had it in spades. The perfect body, the perfect face, a successful business, goal driven. And no matter what I did, I couldn’t get him out of my mind. He was tall, dark, and handsome. And the more he stared at me, the more I found myself liking it...wanting more of his attention.