Peeking down to spot the beam, I froze mid-air, the worst thing a gymnast could do. I should’ve never looked down. I should’ve believed in myself more, trusted myself. Landing, my foot nicked the edge of the balance beam. I desperately tried to curl my toes around the edge, but I slipped and fell fast.
My stomach sunk with my body and I held my breath as I plummeted to the balance beam.
I quickly dropped my arms in an attempt to grab the beam to lessen the impact of my crotch slamming into the wood, but it was futile. My body tightened, slanting to the side; and my leg rubbed down the suede fabric, feeling the fiery burn immediately. My ribs crashed into the wooden slab and a gush of air left my lungs.
The sound of a gymnast straddling the beam was always a noticeable one. The impact was loud, and in my peripheral vision, I could see heads turning, but I didn’t look. I couldn’t. My eyes clenched shut and I was pretty sure a bone broke inside my crotch from the snapping sound the fall made. I reached blindly for the beam with my other hand, but my body rotated and I flipped over, falling onto the cushioned mat and into a fetal position.
Eighty-seventh time of straddling the beam. And moments like this made me hate gymnastics with every fiber in my body.
Fuck,
I wanted to cry.
Oh God, it hurt so bad. I was curled up into a ball on the floor, my feet cushioned under my ass with my arms wrapped around my waist. My forehead pressed into the mat as I took a deep breath preparing to stand. Tears formed in the back of my eyes, but I refused to cry and further my embarrassment.
As I knelt trying to summon the strength to get up, a large hand came to rest on my back. The weight of his body created a slight indentation on the mat.
Kova.
As if I wasn’t in enough pain already.
Of course.
“Are you okay, Adrianna?”
I nodded silently.
“Let me help you up,” he offered as his hand cupped my bicep and pulled me up.
“I’m fine.” I choked out behind false bravado.
But I wasn’t. My inner thighs were raw, my crotch was aching and on fire. It felt strange, like something moved inside and broke. I knew that wasn’t possible, but something didn’t feel right.
“Shake it off,” Coach said. “Do you need a break?”
“No,” I responded, then reached for the beam. I climbed up, feeling the heat race from inside my crotch area out and down through my thighs. Pushing back the tears, I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood.
I got this
. I knew I could do it. I just needed to refocus on the move and not what people were thinking—and staring at.
With my shoulders back and arms positioned, my knees trembled. The pain from the fall had my nerves all over the place.
Maybe this wasn’t a good idea
, I thought as my heart beat frantically in my chest. I felt sick, and I knew I looked pale. I was truly scared.
Kova’s deep voice eased into the next sentence, almost as if he was worried for me. “Lock your legs, Adrianna.”
I exhaled, then stepped into the leap, but fear took hold of my heart before I could complete the sequence.
I slipped and fell. Again.
“Jesus Christ,” Kova mumbled, his voice drawing closer to me.
Only this time it wasn’t as bad because my ribs didn’t hit the beam. However, my crotch suffered severely from the impact and I needed to check on it in the bathroom immediately.
My jaw trembled as tears burst from my eyes. I covered my face and cried silently into the blue mat that smelled like feet. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was done, I wanted to go home. It hurt too much.
“Let me see,” Coach said, squatting in front of me as I sat holding my stomach. The girls stared at me. Fresh tears dripped from my eyes and he used his thumb to wipe them away.
Kova’s eyes met mine. He pushed my knee open to get a better look. From the tops of my knees to my inner thighs, they were both bright red and had scrape marks. Kova hissed. “Go get some ice and sit on it.”
I kept my eyes trained on the floor as I made my way out, worried I’d see their gawking faces over my poor performance. I sighed inwardly. Today was the worst day of my life and I wanted to be done with it.
I looked like an amateur. No one fell the way I had today. Twice.
Before going to the cafe for some ice, I stopped in the bathroom and tore my leo off. Damn thing stuck to me. The stabbing pain inside my vagina was like a knife slowly slicing into me and I had to check. Something wasn’t right.
Looking down, there were small, red droplets of blood.
Shit.
And I wore a violet leotard, so I’d need to change into another one before I went back out. Or just throw on some shorts.
With two fingers, I gently moved myself around and winced in pain. I was already the color of a cherry and swollen, and I knew by looking, it was going to take a good week to heal. And probably hurt to pee.
Redressing, I washed my hands then made my way into the kitchen. Thankfully no one was around to talk to or question me. I gathered two bags of ice and wrapped both loosely in a paper towel. Placing the bags on a chair, I carefully sat down so one bag hit my center and the other was on my inner thighs. As much as it burned from the chill, it actually felt good at the same time. I leaned over to find a comfortable position on the table and held my weight up with my elbows and dropped my head into my arms. I was trembling inside and sulking at how terrible I performed this afternoon.
As I sat alone icing myself, I visualized the switch leap over and over, landing it perfectly each time with elegance. How I could mess up something as simple as a leap but land a double back handspring back layout sequence perfectly made no sense. I pictured Kova nodding in approval, his striking face looking up proudly at me. Even when he was livid he was gorgeous. Anyone with eyes would agree with me.
Kova was attractively annoying. He put more pressure on me than anyone else and I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. I wondered if there was a motive behind pushing me the way he had aside from helping me achieve my dream of going to the Olympics one day. I wasn’t that bad off, there had to be more. Couldn’t he see I tried my hardest to prove to him I wanted to be here? My stomach was in knots and I clenched my eyes shut, fighting the climbing tears. I couldn’t think of anything else to prove any of this to him.
Maybe he hated the ground I walked on. Maybe he saw potential. Maybe I got under his skin. Maybe in some obscure way he liked me. Maybe not...I thought of his stunning girlfriend and knew I was just making stuff up in my head. Katja was the complete opposite of me. Her eyes were a kaleidoscope of amber and peridot. She had a flawless ivory complexion. Not to mention a super model body girls would kill for. There wasn’t a thing wrong with her. She was beautiful and smart, and to top it off, she was genuinely nice. The perfect package. Any man would die to be with her.
Since the Fourth of July barbecue, Katja had been to the gym a few times. Watching him embrace her made my heart throb. He’d lace his fingers through her perfectly styled waves, look deeply into her eyes, and pull her mouth to his with passion. As if he needed her to get through the rest of his day. When he pulled away, her mouth would be swollen and red, her eyes glazed over with bliss. But it wasn’t just me who watched, the entire girls’ team watched in awe, too. They were the perfect couple and we all wished we were her.
Then I remembered when Kova had said I was just as pretty. Gorgeous, even.
The vivid images of his hands roaming my body and not Katja’s hit me with force. Wishing I was her was wickedly wrong. I groaned, both in pain from the fall and frustration over my deviant thoughts. There had to be something wrong with me to think of my coach this way, but I couldn’t stop. I wanted him to look at me with the same intensity he did her.
His lips grazing my supple ones, his fingers digging into my backside, crushing me to him. His penis pushed against my stomach, not letting me move, hard and hot. His tongue sliding into my mouth and taking control, but with passion and heat like in the movies. He was much bigger than me. Brute strength and compelling eyes.
He ripped my clothes off, I yanked at his shirt and his buttons went flying. He couldn’t take his wild eyes off of me.
“How are you doing, Ria?”
My head snapped up in surprise and my lips parted. Coach stood beside me and stared down with inquisitive eyes while he waited for a response. Shit, my breathing deepened while my cheeks flushed from the tainted thoughts I had. I was beginning to notice he only used that nickname when it was just us.
His eyes grew heavy, pupils dilating. As if he knew what I’d been thinking. I blushed again, remembering how he said he liked the pinkish color in my cheeks.
I swallowed and said nothing, averting my gaze to his crotch for some reason. Eyes widened, I looked back at his brooding face. God, what was wrong with me? My blood heated faster, even my ears were suddenly on fire as I pictured I was Katja.
I knew two things: I was going straight to hell. And I was as red as a fire hydrant.
“Adrianna.”
“I, ah...I’m okay,” I responded, finding my voice.
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “How bad is it?”
I swallowed, wondering how much to tell him. I went for the truth.
“Pretty bad. I was bleeding a little from the fall. I’m not anymore though.” After twenty minutes of icing it, the pain was numb.
Coach’s jaw flexed. “Bleeding, huh. And your thighs,” his voice was smoky.
Unsure at this point, I pushed the chair out and removed both ice bags. Looking down, I said, “They’re pretty red. Scratched up. I’ll have a nice burn for a few days.”
Squatting, Kova got to my level. He placed a hand at the back of my chair to steady himself, the other on my thigh. I flinched, my legs automatically trying to close, but he stopped me.
“Let me see.”
I gulped. While I was uncertain of what he wanted to see, I was positively certain the stain would show through. Talk about embarrassing.
My brows creased together as a shadow cast across his eyes. His thumb began rubbing small, slow circles on the inside of my knee. His touch was exhilarating and soothing, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was his way of apologizing for how he treated me earlier.
“Your thighs, where you hit the beam...let me see.” With that, he placed his other hand on my opposite knee and slowly pushed my legs open.
The rise and fall of his chest matched mine. Our breathing grew heavy as the air thickened. Kova’s large hands moved slowly toward my hips, pushing against me and opening my legs wider. My hips rolled up and my back arched, pushing my chest out.
He paused before he reached the apex of my thighs, and I mean
right
before. I held my breath and my heart froze. The room grew significantly smaller. He wouldn’t dare go any further, would he? Desire coursed through my body and the thought of stopping him never once occurred. I actually wanted him to touch me where he never should go. The forbidden facet was possibly the calculating equation. His palms and fingers dug into my flesh, scooting me closer to him.
I began to tremble under his hold and he slowly licked his bottom lip. His eyes never left mine as I let him know it was okay. I arched my back, leaving only my shoulders to rest against the chair.
Gone was the cold shock of the bags of ice I had been sitting on moments earlier, and in its place was scorching, hot heat. Need. Want. Something, I just wasn’t sure what. Kova paused, then resumed his glide up my thighs.
“It is a pretty bad burn.” His eyelids lowered and he groaned in the back of his throat. “You are going to be sore for days, make sure to put some balm on it...” he trailed off, his focus at the center of my legs. His thumb soothed the burn that marred my tender skin. He was so close to my sex, I began to throb for his touch.
I nodded instinctively, and without thinking, I reached out. My nails digging into the curve of his bicep when his thumb stopped. He created an ache that needed to be released, a buildup was flowing inside of me.
He knew what he was doing. What he was creating within me.
If I breathed, he’d touch me in a place no one had ever touched me before.
And maybe I wanted that.
My hips undulated when the back of his knuckles swept over my thigh, the tips of his fingers brushing the side of my sex, close to the seam of my lips. A little gasp escaped my mouth, my chest burned from holding in my breath. The touch was so light, so faint, but I felt it, and I think he knew too.
Kova held stock still, frozen in place, as a throbbing pulse resonated from deep within me.
Oh God, it felt like I was ready to come apart and I wanted him to do it again. Imagine my shock when his eyes lowered and his thumb cautiously reached out and deliberately stroked the side of my pussy.
I didn’t say stop. Or not to touch me. I’d always been taught to say no to bad touches, but this wasn’t bad, it felt good. He made me feel good. It wasn’t like he was a stranger. This was my coach, a friend of my dad’s.
And deep down, I wanted it.
“Kova.” His jaw flexed at the sound of my cracked voice. He fought to lift his head, his eyes trained in one spot. My legs widened further, signaling I wanted him to do it again, ready to feel whatever was brewing inside. I was so close, I could feel it. Seconds went by and the pleasure receded.