Bases Loaded (17 page)

When I finally got home I showered. I felt good. I probably shouldn’t feel as good as I do but I do. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I haven’t felt joy since Kari. 

*****

The next day my brother was on my ass. I was so glad I wasn’t the coach this baseball season. Mike was doing it and I said I would help him out on occasion. Hannah was no longer into it. I was secretly happy. I needed a break. I needed to get my head on straight. I had done something that I wasn’t sure about. It didn’t feel bad but I did feel like I could be spiraling down the wrong path. Mike’s son Brandon was having a game today and I told my brother I would help out. I went to a few games but I wasn’t a regular at the park anymore.

I packed my kids up and we piled in the car. Hannah usually found some of her classmates and played with them. She didn’t pay any attention to baseball anymore. She was turning into a real girl. I guess she was always a real girl but the tomboy stage was over and done with.

I was setting up the bases when I saw Kari. She was at the other baseball diamond across from mine. She was standing by the gate with a tall black man in a purple baseball cap. He was wearing the team’s colors. He was one of the coaches. I saw Jack walking toward them in his purple shirt. She’s still with Jack. It hurt to see it. I wished she was alone. Mike never told me Trey was on a team this year. He never told me Jack was a coach. Mike noticed them or either he noticed me noticing them. He walked over to me at second base.

“Hey.”

“You never said they were signed up.”

Mike automatically knew who I meant.
“I know. I played them a few weeks ago. I wasn’t sure if you cared or not.”

“No I don’t.”

“Good. Well Jack’s the coach and the black guy is his assistant coach. That’s Trey’s father.”

“
The black guy is Trey’s father?” I looked at the black man again.

“Yeah, he’s cool with Jack. They seem to be friends.”

“Good for them.” I sarcastically said because I couldn’t really find any other words. It would be impossible for me not to steal looks at Kari from time to time. I wasn’t so stupid to lie to myself about it. I was just going to pretend to not be rattled by her. She looks happy. That hurts me. I’m miserable without her. She looks beautiful, sexy and completely over me. I looked back into the past and I can’t even figure out anything I could have done differently.

An hour into the game Kari ha
dn’t once given me eye contact. Jack saw me but he didn’t give me any indication that my presence bothered him. They are a cohesive unit. I think Mike was right about the black guy. Trey was talking to him and interacting with him. He has to be his father. I don’t understand this. Jack has a relationship with him. I just don’t get it. Trey’s dad is Jack’s assistant coach. Where did he even come from? When did he appear back into the picture? He was a total deadbeat from what Kari told me.

It was clear, t
here are other people living my life. Kari told me Jack was her number two. So if there was hope for me I wonder does it still exist. I can’t lie to myself. I think about her every day. I dream about her every night. I didn’t just stop loving her. I just stopped seeing her, and sleeping with her. I haven’t had sex with anyone since Kari. That’s been how many months, three, four? I don’t want to have sex with anyone that isn’t Kari. I don’t know what to do. Even if she doesn’t love me anymore, I will always love her. I haven’t given up but her number has been changed. It couldn’t be that she was pushing me away forever. I would like to think there was a good reason for the change. Maybe Jack made her get a new number. I don’t know.

Every single chance I got I snuck a look at Kari. I
t hurt to see her and more than that I think I saw something that would send me over the edge. Was my mind really playing tricks on me? Once the game was over Mike and I packed up. I saw my Kari leaving the ballpark hand in hand with Jack.

It was summer vacation for my
kids. Tess was home but we had decided to live separate lives. She didn’t know I broke both her Uncle Jimmy’s legs. She knew he was in a wheelchair but Tess was not able to put it together. Tess has encountered asshole Mason but never Mafia Mason. It’s different to hear me make a threat but to see me carry one out is a completely different thing.

My little ladybug spent a lot of time with her Aunt Karen. I thought Karen was a good female role model for Hannah. Karen was streetwise and tough. She was classy but he was strong for a woman. I thought
that Tess was weak. Sure she had a good reason for being the way she was but I didn’t want my daughter to be a victim. I wanted the kind of daughter that wouldn’t fear shit. I wanted Hannah to be more like me and my family. Hannah was a Rizza. She was tough as nails but I just didn’t want that to change. Hannah playing with dolls and completely jumping out of her tomboy faze scared me.

Hannah adored her cousin Sonia. I remembered
how pissed Hannah was when she realized that Sonia’s real name was Masonia. She wished that she was named after me. That’s my ladybug. She loves me. She may be the only girl that loves me. I thought Kari would love me forever but now I wonder what was real and what was fake. I put it all on the line for Kari. I destroyed my marriage for her and she just says I’m done.

Karen
had showed up at the front door. She was dropping my Hannah off.

Hannah bounced in the front door. My sister was trailing behind her.

“Hi dad.” Hannah walked up to me and motioned for me to bend down. She wrapped her arms around my neck and give me a kiss on the cheek.

“Ladybug, you smell good.” More like an old lady. I frowned.

“Calm down Mason we were trying on perfume at Macy’s.” Karen added, to ease my mind. Hannah sprinted up the stairs.

“Where’s Sonia?”

“
Dropped her at a friend’s. Mason you look like shit.” Such a candid observation.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Take some friggin’ valium.”

“I don’t do drugs.”
I flopped down on the couch.

“You look like you do.” She snarked.
“So you sleep down here every night?”

“Not every night.”
I didn’t have an ideal time to bring it up so I guess this time would have to suffice. “Hey I tried to call Kari.”

“Oh.” Karen sort of shrugged.

“The cell number I have is no longer hers. It belongs to someone else.”

“Okay.”

“I really need to talk to her.”

“Okay.”

Okay I guess I have to kiss her ass to get what I need. “I figured she changed her number. I need to get it. I need to talk to her.”

“You need to or you want to?”

Huh? What difference does that make? “I really need to talk to her.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I need you to give me her new cell number?”

“You got to be friggin
’ kidding me.”

“Karen please.”

“No friggin’ way.”

“Do you have her new number?” I asked just to see if I was barking up the right tree.

“Yes brother, I have Kari’s new number.”

“I knew it. I knew you had her new number, since you’re friends with her.” I couldn’t help the malice and jealous tone that went with my words.

“Yes we’re friends. Yes I have her new number. Why do you care?”

“She changed her number because of me?” I asked but I knew the answer.

“I’m sure she did. We don’t talk about you. But one thing I know for sure is that she’s done with you.”

“I’m not done with her.”

“You are really crazy. Leave her alone. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with you. I can’t blame her. You are a nutcase. You need serious professional help.”

“I love her. Please Karen you have to give me her number.”

“No never. I don’t have to do a friggin’ thing. If you try to take it from me I will kick you in the balls. Don’t friggin’ try me Mason Lorenzo.”

“You’re my sister. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I was until you ripped her heart out.”

“I saw a ring o
n her finger when I was at the ballpark.”

“Yeah so.”

“Karen, please tell me. Did she get married?”

“I’m not telling you shit.”

“Karen please tell me. Why are you hurting me?” I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I knew it was too late. I just knew Kari had run off an eloped. That was a wedding ring on her finger. Even though I had only got a glimpse, I was sure of it.

“Grow up. You’re a spoiled brat even as a man. You can’t have everything you want. You weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth so why do you act like this? It’s fucked up.”

“Karen, please.”

“Stop it. You’re pissing me off. Leave Kari alone. She has moved on. She didn’t have a choice. Now leave her be.”

Karen stomped her way out of my house. She was extremely perturbed with me. I didn’t really care. I wanted to get that number. The only way I would get the number was the steal it from my sister. My options were limited. The simplest thing was to get ahold of her cell phone and just copy the number from it. How the hell would I ever get inside her purse to get the cell phone?

I could get RJ to help me. I don’t want my nephew to know how
ridiculously insane I am for Kari. He thinks I’m over her. He saw me out of control over her once. He doesn’t need to see it again. He would think I was weak. I’m the boss. I can’t let anyone see me all psycho over a woman.

Karen is taking
Sonia and Hannah to see Taylor Swift in concert at the United Center on Friday. That would be a grand opportunity for me to get that cellphone out Karen’s purse. I have two days to come up with a plan. I have to separate my sister from her phone.

*****

Getting Kari’s number from Karen wasn’t difficult at all. When my sister came over to pick Hannah up, I sent her upstairs to check on Tess. My reason was that Tess was mad with me. I wanted Karen to see if she was feeling well. It was a lie in a way but not all that deceptive.

Tess was bitter with the dissolution of our marriage. Saving our marriage was not a possibility, too much damage was done.

While Karen was upstairs I took her phone out her purse, went into her contacts and found Kari. I used my own cell phone to snap a picture of the number. I didn’t have time to memorize the number and jot it down. Hannah caught me but I told her not to say anything. My ladybug would never betray me.

I had the number, her number. I got it in a fucked up way but I have it and I’m going to use it. I couldn’t believe I was going to take this leap.

As soon as Karen left with Hannah, I dialed the number. It went straight to voicemail. Leaving a voicemail message was not an option so I just hung up the phone. It’s Friday evening so that’s not a surprise. Kari was never to type to worship her cell. She barely paid any attention to it. 

There is always tomorrow. I called again Saturday morning. I didn’t want to call too early but I cou
ldn’t sleep last night having the correct number in my possession. I dreamt of her and I hoped she would be happy to hear from me.

It rang twice
before my princess picked up.

“Hello.” She had
her self-proclaimed white girl voice on.

“Kari.”

“Who is this?”

“Kari.”

“How did you get my number?” She sighed into the phone.

“Kari.”

“Don’t call me. Leave me alone.”

The phone went dead. Kari just hung up on me. What the fuck? I dialed
again and again but she wouldn’t pick up. Fuck me! If she won’t talk to me I will make her. Doesn’t she know by now that I get whatever I want?

I sulked like a big baby.
I was angry, confused and sad. I was not going to let that stop me. Monday, I was at her job, in the parking lot, waiting. I saw her walking to her car and I made my move. I approached her quickly. I didn’t want to startle her but I knew she would be surprised to see me.

“Kari.”
My voice came out deeper than I hoped.

She turned as soon as she heard my voice. Her face contorted into a frown. She was still mad at me. I could tell
in her body language. Her anger gave me hope. She had some feeling toward me. I didn’t care that it was a negative feeling. It was a feeling nevertheless. The line between love and hate, thin as loose leaf paper.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I focused on the wrinkles in her forehead.

“I just want to talk.”

“We have nothing to talk about.”
Kari and her eye rolls, I miss them.

“I need to tell you something.” My eyes roamed her body. I had to make sure she wasn’t pregnant. I had to make sure this wasn’t a rush to the altar because she was with child.

“You need to leave me alone. This, you are ridiculous. Go home to your kids and stop stalking me.”