Authors: Lolah Lace
The drive home was similar
to the drive I took with my brother the day he stormed over to Kari’s house. The difference was the incessant whimpering and dry heaves followed by a magnitude of tears. I thought the crying would be bearable but I would kill for complete and utter silence, pin-drop silence, dead silence, the relaxing calm that came before the storm.
Although I knew there was much to discuss with
Tess, for the first time I was hopeful for a future with my Kari. It was different then the hope I had before. This hope seemed tangible. Everything was on the brink of being out in the open. My infidelity has been revealed and someday soon I would be free. Tess would either fight to keep this dilapidated marriage or she would just give up.
My life is with Kari. It’s imperative that I proceed with caution but expediently. Jack’s divorce is final and I have no idea how fast or slow he’s trying to move. I loathed that pretty bastard but I can’t blame him for wanted a life with Kari. I wa
nt a life with her. She may think she loves him but she loves me more. Our love is something that I feel in my gut. She would have never cheated on Jack with me. That is if she truly loved him the way she loves me.
I exited the minivan and left Tess in the passenger seat sobbing. I went into the house to check on my kids. I wasn’t even sure if they were inside the house. I wasn’t sure if she left them alone. I just wasn’t sure of anything
these days. If my children were hurt, Tess would hurt. She would feel pain like no other. That was the one thing I was very sure of.
I put my key in the door.
I heard the joyous noise pollution. The TV was blasting
Barney
. I could hear the purple dinosaur’s gallingly animated voice. Hannah was playing with a baby doll. Tim and Matt were on the floor with their eyes glued to the TV screen. They were safe and sound.
I looked up and noticed our teenage neighbor and sometime babysitter Paige. She was walking toward me with her face buried in her cellphone. She didn’t notice me, too busy texting and walking.
Paige was a chubby girl with braces and she lived two houses down. It took her a few seconds to look up and notice me. She quickly shoved her cellphone in her pocket.
“Mr. Rizza.” She was trying to contro
l the fear that rocked her short frame when she noticed a tall man standing a few feet in front of her.
“Paige.”
“Your wife just left like an hour ago.”
“Yeah, how many hours were you supposed to watch the kids?”
“She said two, three hours at the most.”
“
How much do I owe you?”
“One hour ten dollars.”
I reached in my pocket and removed forty dollars from my wallet. “Here goes.” I handed the two twenties over to Paige. There was no way I was going to give her ten dollars for three kids. Plus there was the possibility of three hours of babysitting.
Paige looked at me
puzzled and confused. “Forty dollars?” She asked.
“Take the money. Tess will give you a call next time we need a sitter. Tell your dad I’m going to give him a call.”
“Okay Mr. Rizza.” Paige quickly grabbed her jacket from the arm of the couch. “Bye kids.” She waved to my clan.
“Bye Paige.” All three of my children said in a scattered unison. Paige was out the door in seconds. I hoped she wouldn’t notice Tess sobbing in the driveway but it would be hard to miss her.
Tim and Matt’s eyes went right back to the TV. Hannah stopped combing her dolls hair to give me a look.
“Dad, you’re home early. Where’s mom?”
“She’s in the van. She will be in soon. You guys hungry?”
“No not really.”
I put my wallet back in my pocket and retrieved my cell. I started dialing and walking toward the kitchen for some privacy.
I placed my cell to my ear.
“Karen.” My sister answered.
“Yeah.”
“Are you busy?”
“No, I’m at the dry cleaners.”
“Can you watch my kids for a couple of hours?”
“Sure, you got plans.”
I took a deep breath. I might as well come clean. “I just got caught with Kari.” I didn’t know how to phrase it.
“What are you saying?”
“Tess was outside the hotel waiting for me. She knows about me and Kari. I just want to get my kids out the house so I can talk to her.”
“Oh Mason, how did
you let this happen?”
“I don’t know.
I thought I had my bases covered. I guess she was following me.”
“Mason, I’m coming to get the kids. They can just spend
the night with me. You don’t have to worry about the kids. Pack them some clothes.”
“I will
pack them up.”
“Where’s Tess?’
“She’s in the van, in the driveway crying. I removed the key. She going to have to came in eventually.”
“Jesus Mason, are you okay?”
“Huh, I’m shocked. I’m mad at myself. I’m happy it’s out. I don’t know what I feel.”
“Wait, what are you going to do?”
“I wish I knew.”
“I’m on my way to pick up
the kids.”
“Thanks,
Karen. My truck is parked at the gym. I need to go get it.”
“I’ll have RJ pick it up. Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay right. I’m going to pack the kids clothes.”
“Okay do that.
Calm down. You sound spacy. Listen brother, don’t do anything rash. Just breathe and think before you act.”
“Yeah, okay.” Karen’s words resonated with me. They were words that would’ve come from my mother if she was still alive. Karen was much like our mother and at that moment I was made aware of just how much. Karen ended the call.
I rushed up the stairs and started packing pajamas and a change of clothes for my kids to wear tomorrow. My mind was focused on the task at hand. I was blank when I tried to think of anything else. The truth was out, not all the way out but the ball was in the air and there wasn’t a catcher in sight.
I was pushing clothes in backpacks when Tess appeared in the doorway of Hannah’s room.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m packing the kids up. They’re
spending the night at my sisters.”
“You didn’t wa
nt to ask me how I felt about the kids leaving?”
I stopped moving to glare at her red face. “You were busy sobbing. I thought you may want to have a private conversation wit
h me. If you prefer silence just let me know. The kids can stay here and we can ignore each other.”
“I don’t want the kids to leave.”
“I’m not talking to you about us, what has just happened at the hotel or anything else in front of the kids.”
“Fine.” She
blustered. “Fine, we can talk when they leave.”
“Not a minute before.” Fuck! Please let me think. As if she heard my silent plea she left me to my packing. She was gone from the doorway. I had a few more minutes of silence. I cherish
ed that silence because I knew soon it would be beset with crying, yelling and possible violence.
My sister showed up twenty minutes later and my kids were
happy to go with her. My kids showered us with hugs and kisses before they climbed into Karen’s car.
Karen didn’t say a word to me but Tess was standing right beside me so I didn’t expect her to say too much of anythi
ng. I would have to speak to Karen later and fill her in on the drama that rocked my life. The drama that has consumed me from the day I realized I was in love with Kari.
I watched my sister pull out the driveway with my children and a typhoon of sadness washed over me. This will be
normal for me when Tess and I are no more, watching my kids ride away or me riding away from them.
I stood in the driveway as long as I coul
d. The drama was about to take center stage. I had the lead role. I wasn’t quite ready for it. I wished there was some kind of heads up. But I don’t live in a perfect world. I live in the real world, Mason’s world.
I felt Tess follow me back into our home. My throat was dry and I had a lot of talking to do. I owed Tess words and I would give them to her. I was a lying cheating fucktard bastard motherfucker but to remain silent was the coward’s way out. I went straight into the kitchen and into the refrigerator for a bottle of water.
The water was the brand Tess knew I dislike. It has a weird aftertaste. I think Tess does this shit on purpose. How hard is it to only buy Ice Mountain bottled water? I think Kari’s favorite is Fiji. How do I know that?
I twisted the cap of the water and turned to see that Tess had followed me into the kitchen.
Fuck yeah she did.
“
Mason, how long are the kids staying with your sister?”
“
Just overnight.”
There was a silence that swelled around the room. I gulped the water d
own until the bottle was empty. That medicine aftertaste hit my tongue and I wished I had drunk tap water. I tossed the empty plastic bottle in the blue recycling bin. The kitchen was suffocating me. I had to leave this room.
I had successfully
moved this situation from the kitchen to the living room. The kitchen had weapons and I needed to remove myself from any place where she could physically harm me.
We both took seats. She sat on the couch and I pulled up a chair directly in front of her.
“It’s time for us to talk, seriously talk.” That was my heartfelt intro into one of the hardest conversations of my life.
“Are
we going to talk or are you going to lie to me?” She sincerely asked for damn good reason. I had been lying for almost a year. I had a web of lies I had been spinning for awhile now. I’m an asshole, no doubt about it.
“No, no more lying.”
“How long? How long have you been seeing her? Since you were the coach of little league?”
“Yes
, that’s when it started.”
“Last year?
”
“Yes, off and on since last year.”
“There was no married woman?”
She asked although she probably knew the answer.
“No, that was a lie.”
I admitted.
“Why did you lie?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than necessary. The truth would’ve hurt you more.”
“You’re right. The truth hurts.”
“Does Mike know who she is?”
Why was Mike relevant in this conversation? “Yes he knows.”
“Does everybody know who she is?”
“I don’t know who everybody is and I don’t know why that matters.”
Even now she’s worried about appearances.
“Do you love her?”
I thought about lying but I was tired of lying. “Yes.” I realized that I was speaking in a detached monotone. I couldn’t help it. I just felt like I was finally confessing and whatever happens, happens.
“You love her?”
Tess repeated my answer like she hadn’t heard it. She heard me.
“Yes
, Tess I’m sorry. I love her.”
Tess held on to her silence for a moment while the gravity of my words sunk into her brain.
“Are you leaving me?”
“I
hadn’t planned on it but at this point I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Sure I knew but I would save that information for a later date. “It seems we have many things to think about and many things to discuss.”
“Is our marriage over?”
“I don’t know.” It sure seems that way. You just caught me with my mistress. “Do you think it’s over?”
“
I don’t know. What am I supposed to do with this information?”
“I don’t know.
I can’t predict your behavior. Your behavior baffles me.” I wasn’t trying to be a douche. I didn’t want her to breakout in tears yet again. Her eyes were still red and puffy from the last tirade of tears.
“My behavior
baffles you. You lie and cheat, Mason you baffle me… You are so totally full of shit.”
“Yeah I am.” I decided to be as agreeable as possible. This situation was not ideal
. After you confess your love for another woman to your wife is there is a proper protocol?
“When did you realize you loved her?”
Stupid questions. “I don’t know specifically.”
“Maybe it was when she was sucking your cock!” She barked.
Sucking it, licking it, riding it, all that hot shit. “Maybe,” I’m a real dick. Did I just say that?
“If you love her why are you still with me?
Why won’t you leave?”
“My kids need me.”
Plus you’re psycho and suicidal.
“
Yes they need you but I need you too.”
“You need so much more than I can give you.”
“What does that mean?” It means I’m not a mental health expert. Shit I’m just a construction businessman with a long list of flaws.