Authors: Lolah Lace
“Tess, we are not the same. We are not compatible. You will never be happy with me and I will never be happy with you.”
“You’re compatible with some black whore that thinks it’s okay to fuck my husband in hotels.”
“Yes.”
“
That fat black tramp is who you love?”
“You want me to answer that?”
Again.
“No, yes. Go a
head tell me you love a whore?”
“If that’s how you want to look at it.”
Yes for the hundredth time I love her no matter how many adjectives you threw around.
“I need you. I love you. I can’t be without you.”
“I believe you need me. But love, I’m not sure you love me. I believe you believe you can’t live without me… See Kari, she doesn’t need me. She wants me. She probably can live without me. I’m sure she can. That is why I love her. She’s with me just because. Nothing I do will make her want to kill herself. Nothing I do will make her stop eating. She’s going to live her life whether I’m in it or not. That is all I need to know. That’s why I love her. She doesn’t put me on edge. She puts me at ease.” That’s me oversharing.
“You are an asshole!
” Tess grabbed the remote control and threw it at my head. I ducked the flying object. I didn’t bother to turn to look after the remote control crashed but by the sound of it the remote was in multiple pieces.
“Yeah I was always an asshole trying to be this good
perfect guy. I’m not that good and I’m far from perfect.”
“She, Kari lets you do all that weird pornographic bullshit you want to do.”
“Tess, please don’t go down this road.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s a dumpy road and you don’t want to do this. Drive down this road and you will get a flat tire.” Major blowout, Tess doesn’t have a spare.
“We’re having a real conversation, an honest conversation, one we should have had a long time ago.”
“True but--.”
“So she’s a whore for you. That’s why you love her.”
I’m so tired of Tess referring to Kari as a whore. Taking digs at her only makes me twist the knife further into Tess’ heart. Does she not see this?
“Listen Tess, this couldn’t be a surprise to you. I barely touch you.
” Barely meaning never. “I have always had so many restrictions on what I could and could not do.”
“I’m sorry if I don’t want to be degraded and tortured during sex.”
“That’s exactly my point. She likes what I do. She never feels tortured or degraded.” Kari loves my evil twin and he loves her right back.
“This is all because I wouldn’t have repulsive sex with you. Because I just like regular sex.
”
“
I’m not sure you even like regular sex. You don’t ever have to worry about any sex when it comes to me.”
“So what does that mean?”
“It means I’m tired. I will never touch you again. We are not compatible sexually and mentally we are on two different pages in two separate books. I went where I could get it like I like it.” Like I love it. I was expecting a slap across my face. Tess still hadn’t hurled the Blu-ray remote control at me. I anticipated at least more tears but I got nothing. Great, I don’t want anything from this woman, this stranger.
“This is all about sex.”
“No, of course not, you don’t even like sex. I chased you and like all stupid men we want what we cannot have. It’s a game and then you grew up and realize the stupid game. I desired you because you were hard to get. I’m older now and my brain is working. I desire who desires me. Who wants me? In the eleven years of our marriage you have never once, not one fucking time ever approached me for sex. How does that make me feel? I always have initiated sex. I have a wife that doesn’t ever just want to fuck me. What the fuck is that? That’s bullshit.”
“
You are so full of yourself. Everything is always about you…So you love her? You don’t love me anymore?”
I don’
t love Tess but still I couldn’t stab her in the chest. I couldn’t post it on a billboard, although I want to blast it through a megaphone. Although the truth is flying high in the sky for all to see. I still had some semblance of a heart. I couldn’t murder Tess right here in front of me. My words were punching her in the gut.
“Tess I don’t know how I feel about you or us. This has just happened. Now I’m forced to think about things I hadn’t planned on thinking about.
”
“I want to talk to her.”
“Who?”
“Kari, the woman you
claim to love, the woman that stole my husband’s love.”
“That will never happen.”
“Why? She can fuck my husband but she can’t look me in the face.”
Kari can fuck me and look Tess in the face but I just don’t want Tess to get her ass kicked.
Kari would rip her a new asshole. Tess was out of her league and out of her weight class fucking with Kari Lynn Fenderson.
“I’m not ever going to let that happen.”
“Why?”
“There’s no purpose. No good will come from it.”
“Well then fuck you! And fuck your fat nigger whore!”
Okay she’s mad, racial slurs so typical. I guess that was supposed to make me mad. I’m not. It doesn’t matter what she says. I know how I feel and nothing she does or says will change that. Maybe I should pretend to be upset but
I’m really so over this. I’m over her. We’re done.
I stood up and walked out the living room. I grabbed my keys and realized my truck was still parked at the gym.
“Your wedding vows mean nothing to you!” Tess had followed me. “Mason. I’m talking to you!” She was barking at my heels.
“Are you done yet?” I turned to tower over her small frame. “I’m not going to talk to y
ou until you can stop yelling. All the name calling isn’t necessary. You need to calm down. I will talk to you when you can talk like a reasonable person.”
I
had my other key car on the key-ring with my house key and my truck key. I still had the Maxima so I decided to go for a drive. I left Tess home alone. She needs some alone time. I need some alone time.
I drove
to clear my head. I drove to get a breather. I drove because driving helped me to think. I decided to get a hotel. I called Karen and I knew my kids were safe. That was all that mattered to me. I can’t be responsible for everything and everybody. I’m a human man. I’m not Krytonian. I’m not a cyborg and I haven’t been bit by a radioactive spider.
I know in my heart that I no longer love Tess. I have nothing in my heart for her. I have to get out of this marriage for my own sanity. I swear to do it in the most respectful way I can. I will be fair. I can’t live in this unhappy state. Everything is crumbling around me.
CHAPTER 2
I was alone in the hotel room, ironically the same Bolingcreek hotel I pretended to stay at when I was briefly shacking up with Kari. I knew there was no way I could stay the night alone in that house with Tess. She was an enigma to me. The trust we once had for each other had been shattered and broken. Mostly by me but I really didn’t trust her. Her words, her mental status and her actions had betrayed me.
I seat in my hotel room all alone. Being alone gave me too much time to think. I
preferred to feel. What would my mother think about this? Would I have started back to seeing Kari if my mother was still alive? I gave Kari up once. I refuse to do it again.
There was a time
I had decided to just be faithful in this loveless marriage. I decided to hold on to the memories of my Kari. How long would that have lasted? If Karen didn’t send Kari to me I know I would have eventually needed another dose of Kari, her closed-mouthed smile, her voice, her love, her pussy.
There was a knock on my hotel room door. I got up to open it.
She showed. Kari was here. She walked in and locked the door behind her. She was wearing sweats and a white concert t-shirt that said
Frankie Beverly and Maze
. I never heard of them. It didn’t matter. I was more focused on her ass not her shirt.
“Hey beautiful.”
“Hey.” Kari walked over to me and gave me a look, not an extra black look but her usual black look. I characterize it as a little sass with twisted lips and a squint in her eyes. She walked right by me and took a seat on the bed and faced me.
“What’s up? Why are you here? Did you get kicked out
your house?” She seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being. One more thing to add to the long list of reasons I love this woman.
“No
, I just was tired of the twenty questions so I got a room. This is me going for a drive.” I raised my arms out at my sides and dropped them back to my thighs.
“I didn’t think I
would hear from you so soon.” I dropped down on my knees and huddled in between her legs.
I took her hand in mine. Touching her made me feel calm. “I think about you all the time. I was thinking about you and I wanted to see you.”
“Mason, are you mad at me? I said a few inappropriate things to Tess.”
Understatement of the century.
“No, the things you said were harsh but I can’t be upset with you. I should have never put you in that situation. She said some things and you said some things and it’s over now. I’m just glad you didn’t take a swing at her.”
“Yeah I’m glad too.
I’m not that person.” Kari rolled her eyes. “What happened, when you got home?”
“
I told her the truth. I told Tess that I love you. I told her we’ve been seeing each other for a year.”
“You said that?”
Kari ran her fingers through my hair. I almost barked like a dog. Now answer the question, Fido. Woof! Woof!
“Yeah
, it was long overdue. It’s the truth. I’m tired of lying. You practically gave me an ultimatum. You said Jack’s divorce was final and fate put Tess at that hotel so it’s out. She is home alone. I hope she doesn’t try to kill herself but I’m not God. I can’t be everywhere. I can’t see everything. I can’t be responsible for every move she makes. My kids are with my sister so I know they’re safe. Right now that’s all I’m worried about.”
“I’m glad your kids are safe.”
“I can’t wait for the day that we can spend all night together.”
“I don’t know what to say to that?”
“Say that you want me like I want you.”
“You know I want you. I always have. Jack will always be second for me. But Mason I’m your second.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true. Tess is and has always been your first. I’m your chick on the side.”
“If I made you feel that way I’m sorry. That was never my intention. You have been first in my heart for a long time. I love you. I want you. You are my first and there is no second.”
“You say these things to me but nothing ever changes.”
“Where were you earlier? Things have changed. My spot has been blown to smithereens.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying me and you will be together. I would die before I let you live a life without me. We will be together and that’s final.”
“Mason do you have any idea how you hurt me before? You said so many things to me and then you were just done. You dumped me.”
“Kari, I was trying to do the right thing.”
“
Ripping my heart out was the right thing?”
“Of course not. Right now, today and forever, you are the right thing.”
“Am I?” She was doubtful. I could understand why.
“
Tell me you believe me. Kari baby tell me you believe me.”
“I believe you.”
A beautiful smiled burst from her lips and spread through the air and caressed me. I love this woman in so many ways. There is no spoken language to describe all the ways.
“Are you still bleeding?”
She rolled her beautiful eyes at me. “Yeah, fool. I saw you a few hours ago. I was bleeding then and I’m bleeding now. Aunt Flo is here.”
“Let me get in that other hole?”
“Seriously Mason?”
“When I ask you
r permission I’m just trying to be nice. I’m going to get in your ass.” I grabbed her wrist and she looked at me like I was a brute. I am, thank you for recognizing the man that I am and have always been.
“Mason, please be gentle.”
“I’m always gentle.” I stood and winked. We both knew that was a lie. I smirked as I grabbed her other wrist and pulled her to standing and into my arms. I buried my face on the delicate place between her shoulder and neck. I cupped my fingertips into the curved crevice in her back. I pressed her body into mine and a faint sigh exploded from her lips.
I felt so good nuzzled in her soft skin. I could live here. I could die here. As soon as possible I’m going to live here. I’m going to wake up to her face, her smell, her naked body, her wet warm creamy insides. She has always been mine but soon she will fully be mine and I will be hers.